Meisou Senshi Nagata Kabi
My Wandering Warrior Existence

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Another book from Nagata Kabi. This time it’s main focus is about yearning for love and marriage. Although not as impactful as the first or second book, I still found it relatable on so many levels. And that’s to be expected considering all human beings share the same basic needs.
Aside from the desperate longing, there was some discourse in regard to gender identity and sexuality but it barely scratched the surface.

When comparing her mentality and self-preservation to the previous works, I felt she has moved forward and is finally on the way to learn the joy of self-love. And I think that’s great. ...
I myself, have been in a really dark place a long time ago but I managed to get out of it thanks to my family and my own desire to take back control so I know how hard it is to get out of that vicious cycle of self-hatred and hopelessness towards other people.

I’ve so far refrained from rating her works since to be honest, it doesn’t feel right for me to rate another person’s “real” thoughts and experiences of the world and since it’s told in such a straightforward way I feel it’s almost impossible not to sympathize with her. But it seems like MAL is forcing me to do it this time. So that’s that.

I see that she has another project on the way although it’s currently on hiatus. I’ll be looking forward to any future works by her and I truly hope she finds her inner peace soon.

This is another fantastic autobiography by Nagata Kabi, but there's one major problem. The translation. A lot of the phrasing and word choices are very clearly Americanized, and that can take me out of what's supposed to be the authors personal thoughts and feelings. I could be wrong, but I have a strong feeling that a lot of the terms for gender and sexuality they use don't have Japanese equivalents so a lot of it felt off. Aside from that, there's not much else to complain about. It's admirable how personal the author is willing to get when discussing dark and uncomfortable subject matters that ... even left me a little shook. Even still, Nagata Kabi seems to be in a much better place than when she released My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, and I hope she only continues to get better.

I usually don't write reviews, but there are no discussions for this manga, so this is the easiest way I can get my thoughts out.

I like Nagata Kabi's works, but I wouldn't consider myself a "fan". We love to be "fans" or "big fans" of authors we admire, it seems. And although I can't imagine Kabi-sensei reading an English review on an English website, I would still like to address these thoughts to her, and not to the reader, I guess. Not as a fan, but as an artist, and someone who wants to understand her feelings.

Kabi-sensei, where has the passion in ... your manga gone?
In the reviews for "My alcoholic escape from reality", one reader mentions Kabi-sensei's reluctance to divulge as many details about her family as she did in her previous works. This is understandable because the contents of "My solo exchange diary" were definitely not very kind to Kabi-sensei herself, or to her family. But I'm not here to denounce that behavior. I'm actually here to admire it--

"My lesbian experience with loneliness" and "my solo exchange diary" are interesting works for two reasons: first, they are willing to take risks, because the author is unafraid of her flaws in the moment of writing-- clearly both works were made in a similar time frame and are completely drenched in the strength of the scathing feelings of Kabi-sensei towards herself, others, and her life. Secondly, both books are brilliantly drawn, especially "My solo exchange diary". Now, this is interesting, I think, because you can see the quality of the art drops sharply in the second volume, along with Kabi-sensei's mental and physical health. On a surface level this reflects the mind of the author, but on a deeper level I think this is recognizable as an artistic risk. Here, even at a low point, Kabi-sensei continues to express, even though she knows the drawings are not as good as they used to be. As an artist and author I can admire that Kabi-sensei is willing to expose herself in "My solo exchange diary" 's second volume, because that takes an extraordinary amount of courage. You can lambast Kabi-sensei if you want for "selling her life" or "selling her family" in her memoirs, but I see "Exchange diary" 's second volume as a hallmark of artistic persistence. The simple art is completed regardless of Kabi's failing mental health. The simple art is shared even though it is not Kabi's best. and Kabi maintains the potential for momentum.

That is why "My wandering warrior existence", and "My alcoholic escape from reality" by extension, are failings in my eyes. Even though the art has improved from the last volume of "Exchange diary", there is absolutely no life inside either of these stories, especially the former. This book, "Wandering Warrior", is a draft that I personally would never let leave the cutting room floor. Not only does it fail to engage the reader, fail to have an interesting visual identity, but it literally fails to meet the required page count for the volume. The lack of passion is painfully evident. Kabi herself says that she no longer believes she has a talent for manga. Well, Kabi-sensei, you may be right -- you have dismissed your own talent, which carried you to small success when you were willing to believe in it, with "My lesbian experience with loneliness".

By no means am I saying that artists should suffer unto death for their work, but I also do not dismiss artist's decline with ease. Kabi is in her thirties, and still has great potential for further books. Regardless of if they are memoirs or fiction, I can only hope that with the next project, Kabi will remember the passion that she once held towards manga. Otherwise, I fear she will never again write a book that captures a spark in the way that "Lesbian experience" touched so many. Not to draw comparisons, but look at the band Yo La Tengo- in 2023, decades after their most critically acclaimed albums, they have put out a new album "This Stupid World", that I have not been able to stop listening to. Age does not stop you from accessing creativity-- but a failing pride will. Maintaining ego as an artist is hard, especially in a world with the constant criticism or acclaim of social media available right over your shoulder. If I could say one thing to Kabi-sensei face to face, I would tell her, "get off of twitter!"