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If you only have about an hour and a half to watch anything in the world, I would recommend Guy Ritchie's seminal comedy, Snatch. Make sure you catch the movie and not the terrible series that sought to be a spiritual successor. If you only had about an hour and a half to watch any anime in the world, though, I'd suggest Garzey's Wing.

Why?
Well, M.D. Geist Director's cut only has a runtime of 50 minutes so you'd only get to see the first episode of Garzey's Wing if you did that.

Let's just get into the weeds of it; Garzey's Wing is phenomenal.
Some people might ... insist the plot is meandering nonsense that goes nowhere; this is absolutely false. Garzey's Wing is an incredibly important part of the Byston Well Cinematic Universe--but even divorced from the context Aura Battler Dunbine, Garzey's Wing serves as a beautiful and gripping introduction to the world of Byston Well. If you aren't aware of what's happening in the larger plot, you might be willing to call the events of Garzey's Wing 'confusing' or 'pointless' and deride the OVA for that. This would be a mistake, as the protagonist's plight sees his whole world similarly turned upside down. If the purpose of the Isekai is to transport us to another world, Garzey's Wing has us in Chris' shoes, Amato Takeru no Mikoto and all.

There are people who will insist you watch the English Dub and that it will be more entertaining that way. This is correct. Do this.

Really, though, if Garzey's Wing has any true misstep, it's that it starts a bit too strong and ends on a rather baffling flat note. Ain't that just the way, though? Aura Battler Dunbine posits that war will only end when there are no more warriors; Garzey's Wing goes one step further in embodying Tomino's philosophy of War being a cyclical act that, in this case, literally draws children and is an inevitable human inclination. Chris is spirit-jacked into this wild conflict--no matter the era, humans will be at war. Even dinosaurs are involved. Give it a watch, especially if you've only got about an hour and a half to blow. The worst thing that can happen is you don't like it and then you can at least feel some solidarity with every other boring person who collectively rated this great time as a 4/10 experience.

This is a review of the 26 episode first season of Demon Slayer--I have not yet watched the rest of the series. This is the take-away from those first 26 episodes:

Demon Slayer is all the best and worst things about shonen anime.

Eye-catching character designs are spent on a too-large cast of one-note bit players.

An interesting main antagonist is introduced too early, undercutting all of the stepping stones that lead up to him.

Lesser antagonists have uniquely interesting abilities and exist wholly within the incident in which they are introduced so that they can be defeated and then given a flashback scene to retroactively attempt depth.

Worldbuilding is ... evocative with a compelling setting that proceeds to be unexplored and filled with sloppily written one-off details like some humans happening to be equivalent to a hundred humans for a demon's diet.

The main character speaks in triumphant absolutes that sound very cool and defiant despite them often being self evident--Yes, Tanjiro, the human-devouring murder demon is bad and, as you connect your finishing attack, you absolutely won't let them keep hurting people.

Characters are juxtaposed to each other to highlight their strengths and flaws--even if it means some characters have to be very obnoxious as a foil to our even-tempered protagonist or others have to repeatedly stab his innocent sister to show how unflinchingly violent they are compared to our moral goodboy protagonist.

The main appeal of the work is creating flashy, dramatic combat sequences that are visually impressive; without fail the structure of every fight is that a protagonist will use an over-the-top technique to defeat the demon that has been hounding them, even if this means having to stumble head-first into techniques and wins that feel unearned and, ultimately, undermine the already low-stakes monster-of-the-week struggle.

Comedic gags are hit-or-miss, often physical gaffes or a character over-reacting to something.

Dialogue is straightforward and motivated by the scene at hand, characters have strong voices that reflect their extreme personalities; dialogue is almost never natural and fails to humanize the characters as a result.

All in all, it'd be easy to write Demon Slayer off as derivative--it's borrowing a lot of both the best and the worst elements of many of its predecessors. Despite having some captivating original elements, Demon Slayer never quite elevates itself above being aggressively genre-standard. That's alright, though. If this is the kind of show you want to watch, it delivers well enough. If you don't like this kind of anime, you're not going to like it. It likely makes a good starting point for someone interested in the Shonen genre, as it is an enjoyable representative and any singular element can be traced to a series that's handled that element better.

B-b-back that ass up, it's time for a slammin' review. Do you remember that one time when you thought maybe your whole life was a conspiracy and everyone was just figments of your imagination or constructs of a cynical reality that you'd built up in your head? What, you mean you don't recall all those times where it felt like you were just on the cusp of realizing some greater truth before being pulled back into the mundane tedium that is day-to-day life? WELL GET READY TO FEEL THAT WAY, BECAUSE YOU'RE WATCHING BLOOD-C.


1. THE STORY: Woah trick you better step off if you think ... you know what's going on in this damn show. This isn't for entry-level weaboos, so if you don't understand rhetorical tools like genre inversion and narrative dissonance, go back to sucking your thumb and watching Dragon Ball Z or Doraemon or some shit. For real though, I don't expect some scrubs to appreciate the thickly woven narrative that is Blood-C. Basically, the plot of this shit is that Saya has to kill the monsters, which is the plot of every damn "Blood" anime so get used to that shit. However, due to the genre inversions and other tools at work, this show manages to be unique and fucking compelling. First of all, the show is done by CLAMP. Yeah, you know, the shitlords who make anime like XXXholic, Card Captor Sakura, and Chobits. Now, you might be like, "Hold up I read that production IG--" and here's where I'm gonna cut your ass off. CLAMP did the story and character designs and pretty much was in control of everything but the animation itself because I guess CLAMP is too busy making dojinshi or some shit. Anyway, the whole point is that you go into the show thinking that it's some typically moe CLAMP bullshit, but it turns out that's the furthest thing from the truth--and this is fucking compelling because it's true for the characters in the show too. HNNNG I get so damn hard just thinking of how well played that shit is. I'm not gonna spoil the plot, but it's a damn 10/10 due to perfect pacing, foreshadowing, development, and themes at work.

2. THE ART: Look, I already covered why having CLAMP work on one of the most brutal titles ever is pretty much awesome, but there's a lot of shit going for this show in way of art. For instance, the agoraphobic and tense atmosphere that arises due to having such a colorful CLAMP town be fucking desolate is unsettling. Especially since it's like that in a load of anime, but it's given special attention here. Every time you start to take some typical bullshit anime approach to the art or direction of a scene, BLOOD-C kicks your damn teeth in for that shit and makes you hella noided. Now, I'm not gonna wax this bitch's shoes forever, because some of the fights are pretty slow paced, but that's just to accent the more fast paced ones. There's times when the animation is so damn fluid I want to tear my eyes out because goddamn I probably won't ever see anything more slick air on TV ever again. I HIGHLY STRESS getting the DVD or BLURAY version of this series, since they had to censor the Jesus out of it--and I mean, literally, Jesus shows up in one scene and you can't even see him in the TV version because of the pillar of light they put in to censor his lord and savior. On the real though, you'll miss monsters brutally destroying the face of everyone in a fifty mile radius, and that's pretty damn important to watch given the dichotomy I've explained earlier.

3. SOUND: If that intro doesn't get you pumped to watch this show, nothing will. DESPAIR IS THE ONLY TRUTH YOU'VE GOT, BRO. Aside from that ass-kicking intro, there's also a pretty damn good soundtrack to go with this animation magnum opus from CLAMP and IG, but I don't even need to tell you to listen to it--just watch the damn show. So many times are unsettling tracks put alongside routine life that you start to feel that no one is comfortable living in this damn town. It's well done, because it establishes thematic elements at play without having to flat out tell you shit. If you're so dense that you don't get what's going on in the plot by episode 9, you probably need to wash the wax out your ears and turn up the sound, because the damn soundtrack brings you places you wouldn't go to otherwise.

4. CHARACTER: Look, I'm not trying to spoil this shit, but the characters in this show are fuckin' perfectly done, given how it unfolds. Everyone's a seemingly flat anime bullshit stereotype and that's the damn point. The show itself parodies the state of the industry in its macabre dance of insane bloodshed and narrative dissonance. Within a twenty-minute setting, you'll be listening to Nana hum out the most kawaii~ tune, and also see the character she voices cut down a monster twice her size, covered in its blood, after it murders half a dozen people. This isn't the same shit as those other wannabe shows like Mirai Nikki or Higurashi--the juxtaposition of violence and cuteness is done tastefully and purposefully in this show and isn't just there for random hijinks.

5. ENJOYMENT: Holy goose on the loose, I'd be lying if I say that this show doesn't get like a 15 for enjoyment. You'd have to dig up old fuckin' OVAs from the 90's to find something this brutal, and not to mention--there's so many clever and well played instances of foreshadowing that if you're scratching your head when big twists happen, you should be kicked in the dick. When the twists happen, the sensation is more akin to being slapped in the face by the same disembodied hand you've been staring at for the last three hours. Everything is there for you, and the show does an amazing job in its tedium and pacing to keep you involved and watching without giving up everything right away. The whole point is to not take things at face value, otherwise this'll just seem like a monster-of-the-week pandering show, which is exactly what the narrative itself defies in its existence. If you can't perceive narrative depth, then this isn't the fucking anime for you, but that's probably part of the creator's intent--to weed out the plebeians and reward the truly astute consumer of anime. In that regard, it is enjoyable in an entirely different way.

6. OVERALL: Hot damn, BLOOD-C doesn't fail to impress. It's attractive in so many ways, just like that girl who lives down the street that everyone really likes but no one will admit and you'll just keep telling yourself she's just some average chick--but you know the damn truth, man. Don't just let BLOOD-C get old without you, ask her out and enjoy your damn time together, even if you know it's gonna end on a movie-setup cliffhanger. Who gives a damn? She's worth it.

Aquarion is a 2000-era giant fighting robot series that may seem appealing, but fails to deliver in absolutely every aspect. This might be quite a broad judgment to make, but here’s to hoping that you read this review before consuming 26 episodes, which, like fast-food, may seem appealing but ultimately is both unsatisfying and terrible for you. If you’ve already forced yourself through the ordeal that is Aquarion, I can only hope that you take solace in the fact that there are other people who aren’t afraid to express how truly mediocre it is.


STORY: Aquarion’s story is overwrought with unnecessary narrative structure. Old shows that ... followed a similar formula (Mazinger, GoGaiGar, Gundam) simply opened a world to their audiences which the combat is justified and there’s an overarching goal to the conflict. In Aquarion, things like exposition are simply not included for the sake of more episodic shenanigans. The first episode establishes group called Shadow Angels harvesting humans for some nefarious reason, but it’s okay because there’s one oversized mech called Aquarion that was used 12,000 years ago to battle the Shadow Angels and now people that have supernatural powers can get into the various ships that fuse into the Aquarion and Apollo is one of the people who, despite being a savage, of course, is destined to pilot this ship because he’s (maybe) the reincarnation of a Shadow Angel named Apollonius who rebelled 12,000 years ago due to loving a human, who is reincarnated as a tsundere with a brother complex. If this doesn’t seem like an absolutely hamfisted and convoluted plot to introduce the show with, don’t worry. They don’t ever explain why. For most of the series, the audience is disregarded as the writers perform a rhetorical masturbation, only compounding the already absurd and senseless narrative with every character having an unrequited love for another character, a powerful wizard who’s only purpose is to deliver laughably cliché motivational lines, and other equally non-sequitur plot lines. This is a show that will introduce a 12,000 year old villain, establish that, despite his age, he’s still a kid, have him do nothing but murder and toy with humanity for his own amusement, kill him off 3 episodes later, and have everyone sulk about how significant his death is. The show is a culmination of nuanced single-episode arcs that introduce a conflict and have it resolved at the end of the episode so that the character who was experiencing said crisis can pilot the multi-colored super-mech and destroy the monster of the week. There’s never a sense of urgency, as Aquarion pretty much always beats up the bad guys and the bad guys always have more humans to harvest. Logic seems to be lost on this show, and rather than being an absolute embrace of the inane in order to make it into a narrative a la Gainax, Aquarion stagnates and never delivers. Sure, it’s cool when the Aquarion does the infinite punch. Then it does it every other episode, until it becomes just another boring move. That’s right, Aquarion is a show in which a giant mech infinitely expanding his fist to punch an enemy off the planet becomes boring.


ART: The animation quality here is laughably bad for a series animated in 2005. Characters just float around the scene, lips flapping. Story is told to you via men floating around upside down rather than shown visually, and it only ever comes off as pretentious. Where the series really becomes terrible, however, is the 3-D mecha. The majority of the enemy designs are so reused that you hardly ever even care about who they are fighting. Every attack seems to be ‘shoot energy at Aquarion’. Aquarion itself is a particularly laughable robot as well, as its mismatched color scheme is reminiscent of a Power Rangers fusion. The ‘unique’ fusions of the Aquarion boil down to palette-swaps and a different head, and, of course, a different weapon. However, this usually just comes down to if Aquarion’s going to shoot an arrow or if it’ll punch a guy, or maybe have a sword. The different forms really don’t evoke that much of a difference in the mech. Perhaps you could say that I’m expecting too much and that this is a mecha anime. Certainly, it is, and the story only exists to facilitate endless mecha fights. However, these fights are often in the same boring terrain and usually boil down to disgustingly rendered 3-D mechs flailing around until the intro theme plays and they shoot their ultimate attack at the enemy. The show isn’t afraid to re-use frame and it often does, although the animators can’t seem to agree on how some characters faces should even look most of the time. There’s one episode that toys with the notion of the animation in an interesting way, so you’ve got to give Aquarion that, at the very least.


SOUND: Where all else fails, Aquarion does manage to have an enjoyable soundtrack. Loud overtures will ring out in mecha fights and it’s pretty enjoyable to, at the least, listen to. The usual music that plays during social scenes isn’t that noteworthy or scene-setting, and, often, there is no track to accompany the dialogue. The series has an incredibly ill-placed ending theme considering the content of the series, but the introduction is just about as much of an ear-worm as you can find anywhere else. However, it seems like Aquarion is aware of this, and, of course, plays the intro theme every time the main characters are about to win a fight. The voice acting is done well enough, and, so, overall, the sound is solid, with a few memorable tracks.


CHARACTER: If you didn’t catch this from my diatribe on the narrative of the show, then I should say it now. All of the characters are terribly written. This isn’t to say they aren’t enjoyable. While every single character seems to only have one level of depth to them (Sirius is obsessed with being elegant, Pierre plays soccer and like women, Silvia has a brother complex, Apollo is a savage who has to fight the Shadow Angels because BARON, Rena is blind and just says cryptic lines, Reika is misfortunate) and a love interest that will go nowhere (trust me, this is worse than mainstay shonen), they can be fun and enjoyable from time to time. Sure, it’s poorly written, and don’t you expect any character development whatsoever, but you’ve got to enjoy Pierre fantasizing about women and kicking soccer balls or Commander Fudou shaking his fist and saying something about how the main characters have to be like three separate unbreakable arrows in order to defeat all foes. The show understands how inane the cast is, and there is even an episode where the character types are called into question and made fun of. If anything, Aquarion is aware of how one-dimensional of a cast it has, but it just doesn’t care. It’s literally that kid who fails every test he takes and laughs about the consequences, saying it doesn’t matter to him. Ultimately, the characters and their conflicts are laughable, and even Aquarion knows it.


ENJOYMENT: Despite the narrative pitfalls of Aquarion and its poorly choreographed battles, there is a charm to how pathetic and absurd it is. While you’ve got to wonder why the Shadow Angels even want to prolong their 12,000 years of sitting around in nebulous space, or how they didn’t just kill all the humans with their endless, unbeatable army of mecha and microscopic food-eating demons, these questions usually take a back seat when you come to understand that Aquarion just doesn’t care. The show constantly comes up with new gimmicks for the titular mech to perform, or more absurd episodic plot lines that are dropped and forgotten just as quickly as they become relevant. If you can’t enjoy characters performing a giant-mecha flaming soccer kick, or obviously pretentious characters spouting nonsensical rhetoric, then you just won’t enjoy the show. However, there’s fun to be found in the madness, even if there isn’t any significance to it all.


OVERALL: Aquarion is terrible. It knows it is terrible. It has in-show commentary on how terrible it is. As a Mecha, it falls flat on its face due to too many similar, boring fights. As a story, it bumbles along with an episodic pace, poorly written characters, and an absurd premise that doesn’t care to explain itself to the audience. As an anime, it brings nothing new to the medium. It is like a steamy fart—absolutely disgusting—but, perhaps, there’s something immature within you that’ll have you giggling at the act. It can be enjoyed, but you shouldn’t forget how much of it is absolute filth.

You've just had your lunch money stolen for the eighth time this week, your Dad's out on a 'business trip', and Rage Against the Machine isn't around for you to pour your angst into today. Welcome to the 90's, jerk face. Sit your ass down on that water-bed, slide this burnt VHS you got from Gerald on into the TV, and experience a journey into the most fantastic slice of storytelling gold since Tolkien, Lucas, and Henson got together to create Lord of The Star Labyrinth. Oh, they didn’t? TOO BAD MD GEIST TIME.

1. THE STORY: I’m not going to ruin anything for you, but ... Geist shrugs narrative structure of yesteryear because, well, it is too bad ass for that. Bam! People are dying! Bam! Welcome to Fist of the North Star minus ATATATATATA. Bam! Geist is naked, and you know he’s the hero, because he’s the hardest dude around.
See, MD Geist achieves something most anime can’t even dream of. Exposition is for the weak. You see Geist, and you know Geist. Appearances are what makes this, and you don’t need some family history to let you know anything, okay? The story is like an eight-course-meal when you only ordered seven. It’s so much, and all you can do is accept it, because, secretly, you wanted it all along. It comes naturally, and isn’t hard to stomach in the least.
Otherwise, Geist presents several glimpses at dystopian post-apocalypse society, questions the superficiality that the movie indoctrinates us to (OH, MIND BLOWN, RIGHT?), and even constructs masculinity in such a way that has us wondering at the end if our drive for power—which is greater than sex—will ultimately destroy us. Amazing. Potent. Far beyond what any moe~moe or typical shonen could hope to ever achieve.

2. THE ART: Not a single frame is wasted in the rich portrayal of Geist’s Most Dangerousocity. You see, back in the nineties/late eighties, there was this idea that people should look, well, like people, and tech should look like tech, and everything should be this detailed, amazing experience. This gave life a meaning, because you could take a break from the dreary ad nauseam of reality and escape into this believable, hyper-realistic, super-awesome world of beauty, blood, and intrigue. The designs for the robots, suits, weapons, and characters are so top-notch, well done, and just fun to see. It’s all like imagination made real, like what anime should aspire to. Nothing is left to imagination—Fire is fire. Blood is blood. Geist is a man. Bishoujos go home. As I mentioned earlier, the art even mirrors an ever present question throughout the plot: Nothing is what it seems. The Charismatic Hero? He’s actually Geist. The Scandalous Babe? She’s actually a weak woman, wishing only to be loved. See, characters are far more complex than what’s exterior, and the way that looks play into the plot mirrors the murkier aspects of society.

3. SOUND: Despite the dub of this being made of gold, I’m going to tell you to watch this subbed. Why? Norio Wakamoto is Geist, the most powerful man in the universe. If you don’t know Norio, well, he’s the most powerful seiyuu in the universe. But, hey, if that isn’t enough, this OVA also features the most inspiration, well-made tune in anything, ever. If you haven’t heard Merciless Soldier, time for infinite Youtube. Because you’ll want to listen to it more than once. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised that Norio got his voice from being inspired by that song.

4. CHARACTER: Geist is the Most Dangerous. I don’t need to say anything else. Honestly, if Char Aznable grew a pair and became the most dynamic wastelander with a purpose, you’d have a weakling version of Geist, who is, essentially, this dual character of Christ and the Antichrist. Reborn in flames, making this journey, purging the sinful… Think about it, man.

5. ENJOYMENT: There is not a single second of this that isn’t amazing. At one point, Geist guns out this robot’s window and stabs the pilot in the face. WITH A GRENADE ATTATCHED TO THE KNIFE! Hardcore doesn’t begin to describe what’s going on here. Every movement is so quick, so amazing, and so unlike the last. Geist’s journey becomes our own, and it’s an amazing adventure, allowing escape from the corrupt politics of the early 90’s and into a world where those same politics are shut up by a jack-knife to the face.

6. OVERALL: MD Geist is one of those rare masterpieces that manages to humbly whirl its fingers, sleep through class, and make a solid three-point-five GPA. Geist is a tearful journey through society itself, following what represents unlimited choices, ending in a way that’s never pandering to fans, never giving up on its true intent. If you’re tired of the tedium that is anime nowadays, or, heck, life nowadays, give MD Geist a go. It’ll flip turn upside down your entire forty minutes of life spent worshipping it with your eyeballs. At the least, it’ll transport you to those days of yore, where everything was simpler, strong men fought stronger men, and life was meant to be enjoyed.

Guitars, babes, saving the universe, hairmetal, and comedy--The Legend of Black Heaven is where it's at. Sure, it's an unrefined production effort that could be better, but it certainly stands out as a show that's worth watching at least once. After all, the series is only thirteen episodes and the pacing is fair enough that it could be finished in one or two sittings.

The bare plot of Black Heaven does leave something to be desired, though. Don't expect any great twists, deep characterization, or huge revelations. However, I feel, that's one of the coolest things working for the series. As a portrayal of the routine, ... usual life and diminishing dreams, it does well to stay away from those tropes and still be enjoyable.

What really sold the series to me, though, was the brilliant depiction of Japan's rock scene. The show reflects on the decline of what rock once was as well as the uprising of more contemporary music in an interesting way, manifested through the main character. In fact, Oji comes to personify a sort of social commentary on the Japanese, showing how easily dreams are deferred for a salary-man's job. Several times throughout the series, characters are nagged back into reality, leaving us with the question of what's more important. This all works to make the message of staying true to oneself and following up on your dreams even more potent.

My major gripe with the show is that, despite being a show focused on music, only a few songs are actually used throughout the duration of the anime. Sure, they're -cool- songs, but it'd be interesting and refreshing to hear something new in a show that's about rocking out.

All in all, the anime is worth the time invested. It's a somewhat ecchi and slow-paced show compared to others, so I wouldn't reccomend it for someone who hasn't seen many series. However, fans of late 90's/early 2000 era anime, music-nerds, and anyone who's up for a glimpse at a solid portrayal of Japanese society should enjoy this a good bit. What's there to lose? Go for it!