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Forget LoTR... because this here is the ultimate drinking game challenge! You see - the humble game, in spite of its ultimate purport, must not lay the player to ruin (read: on the floor) in the space of a few hours, for that would constitute a plain old piss-up - but neither can it overly entertain, at which point the undertaking is jeopardised through detraction. Kurau Phantom Memory is, as an unsuspecting anime fan might find out, the perfect tool for the job, with enough writing mishaps to fill an abandoned diamond mine and spanning what seems like four times the amount of airtime over ... what one would expect. From the very first episode the key "pint action" moments establish themselves and then continue to amplify in both magnitude and frequency as the episodes roll on. Something important but of trivial impact happens? Sip. A main character's name is uttered? Sip. Said character looks sad, pensive, cries or perhaps ventures to stare into the distance? Sip. Classy music sounds totally misplaced? Sip. Ending credits song starts playing an hour too early? Another sip. You get the point, so read on if you dare. Gulp.

Think Prison Break's arduous non-prison part with a sprinkling of Chrno Crusade devoid of any romance, with the entire affair dialled down to 0.11 (that's 0,11 if you are of European persuasion), and the picture is bleak. Granted, on the face of it Kurau stands as very much the opposite of a run-of-the-mill garbage title, yet at the same time in certain key aspects it manages to exhibit typical traits of said "genre", including long stretches of scenes devoid of any meaning or value, dirt poor animation where the opposite is expected, and general non-writing. Corners were sacrilegiously cut in places and the on-screen circus just won't leave town. Albeit it did bring flying people, I like that.

Main characters - Kurau and Kristmas, while well designed, are begging to be kicked into gear compelling them to, well, actually do something of interest to the viewer, whereas side characters tend to get treated rather atrociously in terms of writing (which on occasion also extends into their attire - gasp!) The in-world "agent" occupation which keeps our protagonists gainfully employed and moves some events along comes off as totally bogus. Similarly, a certain dramatic backstory coined for a supporting character just feels tacked on and unnecessary. On the rare occasion that an event occurs which seems to hint at character development (see page N: main characters assign fake names to each other), take a gulp of your favourite spirit because let me assure you such opportunities are few and far between, and to top it all off the culprit event fails to lead anywhere and dissipates as briefly as it materialised, never to be mentioned again. Like some kind of phantom memory, or something.

Speaking of action scenes, the spoiler here is that there is not much to spoil: said action starts off as mildly entertaining and then (uh-oh) follows the same path already trodden more times than there are episodes up to that point, with no lessons learned by the ensemble whatsoever eventually, and possibly even with some repeating cutscenes tossed in for good measure. A song called "Eternal Cycle Of Delusion", while not at all related to anime, very much encapsulates the events portrayed in this one, circling around the same point despite all the variation going on inside. I won't spoil the plot which is adequate, it admirably zips through an array of varied locations and covers plenty of ground as expected of 24 episodes. However, because the characters don't seem to be moving along with the events portrayed, an opposite effect is achieved and we end up questioning whether we too should be feeling moved in any direction whatsoever. At several points rather tragic happenings occur on a large scale, and had you been caught ogling your mucky pint glass at that precise moment, you'd be left more interested in the gravity of your beverage rather than that of the said event on screen. In order to resolve predicaments, plot armour condenses into thick layers of most handy protective sediment about as efficiently as the next squad of baddies gets deployed: one example being, a laser weapon goes from a long-cooldown cannon to a friggin' blaster in no time at all.

Ideas presented in Kurau are engaging and have plenty of potential still. I leave it to more capable reviewers to cover the symbolism of the series, whereas my personal outtake was that the duality and elusiveness of this mysterious (checks notes) Rynax hints at the principle of quantum entanglement between two particles, and the themes integrated become even more intriguing when one considers how some contemporary theories suggest that consciousness itself may in fact be a quantum process. Now, the good people of the Kurau universe are doing what they were born to do, including exploring the "forbidden" energy source, it's just that they do it in the usual, unregulated manner. Can't blame them for it though, because there really doesn't seem to be much else to chase, courtesy of the world-building no less. Not even a fishy red herring to keep us engaged.

Art is generally solid if a little plain, does the job without much pretence. The technology portrayed is admittedly interesting and well designed, of which certain elements unfortunately get shoved onto our screens time and time again in the same guise, with little tact or regard for the location of the proceedings or viewer engagement in general. On the upside, the show is uncharacteristically devoid of overdone facial expressions contorted with terror and anger, with only one example of such, and a totally random character at that. Which is unlike certain titles such as (points finger) AoT and Demon Slayer where every character looks terrified and terrifying at the same time, in any given frame without exception. The opening and ending songs attempt to establish this mellow, relaxed mood, yet everything that happens in between those two oft-repeated snippets finds itself on the intersection of the conflicted and the played down. There is a tournament scene which should've been action-packed and mighty spectacular, and surprise-surprise - it manages to fall flat. Overall tone is perplexing and fails to settle on anything definitive - which in fact prompted this review, thus I suppose it did what art is intended to do - namely to send the (re)viewer on a trail of ruinous ramblings and ruminations.

Overall I'd summarise Kurau as a diamond in the rough which, before all the cutting and polishing, still needs to be extracted from the surrounding rock - it's certainly there but requires some serious digging. It'd be worth the effort though - not just for the shiny sparkle, but because inside it holds a coveted NV centre that may someday help us to harness the power of that elusive quantum particle. But for now the only object* to see some polishing action will be the pint glass; remember to keep it half-full rather than half-empty, and you might just find some enjoyment in this series.

*Unless you click on that other "anime" bookmark of yours. Editor.