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SPOILER-FREE™

Preface: I became extremely inebriated the night I decided to write my review of the Darker than Black franchise. While I admit this isn't my best writing ever (actually it's some of my worst), Darker than Black was one of the worse anime I've seen so it seems fitting. Yes it's going to be one of those reviews. This is intended to cover the entire franchise, meaning this review applies to every anime with "Darker than Black" in the title.

So let me tell you a story about the other day. Actually it was longer than that ago I think, whatever it’s a story. So ... I’m hanging out with this girl, just me and her. It wasn't a date or anything, our relationship was completely platonic at the time. Nowadays I would describe our relationship more as “nonexistent” than “platonic” but that’s an unrelated point, probably.

Anyways she’s an artist or some shit, in the art club at college at least, one of those go-getter types good at everything you know? She gets to talking about some art exhibition that just opened that she wants to go to, maybe she should go with a friend or something (nudge nudge wink wink). Just like I always do, I fumbled that shit like Eustace, that fat kid from your gym class in school, fumbled the football thrown at his nuts by Cliff, the 7th grader who’s identical to Tim Tebow in every way except his religious fervor is more likely directed toward the King of the Bottomless Pit than Jeebus. You probably laughed your ass you little shit, you’re going to hell, where Cliff will be a ruler and violate your every orifice with a spiked dildo (no homo man, no homo).

Where was I? Oh yeah, I hardly could have handled the situation worse, it was one of those situations where I might as well have been juggling gas jugs and torches but couldn't think of anything but that itch on my ass. I basically acted exactly like the densest harem protagonist imaginable with a lot less charisma and a lot more anxiety issues. My verbatim response is kept in one of those memory centers that the booze hits first but suffice to say: it was something along the lines of:

“y-y-you too *mumble*”

This highlights a dire point in my personal life in that I can’t handle women for shit. I mean damn, I’m more than halfway through college and I just got over panic attacks when I form words directed in an angle more acute than 70° from a vagina, or was it obtuse? I’m a goddamn business student I can’t do math. Or girls come to think of it.

What does all this have to do with Darker than Black, an anime made by the great (snicker) studio Bones in the Year of our Bush 0006? Well just thinking about this story makes me embarrassed, angry and depressed, exactly the same emotions I have when I recall watching Darker than Black.

STORY 2/10

Did you know that in some parts of South America it’s totally normal for men to have sex with donkeys? I’m not making this up, there's a documentary on YouTube.

I’d love to draw an analogy between these people and fans of this show, but no matter how I wrack my brain I simply can’t come up with any relation between being a zoophile and being a liar. The reason I say fans of DtB (Darker than Black) are liars is not because of the erroneous statement that this anime is the greatest thing since Death Note, although that argument could be made. The far more erroneous statement they will make is that the first and second seasons of BtDF (Black to the Darker Future) are COMPLETELY different and although the first season was AWESOME you can’t POSSIBLY rate the second season the same. Well I’m here to tell you they’re definitely shoving it in a mule’s pu-I mean they’re wrong.

Anyway here’s the plot in a nutshell: There’s this guy named Pedro and he has sex with a donkey. I mean a mysterious event happens on earth where two “gates” (which are never properly explained or shown on screen, like a lot of this anime’s lore but ONE OF THEM WAS IN SOUTH AMERICA) open and lots of people lose their emotions, gain superpowers and their progress can be tracked by fake stars which have replaced the real night sky. You would think that NASA and such would notice if giant balls of plasma were switched with holes poked in a giant black tarp but then again you miss a lot of stuff when you’re having sex with a donkey.

Scratch that. I’m not about to totally begrudge a series with some inconsistent backstory, what really matters is the characters, plot, donkey loving, etc. The “donkey loving” was just a metaphor by the way. Both seasons are the same: largely unrelated “action” and “drama” lead up to an incomprehensible ending. I don’t know what the author was going for: Evangelion-esque, a post-modern approach to consistency or maybe just screwing a donkey. By which I mean I feel like it was just supposed to leave a lot to the imagination.

The goal here is to create a thriller balanced between the necessarily-authoritarian state and rebels just trying to find a place in this world. More often though it just winds up being one of Hei’s knives trying to find a place in the chest of one of many of a cast of almost interesting side characters.

A lot is presented in the story, but very little is solved. The plot of this anime was tangled, barely linear, and left a lot of loose ends. Lots of sub-plots are raised, and then dropped, none of the lore is explored to any comprehensible depth, and in the end very little if anything is resolved. For example: what exactly caused this situation? How did this world change the way it did? What made the characters the emotionless blobs they are, other than a plot device? More specifically I think Hei’s powers relate to his time in South America. Maybe if you have sex with a donkey you could shoot lightning out your fingers, try it.

ANIMATION 4/10

Desperation can drive a man to great lengths, I should know. But never mind that, religion can drive a man to lengths reasonable men could only dream of. I’m not trying to be a militant atheist or anything, far be it from me to criticize all religion. But anime reviews are meant to inform, so I feel I should make you a little smarter. I’m sure you already know about Mormons and Scientologists so I’m going to focus on Orthodox Jews, bear with me I’m going somewhere with this.

Anyway ultra-Orthodox Jews do some crazy stuff: like the hats and the meat and not pressing buttons on Saturday. But did you know that some will wear plastic bags on airplanes?

Apparently the rationale is that they can’t pass over a graveyard so the plastic bag is to keep them pure just in case. I wonder what the altitude limit on that is, the era of space travel is going to be hilarious if religion survives that long. What’s more, some sects will practice circumcision in a prehistoric way. They will cut off the foreskin without anesthesia and then (supposedly to prevent infection) suck, and not even I’m creative enough to make this up, ON THE BABY’S PENIS, THERE ARE OLD MEN OUT THERE GIVING HUMMERS TO 7-DAY-OLDS. That is absolutely disgusting, just like the animation of Darker than my Soul, I mean Darker than Black.

This anime is (now) 7 years old so I don’t mean to criticize by the same standards that I might apply today, but seriously it would be sub-par even 7 years before that. The production values of this show are low, to say the least. It is seriously unimpressive and to be honest I think even the poorest studios should at least include a few moments where they try to impress us. But hashed CG, still frames and lazy design are just the tip of the iceberg of an anime more than 40 episodes with not even one decent scene. Even in action, where most studios dump their money, there was really nothing to see here. Bones may not be on the same level as a Shaft or Gainax but they must have really hit a tough patch in 2007 and 2009 respectively.

SOUND 6/10

Maybe my problem is that I’m a weeaboo. I mean I’m drinking sake in Japan, writing an anime review. Maybe if I gave up my childish habits I could get a girlfriend, and get in shape, and make lots of money, and get back on topic.

I have to offer Browner than-nah that’s an old joke I’ll spare you.

I have to offer Darker than Black something that may seem like praise but I’m afraid is actually a criticism: the sound is the best part. The sound track wasn’t anything special but it earns a passing grade, as do the OPs, EDs and Voice Actors.

What pushes the sound over the edge to “good” is the voices, more specifically Yin’s, more specifically when she says “Hei.” She’s got a throaty rasp that makes me gajizzle in my pazzizles every time.

Damn you’re lucky that this review is more important to me than fapping right now.

CHARACTER 3/10

Hei’s role in Darker than Black and my role in this review have one striking similarity: about 2/3 the way through we both started drinking directly from the bottle.

Hei is your typical character that the author clearly wrote himself into. Not that I’m denying fantasies, myself having never aged past 6, sometimes I let my imagination run wild and become a superhero or a spy in my mind, god I’m such a loser. Anyways this can be fun but if you write fiction it makes for a weak character. Hei is an empty suit in truest sense of the term, well more of an empty scientifically-impossible-bulletproof-yet-flexible-trenchcoat. I’d like to call him a Mary Sue, but he’s such a non-existent personality that I can’t even bestow that dubious title. There is a plot device to weakly explain away other character’s lack of emotion, but Hei just has nothing. Word of the day is: vacuous, vac·u·ous (Adj) def: Hei.

In the first season, our primary secondary (ha) character is Yin, who is a “doll.” In the Darker than Black universe a “doll” is…actually never fully explained but it means people treat her like a porcupine made of polonium. The other aspect of being a doll is having “no emotion.” Now there is some attempt to write in “emotion” into Yin’s character by having her fall for Hei and having a disjointed personality. But considering this is reflected in Hei’s own lack of depth it really goes nowhere other than somewhere nonsensical, I think. She’s a Rei clone, and a pretty lousy one at that, just like I’m a pretty lousy clone of a version of myself who’s a lot cooler and better than me. I hope this paragraph makes sense to someone other than drunk me.

Yin is boring with no meaningful characterization.

Shion replaces Yin. Shion starts with an incredibly erratic personality, but after an episode or two a plot device steals her interesting points and molds her into another Rei clone; this time with a Barrett coming out from between her prepubescent breasts, for fan-service for people like you, you sick fuck.

Now there are plenty of other characters from Mao to Amber to Kiko. They mainly serve to provide “comic relief” or to confuse the plot even further. A few of them get decent characterization but don’t worry it will all be unraveled by the bizarreness of the endings.

ENJOYMENT 3/10

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you probably play video games. Who am I kidding, if you watch any anime you almost certainly play video games (and if you’re considering this crappy shit you definitely do). Think back to a below average game. I’m sure you’ve played many bad games, some too bad to keep you for long. But there has probably been one that really wasn’t good at all. When you look back you can’t but acknowledge it was not really to your taste at all, an addictive flash game or an MMORPG for example (any MMORPG, they’re all the same). You can’t say you really enjoyed it but when you look back at the play time it’s like 300 hours or something.

You know the feeling, you never had much fun, but you just kept going in an odd form of absorption in the game. That’s what happened to me with Give Her the D(tB). If I was being completely objective I would have dropped it fast and never come back. But somehow I just kept watching the next episode. I wasn’t interested in the story or the characters or anything, I just kept going. I don’t really know why, I just kept going.

CONCLUSION

They say that if you shoot for the moon at least if you miss you’ll land among the stars. Darker than Black shot for the moon, but landed in a hedge. That’s what happens with them fake stars you know.

Darker than Black reminds me of a Republican candidate. It is confused, contradictory and has a poor grasp on science. And it isn’t nearly as intelligent as it thinks it is. There are a lot of fans, but you really aren’t sure who they are. These fans say the message got diluted over time but it’s hard to see how it’s different at all.

I was let down seriously by this anime. Usually when an anime is super popular it’s awful, and some of the not popular ones run the gamut. In between we have the territory of Durarara, Death Note, Code Geass, Darker than Black and their ilk. I’ve gotten used to such anime usually being bad but also usually having something going for them. DtB; however, was a thorough displeasure, no matter what its fans say.

Fuck you, Fuck me, Fuck this anime, Fuck everything.

SPOILER-FREE™

There are very few anime with as bad a case of mistaken identity as Sound of the Sky, also known as Sora no Woto or, if you’re kind of a jerk, So Ra No Wo To. Honestly most people will take one look at the art and character designs and think one thing: K-ON

And this is really a shame because other than a couple of similarities in character design, Sound of the Sky shines on its own with no relation under the surface to our favorite (or least favorite) slice of life. This issue has led to Sound of the Sky’s problem, a nice way ... to phrase it is to say it’s a hidden gem, a less polite term would be “sold like cold cakes.” Some skipped it thinking it would be moe SoL comedy #284, others were disappointed that it wasn’t just that, the bottom line is it was not and still is not especially popular.

It is a tragedy that preconceptions blinded many people to the merits of Sound of the Sky. However, I wager most people who seriously watch it will be surprised. Sound of the Sky is truly special, there is no anime quite like it.

STORY 9/10

It isn’t easy to pin one of our familiar anime genres to Sound of the Sky. I suppose the term “slice of life” wouldn’t be entirely inaccurate, but it’s not in a high school and the characters aren’t…ok actually they are cute girls. This does not mean Sound of the Sky is not story driven, in fact the plot helps carry the series.

Sound of the Sky is set in a post-apocalyptic world that has been partially rebuilt. It follows the soldiers of the 1121st platoon in the border town of Seize (Says). Despite being soldiers in a war, a country town like Seize doesn’t see a whole lot of violent action. The story is more focused on the characters and their relationships to their world and each other.

The story is gorgeous: thematic without being pretentious, unrushed without being vacuous and passionate without being melodramatic. The series is deceptively deep with themes ranging from duty to desire, religion, war, hope, despair and love. The most important is finding a place in the world, something almost all the characters struggle with. In this anime, the world has already ended.

But due to greatly different attitudes, the characters react to this and other problems in vastly different ways. Some characters choose to resign themselves to the whims of fate and others face it head on. Their world does not want them, or even worse, wants them to fill a role they are very reluctant to do. The characters struggle to find meaning to a meaningless world, and watching them defy nihilism in such a position is marvelous. Although the plot shines, the true beauty of this story is less the plot and more the interactions of different attitudes and worldviews.

The story really picks up in the last few episodes building up to an incredible climax. The ending is both extremely tragic and filled with hope. Sound of the Sky is a little reminiscent of something like Haibane Renmei in the regard that it doesn’t necessarily answer all the questions about the world, but still satisfies. There are a few details intentionally left open, but if anything this adds to the anime.

Finally I want to offer my praise for this anime actually having a conclusion, something growing increasingly scarce. It is not unambiguously happy but the ending was by far my favorite part of the piece.

ANIMATION 7/10

I’m not going to sugarcoat it, Sound of the Sky doesn’t exactly have all the budget in the world. But I don’t mean to say that it’s an ugly anime, quite the contrary: it’s quite striking. Seize and the Time-Trumpeting Fort may not always be rendered in stunning detail, but they always look charming and attractive.

The biggest problem is the character designs. I’m not quite sure what A-1 was thinking when they decided to make them so reminiscent of moe anime, but it was a poor decision to say the least. Most of the anime may be “slice of life” but it hardly could be described simply as “cute girls doing cute things.” The magical story and characters are really quite undercut by this flaw.

SOUND 8/10

As might be expected of an anime called “Sound of the Sky,” the soundtrack is excellent. It contributes greatly to the mood and is punctuated by liberal use of silence that effectively adds to the focus. A recurring motif in the anime is the song Amazing Grace, one of the most beautiful songs ever written. In Sound of the Sky, it represents connection between people and is the focal point of some of the most emotional moments in the anime.

CHARACTERS 10/10

The phrase “I love them, but I don’t like them” is pretty common among parents and marriages with a short future, but I can’t imagine that it is especially popular for describing fictional characters. But when describing my feelings about the characters of Sound of the Sky, I think this phrase is quite appropriate. I really don’t agree with many of the characters, their attitudes or their decisions, but I still found them some of the most compelling characters I have ever seen.

Kanata may look like your typical overly optimistic slice of life protagonist from the outside, and to be honest she does have a pretty chirpy personality. However there is a lot more depth to her than is first apparent. As the story kicks into high gear in the later part of the anime, we see that she is quite capable of acting serious and even rather assertive and aggressive, but not in a way that contrasts her established character.

But the one who really steals the show is Rio. In anime “tragic” is usually a synonym for “edgy.” The tragic hero of anime is more often a Dark Flame Master than an Oedipus. Rio is a tragic character with a backstory that doesn’t strike at all of the ridiculous, and she has a believable reaction. She has to cope world that refuses to give her what she wants, and rather than sprouting superpowers to change that paradigm, she is forced to deal with it. And she deals with it like an adult, I may not agree with her decisions, but they strike me very much as the sort of decisions an actual human being might make. It’s really a sad reflection on anime when that is such an incredible thing.

I could go on about the other characters but I think I’ve made my point: Sound of the Sky has some of the most compelling characters I have ever seen, and while it had a short run time, it fleshed them out beautifully with depth and realism.

ENJOYMENT 9/10

Sound of the Sky does not appeal to everyone, and it doesn’t try to. There is a little action, but it is overshadowed by slice of life and drama. If you’re more the pre-teen melodrama fan then this may be a bit too subtle, and if you only like cute girls doing cute things then you may be put off by the somber tone. It isn’t easy to pin down what kind of person would like Sound of the Sky because I can’t make easy generalizations like “if you liked X you will like this” because there isn’t really a parallel. It’s a true hidden gem that I personally enjoyed and appreciated immensely, but I can’t deny that there are aspects that would turn some people off.

CONCLUSION

Sound of the Sky is one of my favorite animes ever. It is beautiful, powerful and emotional in all the best ways. This anime hits hard and is something I have no reservations calling truly unique.

PS: There are two specials that fit very well into the series, watch them at the same time.

SPOILER-FREE™

The bleak winter that gave us Tamako
Was gloomy cold for anime aficionados.
But KA showed us a clip
Of male swimmers stripped
And the fujoshi all schlicked on their tacos.

But after the ovaries cooled
It became clear that we must have been fooled ... There was simply no way
“Manly men just won’t pay”
They’d suffer from endless ridicule.

But KyoAni’s buget was already obscene
So in the summer of 2013
To the moe lovers’ fright
“Swimbros” got the green light
And ultimately graced us as “Free.”

First impressions may cause you to presume
That Free! is just shots of the locker room.
Or homosexual crap
To which ladies can fap
Watching the love between young men bloom.

The gayness is only implied
Although muscle shots are liberally supplied
It’s mostly just sports
And slice of life shorts
But a swimsuit or two does get untied.

Therein lies the main issue:
This is the studio that wrote the how-to
Of the slice of life genre.
But they ignored their own dogma
As the necessary cute girls are eschewed.

Original stories are not KyoAni’s forte
Sure, they can manage the display.
But it’s all for naught.
Cause the result is the plot,
Just like the characters is lame and it’s gay.

Now I wouldn’t quite go so far
As to say this anime is sub-par
The animation is peak
The soundtrack is…unique
Visually, as expected, it’s a star.

Animation eye-candy is aplenty
Thanks to KyoAni’s dump trucks full of of money.
It stands apart from the herd,
But I would have preferred
They spent that effort to make it actually funny.

But if you can ignore all the smut
And don’t try to catch a glimpse of nut
You’ll sometimes see
In the background of Free!
The occasional corner is cut.

The characters left me quite pissed
Not much to say about their midst
Nagisa’s a whore
Makoto’s a bore
And Haruka’s a bumbling autist.

The characters really all barely
Could be considered passable and not dreary
I suppose as well they should
Even if they were good
In this show they’d be hard to take seriously

The exception to this is Gou
Best girl of the season fo’ sho
Unlike all the men
She’s a 10/10
They should really just stick with girls at Kyoto

Now let me tell you right here son
That fun things are not always fun
This fucking sausage party
The whole time kept me angrily
Wishing for the moment when it was done.

Hopefully next time these schmucks
Will make something that doesn’t totally suck
I’d say unless your clit
Severely needs the dick
Free! is boring and stupid as fuck.

But if you’re into guy’s musclebound phannies
Or, like me, just watch anything from Kyoani
Just squint your eyes
Ignore the flaws that arise
And you might find you like Free! plenty.

SPOILER-FREE™

Could you kill a person?

I don’t mean some hypothetical “button you could press and someone you’ve never met dies.” I mean: could you look into the eyes of another human being and pull the trigger?

For a long time now Gen Urobuchi and I have had a love/hate relationship. I’ve absolutely adored some of his works, while others have left me profoundly underwhelmed. Phantom Requiem, however, does not neatly fall into either of these categories. Some parts of the anime truly showcase Urobuchi at his best, and some parts are frustrating, clichéd or just downright stupid.

STORY 8/10

... [This entire section was removed due to spoilers]

Ok, ok, I’ll at least try. Phantom Requiem follows the lives of assassins in the underworld as they struggle with shifting loyalties, their morals and conspiracies on top of conspiracies. The main character: Zwei finds himself in a world where he must kill to survive with no one to count on but himself. There are no solid factions, and certainly no “good guys.”

There really isn’t a whole lot I can say about the story without spoiling it. The whole paradigm of the world of Phantom gets turned on its head several times throughout the story. The story is very well put-together and it is probably one of the hardest plots to predict that I’ve seen.

That said, the story can’t resist indulging in some rather vexatious clichés. I always get a little agitated when I catch a whiff of the stench of harem, and while most of the girls who fall for Zwei have a damn good reason, at least one has no business liking him other than to increase his appeal as insert character. And, oh yes, part of this anime somehow manages to worm its way into a high school. These world class assassins, capable of confronting armies of thugs, are, of course, in their teens. But to be fair, this particular annoyance is not explicitly stated in the anime, only in the source material. That is really all these things are: annoyances. Annoying as these tropes are, they serve to distract rather than detract.

What does detract is the staggering amount of bullshit that permeates this series. Only a few examples: making impossibly long sniping shots in one try with no spotter, deflecting knives with knives and surviving clearly fatal wounds with no medical attention. The rules of Phantom Requiem’s world are extremely confusing, skirting the line between gritty realism and surreal action scenes where the characters perform unmistakably superhuman feats.

Although irksome at times, the story is really one of the best thrillers I’ve seen in anime. It kept me guessing at the edge of my seat the entire time. It is complex and emotional, despite its flaws. It hits hard, and best of all for such an intricate plot, manages to have no inconsistencies.

ANIMATION 4/10

I don’t want to get too technical, but to use a professional term: this show looks like a pile of ass. If I had to pick one gripe about this show, it would be the art. It is really unfortunate how a story like this is so let down by the visuals. The animation is choppy, the characters’ eyes are the size of dinner plates and they squeezed in as many still frames as they could. There is a lot of variety and the dark art reflects the show well, however it overall leaves the impression that the studio tried, but just couldn’t quite hack it.

SOUND 6/10

The sound track is mostly an intense mix of rock and hip hop, fitting the show excellently. The low production values do shine through a little in the great lack of variety and somewhat uninspiring openings and endings. The voice acting in Japanese is stellar, emotional and convincing. Skip the dub on this one, it’s terrible.

CHARACTER 9/10

Like the story, the characters of Phantom Requiem are a true strong point. The main characters are all truly top notch, but the side characters are also exceptional. Some are criminals for the money, some for the respect, some for the thrill and some are just insane. Even the few law-abiding characters are compelling and their interaction with these criminals can be some of the more interesting parts of the series. The side characters are generally very well characterized with believable stories and motivations. However, I would have liked to see a couple of them fleshed out a bit more.

The main characters are truly outstanding. Many “tragic” characters earn that title only by being the punching bag of the director. The main characters of Phantom Requiem all show truly tragic qualities. Again I am restricted by spoilers, so I won’t say too much. One thing Urobuchi excels at is working flaws into his characters; in this respect, the “Phantoms” are sublime. The plot may squeeze in a stereotype or two, but the characters are refreshingly original.

Ein and Zwei, the two leads, evolve beautifully both as people and their relationship with each other. Their development is gradual, strongly linked to their environment and acquaintances, and wonderfully absorbing. Because these two start out as essentially blank slates, the viewer is not permitted to assume anything about them, forced to rely on the superb character development.

Eventually we are introduced to the tritagonist, Cal Devens. The shifts in her character are powerful, driving the second half of the anime.

I will end this section here because I am already starting to bump up against the fuzzy line of “spoilers.”

ENJOYMENT 4/10

I won’t sugarcoat it: this anime is a tearjerker. Phantom Requiem is emotionally very intense. Mr. Urobuchi’s nickname, “Urobutcher,” is no coincidence. This series is dark, nihilistic and depressing at times, so it hardly appeals to everyone. Personally I was completely caught up at times, but often I found myself frustrated or angry. I think this anime is a lot easier to appreciate than to like.

CONCLUSION

I have not mentioned the ending of Phantom Requiem. I will not spoil it, but I can say I think any viewer will have a strong reaction to it, and it was completely unnecessary. It is very difficult for me to describe my feelings on this anime, my opinion is very much split. I can’t wholeheartedly recommend this series, but if you are a fan of Urobuchi you definitely shouldn’t miss this.

How much you enjoy Sakamichi no Apollon is largely dependent on your level of emotional maturity.

SPOILER-FREE™

Sakamichi no Apollon translates to “Apollo of the slope,” not “Kids on the Slope,” so whatever translation you want to use really doesn’t matter. Kids on a Slope may look on the surface like a typical clichéd romance anime with lots of misunderstandings, too much drama, love polygons and people sort-of-but-not-really changing who they love. You may be tempted to think that’s all Adolescents on an Incline is, and you should give in to that temptation because that’s exactly what it is.

Juveniles on a Slant, by the way, is totally ... NOT GAY. It’s completely normal for male friends to hold hands, embrace each other crying, run out of school together, eat out of each other’s hands and the like. At least I hope so because me and my roommate may have had a small sexual encounter the other day so PLOT POINT: my childhood friend who I secretly love read that and is now crying so I headed over to her house but PLOT POINT: my father who I thought was dead meets me along the way and tells me he wants to be a real family from now on but PLOT POINT: my roommate accidentally bumps into him and knocks him into a cement plant and starts crying because PLOT POINT: my roommate was actually in a relationship with my father but PLOT POINT: there’s a meteor headed toward earth and I have to decide if I want to spend my last moments with my dying father or childhood friend.

STORY 4/10

You may have gathered from that somewhat cryptic paragraph that Youths on a Declination has no story, what it has is a string of barely connected random events as a cheap attempt to cause an emotional reaction in the audience. The other point I was trying to make is that Striplings on an Oblique Surface has quite possibly got the single most forced plot I have ever seen in anime. The story is hashed together with every situation the creators think could possibly pull on someone’s heart strings, natural story development be damned. The result is some completely artificial Frankensteinian monster. You can almost hear it sob “Please…kill…me” as it stabs your eyeballs trying to get you to cry any way possible.

As the plot lurches through its various stages it manages to amass quite the collection of plot holes and inconsistencies. For the most part however, it manages to hold itself together as a pretty stereotypical Josei. It does treat themes like coming of age and friendship acceptably. If you happen to really, really love drama and romance then maybe you’ll find a way to enjoy it.

The setting of late-60’s Japan deserves special attention in this review, because it didn’t get any in the show. Whippersnappers on an Acclivity really missed a chance to be unique and interesting by capturing the flavor of the era. Instead, there is barely anything there to distinguish it from a typical modern anime, I half expected a student to pull out a cell phone at any time. There are a few token times when the show tries to masturbate to its own classiness, old-style desks, records and such, but there are so many anachronisms that it winds up just being annoying.

ANIMATION 7/10

The art is not very attractive. The characters have faces only a mother could love and objects and backgrounds can look plain and simple. But Minors on a Gradient has one secret weapon up its sleeve: animation. I could use words like fluid, smooth and beautiful. One test I use to determine how lazy a studio is in animation is music scenes. That is, whenever someone is playing an instrument, do their movements match up with the song? Even an amateur can tell if the beat is on (which it often isn’t). Here, the piano parts are matched to the characters fingers. It shows great attention to detail that is present throughout the show, which compounds the great animation to look spectacular.

SOUND 3/10

Wait, WHAT? 3!? What the fuck is wrong with you John, giving a music anime a 3 for sound? Well, Tykes on a Cant’s soundtrack is lousy. That isn’t to say there’s no good music, it’s just all 30-60 second outtakes of jazz classics. I like jazz more than most, but no points for unoriginality, especially if it’s tied together with a second-rate OST. The voice acting is underwhelming but passable. Ultimately, if you came for the music, go listen to music and give this one a pass.

CHARACTERS 3/10

The translation “Kids on the Slope” may not be faithful to the Japanese, but it’s very faithful to the characters, because they act like children. The main pair: Kaoru and Sentarou, have an interesting relationship. They are best friends, not because they are alike or get along or anything lame like that. No, the show just declares them best friends when they barely know each other and from then on they stick together for better or worse.

SIKE! They spend more than half the show not on speaking terms, and they have at least one fight an episode. I seriously hope nobody views this as a model of a healthy friendship. The way they hate each other makes it even more bizarre and surreal during the few times when they inexplicably love each other.

Now flawed characters are a good thing, but the biggest flaw of Squirts on Uneven Ground’s characters is that they don’t feel like people, not at all. They certainly carry out the orders of the story well, but they have no depth OR consistency. The few times when they acted like human beings was lost on me since I was completely unattached to them.

ENJOYMENT 5/10

Do you get emotional easily? Do you cry when you see road kill? Are you a pre-teen girl? If any of these are true, you may enjoy Youngsters on a Rise. But if unrealistic story and characters causes you not to get emotionally invested, I don’t think this is for you. The make or break here is drama. Many people will think the drama is excessive, but if you’re easily affected then maybe this is worth a shot.

CONCLUSION

I may not be the biggest fan of the romance genre, but (Baby+15)/(mx+b) was a real let-down. It didn’t so much strike me on a sour note, mostly I was just bored watching it. I definitely enjoyed some of the music scenes, but mostly I just want my six hours back.

The Butcher strikes again with an intense action set in a chilling dystopia that, regrettably, is one of his weakest works.

SPOILER-FREE™

In early 22nd century Japan, it has become possible to analyze a human mind with a startling degree of accuracy using a network of scanners and an incredibly powerful supercomputer known as the SIByL System. To this end, the judicial system is no longer required for law enforcement. Police use the SIByL System’s abilities to judge a person’s mental state and depending on the situation, either arrest them so that they can undergo therapy, or carry out executions on the spot. Into this world is ... thrust the brilliant but inexperienced Inspector Tsunemori Akane. We follow the inspector and the rest of the Public Safety Bureau as they investigate the tenacious shadow of crime that haunts Japan, and learn more about the truth behind their “paradise.”

One thing that caught me off guard, which viewers should be aware of is that despite being an anime about police detectives, it is most definitely NOT a mystery. The pawns and masterminds of crime are made known to the audience quickly (read: in the intro). This is a fast-paced action anime much more than it is a mystery. An action anime that is quite dark and violent at times. Although Psycho-Pass does not thrive on gratuitous gore for shock value, it’s definitely way too much for younger audiences or those with a weak stomach.

The first thing you will notice about Psycho-Pass is that the story is served up on a silver platter of fluid animation and solid, yet disquieting music. Psycho-Pass’s presentation of the future transitions between sleek and gritty, but never boring. Be it the character designs or some high-tech contraption, there is always something pretty to look at. It’s no secret that Production I.G has a lot of money, and they obviously dropped big bucks to make this title look good. Unfortunately, Production I.G has acquired a nasty habit in recent times: making some parts of anime dazzling (especially the beginning) and hiding some less-than-outstanding work throughout the series as it goes on. This creates the perception that an anime is gorgeous, and once people have that impression in their minds the studio is free to be a little lazier when nobody’s looking. You can see this habit at work in other anime like Suisei no Gargantia and Shingeki no Kyojin. I noticed several conspicuously still backgrounds and simple designs especially in the middle-late part of the anime. These are the sorts of things I would consider run-of-the-mill in a typical anime, but it is precisely because Psycho-Pass is such an attractive anime that these lapses are so irritating.

But the substance behind the style is what really makes, and breaks, this anime. The setting of this anime is particularly excellent. The society we see at the beginning is safe, happy and free. But as Psycho-Pass continues, we learn that the pillars holding these values are actually rather fragile. Social problems, isolationism, unreliable technology and oppression lurk in the unilluminated shadows. This dystopia is definitely authoritarian, to the point of dictating possible jobs to people based on their abilities. But there are several examples of how it is not an Orwellian “Big Brother” society. The citizens are happy, without being brainwashed, quite reminiscent of Philip K. Dick.

Therein lies the problem, Psycho-Pass is the world of Philip K. Dick, if they didn’t flat-out admit it in the anime they might almost be accused of plagiarism. Psycho-Pass is brazenly derivative of several other works, even anime. More than once I had to ask myself if I wasn’t watching Ghost in the Shell or reading Gulliver’s Travels. Psycho-Pass doesn’t even care if you know, in fact it wants you to know; it’s positively stolid.

The setting may be a little stale, but Urobuchi makes it work, the real point is what goes on in that setting. The Public Security Bureau may be the sword-arm of SIByL, but they do their job because they care about protecting people. As they are faced with a string of brutal crimes, it gradually becomes as obvious to them as it is to the audience that there is a connection. The focus of Psycho-Pass is not so much what is behind these crimes, but why. At first, it seems the only motivation is the sadism and insanity of distasteful malcontents, but the more complex picture is gradually revealed. In this sense, the story is very well put-together. Forced storytelling is nowhere in sight; I was fully expecting one of the detectives to produce a totally rectally-derived solution to an investigation, but to my delight, it never happened. There are no plot holes and the elements of the story come together strongly as nobody is “right” or “wrong.”

The characters are flawed and very compelling, compounded by excellent voice acting across the cast. Even side characters have believable thoughts and motivations. The three main characters are all superb. Tsunemori’s development can be a little jerky and opaque at times, but she shows tremendous, yet believable, strength of character. She is presented with several difficult decisions and her reactions are all reasonable, earning her praise and scorn from others. Kougami struggles with his ideals against his feelings and past, which is satisfactorily explored without being too excessive. He has little faith in the society that shuns him, but embittered though he is, he tries to do the right thing.

Makishima is a spectacular villain. At first it seems he is merely an evil psychopath, which he most definitely is. However, his motivations and methods reveal an intricate character, almost noble in some ways. Some viewers may even root for him at some points, and not just those who support the bad guy to be edgy.

One of the biggest problems with Psycho-Pass is the sometimes incomprehensible rationale behind it. The science (often pseudoscience) of the show is extremely confusing at times. The technology is especially baffling, particularly the Dominator weapon system. I will refrain from spoilers, only I think that it must be designed expressly with storytelling potential in mind, with any practical concerns neatly cast away. There are also a few times when the characters are equally obtuse. I recall a small squad of police bursting in on an injured and unarmed criminal and shooting him without hesitation. One character promptly wonders aloud who the criminal was talking to and whether he was working alone. Apparently it never once occurred to him that he might get that information from the man himself. This infuriating quirk only gets worse as the anime goes on.

Psycho-Pass is very pretentious at times. It asks some moderately philosophical questions, but like the setting, nothing even approaches originality. It wants to provide dumbed-down action without sacrificing its air of deepness. Psycho-Pass isn’t a “bad” anime by any stretch of the word, in fact it is quite entertaining. But it isn’t nearly as intelligent as it thinks it is.

Vividred is a bootylicious party with a mix of action porn and, well, softcore porn.

SPOILER-FREE

A-1 brings us the touching anime-original story of four shapely butts as they fight off aliens, or monsters, or something. Oh yeah, there are girls attached to these butts and they have characterization and stuff. And there’s a beach episode with boobs, but they give way back to butts. And then there’s a fifth butt, this one gets a close up within twenty seconds of the show starting, really setting the tone for the rest of the show.

Now seriously let’s have a review.

STORY 6/10

It isn’t entirely obvious, but you will notice ... pretty quickly that this is a mahou shoujo. Even though the characters get their powers from technology and friendship rather than magic, it is pretty clearly mahou shoujo, and a pretty unoriginal one at that. Honestly, most people will have predicted the end within a few episodes. The stakes are high, but the power of friendship comes through in the end. The story adheres strongly to clichés of the genre.

The story is frankly not too important in this anime. You watch this anime to have a good time, not to hear a riveting story. It holds together well, and arguably this unoriginality is actually a plus. The story may not bring anything new to the table, but it pulls it off with great skill. The way it delivers such conventional mahou shoujo story is actually very satisfying. This may not be the most intellectual anime ever, but the story is never opaque. I never once had to guess why a character did what they did or what the hell was going on, making this a great anime to watch if you aren’t very smart, or are drunk.

ANIMATION 8/10

Vividred operation is a very pretty anime. The sci-fi elements show excellent attention to detail. Characters and backgrounds are both attractively designed. There are very few parts that were lazily animated and although there were a couple of hiccups, the show was fairly consistent throughout. The action scenes are great and not padded with too much dialogue. The show in general does not shy away from difficult animation and provides plenty of excellent action.

There is a lot of fanservice. It doesn’t really detract from the show, but it will annoy some people.

SOUND 7/10

The music is upbeat and fits the mood of the show perfectly. The OP and EDs are good, but not stellar. Voice actors adequately fill their roles.

CHARACTER 4/10

The first thing you will notice about the characters (if you speak any Japanese) is that they are named after their hair color. Unfortunately, every single character is shamelessly copy/pasted from another anime. The worst offense is with not-Homura, I mean Rei. The characters do play off each other splendidly. Being an anime about the power of friendship, the friendships between the girls are well-developed, if a little too sunny. Like the story, there is nothing new to see here. Their personalities may not be nearly as molded as their glutes, but they manage not to be emotionless boards.

This brings me to the fanservice. If you are one of those people who can’t stand it, just skip this anime. There is a lot of fanservice, giving special attention to the posterior. A huge portion of Vividred is devoted to close-up shots of sweet, sweet booty.

ENJOYMENT 10/10

Vividred is a high-octane, feel-good anime that is perfect if you just want to have a good time watching. Generous action and glorious ass shots make this one of the most fun animes I’ve seen in 2013. This category is necessarily subjective, but I would recommend this to anyone who wants an exciting, fun but not very intellectual show.

CONCLUSION

Vividred Operation is like going to a concert of a really good cover band, like the Strolling Bones. Sure it may be completely unoriginal, but it’s executed almost perfectly. You may not have done much thinking, but you leave with a smile on your face.

I simply cannot grasp why this anime receives so much praise.

SPOILER-FREE

White Fox adapted this from the light novel Katanagatari, and although they have the same author and a similar name, it has no connection to the Monogatari series in style, substance or story. The two main characters romp through a mythologized version of feudal Japan, neatly divided into formulaic episodes, collecting swords and killing fucking everyone they see.

Katanagatari is by no means a terrible anime, but if you look at the way it is treated, you might think it’s an absolute masterpiece, or panders to the shounen crowd excessively. Neither is true. The world and ... action are so ridiculous and clichéd that you might be forgiven for thinking it is simply a parody. If Katanagatari deserves any praise (which indeed it does), it is for managing a certain level of uniqueness. However, uniqueness alone is not enough to carry a series.

STORY 4/10

This is a twelve episode anime about collecting twelve swords. As such, you may begin to notice a pattern that the anime follows. In case you can’t I can spell it out for you: find the sword, find the wielder of the sword, get ready to kill sword wielder, fight scene, kill sword wielder, take sword. Fortunately, Katanagatari is not so obtuse as to staunchly follow this formula for every episode, but it can get pretty tedious at times; sometimes the biggest surprise an episode will shock you with is how few people die.

That’s right, none of the characters have any qualms about killing even friendly characters, resulting in one of the highest body counts per episode I’ve seen in anime. Not that it is necessarily a bad thing, but Katanagatari just makes it annoying; out of a cast of dozens of characters, you can count on one hand those alive at the end. There is even a set of twelve characters who exist for no purpose other than dying violent deaths as soon as they’ve received their quota of characterization.

This “quota of characterization” brings me to another annoying habit of this show: a naruto-esqe need to explain every technique and move of every character. Announcing attacks beforehand already makes the action scenes a little silly, and very few characters indeed do not at least once give a lecture on their fighting style, magical moves or weapons, usually in the middle of a fight. This highlights the more prevalent flaw of excessive dialogue. For an “action” show there is not nearly enough action. A lot of this does contribute to the story and characters, but some of it makes me wonder if it wasn’t just to fill up their 50 minute time slot.

I feel that the ending deserves special attention. Jarring would be an understatement, a better description would be “feels like it’s from a different show.” All of the characters in the final episode have their personalities nearly reversed, and events transpire that makes the rest of the series relatively meaningless. It feels terribly contrived and without spoiling too much, it is a massive disappointment.

ANIMATION 3/10

The art in this show is unique. Opinions on the character designs will be very subjective; they are certainly atypical of anime. Over the course of the series they will likely grow on the viewers. Backgrounds are colorful and charming. The art really does not fit the story and setting but some will love it.

The real weakness of this show’s art is the animation. It starts out passable, but as it goes on you can almost see a counter on the screen as White Fox’s budget for this show drops. Fight scenes are the only part that gets any special attention as the show goes on, and even their quality drops over time. It starts out fairly pretty but increases in still frames, simple designs and reused animation become more obvious. If I did not know they spent a month on each episode I would say it looks rushed. Overall this extreme inconsistency leads to some parts looking quite attractive and others looking really awful.

SOUND 6/10

The music in Katanagatari is pretty lackluster, but often fits very well with the show. The music definitely contributes to the mood of scenes. The voice actors complement the show far worse. Tamura Yukari does a brilliant job as Togame. Unfortunately other characters generally deliver their lines with all the emotion of reading a string of numbers with a director over their shoulder shouting “sound angry for this scene!” The sound effects really shine.

CHARACTER 5/10

The characters are the point of Katanagatari. Whether you like the show are not, everyone will agree that the action, story and everything else are secondary to the character development. Unfortunately, this means the show puts incredible effort into one area that ultimately falls flat on its face. The only good thing I can say about the characters is they are not stereotypes.

The side characters are particularly unimpressive. They are incredibly shallow and most are killed off as soon as they receive just enough development to elicit an emotional reaction from the lowest common denominator. I also can't count the number of "Japan's strongest" that come out of the woodwork.

Togame, Shichika and their relationship are the real focus of the show. Throughout the show they slowly develop from a largely superficial relationship into one of real trust between partners. Finally, at nobody’s surprise, romantic love blossoms between the two. Unfortunately, the circumstances surrounding this make it unsatisfactory. And it happens during the final episode, which I have mentioned involves everyone acting tremendously out of character.

Although their interactions are very strong, Togame and Shichika themselves are rather weak characters. Shichika especially is quite the Gary Stu, with a lot of forced development. “Why does he fall for Togame in minutes?” Because he does. “Why does he suddenly get way stronger?” Because he does. “Why is he unable to use a sword?” Because it makes a convenient plot device. This sort of thing is constant.

One last problem that bugs me particularly is that Katanagatari succumbs to temptation and commits one of the cardinal sins of anime character development: “cHAIRacter development.” This is changing hair style, especially cutting a female’s hair short, to demonstrate character development. It is usually done when the character is so weak that a superficial change is required to show growth. It was completely unnecessary and just annoying.

ENJOYMENT 6/10

It isn’t hard to get caught up in Katanagatari. If you can overlook some flaws then there isn’t any reason you can’t enjoy watching it. The ending is lousy, but the ride to get there can be pretty fun at times.

CONCLUSION

The art and focus on characters make this show unique, but uneven animation, disappointing characters and the ending cause this show to fail at being what it wanted so desperately to be: special.

This review may contain spoilers.

A lot of people were very disappointed at the ending of Oreimo. While it was hardly unpredictable, it seems many wanted a full incest ending. I certainly wouldn’t have minded myself, but I think it is dangerous to allow personal feelings to get in the way of appreciating the value of the story.

Now as an anime, I’m willing to admit that Oreimo had its flaws. Several, annoying, even fatal flaws. As you know by now, Oreimo is a harem, and a particularly stereotypical one at that. The incredibly dense protagonist is surrounded by shallow, barely characterized girls who fall heels ... over head for him for inexplicable reasons like “He’s nice to everyone.” At some points I wondered if Kyouske even had male friends. These girls generally have unoriginal, single-faceted personalities and the Tsundere has, big surprise, a massive advantage. Oreimo clings to its harem roots until the bitter end, including a completely unnecessary confession from a side character.

Furthermore, as with the rest of the show, the comedy in these OVAs is pretty hit-and-miss. The animation and the sound track are acceptable but nothing to write home about. And the plot, while definitely a step up from the rest of the series, is most certainly no Brothers Karamazov. The ending, without spoiling too much, goes halfway but can’t quite work up the courage to give everyone what they really wanted.

Now that I’ve said all that, you may be wondering why in God’s name I gave this show an 8.

Taken just as an anime, Oreimo is decent but not great, and the OVAs are just a big let-down. But anime fans know that anime is art; and I argue more specifically that anime is literature. If we suspend our angry, sex-crazed otaku mode, we can look at the literary value of anime. Viewing Oreimo not as anime, but as a work of literature, we can find some worth in the story; and yes, especially in the ending that angered so many people.

While hardly a ground-shaking work that turns a critical eye to the very fabric of society, Oreimo does manage to ask some interesting questions through its story. The first being “What is wrong, really?” examined through the motif of incest. The origins of our attitudes on incest are fairly clear. Although it has certainly been happening for thousands of years, it leads to a weaker genetic stock which is an evolutionary disadvantage. But in the modern world, the survival of our species is no longer at stake; there is also evidence that single instances of inbreeding are not dangerous unless they are repeated or the individual's families have a history of genetic illness. However we have taken such a distaste to incest that even expressions of romantic love are taboo between siblings.

I would hate for this review to be taken as an argument that incest is acceptable. The point I am trying to make is that society disapproves of incest, but the reason for this disapproval is now less clear than it was for most of history. If you asked a typical person why incest is wrong, you would probably get a partially scientific answer, a bible verse or an answer like “it just is.”

Oreimo is definitely not the first work or even the first anime to use incest as a plot device. However, most of them are either fetish material, or come down pretty hard on one side of the issue. However, Oreimo manages to take a slightly more complex look at the subject. Without giving Oreimo too much credit (it doesn’t go into the science and history of incest), it does ask some questions about our attitudes: “Is it really anybody else’s business?” “If some people approve, does that make it any better?” “Does it really hurt anyone else?” “If they really love each other, is it somehow then acceptable?” Oreimo manages to show the restraint to not answer these questions with one unified voice. Focusing more on the question than the answer is one of the things that distinguishes good literature from propaganda. Our modern attitudes value “true love” as “right” and incest as “wrong;” when Oreimo juxtaposes the two, which opinion wins? And more importantly, why?

There is also a secondary question. It is less important so I considered not talking about it at all, but it has some value I think. “How much of our attitudes are really our own?” We all know we are heavily influenced by our environment and especially other people. If you don’t believe me, look at your views on religion and politics compared to your parents’. Unless you’re being rebellious, I would wager there is a good chance they are very similar. Looking at Kyouske’s love that he develops for Kirino, how much of it is really his? Or did Kirino convince Kyouske that he loved her?

Kyouske is surrounded by influences that probably shaped his feelings to some extent. His friends, for the most part, accept the relationship with Kirino; with Kuroneko even explicitly stating her assent. He is often with Kirino who has romantic feelings for him. She also gets him to play siscon eroge. This question of outside influence on our person is even unambiguously stated in the OVAs. Manami comes right out and asks Kyouske if he can really deny that he was influenced by these games. The anime is again less than completely clear on how much of Kyouske’s feelings are genuinely his own.

Oreimo is not a work of literary genius. Most of the show is a mindless harem with some pleasing comedy and slice-of-life. This ending gets a lot of heat, and I can understand why it was so unpopular. But if you dig a little past the clichés, there is a certain amount of intelligent value, if you’re willing to look for it.