Damn it... this chapter is leaving me teary-eyed. I understand Mao's feelings all too well, or at least I think so. It's not guilt, not obligation, and not a lack of clear thinking that's leaving Mao so broken. It's sympathy and love. She understands her mom's loneliness, and despite all that's happened in the last 10 years, despite being abandoned, she still nurtures intense love for her mom. And yes, you can point to all sorts of reasons why Mao might feel this way - that she's been desperately lonely, that her yearning for her parents is far stronger than any capacity she has for condemnation, or that her trauma induced unreasonable hopes about their family being whole again. And while all of these might be factors to why Mao reacted the way she did, they're not the heart of the matter, and they're definitely not the points that should be dwelled on.
To start, I don't think it's wrong for Mao to feel the way she does. She simply loves her parents and harbors a deep understanding and sympathy of them, which if anything makes me admire her all the more. She's a genuinely loving and loyal person, and so as she grew up, her longing for her mom never left. And so when, for the first time in 10 years, Mao's mom returns out of a desire to be with her, of course Mao is confused and heartbroken. She truly appreciates her mom coming back, but she feels so sad that she's forced to choose between her two parents all over again. It looks like one of the two will get hurt no matter what she chooses.
Also, be careful not to mistake Mao's love toward her mother for obligation; her feelings runs much deeper and farther than that. Mao truly loves her mom. Keep in mind that Mao's dad made the same mistake of misjudging his daughter's feelings - he thought Mao hated him and was only returning to the household out of a sense of duty, but he couldn't be more ignorant. The truth of the matter is that Mao loved and continues to love both her parents, despite having been torn from them at a young age.
And now Mao faces a dilemma. In her head she knows she can't ruin the progress she's made with her dad's family, but considering that means sentencing her mom to a life of desolation and heartache - whose only chance at rescue is during her small window of staying in Mao's city - I cannot blame Mao at all for prolonging her decision. Also, she wants to spend time with the mom she's missed all these years.
You know, I don't believe that Mao's mother is irredeemable. In fact I think it's wrong to believe that anyone is irredeemable, and to get rid of your attachment to a loved one just because they hurt you long ago. Any relationship can be healed. I feel this is a major theme of the manga. Why? Because if it weren't for Mao's continuous efforts toward restoring relations with her dad - fueled by her steadfast love - she never would have healed the gaping hole in her heart. And naturally, this means we have to forgive her dad and mom. But forgiveness doesn't mean that the past has been erased. No, it's still there, and it always will be. Rather, it means that the best way of living is to move forward and release the shackles of the past, in order to experience true, unrestrained love in the present. Mao lives by this philosophy, and so does her dad, at least after he'd realized how much he needed to change. And now, at long last, Mao's mom too has decided to strive for reconciliation. It doesn't matter that this is merely one last try before she gives up on Mao. What matters is that she visited out of love. Even her giving up on Mao had she refused is a form of love; it's out of consideration for how Mao would have clearly moved on from her. And really, no matter the mom's motivation, it's clear to me that reaching out to her daughter and being honest with her feelings is the right thing to do. Although this is partly because I wholeheartedly trust Mao's ability to remain loyal to everything she's worked for. Knowing Mao, she will make the best decision for herself. She has one of the purest sensibilities I've read in a shoujo manga, and on top of that she's such a strong person; she never stops working toward what she feels is right, even if she has to do it alone.
Honestly... this feels like the final hurdle Mao's journey. She has confronted her past little by little, and this seems to be the last step. I sincerely hope Mao and her mother will learn to feel like family again. Yet at the same time, I hope no one else gets hurt in the process. And while it is sometimes inevitable that someone wounds up hurt, I can at least find solace in the fact that Mao surely won't give up fighting for those she loves - not until the very end. |