Nov 22, 2021
*review contains minor spoilers, but it doesn't matter because the movie sucks*
This movie started off as something great. The directing, the shot composition, and the art itself all being excellent. The first 20 minutes of this movie is a solid 8 or 9, and then the integrity of the script starts to crumble almost immidiately.
I'm always put off when a stoic character like Golgo or Max Payne shacks up with someone they've just met, it always seemed to me as if they were betraying their character. So, as you could imagine, it always perplexed me whenever one of the 'once every five second' sex scenes
...
popped up completely out of nowhere and ran over the pacing of the movie like a puppy being hit by a lawnmower. But I was able to ignore that, seeing as it was a personal peeve and I was able to find the rest of the scenes rather enjoyable.
Now, I would like to think I have a lot of patience for silliness and wacky scenes in media. I can get over strange things happening IF the series is based in a fictitious world that allows for fantasy elements such as a stupid snake man that chews the scenery like a baseball player would chew tobacco... However, the world that was set up for us in this movie seems to be one steeped in realism, judging by the first half hour; in which Golgo executes targets in beautifully directed scenes where bullets rip through their targets leaving them dead and gone from this world, and everyone around them in a state of shock and horror.
Judging from the last scentance I've just wrote, you can see why I'd be a little fucking surprised when a scene happens in which a man is crucified to a wall by knives and Golgo is attacked by his killers, who just so happen to be the three stooges of the cia, they all have their very own wacky gimick and near-comedic facial expression. This is then followed up by the church being absolutely obliterated by machine gun fire and collapsing, presumedly killing everyone inside... Though, five seconds later we see Golgo going for a dip and he appears to be safe and sound.
The next scene is when I flat out began to laugh at this movie. Golgo's informant is killed by a strange looking man in a way I can't even describe, blood just seems to fly from around his neck for no reason I can fathom. This strange man is then introduced as 'big snake', a big tall bastard who slithers everywhere and is super fast or whatever. This scene is followed up by the three amigos from earlier rocking up and getting bodied by this guy in a way that doesn't fit the tone of everything I've seen up to this point, and it was at that point that I turned the movie off. Big snake molesting the widow was the last straw and I just kind of gave up. I wouldn't care about a lot of this stuff if the first 20 minutes weren't so engaging.
Reviewer’s Rating: 3
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