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It's faster! It's prettier! It's sexier! It's (Not) Eva!

Ahem...

While Eva 1.0 was rather faithful to the NGE series, adding a bit here and there (but also taking out a whole butt-load of gold, GOLD I SAY), and giving the first arc a fresh coat of paint, Eva 2.0 acts as a bizzaro-world version of the second third of the show. But that's just the beginning. Let's dive into this thing.

Who's your favorite Eva character?

Is it Asuka? What did you like about her? Her plunge from confident love interest to jealous rival to fractured soul? Her eventual "redemption" cumulating in one of the greatest (and most ... heartbreaking) action scenes in animation history in End of Evangelion?

Or was it her boobs? Maybe her butt? IS IT HER FOURTEEN YEAR OLD BUTT?

Is it Ritsuko? Just kidding, it's obviously not Ritsuko. But did you like her? Did you enjoy discovering the truth behind her mysterious link to Rei and Gendo? Did her realizations concerning her love interest, her mother, and her place in NERV affect you on an emotional level? What about her unraveling friendship with Misato? Well, eh...she's in this...somewhere. You just have to look for her. You blinked? Oops! Sorry, she's gone.

Is it Misato? Misato's here, and yay! She's kinda sorta the Misato we know and love! Oh...you liked the slice of life moments she shared with Shinji? That awkward dynamic they had? Two lonely people who can't connect with one another trying their hardest and failing? Maybe her complicated romance with Ryouji? Yeesh, sorry. Check out Netflix for that stuff cause it's not here.

Wouldn't you prefer robots though? Lots and lots of robots? How about some 3D aliens? They blow things up! It's SOOO COOOOL! And guess what!? Remember Shinji? The little anime boy who couldn't? Now he can! He's just like every other anime mecha pilot! Sure, here and there you might get a glimpse of the old, whiny, sad-boy Shinji (yuck, amiright?), but don't worry! Now he's what you always wanted him to be! Get in the robot, Shinji! HAI!

That's STILL not enough for you? Not enough robots? Not enough (underaged) T&A?

HEREEEEEEEE'S MARI!

Have I...broken some sort of sarcasm meter yet? Here's the REAL review: Eva 2.0 pushes Evangelion even further toward mindless spectacle, a cynical toy commercial, a big boy anime for people who like anime, a fun summer movie for otakus. This is Disney Star Wars before Disney Star Wars. It punishes you, both for being a fan of the original series, and for not having seen the original series. It's meta; self-referential to the determent of the plot. It mistakes opaqueness for brevity, the cinematic equivalent of TLDR. It's Yoda doing flips, dwarves and elves living together, mass hysteria. It's Anno's revenge, and I hate it.

(Rei sure is cute in it though.)

Junji Ito isn't a great writer. He's excellent at monster design, and drawing strange, gross creatures and gore, but his characters are often flat, boring, and interchangeable. They're just a means to an end, a literary device, a blank slate for the reader to relate to. Their only purpose is to get spooked by the strange, gross creatures Ito is obviously far more interested in.

No Longer Human is an excellent, character driven novel about one man's decent into decadence. Its horror (if you can even call it that) is internalized. A man slowly self-destructs due to addiction, mental illness, and his own nihilism. It's a ... work of great subtlety and beauty.

Junji Ito's No Longer Human tells a very similar tale, but with many changes that drain the story of both its meaning and nuance. It is externalized horror, because that is all Junji Ito can do. The chapters are episodic, and usually end in a blood bath. I'd estimate that 9 out of 10 indistinct, interchangeable women we meet in this book die horribly within 2 chapters of their introduction. Our drug addled, alcoholic, socially awkward main character is so handsome that he drives every woman (and even some men) he meets to suicide. Yup, it's Tomie all over again.

Why? Why is Ito jumping on the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies band wagon years after that was a thing? Why take a novel about a very personal breakdown and turn it into a manga about...I don't even know. Scary suicide corpses?

In short, Ito sucks at character work, and No Longer Human is a character study. He tries his damnedest to mold it into something scary, but instead we're left with Ito's least imaginative art, and a shallow husk of a story. It's like those old, "spooky" covers Marilyn Manson used to do, classic songs turned into something you might listen to on Halloween for a laugh.

Happiness' first few volumes are great; Aku no Hana with vampires, what's not to like? Unfortunately, things spiral out of control pretty quickly, as this spooky Let the Right One In-esque romance-horror becomes a Tokyo Ghoul/Ajin wannabe around chapter 15 or so. We're left with 35 chapters of shady government agencies, cultists, a villain straight out of a Dean Koontz bargain bin book, two semi-interesting characters getting sidelined for what feels like forever, one uninteresting character getting mutilated for what feels like forever, and time skips. Lots and lots of time skips.

It's all so...typical. A damn shame considering the manga's early promise and the ... mangaka's track record for non-commercial weirdness. I guess if there's a lesson to be learned it's this: selling out may lead to large amounts of cash, women and fame, but you're gonna get a lukewarm internet review from an unemployed thirty year old who still reads comic books, and to win him back you'll have to write incest-horror (see the excellent Chi no Wadachi).

A final note: the art is fantastic. Just look at that cover. There's also quite a bit of Van Gogh and Edvard Munch inspired panels scattered throughout. Alas, the rest of the material is not nearly up to the art's high standard; you're probably better off doing a google image search for the best bits and skipping the rest.

Watching FLCL Progressive is like going to see a band you loved in high school on their reunion tour. They play some of the hits you remember, but a lot of the concert is new songs from their comeback album, and yeah, the songs definitely sound like they’re by the same band, but they’re missing that magic from back in the day. At its worst the new stuff sounds like the band was on autopilot, like music created for the sole purpose of having something to sell on tour.

The singer, bald now, struggling to fit into those tight leather pants from his youth, can’t ... quite hit the high notes anymore. The bass player refused to join in on the reunion, citing a lack of artistic integrity within the rest of the group, going so far as to say they’re “only in it for the money”. The guitarist, who long ago forsook his experimental, roughshod roots for a poppier, more mainstream sound, strains to recreate his past. He looks bored, as if he’s only going through the motions. The drummer, of course, died in 2004 and was replaced.

The concert ends with the band’s biggest hit, played without flourish, sounding just like it does on the radio. The lights come on, and for the first time you notice the rest of the crowd – they’re all so young, and you’re a bit embarrassed. You leave the venue, and on the drive home you reach for that old CD, the one you fell in love with almost two decades ago.

You turn it off before the first song ends.

It just isn’t the same. In fact, it’s an entirely different album from the one you loved so much just 2 hours before. You question what you liked about it in the first place, and you think “maybe it’s not the band that’s changed, maybe it’s me”. One day, perhaps, you’ll find it - out of its case and scratched all to hell, sitting underneath your Nissan’s manual, crushed in the glove box with some napkins and half a pack of gum. Maybe when you throw it on some of that old magic will be there, and the embers of your love will reignite like a rising phoenix.

But maybe, you think, you ought to have left the past alone, and left your good memories as they were, memories. You keep driving, vowing not to taint the fond thoughts of your past any further. "There's no way I'll watch Alternative," you tell yourself.

An exploration of the importance of art disguised as a silly ecchi manga. This is an early work by Oshimi Shuuzo of Aku no Hana fame, and it contains many of the themes and tropes (and even a character design) that continue to pop up in his manga to this day, i.e. obsession with art or a particular artist; an unhinged but attractive female corrupting a quiet, socially awkward male; perversion of all kinds; etc.

Avant-garde Yumeko isn't a good starting point for those new to this mangaka; it's too shallow and goofy to be representative of his more well known work, but it's an interesting ... read for fans looking to see how his style has developed and evolved over the years. There's also dicks and boobs! Yay!

This manga has the makings of a masterpiece, it's just a shame that it's (now and forever) unfinished. The story is gripping and exciting, the art is beautiful, and the world building is fascinating - all the ingredients necessary to leave a reader wanting more!

Unfortunately, we're left with half (a quarter? an eighth?) of a story, as Seraphim was abandoned over 20 years ago and one of its creators has since passed away. Still, it is most definitely worth picking up, especially for fans of Mamoru Ishii and Satoshi Kon, or those interested in abandoned art with an interesting history behind it (which is covered ... in depth in the English language edition's afterword).

A strange, wonderful film that simultaneously acts as an R-rated, fun house mirror summery of the series, and a parallel universe, End of Evangelion-esque sequel.

The art and animation is excellent, with unexpected, dynamic uses of colour splashed all over the place. Adolescence of Utena also features some of the most amazing background art ever, courtesy of Shichiro Kobayashi.

The aspect of the film that throws most people (even fans of the show) for a loop is the narrative. The basic plot beats of the series are there to be sure, but condensed, amplified, and warped. Scene transitions occur at random, traditional linear storytelling is thrown out ... the window, and the last 10 minutes of the film have absolutely no precedent or context. It's pretty wild.

I don't think it's enough to justify Adolescence of Utena's reputation as a purposely obtuse mindf*ck of a film however, as the plot works as both a yuri tinged, magical girl deconstructing teen melodrama, and a surreal metaphor for transitioning into adulthood.

That being said, I do think fans of Revolutionary Girl Utena (the series) will get the most out of the movie, as it does wrap up Utena's and Anthy's story in a way the show doesn't, and spending 39 episodes with the characters definitely increases the emotional impact of the film. It isn't entirely necessary though; as I said the plot isn't that tough to follow, and the art and animation alone are worth the price of admission.

A classic through and through, I can't really say enough good things about it. If you like risk-taking, experimental anime, check it out!

A Godzilla movie that doesn't know how to be a Godzilla movie.

This film has a lot in common with Polygon Pictures' last film, the disappointing Blame! adaptation. A whole lot of world building and exposition, some brief, sporadic action scenes involving nameless characters dying in bloodless battles, and then a big, pretty boss fight at the end filled with heroism, explosions and the word "BASTARD!" being yelled a lot.

Unfortunately, Godzilla doesn't really work as an action film the way Blame! (kinda, sorta, not really) does. The best Godzilla films are not action films, they're disaster films. It's fun to watch cities (usually Tokyo, which must ... have the record for number of filmed destructions by now) get torn down by a giant fire breathing lizard while humanity struggles to find a way to deal with it. The monster's defeat usually comes about via science and human ingenuity, because if you could just shoot at Godzilla and kill him, that would be pretty f*cking boring.

Godzilla: Monster Planet bypasses everything fun about Godzilla, and is indeed pretty f*cking boring. An under-prepared military team fights a weird, dog/lizard Godzilla-ish thing in a forest (eventually, after what seems like hours of exposition). No buildings to be torn down, no panicked evacuations, no hard choices by political leaders. Just a big, stationary monster to shoot at in the woods. It's videogamey, it's lame, it's what netflix thinks anime fans want (and maybe they're right :/).

I wasn't completely let down by the film though. The animation is decent if you can stomach Polygon's signature CGI, although there are some recycled shots and lazy mouth flapping scenes (you know, where the only thing animated is the mouth?), but overall it's a pleasant film from a visual standpoint. It's also tough not to get hyped when you hear the old-school Godzilla roar. It means sh*t is about to hit the fan, and you better be ready, even if in this case sh*t hitting the fan is just Sergeant No Name and Lieutenant Tough Guy blowing up on their hover bikes because they can't dodge Dogzilla's slow ass laser beam.

So yeah, long story long this movie kind of sucks. It's disheartening to see Polygon Pictures blow another big chance at making a decent adaption of a great brand, but what can you do? When Netflix is footing the bill you gotta shill, shill, shill.

Coming soon: Mecha Godzilla vs. the Hikers from Mars.

Years. For years I had an idyllic vision of how Knights of Sidonia would end. Heroic sacrifices, ruminations on loss, heartbreak, and the futility of a never ending battle, an epic, possibly tear-jerking conclusion to Sidonia's story.

But no.

Knights of Sidonia might have the most disappointing ending in all of manga. Characters arcs are thrown in the trash; plot lines come crashing down in flames. Carefully cultivated motifs that run throughout the entirety of the first 2/3rds of the manga are jettisoned in favor of a long, hard to follow action scene and a generic boss battle. Then, tragedy. We're subjected to the most sugary, cop-out, ... series ruining ending ever. The last 10 chapters reduce Knights of Sidonia to a mediocre manga. The last 10 pages reduce it to a dumpster fire. I...didn't understand. Did Nihei lose interest in the series as time went on? Was he told he had 6 days to complete the last 30 chapters? WHAT HAPPENED?

I usually loath reviews that try to utilize some sort of math or algorithm for the score, but I just can't resist it this time: Knights of Sidonia Chapters 1 through to whenever that dumb robot randomly shows up for no reason - 9 out of 10. Knights of Sidonia dumb robot through to opaque, tensionless action scene - 6 out of 10. Knights of Sidonia ending - 1 out of 10.

16/30=0.533X10=5.33.

For nostalgia's sake I think this is a fair score. I see now that my dreams of a 3rd season were woefully misguided.

Yikes. This is probably the silliest user score I've seen on all of MAL. Feelings of Mountains and Waters is an important, masterful film, and it deserves much higher than a 6. Regardless, on to the review.

One of the most beautiful short films ever, Feelings of Mountains and Waters is like a painting come to life. Themes the film explores include the majesty of nature, the wonder of music, the love between a master and an apprentice, and death, all in a completely dialogue free 18 minutes.

Some films just speak for themselves and don't lend themselves very well to review, this is definitely ... one of them. It's easy to track down and there aren't any language or age restrictions, so I suggest you just watch it and experience it for yourself.