Oct 24, 2008
First let me start off by saying that I am judging this anime the same way I would any modern anime. I feel it is important to hold an anime up to the standards of the time. It is possible for movie’s to hold up over time, just look at Wizard of Oz. Anyway, on with the review!
Synopsis:
President Gattler orders the Emperor’s death, along with all the scientists working on a way to revitalize the planet they are currently living on. Instead Gattler is going to take 100 million people to another planet to live, even though the scientists are on
...
the brink of finding a way to save the planet. The protagonist, Marin Reagan, finds his father has been killed, who manages to get up seconds later, shoving his son into an escape hatch big enough to hold 100 people. But of course he decides to stay behind, because he is an idiot. They somehow find earth about 2 minutes into their search of a new planet (I say 2 minutes because all the same people are in charge and no one has aged a day). So Earth and the new people are fighting, recruit Marin who somehow got to earth as well, this is cleverly shown by having the shop he is on spin. (Ah, the old “Spin Technique”, how you have managed to start to many plots by spinning around and around.) Anyway, after crying like a bitch when he sees the blue sky, he teams up with Bimbo Slut, Black Dude*, and White Afro. Together they form Team Ridiculous. They also meet David later who seems to have a strong infatuation for Marin. You can feel the sexual tension is strong with them, but damn Bimbo Slut manages to ruin everything by always showing up at the perfect time so nothing happens. We also get to see Aphrowhore (the sister of the dude that “killed” Marin’s father) have some moment with the President. She goes to bed after showing her loyalty to the man, and we learn that her parents died and the President took her in as a child, and Marin appears in her dream. (Dum Dum Dummm! The plot thickens!) After an intense car, space, airplane, dog fight, thing, Marin is confronted by a man sent by the President himself! He tries to persuade him to join the dark side, and after some yelling and screaming he does what Luke should have done. Said “Meh, why not?” and goes along. This is when the story gets good! Elevator music begins to play as we go to meet the President. They meet eyes, gazing into each others souls. Each admires the others beauty, yearning for the other, knowing it could never be. Aphrowhore interrupts the two, slapping Marin, already knowing that the writer is going to force her to have sex with him later. So then some important people, but no one that we care about appear on the screen. I pressed to hit fast-forward, and get up to get myself a drink, hoping by the time I come back the movie is over. After effectively shaving off 10 minutes of the movie I find our hero running from pink laser beams. I can only assume he was found sleeping with the President’s Aid, causing him to be infuriated and forcing Marin to run, and in the process kill as many guards as he can. I turned out to be wrong, as he goes to the President’s office to settle things. Aphrowhore throws herself into the President’s pants, but before she gets there to fulfill a lifetime of wishes, Marin grabs her, whisking her off to safety (I don’t know either alright, just go with it). They crash (good job moron) and some more people do some things that are probably important to something in the story but I just stopped caring at this point. Some explosions go off, ice caps begin to melt, polar bears die (no I am serious about this part, its in the movie), rocks explode into unsuspecting people, cities flood, omg the pyramids just got swept away by a tsunami. Maybe this movie ain’t so bad after all. Bimbo Slut gets a call from her dad, who doesn’t really say anything important, then dies, she cries, and the cake is a lie. Sorry, back to the story. More tsunamis. And somehow the tsunami busts through the metal walls that looked like they were made to withstand explosions. Marin and Aphrowhore are back. No idea how they got into the metal building or ship they are in. I saw them crash-land. Some music video begins to play, I fastforward. Looks like Marin is the man of her dreams! Literally. And it seems anytime she remembers Marin being a kind lover, flowers appear and the President gets pissed, killing babies in the process. She wakes up, decides to kill Marin. Well, she actually didn’t, but I like to think she did. So she kills Marin. Goes back to the President, kills him. “Why!” the president asks. “Because you killed my father!”. With his dying breath “No, Aphrowhore. I am your father!” The End.
Art:
It’s pretty terrible in today’s terms. For 1980, I am guessing pretty damn good. But don’t expect anything different than what you have seen in TV shows of anime for this time period.
Sound:
I am pretty sure the sound is Mono, and all the ships that fly sound like someone has a full time job in the engine saying “Tshew!” when they fly past. Even the music they use is inappropriate for situations. Sometimes its not so bad, but other times you just can’t help but wonder if whoever setup the score was watching something else at the time.
Character:
Now the characters in this anime aren’t that bad. This is actually the most redeeming quality of the entire anime. I only found the Bimbo Slut to be the only annoying one. Many of the characters we have all seen before and are nothing new, but that turns out to be a good thing in my opinion.
Enjoyment:
Okay, this is where it gets confusing. Although I completely hated the plot for a good hour and a half, it did seem to get better near the end. The story was not completely unoriginal (even though I am sure it was new for the time), and it still held my attention for a good majority (given I was writing that synopsis while I watched it to help me). I still managed to enjoy a lot about what I saw.
Overall:
Not for everyone. If you grew up on 80’s anime, and love to watch the original idea of over used concepts now days, then I am sure you will love this anime. If you are younger and really only focus on the new stuff, but enjoyed Akira, thinking if maybe this one could be good, it is not. It probably isn’t even fair to lump Akira into the same category as this movie. If you are looking for a decent Mecha anime, from the 1980’s, that is no longer original, than this would be a good choice, but at the same time I doubt someone like that is out there.
One last thing, to be fair. My synopsis is not an accurate representation of what this movie is about. I only wrote it to help me get through it.
*He isn’t actually Black, I just like to think of him as that.
Reviewer’s Rating: 3
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