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Seen @ WHS Teatteri Union

"So where is my dream?"
"It is a continuation of reality"
"But where is my reality?"
"It is at the end of your dream"

Well... It happened. After years of fixating on this franchise I finally managed to catch a theater screening of what I consider to be one of the finest cinematic achievements in animation history. Despite my love for Neon Genesis Evangelion, the TV series, I personally hold it and End of Evangelion on almost two completely separate levels of greatness, even despite the fact that the latter serves as a direct continuation for the former. While I've seen the show a fair ... amount of times, I watched this film almost non-stop when I first discovered Evangelion (perhaps a bit ironic considering what this movie is trying to say). Everything about it managed to capture my attention and made me consider what the franchise truly meant to me on a personal level. What Fire Walk With Me was for Twin Peaks, this is that but for Evangelion. It actively builds upon the purpose of the original narrative, offers some of the most emotionally stimulating direction as well as production I've seen in any animated movie, and gives a damn near perfect conclusion to an iconic series. I'll admit, I shed a loooootta tears on this extremely special viewing. So many moments still never fail to choke me up with what and how they convey their sheer emotional weight. Evangelion as a whole practically feels like Hideaki Anno's directorial magnum opus to me, representing every factor of what makes his work so great as a whole, and End of Eva happens to be the apex in all of this. As I'm currently writing this review, it almost feels even odd trying to talk about a film this personal in length. Kind of funny how the works that I feel the most amount of passion for, also happen to be the toughest ones to actually discuss. Still gonna try though. Also I'll try not to repeat too many points from my NGE review, so for more details etc. read that one first as a lot of it applies to EOE too.

Also also if it isn't obvious enough:

SPOILERS

Episode 25': "Air" / "Love Is Destructive":

From the opening scene of Shinji standing in the water to the hospital scene with him and Asuka, End of Eva establishes it self as something almost entirely different from it's predecessor. Things that seemed more subtle or were played down in the TV series now manifest in uncomfortable ways, showcasing how hectic or deranged things have gotten, not only for the plot but especially for it's characters. It's no secret that a lot of people have unfortunately kind of made a big spectacle out of such a poignant and seriously well crafted quiet moment, muddling the impact of it for some. However, this scene honestly still hits effectively whenever I watch this film. Because at the end of the day it's something that very few anime are willing to show in this way. It doesn't feel exploitative, crude or played down, it just comes across as genuine, grounded and unsettling. And this one small moment ends up giving Shinji's character, as well as the whole series' themes of indulgence and escapism a lot of nuance. Now I'm not gonna say whether or not Anno 100% intended this moment to act as a call out on otakus and the objectification of women in anime... But it's a little hard not to make that connection when looking at certain Eva fans who are still vehemently debating about "the best girl". Whatever the case, I think in a lot of ways it does mirror Gendo's behavior onto Shinji, because the former did notably end up exploiting women for his own needs. There actually are many interesting parallels between the two characters, but essentially you can boil it down to Gendo representing what Shinji could have become had he wallowed in an unhealthy nihilistic mindset for long enough, with this scene being one of the traces of that.

After this, I really do enjoy how the film starts mostly moving like just another episode of the show, even having the title cards appear to further emphasize that feel. However even then there's this air of rawness sprinkled in along with the higher production quality which makes it feel separated from the show. Things become more violent, aggravating and just all around serious. Shit's going down and it's genuinely tense. NERV trying to fight off Seele and the military is conveyed with such a great level of anxious desperation, as things escalate further and further. When a movie makes me feel bad for the most minor of background characters in mere seconds, that's an indication of fantastic filmmaking and directing. In my NGE review I already mentioned how fantastic the editing is in the show but much like every other technical aspect, it's amped up to it's fullest potential. Here the transitions and cuts aren't just great stylistic choices, they actively move and pace the film at every turn in a way which makes it both engaging, interesting and awe inspiring to experience all at the same time. One of my favorite instances of this is when Seele drops a bomb on NERV and one of the main computer technicians, Maya, frantically shouts and questions why they want to get a hold of the Evas so badly. This then immediately cuts to Misato explaining to Shinji Seele's intentions with them. The way these two completely detached scenes connect and deliver information so precisely, blew any preconceived notions of how an anime or a film could be presented when I first saw this as a teenager. If put in the hands of the wrong person something like this could come off as a little hokey, but because everything is already moving at such a snappy pace we as the audience roll with it and keenly observe. Although side note don't watch the ADV Films dub with this one. On top of just being significantly less well performed, there's straight up translation errors which actually alter the lore a little bit. I bring it up now because one of the more embarrassing fuck ups comes in Misato's explanation of Seele and the Evas. See if you can notice it. Honestly no wonder people got confused with this series when a dub and the original aren't even conveying the same things.

With everything that's been built up to this point in the first 20 or so minutes, all of that culminates in one of the best fight scenes not just in anime, but in any film if you ask me. The fight between Asuka and the military/Mass Production Evas puts forth just about every great technical and thematic aspect to the max. The slower build up in the actual moment is also handled greatly with the camera panning closer to her underwater, with the voices in her head emphasizing the tension and fear further until everything releases in an emotional shriek of terror. Soon enough however these unsettling feelings turn into a well choreographed, hopeful, yet brutal warfare, representing not only the physical but the mental catharsis Asuka feels in this moment. The sheer amount of timing, weight and detail that went into animating these mechs is seriously impressive on it's own, like goddamn. I also love the use of Bach's "Air on the G String" in this scene. I already adored the inclusions of classical music in the show, but here in End of Eva they are used at their peak potential when it comes to enhancing these scenes further. It is with these technical aspects mixed in with the thematic ones that truly gives this fight it's emotional backbone. And though it might be a bittersweet and truly disturbing send off to Asuka's character arc, at least she was able to reunite and make peace with the person she needed to the most. Not even halfway in and this film already makes me feel more emotional baggage in those minutes, than a good chunk of film and television content in their entirety.

Speaking of feelings and character arcs ending, the last scenes between Misato and Shinji are emotionally pretty fucking gut-wrenching to witness too. I really appreciate the inclusion of wide shots, as if we're peering into something we as an audience member are not meant to see. Even if it raises some slightly ethical questions at the end with that kiss between them, the scene does still work as a beautiful showcase of two people actually talking it out in a genuine way for what might be the last time, with Misato actually getting to make peace with her own past. You could say the kiss and that last line from Misato to Shinji are representative of how her character has used sex and romantic affection as a coping mechanism to deal with her inability to show more proper organic emotions, making her undeniably flawed much like the rest of the show's cast. And though I don't disagree exactly, at the same time I wouldn't blame anyone if they were tugging at their collar watching that scene unfold. I don't know, choose what you personally make of it. Anyway, I specifically love how this scene draws close parallels to how Misato's dad sacrificed himself in order to save her, and now she's practically doing the same for Shinji. Giving her a chance to finally be a good guardian for him in this split moment (with the exception of kissing a 14 year old on the lips). The thing that always emotionally gets me here is seeing Shinji cry in the elevator after she dies. This is not just a typical sad sob, he genuinely sounds like he's about to throw up or something. Like get that boy a hankie at least or something, holy shit. I didn't mention this in my NGE review, but the original Japanese voice performances are truly incredible. These VA's can scream, cry and lay down strong grounded emotion properly when they're tasked to do so. Another great example being when Shinji sees Unit-02's mangled corpse. That scream is as iconic as it is terrifying. Especially the way sound fades out slowly as we pan further away until only the sounds of strong wind can be heard.

Lastly, Ritsuko gets a pretty great yet emotionally devastating conclusion to her arc as well. It's a little unfortunate that she often gets overlooked when Eva's cast gets brought up. Because on top of just being well written and interesting, Ritsuko's character (as well as her mother's) works well as a crux for Gendo's arc. The latter used both women in the past to satisfy his own needs, and when the chances came betrayed them when it best suited him. Both Ritsuko's and her mother's characters propose interesting questions of what it means to truly commit yourself so strongly to one person, and what it means when that person happens to be someone as cold and sociopathic as Gendo. Incredibly fucked up, especially when you consider how even Ritsuko's own mother ends up betraying her, supposedly due to either her vindictiveness, commitment to the man who she thought shared mutual feelings with her, or both. Btw the muted words which Gendo says are most likely "I needed you", as that's supposedly what matches with the Japanese lip movements, and because "Ritsuko" types it out on Maya's computer later during instrumentality. But I say come to your own conclusions.

Intermission time. I really like that they decided to place these credits in the middle, because it makes the end feel that much more effective cutting abruptly. Man... When an anime film from 1997 that lasts only an hour and 27 minutes has an intermission, yet most long ass 3 hour+ movies nowadays can't even be bothered to do that... Fuck you Martin Scorsese and fuck Killers of the Flower Moon (jk).

Episode 26': "Sincerely Yours" / "I Need You":

Rei has always been a pretty unique and interesting character to me in the main cast, because unlike the others she appears as though she's a lot more connected to the mystique of Evangelion's lore and mythos, having Lilith's soul inside of her and being the result of a lab rat experiment in NERV. She feels less like just one of the teenagers, and more like an omnipresent entity in a good chunk of the scenes (especially when she appears like an apparition). While simultaneously having her own character arc of coming to grips with who she truly is and her own individual purpose, instead of just submitting and committing herself to Gendo. When she rejects him and enters the body of Lilith with Adam inside of her merging the two together, I appreciate how they didn't give Lilith a voice and just left it as a title card. What would an entity like that even sound like? Again, more great mystique sprinkled in around the details of the lore. Also if the Mass Production Eva stuff didn't already do it, then Lilith in Rei's physical form trying to merge with Shinji in Unit-01 certainly proves that the body horror in this film is some truly abominable creepy shit alright. Even the sound effects are just straight up nasty. Ew! Whoever came up with all that, I love you. Also Kaworu's form appears, most likely to ease out Shinji's panic in this scene, being the only one who showed unconditional affection towards him. Y'know, that's something I actually started thinking about more when I began re-watching this series. Shinji throughout the show had next to almost no proper knowledge about the events surrounding Adam, Lilith, the impacts, Seele or the Human Instrumentality Project. That is until now when he's practically thrown into it all of a sudden, probably confused out of his goddamn mind as to what the hell is even happening. Shit I can't even imagine how I would react as an adult, let alone as a mentally unstable teenager. And what happens when you give godlike powers to a nihilistic self-loathing 14-year old who has lost faith in everything and everyone including himself? An incredibly well put together montage of surreal imagery of course, ranging from interpretable symbolic scenes to more straightforward depictions of Shinji's mind state (well as straightforward as Eva can get with stuff like this). Alright so a lot of stuff happens here specifically in regards to Shinji's character, meaning I'd typically have to get highly analytical even more so than I already might've been before. However I wanna keep it mostly brief as this review has already gone on for pretty long now.

Okay, so... The playground scene. This to me reads as a representation of Shinji's constant strive for connection. The sand pyramid is shaped like the NERV headquarters, Shinji builds up connections through it doing what he's told in order to get social validation from others, then when it fails him he destroys/escapes from it, only to keep rebuilding and letting the cycle continue. The dolls in this scene represent Rei and Asuka, which could allude to how Shinji isn't really seeing them as people here as much as just objects to give him the ego boost he needs to do things. A mother like figure (who bears a striking resemblance to Misato) coming to take them away represents a couple things. 1, Shinji's lack of a mother figure in his childhood and 2, his isolation and loneliness when the people he knows stray further away from him, kinda like what happens in the actual narrative of the series. The old grainy film aesthetic with the movie set could represent how Shinji essentially feels like his life has been nothing but a fabricated lie trying to please others (an audience), while holding his own deeper emotions back of what he himself really wants (cause again, he only really seeks validation in doing what others tell him he should do). Finally, the scenery being shaped like a female torso lying down could be showing how women give Shinji comfort or a sense of escapism, and in his head he's trying to retain as much of that as possible. Or Hideaki Anno just really, really likes symmetry (I'm sure he would get along with Wes Anderson just fine). These are my thoughts anyways. This is one of the more symbolic scenes in Evangelion so I really suggest coming up with your own interpretations.

Short time after we cut to a scene of Shinji watching Misato having sex, while audio plays of the characters' dialogue remarking on how it makes her feel wanted. I see this as Shinji reflecting on how much disgust he feels towards the people he knows and their flaws, specifically Misato in this instance. Like what I said earlier in this review, Misato has used sex and affection as a way to connect with people, and she even kind of says it herself in this scene. In the show there's a moment where it's implied that she even almost tried to do it on Shinji when he feels down after Rei "dies", which would partially explain why he remarks on how he doesn't feel safe around her in episode 24, and also why Misato feels as though she's failed as a guardian (other reasons as well for both but these are what I'm highlighting).

We then see Shinji interacting with Asuka (and seconds later with Rei's voice as well), reflecting on how he feels as though the people around him are vague, sending mixed signals and just all around not being straightforward with him, which in turn causes him to feel frustrated and like he doesn't truly understand anyone, with the ambiguity of people only causing him emotional pain (not gonna lie, as a person on the spectrum I get where he's coming from here). Following that, I think the choice of using episode 15's setting of Asuka wanting to try kissing on Shinji in Misato's apartment is a great choice here, because in the show this is likely the moment where he felt the most confused and mixed when faced with a social interaction from a female. Now however we see Asuka being as blunt towards Shinji as possible, while he tries to grasp on for someone to help him and pull him out of this mindfuck of awful emotions, as she berates him for being scared of genuine social interaction with people and how he hasn't even learned to love or accept himself before trying to find solace in others. As Shinji keeps begging for someone to help him, he's faced with the cold rejection of a simple "No". As the sound cuts off, he slowly and quietly comes to the realization that there truly is no other way out for him, strangles Asuka representing how he has rejected humanity, and activates instrumentality.

Thus we proceed to one of the film's most iconic scenes, the "Komm, Süsser Tod" sequence. The children's drawings we see at the beginning were apparently drawn by real kids who were abuse victims, but there's no official source for this being true so I suspect that it's just a myth. Regardless, they certainly drive home the point. Also I gotta say, I love the conflicting juxtaposition in this whole segment. An unsettling mental breakdown just happened and humanity is about to get fucked off the face of the earth ~> we get something slightly more innocent in the form of children's drawings (I know they're not the most pleasant images out there but still). A song plays which sounds uplifting and happy ~> the lyrics are the most self-loathing depressing thing imaginable. And with all that, we are now presented with a kaleidoscope of scribbled horrifying ethereal imagery as instrumentality begins taking hold, everyone's souls get harvested into the black moon, turning them into LCL in the process (no, I'm not gonna make the joke because it's too easy and done to death). It's important to note that in this scene, whenever an apparition of Rei comes to take a person away, she gives herself an appearance of the person they connected with the most, supposedly in order to give them a sense of solace before being taken away. What's especially interesting though is when you consider how Gendo doesn't get turned into LCL, instead probably getting retribution for being so horrible towards everyone and distancing himself from any compassionate emotions. If you think about it, he's not too far off from his son in how both basically had trouble connecting with almost anyone and opted to do things out of a nihilistic cynical line of thought. Gendo very much feels like what Shinji could've turned into in a worst case scenario. And now, this is him getting his comeuppance by being rejected off instrumentality. A lifetime of wallowing in isolation turns into an eternity of isolation. There are others out there who have put the things I'm saying right now into better words, but this is my best attempt at trying to condense it a little. All in all, this is such a beautifully tragic and chaotic poignant sequence, with one of the best original songs to come out of an anime, that I don't blame anyone for considering it the apex of this film. However there's one moment in End of Eva which I personally love even more.

What follows after, is what I can only describe as my favorite scene in any anime ever (ironically without a single frame of animation in sight), fuck, possibly any film ever. We have now cut to a montage of live action footage, showcasing the outside world and all the living things in it, as a beautiful somber piano composition of the song "Jesus Bleibet Meine Freude" looms in the background. It feels as though we've just woken up from a dream, and are now greeted with morning sunshine as we begin a new day. Every time I watch this extremely meta segment I get an overwhelming sense of emotions ranging from nostalgic, warm, melancholic, safe and comfortable, to the point where it honestly never fails to make me tear up at least a little bit from thinking about how it all relates to my own life in ways which I couldn't even begin to explain in words. After all the madness, heightened emotions and chaos, we reach a calming moment of genuine realistic beauty, giving us the time to really reflect on what we're watching. And personally, this scene at it's core represents why I feel such strong amounts of passion for Evangelion as a whole. We are now shown a movie theater full of people, Eva fans specifically, as the film we are watching appropriately and simply asks us "Does it feel good?". Perhaps for a fleeting moment turning away from reality can bring some form of comfort to us. However escapism should not serve as a substitute for happiness. As much as we may enjoy turning off reality for a bit in order to indulge in things like movies, anime, TV, any type of media etc., these things should not become our only purpose of existence. Explore the world outside of your bubble once in a while, meet with people, make connections, socialize, achieve genuine comfort, not just through momentary pleasures, but through experiencing life in all of it's flawed, ugly, disappointing, terrible, boring, beautiful, surprising, emotional attributes.

Finally, at the end of this scene we cut to a rapid collage of (mock up) letters sent to Gainax and Anno mostly in regards to Evangelion. And this was the thing I originally mentioned in my NGE review, saying I'd bring it up here. You see, for a long time there was this myth that the last two aired episodes of the series received so much backlash in Japan, that the fans of the show actively sent death threats and complaints over to the creators, which supposedly in turn made Anno and the team create End of Eva as a form of revenge to say "fuck you" to the Eva fans. And, as much as I myself might dislike the Evangelion fans, there really is no concrete evidence for any of this and it's most likely false. Because the letters shown in End of Eva don't really include too many words of malice, in fact it's actually sort of the opposite. Most of the translated letters express their love and support for the series, with one of them even positively remarking on the TV show's finale. The very few negative messages are mostly taken out of context, and even then there's never any signs that would point to them being because of Evangelion's ending. Were the last two episodes controversial at the time? Probably, yeah somewhat, but most likely not enough as to where Anno and his team would've gone out of their way just to make something spiteful with this much production work put into it. I hate to admit it but for some time even I fell for this dumb myth and probably echoed it once or twice. So ay, sorry if I ever ended up accidentally spreading misinformation to anyone reading this. Anyways, back to the actual film. I'm almost actually done with this goddamn review.

As Shinji comes to the realization that instrumentality sucks and rejects it killing off Lilith, there's this great subtle moment between him and Rei. As she's laying on top of him, Shinji takes Rei's hand and lifts her off of him gently, while saying he's now content with humanity returning back to it's original form, realizing it's importance. There's a lot that you can read into with the way hands are presented in Evangelion and what they represent. My view is that they symbolize our own individual actions and choices to not only affect the world but inflict our own intentions onto others. And in this scene, it's as if with that gesture Shinji is saying to Rei (and humanity at large) "No, you are not just an object or something for me to latch onto in a time of self-indulgent need. You are an individual. I respect you. I want to live". Further amplified by the way he let's go of Misato's cross necklace, which could represent him letting go of his dependency to others. Ultimately, no matter how much we might feel like we've gotten betrayed, hurt or ostracized by other people, those feelings are still real and something we must eventually go through in life. Escapism isn't the answer nor is it organic, reality on the other hand literally is. Because it is only through facing it that we can at the very least try to connect and understand one another. See this is why I don't give people who say "End of Eva made me depressed" any credit, because the movie literally lays down how one should not succumb to misery in life.

Oh, and along with the live action sequence, Yui's last monologue before leaving earth to stay as a monument of humanity's existence in the form of Unit-01 makes me tear up every single time. It's hard to even listen to the song "Yume no Sukima" without immediately thinking back to this scene. "Even after five billion years later, even after the Earth, Sun and Moon are gone, Eva will still be there. Even if that person were the only one it would be lonely, but if they survived, proof that humanity had once lived will remain forever". It is such a forcefully effective display of hope and humanism, which might even seem hokey to some with how it's delivered, but y'know what? I don't even care. I love it so much. And this is where the film could have easily just ended, but there's one last iconic (even sorta infamous) scene to cover.

An ambiguous amount of time has now passed, hard to tell how much exactly but the rust on Misato's cross necklace might indicate something. The effects of the third impact/instrumentality are now on full display, through all the rummage, sea of LCL (or blood, not entirely sure which, maybe both) and broken Eva Units. Shinji and Asuka are revealed in a wide shot, appearing close. And then in the next with a zoomed out shot on their hands, appearing distant. I like to think that the reason why Asuka happens to be there as opposed to anyone else, is because she was the only one along with Shinji who resided in an Eva during instrumentality. Perhaps this somehow allows them to return back faster because of the more physical form that the Eva Units posess? Not entirely sure, but I think it does somehow relate to that. Whatever the case, Asuka sure got patched up well, so thank god for instrumentality! Speaking of which, a splash is heard. Shinji turns his head probably assuming that another human came back, only for it to be an apparition of Lilith as Rei before disappearing. Symbolizing how there is no longer a need for instrumentality or a god to dictate humanity. It also ties back to episode 1's opening scene where Rei appears for a second. Shinji then chokes Asuka. The common assumption (which I also agree with) is that this is Shinji confirming to himself that all of this isn't just another mindfucky dream, or vision, or whatever, and actually the concrete reality of things. And since the last time that we saw Shinji and Asuka interacting with each other in his own head was through him strangling her, you get the idea. However, this aggressive act soon gets challenged by Asuka's hand reaching out to caress Shinji's face. The stuff I said about hands and that Rei scene apply here as well. It's as if she's saying "It's alright now. The nightmare has ended". She's not berating him, being vague or acting aggressively in any way shape or form. She's just showing her most genuine and sincere form of compassion towards Shinji. Realizing this he stops, breaks down in tears not knowing how to handle it all, and Asuka reflects verbally on Eva fans. The End. On a more serious note, I believe the "disgusting" line, and the final interaction between Shinji and Asuka is sorta like a representation of his character in a nutshell. He wallows in cynicism and tries to inflict pain, this gets conflicted with humanistic compassion and a will to live, he can't properly handle it, and now has to come to grips with the disgusting parts of his psyche and actions. As a final nail in the coffin, Shinji now has to live with some sense of consequence even despite learning how destructive his intentions really were. Much like Gendo in the "Komm, Süsser Tod" sequence, the third impact and the world that's left behind is now his retribution. But I believe that much like with the other impacts, humanity proceeded and survived in this narrative. It is now up to Shinji, Asuka and all the souls from instrumentality that'll return, to make civilization hopefully flourish again. Leaving it up for us, the viewers to decide, whether or not Shinji and humanity as a whole deserve to make amends for all of this.

Conclusion:

It's been often debated whether or not The End of Evangelion is a happy or sad finale for the series. Personally I have to ask: what exactly is a happy or sad ending? One that gives a conclusive "yes or no" answer? I don't believe life or most great art can simply be boiled down to one extreme or the other. The End of Evangelion isn't sad or happy, it's simply a reflection on the human condition, on something that feels very real and tangible. However I do think it leaves us with an important, thoughtful and ultimately optimistic final message. We as humans are the ones who shape our future. Wallowing in things like nihilism, cynicism, escapism or self-pity is not going to fix it. We as individuals must learn to connect, love and live life as we ethically see fit. And if the time or need ever comes, we are the ones who will have to rebuild our mental or physical world from scratch (even if it means that a giant decapitated anime girl falls on top of the earth).

Whew, that was a lot. This is now my longest piece of text, along with the Lost Highway analysis/interpretation I wrote. And like I've said many times before please don't read all of this as fact. It's simply my own way of experiencing the narrative, I'm not here to "explain" it to you, and if your views differ then that's completely fine and great. I would want nothing more than for others to experience media in their own preferred ways. So thank you for anyone who actually read all that, and remember:

https://i.imgur.com/kZzLjew.jpeg

When I think of my adolescence and which anime drastically shaped my way of viewing media, one series that inevitably comes to mind is Neon Genesis Evangelion. Even now having seen this show in it's entirety many times over the course of my life, it still manages to impress, compel and challenge me with it's intricately layered ideas and presentation. While it'd be easy to think that an iconic series of this magnitude would already be discussed to death by nearly everyone who has seen it (and I'm sure for some that limit was already reached a long time ago), I still feel like there's ... fresh things to talk about with Evangelion. As a whole it can mean so much to so many different people that it practically warrants discussion. Some might see it as Hideaki Anno's tribute to his influences as an otaku, others see it as pure religious symbolism which enlightens the brain and makes you a smarter based evapilled anime connoisseur, and some just watch the show for a couple """"""funny"""""" memes, then go on the internet to post the zillionth """"""hilarious"""""" picture of Shinji's hand in End of Eva, etc. (if you fall into either of the last two groups, just know you are obnoxious and I don't wanna meet you in public). Ultimately though, Evangelion represents a lot, to the point where it wouldn't feel right to corner it into a box as just one thing. However I do think that it's pretty hard to dispute the fact that a key element of this series has always been it's deeply humanist themes about the yearn for intimate connection, as well as personal growth in the face of things like depression, isolation and trauma. It's a little funny to me when people, even some Eva fans specifically, will go on the internet and say things like "Watching this series caused me depression XD", when most of the time it is the literal opposite of what said media was trying to do. I know some people are just kinda media illiterate like that, but c'mon now. Anyways, I don't want to just rag on Eva fans (although I could probably write at length on that as well if I tried) because this is about something which I passionately like.

When I think of an anime that really lays it's self out there from the very beginning, and only keeps further building upon it's character relations, themes and narrative, Evangelion is that show. Establishing and elaborating is pretty much the key with, well, most media, and Evangelion in particular gets this shit down to a tee. Nearly every character, no matter how much screentime they get, feel prevalent. The series knows not to waste time, and instead opts to further carve out it's most prominent cast in both subtle and straightforward ways. I was originally going to write further analysis on these characters, however I stopped when I realized that I'd actually have to delve pretty deep into a good chunk of not just them but the show it self, and it's themes, intricacies etc. and currently I just ain't got the time. Plus I feel like a lot stuff that I would say has already been echoed many times over in either videos, reviews, analysis pieces etc. Although I'm also not completely opposed to the idea of writing my own lengthy ass essay on why all this is so masterful, but I'll hold off until next time.

That same praise goes out for this show's audiovisual language, which feels precise, gritty and even downright cinematic sometimes, which is not something I can say for every TV anime. To me, Evangelion is where Hideaki Anno's editing truly kicked into high gear. Everything from the cuts to the transitions flow so naturally and purposefully, to the point where I'd honestly feel content with saying Evangelion has my favorite editing from any anime ever (with the exception of maybe Perfect Blue and Millennium Actress, but whatever, we're talking about a TV series now). And it's along with the editing that the visually stimulating imagery of the show truly comes alive. Whether it be the grander shots of Tokyo-3, the scribbled internal psychosis of the characters manifested in bleak surrealism, the countless visual symbols and shot composition, the sick ass designs of both the mechs as well as the angels, and god knows I could probably ramble on forever about this as well. Yoshiyuki Sadamoto is one of my favorite character designers, and he really did a great job in giving dynamic looks to each of the cast. It's no wonder why characters like Shinji, Rei, Asuka and Misato still show up nearly everywhere to this day. They might seem like simple designs at face value, but little subtleties in each of them show off their traits and personality from the get go, as with any great character design work.

Man, all this talk about visual stuff and I didn't even mention the music nor the sound design. Shiro Sagisu's score honestly feels about as iconic to me as anything else in the show. It's personally some of my favorite cinematic classical music in anything ever. It ranges precisely from emotion to emotion in any given scene. Grand, playful, ominous, even unsettling when it really needs to hammer it in (complementary). And that very same precision is kept up for the sound design as well. There's honestly so many immersive and atmospheric moments here which get their effect largely thanks to the audio. Humming white noise, sounds of the outside world, the distorted and hellishly nerv racking soundscapes of discomfort present in so many of the show's most unsettling moments. I could rattle off example after example of when and how they're used correctly and affectively. As I could with practically any technical aspect in this show.

Alright I've sucked off Evangelion enough for now. It's no secret that this show is a fair bit divisive for some, and I'd be lying if I called it objectively perfect. As much as I find the mythos and lore around the show engaging and interesting, it doesn't exactly tell it in the most coherent way possible. On one hand I love that it doesn't rely too much on direct exposition, builds up mystery around things and let's the audience come to certain conclusions on their own terms, that stuff is great. However with all the intricacies going on over the course of Evangelion's runtime, it's not hard to see why some people may have felt a bit alienated by some of the further plot developments as well as the mystique of the show. Although I'm gonna say something which I know a lot of people will disagree with me on. I actually kind of really like how ominous and cryptic the events surrounding Evangelion can be. Not only does it create an eerie sense of dread around it in the way that a lot of cosmic horror will, as if it's something we as the audience are not meant to be discovering, but it actively makes me want to interpret and read on the details or smaller moments more which actually do present some info. I'm not trying to excuse some of these shortcomings as flawless, but it is the reason why I can personally look past them as an enjoyer of the show. There's also some stuff here in the middle which you could consider "filler", as the show kind of falls into the "monster of the week" trope. Personally I don't mind it due to the series not dragging it out too much, and at least offering more and more intrigue around it's plot and characters, but y'know I get it, that stuff might feel significantly weaker when contrasted with the first and last legs of the show. I've heard criticism thrown against the humor in this show as well, and yeah some of this stuff you just kinda get used to as an anime watcher. Doesn't make it any less bad, but I will defend Evangelion a bit by saying that at least the show isn't just reliant on the comedy. Instead it feels like most of the gags are reliant on the show's themes. Mostly. Although I'll admit that a joke I still really like is the one in episode 8 where Shinji has to "think" in German for Asuka's eva to function. So yeah the comedy isn't great overall, but hey, at least it's better than 99% of the memes Eva fans will make.

Lastly there are the final two controversial episodes "Do you love me?" and "Take care of yourself". I'm not gonna mention the supposed backlash these received at the time, as I feel like those points are more worth bringing up with the End of Evangelion review (which I'm gonna be seeing on the big screen soon today at the time of writing this review wohoo!!!!). Instead I'll say what I think. Personally, I like the last two episodes, but I don't think they're great. What works in them is that they do a great job of diving into the mindset of each individual character (especially Shinji), while offering a lot of visually unique and manically well edited sequences showcasing the mental fuckery going on inside their heads. However what doesn't work as well is the way these two episodes literally grab the viewer and scream the message as well as the themes of this show to their face. The common criticism of these two episodes is that they're confusing and make no sense, and I believe this is false. If anything they are wayyyy too on the nose about it. What happened to the more subtle and effective character building present throughout the series? Why are we getting all of what the show built in this roundabout way? I get that these are meant to be seen as "therapy sessions", but it honestly could've been handled significantly better if only Gainax would've had the proper leverage (as we will soon see in End of Evangelion). There's also other questions around the show's plot which just don't get properly adressed because the last two episodes reside almost solely within Shinji's mind. With all that being said though, I do ultimately really like the final message of the show and what it says, even if getting there in these last episodes can feel messy, conflicting and a little frustrating.

While Neon Genesis Evangelion is overall a fantastic yet flawed series, I'll still always personally hold it near and dear to my own heart for shaping me up as a person in my formative years. I won't mince words when I say that this show has truly helped me come to grips with a lot of draining and rough times in my life. While I can't say I relate to it in the same way now as I did when I was a teenager, aspects of it can still hit really, really deep with me personally. As much as I and many other fans would probably hate to admit, we see or have seen a lot of ourselves in characters like Shinji, Rei, Asuka or Misato. And why wouldn't we? After all the show came from the mind of a real person who dealt with these things. In fact most of the feelings present are practically universal to the human experience. However it is with connecting and understanding, that ultimately we can better ourselves. And in a lot of ways Evangelion holds more emotional weight to me now that I no longer relate to it in the same way. Because I was able to overcome those challenges and hardships in order to truly start living my life out ideally, and seeing that represented in a piece of media admittedly feels pretty cathartic if you ask me. All in all, Evangelion and Hideaki Anno 4ever ✌️

Watched in film club

Usually I revisit this movie only around Christmas day, but whatever, doesn't hurt for me to watch it twice in a year.

As much as I love everything that Satoshi Kon did, (after all I consider him my favorite anime director) I really wish he would've done more down to earth human dramas or comedies in his lifetime. Because honestly, by this point I'm starting to feel like Tokyo Godfathers might just be my favorite work he's done. It manages to pull nearly every strong emotion out of me when it wants to, and the more I've now watched it the more I ... keep realising just how well this movie is put together with it's narrative and writing. Every line of dialogue and action that the characters take or deliver leads them to somewhere in a way in which it feels purposeful for the overall narrative and it's themes. It manages to tackle everything in it's runtime from poverty, to faith, to coincidence, to family, to even transness, and most importantly with a Kon film, dreams. Now granted the depiction of a trans character doesn't feel fully realised and could use a slight bit of nuance, after all this was still 2003 and some of the topics regarding it were still a little muffled. However I honestly feel as though Hana's character is one of the best things in this film, and especially for it's time probably the best representation of a character like her. She's kind, thoughtful, has her own aspirations, yet is also flawed just like any human would be, and her gender identity is never mocked in a way where it'd be played for laughs. Kon was always great at writing characters, and Hana might just be one of his best in my opinion. Although my personal favorite out of the cast is definitely still Miyuki, as I honestly find her to have a lot of the most charming, funny and especially sentimental scenes here. She might be my favorite depiction of a teenager in an anime the more I think about it. It feels like her emotions and actions truly reflect what it's like to be a young person going through these alienating and confusing times in their life. Gin is also pretty fantastic, even if I don't have as much to say about him personally. In some ways I'd probably consider him to be the funniest character, as his drunkard antics and certain sarcastically delivered lines of dialogue get some pretty good laughs out of me. Point is, all of the characters whether bigger or smaller feel extremely genuine as well as grounded in reality, and watching this movie specifically always reminds me just how good Kon was at character writing. On top of writing though, Kon also knew how to direct and bring his projects to life in extravagant ways, which is exactly the case for Tokyo Godfathers as well. The highly expressive animation of the characters never fails to both entertain and impress me with just how perfectly they are drawn to fit certain emotions or moments in here, making for some really funny yet also emotionally tangible moments. The urban environment of Tokyo in a way also feels like it's own character in this film, as it just oozes with so much personality every second, never failing to make it feel like a living and breathing space for the characters to move in. The climatic end chase of this movie can truly highlight that aspect, which for the record is one of the best and most thrilling chase sequences that I've ever seen in any film.

Overall there's a lot to talk about with this movie, and I could probably continue on rambling about it for a good two hours, but I'm gonna stop here as I feel like I've made a lot of my points pretty clear already. Words alone can't express how much I love this film and feel connected to it

[This isn't a review of Uzumaki's contents, as much as it is a review/ramble of only the adaption it self]

Lost potential. I should probably preface this by saying that the work of Junji Ito, and Uzumaki specifically, were some of my favorite manga to read when I was getting into the medium, and it sparked a lot of my love for horror in media. Even if nowadays I'm not nearly as much of a fan, I still do read and enjoy his works quite a lot. I wouldn't own like 6-7 hardcovers of his and an artbook if I didn't. Regardless I was extremely excited ... for Uzumaki's anime adaptation when it was announced a few years back, and at that point until it's release, it was probably my most anticipated upcoming anime. Based on the trailers/teasers and all the info about it's staff, it seemed like it'd be the near perfect adaption. It didn't even matter to me that it took nearly forever, I just knew it was going to be worth all the wait.

Now that the full product has come out, I definitely kind of blame myself partially for hyping it up so much in my mind. But man, I don't think a lot of people would've expected the production to be this hellish and messy. With the biggest mistake in my opinion being the fact that the original director who was supposed to be in charge, Hiroshi Nagahama, got basically let go after the first episode for some reason. Although even with that episode being easily the highlight of the series, some of the problems already began to show up. The pacing was kind of weird and awkward even at the beginning, because it felt like they were just trying to rush through these events as quickly as possible in order to fit the 4 episode count. When what they should've done instead is have the narrative burn slowly and let the atmosphere seep in bit by a bit. This is pretty much the key to nearly any great piece of audiovisual horror. And unfortunately this is something that isn't just limited to the first episode. They're all like this, some even arguably worse. The pacing problem could actually be at least a little bit more excusable if the animation and visual quality all remained from the first episode. Unfortunately though, this is just really rough to look at a lot of the time. It's not the worst thing ever, not even really all bad, and sometimes it can be even kinda good. But overall, this show is just a mess visually. Character proportions look wrong or weirdly drawn, there's some really heinous stylistic overlap, and even a lot of extremely low quality assets show up here. It's almost impressive how inconsistent this series is. I guess the one thing that remained consistently pretty solid was Colin Stetson's score and the sound design. It was probably the biggest factor in creating the dreadful cold atmosphere for this adaptation. I'm glad that's at least something I can praise about this with confidence, because talking about nearly everything else around this show makes me exhausted.

Overall, I guess it's an okay adaptation, there's certainly stuff here to appreciate, but I honestly would just rather re-read the manga before ever again laying my hands on something this inconsistently messy. And I would advise others to do the same