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Oh, mon Dieu. Where do I even begin with this… travesty?

When Reincarnation Goes Wrong… Very Wrong

Two stars. A generous two, mind you. One for the concept, which, I suppose, possesses a certain… grotesque novelty. Reborn… as a vending machine? In a dungeon? The sheer lack of aesthetic sensibility is enough to make my exquisitely painted nails chip in horror!

The protagonist, this… metallic monstrosity, spends its days dispensing lukewarm beverages and questionable snacks to… adventurers. Adventurers! Imagine the lack of style! The utter banality! Where is the flowing fabric? The artfully distressed leather? The gleaming weaponry crafted with an eye for beauty as well as function? ... Gone! Replaced by the clink and whir of a soulless automaton.

And the dungeon! Oh, the absolute drabness! Muddy floors, damp walls, creatures that are more repulsive than fear-inducing. Where is the dramatic lighting? The strategically placed ornamentation? The echoes that whisper tales of forgotten grandeur? Utterly absent! It’s a visual wasteland, a testament to the universe’s capacity for truly hideous design.

The narrative, if one can even call it that, is as stimulating as lukewarm tap water. The vending machine… vends. It occasionally has internal monologues that are about as insightful as a discarded candy wrapper. The interactions with the dungeon denizens are… utilitarian. Where is the passion? The drama? The longing gazes and witty repartee that elevate existence beyond mere sustenance?

Honestly, darling, the entire premise is an insult to the very notion of reincarnation. To be reborn is to be given a new canvas upon which to paint a masterpiece of existence! To be a vending machine… it’s like being condemned to an eternity of dispensing mediocrity. It lacks soul. It lacks flair. It lacks the very essence of what makes life, and indeed, the afterlife, worth experiencing with panache!

Avoid this… thing. It is a blight upon the landscape of imagination. Go and admire a perfectly bloomed rose instead. It will be a far more enriching experience, trust me.