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So much to say... Golgo 13 tv show and the two anime films are all incredibly awesome. HOWEVER, what differentiates this SHINING GEM is THE DUB for this. They did many INCREDIBLY silly script changes and silly voices and managed to do it while somehow flying just under the radar... it is masterful, and incredible. I hope no one gets in trouble in the dubbing company for me exposing this coz it is genuinely amazing and mostly noticeable when you look for it... I bet it was THE MOST fun dubbing for this show.

Anyway, before that - the basics. This is a VERY episodic anime ... following the ultra manly Golgo 13 who, with his trusty modified m16 assault rifle is the best assassin ever. EVER. With the thickest manliest eyebrows EVER. He is a never-changing FACT - everything bends around HIM. Forget about his origins... they are UNKNOWN and that is all that can be known of them. This anime starts really slow with a very underwhelming first episode, but stick with it. I recommend watching the two anime movies if you need help getting into GOLGO. Each episode follows what happens to the neighbourhood when the unchanging Golgo turns up in town with elaborate impossible plans. Impossible for anyone without his supreme skill. 3 million is all it costs to secure his services, and he NEVER fails a job. He seems to resent speaking, never moves a muscle during sex which is always THE BEST SEX EVER for whoever he is with (even the sex workers seem to be blown away by his sexual prowess and from all i can tell are generally NOT faking it, which is surreal)... So the anime is a story about different people every week, coz his job takes him all over the world... especially the USA for some reason. Only the arms dealer and some fbi nobody seem to turn up in more than one episode. And they aren't in many at all. The stories are variable but usually plenty entertaining with a twist usually waiting at the end. It looks decent, and I faintly recall that they vary the directors from episode to episode, i think, which is cool. One of the later episodes has a twist so good you will never forget it. Everyone has their own favourite episode. Mine is the wine one.

But what makes every episode really exciting to watch is having the DVD, which gives me access to both sub and dub at the same time, with the original japanese audio too... And when you watch the dub and start to notice when something seems off.. say, a weird silly laugh... and you go to the original audio and realise that laugh was never even there... And then you start checking for every line, and suddenly lines like 'what's up doc?' become suspicious, and you check and the sub doesn't say that... but surely that's just a turn of phrase not meant as a reference to bugs bunny? But then you start checking every possible turn of phrase and whilst some ridiculous stuff was in the original, SO MUCH of the ridiculous stuff is an insertion by these absolute WORDSMITHS.

There are SO many entertaining tropes to watch out for:
-ALMOST every episode (this is how they fly under the radar by not doing EVERY episode) there is usually at least one ridiculous voice. Often it's just a side character, but in some golden episodes they are voices of main characters. I, personally, am utterly electrified by the dub performance of the evil wheellchair dude in The Glass Fortress (Episode 19) - he sounds like he is on cocaine and is constantly trying to pretend that he isn't. It's incredible. The most memorable silly voice in my social circle has become the old lady in Indian Summer (Episode 20)... the way she says 'Hank' is just hilarious, especially watching in a group.
-Golgo's enemies praising him once they've been beaten/killed by him... it gets ridiculous.
-Golgalikes are people in the show who have a bizarrely similar appearance to Golgo. They usually mean business. There are a fair few of em. It's quite funny.
-Physical descriptions of Golgo are thrillingly entertaining. I'm compiling a list on my current watch through, and i haven't even got to the bit where a woman says 'he has an amazing japanese body that's made of steel'... but i remember it strongly... i will leave the rest for you to find.
-There's some really weird hammy racism towards 'asians' which from what i can tell was in the original, and the dub kinda amplified its toothless weird hammy clunky implementation... it's so ridiculous it is generally hilarious. which sounds messed up but it's just SO clunky that it becomes very silly.
-The theme tune for the first 25 episodes is the really good one. I recommend trying to sing along to it with a friend, either along to the english translation if it's offering you it that time, or try to sing along to the japanese which also sometimes appears... at least this is what you can do if you're using the dvd. it cost me 50 quid but i split it with a friend and it has been SO worth it. these are hugely entertaining to watch exploratively with company.
-Golgo has a secret love of ferris wheels in fairgrounds. he just loves anything like that. if you want his attention, invite him to a fairground to do your dirty deal rather than paying lots for opera tickets or something. golgo's inner child screams with unbridled glee at fairgrounds. he never shows it, but he does end up contriving reasons to bei in such places a suspicious amount. he's a big softy inside.
-Everyone lives in penthouses with bulletproof glass, and if they do leave their pentahouse, it will be in a car that is 'practically a tank'.

The final episode is the wrong final episode. Episode 48, Black Pupils, Ebony Eyes should've been the last one. I recommend you watch them with that in mind. omg, in that episode a character says 'you've never had kids coz you're a dick!' and guess what, the sub doesn't have the 'coz you're a dick!' bit... also Ron is amazing in that episode ahhhh i love it....

Okay, fan theory time. There is a woman around the halfway point in the series who i believe golgo develops feelings for, and he ends up killing her... but i think this decision haunts him and he ends up questioning everything that he is doing. obviously he is super manly and doesn't let this show and it is subtle character development, but when he questions the motives of the wine person for example - he takes on SO MANY underhanded jobs, so WHY does he question THIS person's actions? There is only one true answer.

Content warning for shitty abusive including sexually abusive things happening to women from time to time. it's often uncomfortable but most episodes are fine... but yeh it's a thing. soz.

Alright, I am the trash queen and the 80s animation style is one i love automatically. also, this has robots and cyberpunk stuff in it. so i really tried hard to find ways of loving this. and my god do i love this. my reviews tend to be primers for the anime so, yeh, here goes.

*go watch the 2004 appleseed film to get an idea of who and what everyone and everything is... it actually explains what 'appleseed' is and has a lot of shining moments even if it is a little patchy*

oh god the dubbing is awful (but a million times more entertaining than ... the sub) (listen to the dvd commentary to find them talking about how the voice actors for this never even met), the animation uses really uninteresting angles and colours, and the music is kinda unmemorable and sedate. the co-main character has a bizarre and unsatisfying design choice and his voice is just so meh. also it shows you hardly any of the olympus city which is the thing which the film is focused on scrutinising. also the action is really low key and unimpressive. also this city in the future is basically a normal looking city which feels very very very very unimaginative. the main baddie is also boringly designed.

right, so the way to approach the action in animes like this is to treat every moment as if it's meant to be awesome because the action is pretty frequent but short, which is actually a really good way to do a movie in my opinion. the action is adquate but just very low key. don't expect big things.

so the point of this movie is to shine a light on the city that has risen out of the ruins of the world, which is considered the perfect society but do humans desire freedom too much to live peaceably with this place? it's this kind of schlocky sci-fi dys/utopian hi-concept philosophicalish side to it which i really enjoy because it's actually trying to say something. AND THAT'S WHY THE CITY IS SO LIKE CURRENT CITIES - BECAUSE IT'S US!!!!! i mean its not us, but i think we're meant to make the connection. and they sacrificed the architecture and interesting technology for the sake of that. which is unforgiveable. but i also love how committed they are to it, even tho it sacrifices the quality so much.

okay, so i really like hitomi. a relatively minor character in the film though i hear she plays a bigger role in the manga. she's lovely, she's a star.

also, the robot/mech designs are clearly where the effort was put in. they are pleasing.

the dubbing is awful and sometimes hilarious but it's kinda underacted and that's the opposite of what i want from a dub.

okay, so basically this film is trash. it has gore, which is cool. it also manages some of the least fanservice i've ever seen in a film of this trash level - there is a shower scene implied but NOT SHOWN. pretty progressive for the time. i love this. it has swearing, it has corruption or something, it has complex baddies sort of.

if this has put you off, don't watch it. but if it sounds like it might be kinda amazing if you spend enough time with it, then watch it and be satisfied. it's not as bad as i make it sound, but oh god i mean every word of this review.

omg, right at the end, it totally looks like it's gonna devolve into a thelma and louise situation. amirite?

This has a similar premise to Pom Poko. That's why I watched it. I watched it to the end and enjoyed it just enough to be glad I watched it. I like how it has a forest full of animals, each with their own personalities specific to their species. It's very endearing. It's like getting a sneak preview as to what a forest of animals would be like if they could talk. You even get to see what domesticated animals are like in contrast, which is really interesting. Oh, and there's a faery of the forest, which appeals to me.

If that doesn't sound pretty interesting, ... I'd recommend giving this a miss. It isn't amazing or even that good but it is a cute kids' anime movie. It reminds me more of american cartoons than regular anime, which isn't really a good thing.

If you watch it, watch it until you see the forest animals interacting with each other, and then decide whether it's for you. From that point on, there's not long human scenes and there is plenty of animals interacting. There will be no surprises. You either like it enough to watch it by that point or you don't.

Angering.
If myanimelist let me, that would be the entirety of the review. Here's my old review:

This film left me annoyed, invigorated, frustrated and amazed.

This is about a boy getting love-powered psychic abilities and his journey as he discovers this, plays with this, discovers the consequences, and of course has to help the handful of other psychic warriors on Earth defeat a countless-galaxies-destroying being. I found myself really enjoying and relating, not only to his journey, but to a few other characters. Until the last third. Oh god what did I just see.

I have mixed feelings about this anime, but they're mostly a mixture of good ... things. At first it seemed awful, then it seemed so bad it was good. The visuals fluctuate from excellent and lavish to pretty appalling - there is a lot to like here. The plot initially seems awful and it is. It goes out of its way to be awful around the last third. It's still watchable, but it's mostly coasting off goodwill earnt in the middle and pretty visuals.

Who the hell is the character at the start is a fair question. Where the hell did nearly all the cast go in the last third and how much time has elapsed just after that and how has what appears to have happened happened at that point? THESE ARE ALL FAIR QUESTIONS. But I don't begrudge it because it's amusing. But seriously, it managed to endear me to a large cast and then changed most of the cast very suddenly, which was unsatisfying and confusing.

The dubbing is awful, but for this kind of movie that's not really a bad thing. I honestly don't want someone telling me with convincing emotion that the psychic abilities are powered by love. I want to enjoy how explicitly hammy that premise is.

This feels like it's set in a similar world to Dragonball Z, but the comedy is unintentional coz it takes itself much more seriously... which can be really interesting at times. What would you really do if you got psychic powers? It makes you wonder that and I love this movie for helping me explore that.

I love this movie. I think. Don't expect much and it'll be a good fun ride in ways it didn't often intend.

If you want a drinking game, trying taking a shot every time someone catches someone else.

Please do message me if this review made your life significantly better or worse!

Trashy 80s action! Relentlessly visually innovative! Fun to laugh at!

Golgo 13 is the longest running manga ever, super well known in Japan. He's an assassin who tends to kill people in impossibly skillful and unpredictable ways, usually with just one shot, he's the ultimate sex machine even though he barely moves during the deed and keeps the same stern expression he always has... which is hilarious. Especially because of those trademark colossal stern eyebrows. He's cool. Too cool. Emotionless, meticulous, unchanging and amoral. He's the hyper masculine ideal. His codename is Golgo 13 but the name he goes by from day to day is Duke ... Togo, which seemingly everyone knows, kinda defeating the point of a fake name. Heh.

Anyway, the point of Golgo 13 is that he is unchanging. He is a fact. Whilst it's great to see how he completes his jobs, the main point of Golgo 13 is the effect he has on other people. Take the main antagonist in this film - Golgo is unchanging and emotionless whilst this character is driven by sheer emotion provoked by Golgo's actions. This film will seem pretty disjointed if you don't know the basic premise - that the antagonist's son is killed by Golgo at the start of the film and as Golgo goes from job to job he is pursued by agents of the antagonist.

Know this. Golgo 13: The Professional has the most relentlessly innovative interesting visuals I've ever seen in an anime... Now, this is disputable, but I'd say more than even Mind Game. The sheer number of things they do with light is astonishing. ASTONISHING. The anime industry has adopted cgi which this was the first anime to use, and the postcard technique where animation turns into drawn stills was pioneered here. *CORRECTION - IT WASN'T, THE DIRECTOR USED THE POSTCARD TECHNIQUE A BUNCH IN HIS OTHER WORK APPARENTLY... MAYBE IT WAS POPULARISED HERE?* When the cgi comes, try to get into the mentality that you've never seen cgi in an anime before. It is awesome. I know it isn't awesome from our perspective, but just pretend that it's awesome and you'll have a blast.

This film is obsessed with reflections, presumably because the antagonist is the mirror image of Golgo, at least in the emotional department. It's a game in and of itself just to look out for the countless mirror-esque reflections shown onscreen. Whatever you do, DON'T MAKE IT A DRINKING GAME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

This is a great film to laugh at. The villainous Gold and Silver alone are worth the ticket price. All the villains are great fun.

The music is fantastic as well. Lots of smooth jazz and otherwise just perfect music to make everything seem oh so cool.

This is a truly special and unique anime. That being said, the other anime film and tv series are definitely worth a watch too if you like this, but don't expect the same level of visual innovation.

BE WARNED THERE IS A GRATUITOUS RAPE SCENE. IT FINISHES AND THEN A WHILE LATER IT COMES BACK TO IT. I'M SORRY IT'S A GREAT ANIME APART FROM THAT.

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Great 80s animation (yes it's 90s, but is very 80s)! Full on over the top cool cyberpunk action! Enjoyable swearing! Highly highly trashy! Enjoyable heavy rock soundtrack! Inventive architecture! Over the top dubbing! Stuffed full of attitude and one-liners! Excellent yet laughably bad!

If that sounds amazing, go watch now and have fun. Seriously, you can work out if this is for you from what I've just said. This is not a complicated anime. Go watch the UK dub now if it appeals.

3 cyber criminals in space prison (they literally call it that) are offered the chance to do dangerous police jobs in exchange for their ... sentences being shortened. If they fail, their hated boss will blow up the rings round their necks. Each episode focuses (not at all exclusively) on one of them. To give you a sense of how fun each character is, I have had each of them as my favourite at some time. First there's Sengoku, who is grumpy and very enjoyably foul mouthed. I fell for his profanity. Then there's Gogol, a huge man with amazing hacking skills and the most enjoyably hammy american accent possible. He goes with the flow, and I fell for his really nice personality... and the way he says 'cocksuckers' and calls people he hates 'limp dicks'. His swearing is less frequent but it's probably the most pleasing. Then there's Benton. Oh Benton. He is a straight-talking cool femme guy with a razor wire for a weapon. He's just so femme. I'm down with that. I'm very down with that. And the razor wire is very cool.

I like robots. Varsus, a sassy yet straight edged supporting robot character, is my 11th favourite fictional character of all time. You won't feel similarly, but just know that.

This is 80s trash at its coolest and best. The animation is very 80s, vaguely similar to Goku Midnight Eye and Golgo 13 The Professional (my favourite kind of animation). If this style of animation is your thing, you will love this. Upon the first watch you'll think the episodes get progressively worse, but for me rewatches reversed that. It is very cyberpunk, but for the most part on the trashy end of cyberpunk.

Watch the UK dub. It has riotous swearing, dubbing equal only to The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (good for very different reasons), and the UK version of the dub has a heavy rock soundtrack which fits the series perfectly.

Don't believe me about the swearing being enjoyable? 'Get lost. You wouldn't know a goddamn vampire if one jumped up and bit you on the end of your fucking dick.' It's all like this - just lots of unnecessary swearing. It's beautiful. Not convinced? Right. Watch the second episode - there's a pun off. If I haven't enthused you, probably don't watch this.

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I love trashy 80s anime about hyper masculine crap such as cars. It's silly trashy fun. The dub in this is beautifully bad purely because the main character who has a very enjoyably tricked out car has zero charisma. The dubbing of Percy, his arch rival, is a riot though. Percy is the over the top police detective obsessed with catching our hero, The Road Buster!!! The Road Buster (aka - Bean Bandit) does criminal underworld driving jobs and trashes many police cars every time. This anime has a strong sense of fun to it. Percy is especially fun, but take time to enjoy the ... ridiculous things Bean does, like the taser bit, or the drinking coffee from the coffee machine (if my memory serves correctly). Express disbelief! That's all in the fun of this show.

The car chases and stuff are fun. There's even a mission impossible vibe with one aspect of the anime, which is great fun because it's so ridiculous.

The plot is weak but it serves its purpose well. One link in it is especially difficult to go along with. But whatever. It's 45 minutes, so I'm happy they cut out the crap and go straight to the good stuff - the action! Come to think of it, there's one point at the end where a brand new baddie turns up declaring that they're 'desperate enough at this stage' and its like, who the hell are you?

This anime gets ridiculous at the end. Roll with it. Understand that this was meant to be the pilot for a series, so presumably it had justifications for the direction it goes in. Sit back and enjoy. Seriously, just roll with it. It is what it is.

There's a bit of partner abuse and lolita-ish stuff thrown in there. So, beware if these are things that put you off.

That aside, my recommendation is to watch this being aware that it sucks, but it very enjoyably sucks and actually on its own terms totally doesn't suck. HAVE MUCH FUN.

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I went into this expecting robots, examination of the robot condition and a predictable plot. I did not get that. I therefore did not appreciate it until I was told that what this OVA is about is the setting.

The setting is visually striking - the rich are living in a city called Zalem high above Scrap Iron City (which is basically Zalem's dumping ground). This is set in Scrap Iron City. This story is about the effect that Zalem has on the people of this policeless city. Look out for the hints people give about what they think of the people around them, because not ... only is this central to the plot, but it's central to their characterisation.

The characterisation here is phenomenal for a 55 minute OVA. Utterly phenomenal. Many characters get an unpredictable arc, almost as if they're actual people! They have conflicting motivations, etc, etc, etc. It's great. Apart from the odd character who is all about violence, this is incredibly done. It's the whole point of the OVA. The vulnerability of the characters is amazing. The determination of them is so believable.

I also love how this is set in a place where cyborgs are incredibly common - robotic body parts are the norm. If you love cyberpunk, as I do, this is a very neat touch and permeates the entire OVA.

There is also romance in this, sort of. I appreciate that it tries to do it realistically and consistently with the characters. Whatever. The action is also fine. Plenty of fun gore.

With all this in mind, you should have a blast watching this. Enjoy!

THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND WHEN WATCHING BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT AWARE OF THEM YOU COULD VERY VERY VERY EASILY MISS THEM
- Remember it when they warn of someone going around stealing girl's brains and people's spines. I kinda missed it the first two times I watched this, but they do totally come back to that. And it's totally relevant.
- Gally is a human/cyborg. All humanoid beings in this OVA appear to have human brains.
- At one point they show a gladiator announcer on tv mention the name of a top fighter who has disappeared. Remember that name.

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This movie cost a huge amount to make and it shows... if you watch the proper 42 mins longer version which is sadly only available subbed. It gets panned by anime viewers but I can only assume most of them have only seen the dub. Odin was planned as the first in a trilogy so there are questions left unanswered, but considering this the film feels very self contained apart from one strand.

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WHY THE 2 HOURS 19 MINUTES VERSION IS WONDROUS

The film starts off with a sequence that sets the tone for ... the whole movie. This is a film about exploration and discovering the unknown. This is a film about the excitement and significance of being an explorer. (there is then a long scene where people run a lot which you'll just kinda have to accept is going to take the duration of a whole song to do :P) Space anime reliably leaves me cold, but this was an exception.

The music is mostly by some japanese glam rock band who have a great theme tune called Searching For Odin. The music really adds a sense of dramaticness to the proceedings which is just perfect.

The visuals are where this film really shines – they make the ship stunning and the things that are discovered really interesting because plenty of care has gone into making their design wondrous.

Anyway, this film is an experience. It has a plot which has some good twists and turns, and you very much feel like you're one of the crew members experiencing everything as they are, with the same sense of being in the dark and discovering things for the first time ever as they have. The slow pace really helps build up the excitement of these things and the pay off is usually well worth the wait and made all the sweeter by it as you go through the emotions of anticipation and unknowing along with the rest of the crew.

Characterisation is this film's weakest point. In the rare instances there is characterisation, it's cliched. It's a good thing this film isn't about the characters but rather the voyage.

The end credits are the most entertaining end credits I've ever seen. By miles. I won't spoil it but wow it pays off the whole film so well in such an unexpected and hilarious way.

There is one element which is totally not sufficiently explained and I can only presume was intended to be explained in the sequels that never were... but whatever. I love this film, it is really really unique. There's a lot of people pushing buttons, which sounds boring but it somehow pulls it off because you know that every push of a button gets you closer to finding out more.

WHY THE 97 MINUTE DUB IS AN ABOMINATION

I just watched this version expecting a more punchy version of this fantastic film. I can only presume that whoever is behind this dub hated the original because they've changed the film so much.

The voices are actually pretty good compared to the original for the most part, and dialogue has been made better... sort of. But the film never takes a breath or any time to build up – all such things have been purged. FORTY TWO WHOLE MINUTES WERE REMOVED. The dialogue which they have is sometimes more engaging in the moment but makes you more disconnected from what's going on because the dialogue bits were never intended to be the focus of the film so when squished together they often just feel a bit disjointed, sudden and distracting to the plot.

The new more engaging dialogue is easier to understand and makes everything a lot more clear which would usually be a great thing and I understand why they did it, but for some reason it feels like it robs one of the experience of being on a historically significant voyage where no one is too sure of anything. I love things being spelled out so it's cool to have the dub doing that, but it just steals from the experience of the film. This film was about 'what will they do next?' but it has been changed to making the viewer ask 'what happens next?' I know it sounds like an insignificant distinction, but in the original you really feel yourself as part of the crew and you're as in the dark as everyone else as to what's going on or what will happen next. In the dub things move along at quite a rate so you're never left wondering anything coz it never gives you time to think. This film is now about experiencing the plot and people's interactions rather than the experience of a voyage, so in this new form it fails because it was not designed this way

The once incredible visual effects this time left me flat in this because of the lack of build up, which was a big surprise to me. From what I can tell they came up with new sound effects, which also contributed to the visuals seeming rubbish because the sound effects were brash and over the top.

I did not enjoy the dub. It was a weak, confusing and boring film. It somehow managed to even take the visuals and make them not work.