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Strike Witches is a fresh, entertaining anime that has been unfairly criticized by a handful of spoilsports who claim moral superiority over the rest of the internets, all the while ignoring the excellence and vibrancy of this fine series.

It's a story that has been done before, of course: mysterious aliens invade earth. They attack our cities and villages one by one, and conventional military weaponry is useless against them. Luckily, an elite band of young people have been found and given experimental weaponry that can be used against the xenos. This kind of story usually creates all kinds of angst and bawwwing, but Strike Witches ... avoids this cliche since it's set in the last good war. In fact the series is full of vitality and optimism, and the heroines are a squadron of cute flying catgirls that you will surely grow to love.

The art style reflects the good nature and spirits of the series with a vivid palette of colors that will delight your eyes and mind. In fact, the production values in general are excellent, from the cheerful, quirky character designs to the gorgeously animated aerial battles between the witches and their alien foes. There are a few scenes of war-ravaged Europe to show the stakes of the battle, but the series in general is bright and clean. There are a few darker twists towards the end of the story, but it finishes with a positive note, even though many parts of the story are left to be wrapped up in the second season.

It seems, however, that a few people known to the world as moralfags have taken offense to the fact that females in this alternate version of earth have foregone the useless and unpleasant shackles of wearing pants. Why these people would bitch about such a thing is anyone's guess, but this bit of trivia doesn't hurt the entertainment value of Strike Witches in the least, and in fact only adds to its quirky charm.

There was a time, in anime, when men were men, and they had huge swords and guns with which to leave bloody trails of corpses in their wake. Indeed, the Guyver series is one such anime, and in ages past it flew far in the firmament of ultraviolence into territories known by such classics as Ninja Scroll and Akira.

The remake brings Guyver up to modern standards as far as animation and sound are concerned, but otherwise it is deliciously old school in many respects. You'll find no moe lolis or tsunderes here, just a good old fashioned story about a boy and his biomechanical robot ... armor and the mutated freaks trying to kill him.

Guyver was always pretty dark and the remake lives up to this standard. You'll see young Sho tormented by the Chronos corporation in devious and spectacular ways, and he must constantly fight to protect his loved ones, who are kidnapped to use as bait in the early part of the series. To be sure this is a pretty old plot device and you could say that Sho is not much different than Peter Parker but with an alien symbiote (oh wait...) but as our old pal William Shakespeare would remind us its not the plot that counts but how you use it. The series takes us through quite a few ups and downs and makes a strong emotional impact. You will be impatient to see what happens in the next episode and there is never a drag in the action.

Surprisingly, one of the main appeals of the series is the growing relationship between Sho and his girlfriend. The development of her character is excellent and adds a lot of emotional flavor to the story, increasing the suspense and NEVER getting in the way of the action killing.

A few people have complained about the ending, but without posting any spoilers I can say that it is satisfactory from a dramatic and emotional perspective, even if there's a shit load of story material left unsettled. It would be great to have a second season, but since Guyver still hasn't found its audience I guess we'll have to make do with manga scanlations for now. In the meantime do yourself a favor and check out the Bioboosted Armor Guyver, if you have any taste for old school anime action you will not be disappointed.

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to stand up to the world and say "NO." Elfen Lied is a favorite of the anime community, and very few people have the balls to call it out for being a total piece of crap.

Sure, it starts out more or less acceptable, with some naked chick wandering around decapitating people with her psychic powers, but sadly, by the fifth or sixth episode it has completely degenerated into generic harem shit. If you've seen Love Hina or Shuffle, just imagine those series, but with psychic decapitations and underage boobies. Sound good? If you answered ... "yes," a top-secret government eugenics taskforce is headed to your house for extermination.

Elfen Lied tries to shock you with flashback scenes showing some really depraved and psychotic violence, but its way too calculated. During the loli molestation scene, I actually burst out laughing, not because child molesters are funny (even though they are, of course), but because it was fakking pathetic how low the series's creators were willing to go to toy with my emotions. Sorry charlie, but I had to read Elie Weasle's Night at least 8 or 9 times in middle school, so showing some little punk kicking a dog to death ain't gonna cut it.

And the characters. zomg, the characters. There are two or three: the totally generic, clueless, retarded harem idiot who sees nothing wrong with taking random girls in off of the street and then lying to the police to protect them. His cousin (1st degree I'm sure) who wants to bang him, and is possibly the most annoying character in this annoying series. All she does is bitch, bitch, bitch. Seriously I think the only reason I finished this series was because I privately hoped Nyu would psychically decapitate her. She's like Chi Chi from DBZ but bitchier and with more screen time. Ah yes, and lets not forget Nyu. She drives the "hero" (fag) of the story mad with love by... what... rolling on the ground and saying "NYU" repeatedly. Well, I guess any bitch would look pretty good compared to the obnoxious cousin. Oh yeah there are a couple loli characters but they're just there to be "cute" and make you feel sorry for them, who gives a damn.

The worst part about this awful series is it's deceitfulness. The first few episodes set up Elfen Lied to be a brutal, goretastic apocalyptic battle between some new race of humans with awesome psychic powers and regular guys, who have .50 caliber weapons but still suck. Sadly, the idiots who created this series chose to fag it up with a bunch of harem nonsense and crap shock scenes. Maybe the manga is better, not that I'd waste time reading it after being subjected to this disaster.

You can't go wrong with violence. Add a few squashed heads, some bloodspray and a few impalements, and the entertainment value of even the most mundane stories gets jacked up a notch or two. MD Geist is somewhat of an infamous title, partially because it has its fair share of gooey, squishy, splashy gore and partially because of its banal story which has earned it the title of "worst anime ever" in the minds of some critics. MD Geist is not quite that bad, but it proves, surprisingly enough, that even gratuitous lazers and head-crushing aren't enough to make a good anime.

Story: 2

MD Geist starts ... out with a fairly cool Mad Max turned cyberpunk vibe, as mecha and soldiers in powered armor slaughter each other with various machine guns, lazers, and cybernetic appendages. Our hero, Geist, is then seen wandering around the desert beating up random buff dudes clad in lots of spikes and leather, and before long finds himself the leader of a biker gang. It's all down hill from there.

After jumping into some random fight and beating up a bunch of mini mecha with spears and knives (srsly!), Geist decides to play soldier and joins the army. There's some random briefing about a doomsday device and suddenly Geist and four or five other soldiers are attacking a heavily-guarded fortress swarming with mecha. Yeah, you guessed it, Geist kicks a bunch of ass, fights a main boss, and after a totally random plot twist the show's over.

The story is tired and generic, but unfortunately that is the least of its worries. The main issue here is that it doesn't make any freaking sense. What's up with the random doomsday device, and why is the government of earth entrusting its future to four or five mooks and some random biker who just joined the army for the lulz? No wonder they're getting their asses kicked. Of course, you could argue that a show like MD Geist doesn't need a decent story, but there are other ultraviolent shows (Ninja Scroll, Guyver, Hellsing Ultimate), that not only make sense but have a badass story as well, so that's no excuse.

Art / animation: 7

MD Geist is an old series, but it looks pretty good. It has its fair share of still shots but that is typical of low-budget anime. The art itself looks quite good, fortunately. The mecha and powered armor designs are cool, and the landscapes have an appropriately gritty, desolate feel, especially the urban environments. The character designs show a suitable 80s attitude and the fights are animated decently.

Sound: 8

The characters in MD Geist are supposed to be cardboard cutouts of badassery and the seiyuu do an acceptable job. No Oscar material here, obviously, but nothing to complain about, either. The various machine sounds, explosions, and dakka dakka all sound great, and the velveetalicious 80s rock soundtrack fits the mood to a T. Again, it's nothing mind-blowing but it works.

Characters: 4

Nothing to see here, folks. MD Geist's characters are all wallpaper, including the hero. They are completely lifeless and completely uninteresting, except when they are kicking ass.

Geist is supposed to be a complete psycho hell-bent on destruction, but until the ending he just comes off as an ambitious guy with hardcore ninja skills. Geist is more or less rational and in control of his emotions for most of the OVA, as shown by his resistance to Vaiya's seduction and his manner of carrying himself during the encounter with the soldiers. For that reason the ending comes off as pretty contrived and stupid, even though it sounds cool on paper.

Vaiya, the 80's T & A, is also pretty dull. She's basically a manipulative bitch who tries to use Geist and fails. You won't care, trust me. The soldiers are just there to get their asses kicked and move the sorry excuse for a story forward. Nothing to like, nothing to hate either, really.

Enjoyment: 4

In theory, MD Geist is all about kicking ass and turning futuristic soldiers into piles of gibs. And to a certain extent, yes, it delivers. There are some cool moments, such as the scene when Geist jumps off his bike and impales a mobile suit pilot through the cockpit with a fucking spear. That's right, a fucking spear

Too bad the fights make up only about 35% of screen time, because the rest of the show is a black hole of stupidity and emptiness which will surely eat away at your brain cells. Furthermore, the end boss battle is not that great. Geist's creators possibly put slightly more thought into this battle than they did into the preceding scenes, but by then I was enraged by the nonsense story, and I sure as hell expected more than a WWF match with robot armor to make it worthwhile. There's just too much filler (or "story," as some would have it) in between the fighting, which makes Geist frustrating as hell to watch.

So in practice you are watching a 45 minute OVA for about 15 minutes of decent fighting. That is half an hour of time spent watching boring characters and a completely useless plot develop. You could spend that time flying a kite, saving starving ethernopians, inventing time travel, or for god's sake at least watching something that doesn't suck.

Overall: 4

MD Geist isn't the worst anime I've ever seen, it's just pointless. The story is godawful, the characters are dull, and even the battles and violence are fairly unimpressive. Avoid unless you're really bored or have a fetish for violent 80s anime.