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Do you want to be manly?

Are you feeling tired of high school girls in miniskirts and pre-pubescent skinny high school boys that pander to every single weeaboo on both sides of the pacific? Tired of being spoonfed the same Isekai and moe shit year after year. Stop whatever you are doing, pull up your pants, close your hentai tabs, slide the chair back and stick around as Fist of the North Star teaches you the art of manliness!

I watched this anime, no this MANime and a foot-long beard popped out of my glass chin, my max bench increased by 100lbs and my testicles doubled in ... sheer size. Fear not as this is not caused by some kind of testicular cancer or overdose on protein shakes. The sheer amount of testosterone that oozes from this show is enough to turn any grandmother into Schwarzenegger.

Fist of the north star is a glorious tale about Kenshiro fighting to survive in this cruel Mad-Max like universe and searching for his long lost love, Julia, who was kidnaped by douche-bags and their loser henchmen. It is impossible not to shed manly tears during this show. From exploding heads to Kenshiro single-handily beating up a tank until it explodes, truly a mans tale worth writing a few words about. I will not reveal much more about the story as it is something that one should experience uncorrupted and with purity.

The artwork is majestic as fuck, never has the bombastic phrase "Every frame a painting" been more true. From the landscapes to the characters to the dynamic use of colors its as if Da vinci himself crawled out of the earth to produce these godlike frames. Now some people might disagree and tell you things like that its outdated or bland looking. Pay no attention as the complaint is more than likely uttered by a fucking creep with half naked lolicon posters in their room.

The opening title ''You wa shock'', is responsible for the emergence of the Y chromosome and male pattern baldness. Its a perfect blend of classic rock, jazz and hard vocals. Its the the kind of song you put on before injecting yourself with fake synthol and proceed to beat up the neighborhood bully and his mother.

Overall i feel like there is nothing more to be added or said. The show peaks in every category from story to animation to sound and so on. Now the choice is bestowed upon you. Will you watch this glorious tale and experience rebirth or will you rewatch Vampire knight for the 13th time like the pathetic loser you are.

Listen up kids.

This right here is what you call a good fucking "anime" movie. Yes i know, those exist, right? Way back, millennia ago, before dinosaurs become extinct and before anime movies weren't only a weeabo-loser and pedophilia pander, good movies, heck even stupid movies reigned supreme.

Now you might be asking yourself, hey but this is a Miyazaki flick, doesn't he always have some pre-teen girl as the lead in his movies so that pedophiles from all around the globe can cream their unwashed jeans. Well yes, and actually no, this one is an exception hence why Im writing a review for Porco Rosso and ... Porco Rosso only.
This movie delivers one of the finest main characters in anime cinema history, even tho is he merely a swine, he is actually Clint Eastwood in his patented ice-cold ass-whippery, he is James Bond in his wittiness and humor, he is John Wayne, he is Steve McQueen, he is a culmination of the spiciest cultural ass-whoppers from the far east to the shores of the west.
The WW2 setting just adds to the flavor.
Although this movie does have a pre teen girl in it but who the fuck cares about her, we are here for the swine, amirite? Im not?
Blow me, moving on.

Now, Porco Rosso does have a lot of the typical Miyazaki niches. You have the small underage heroine, the curse which our main protagonists has to overcome, a douchebag on crack, some olg hag and so on and so forth. What is unbeknownst to me and to many other intellectuals is just how underrated this movie actually is, quite possibly Miyazakis most underrated film to date. Why is that you may ask?

There are a few reasons for this the main one being is that most people see our protagonist which is a swine looking like a pimp on steroids and immediately conjure thoughts like "But where is muh cute little girl" or "this most be boring". If you ever encounter people like this the right thing to do would be to call the authorities and have the pedophiles removed from the streets and loser ridden anime conventions.

The OST? I dont even have to delve any deeper into this to say anything other than give that nigga Joe Hisaishi a raise for these fine pieces of music. He constantly hits it out of the park and leaves you craving for more after you have listened to his playlist for the 84th time.

The art is fine, like in every other Miyazaki film. So nothing special to write home about here.