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-Spoiler free review, because I couldn't spoil this even if I wanted to-
With a title that slips out of ones mouth as smoothly as corroded razor blades, Lord El-Melloi II Case Files: Rail Zeppelin Grace Note is a mystery thriller attempting to follow in the foot steps of it's much more successful and smarter step brother, Fate/Zero. Lord El-Melloi (I respect your time so I'm not going to use the full name) only fails to be smart, successful, and entertaining.

It is blindingly obvious that the people behind this project wanted to work on any of TROYCA's other upcoming shows, or do accounting work, or do ... anything else. Although I think this show is bad, I believe that it is not the worst in the Fate franchise, that award rests firmly in the greasy, grimy hands of Fate/Extra: Last Encore, as Lord El-Melloi has the virtue of having 1 and a half good episodes.

And now, since I'm not smart or creative enough to write a review normally, here is my MAL formatted review.

Story: 2/10
If there are any major plot points, they sure aren't worth remembering. The Train arc is the only one that lasts for more than one episode, and all I can remember is that ___ died, ___ lost his eyes, ___ killed them, and there was maybe one or two fight scenes. Virtually nothing is memorable.
It seems like this show's only reason for being is because someone thought a mystery in the Fate universe would "be pretty epic." And I think it could have been, were it in the hands of people who knew how to write a story instead of a plot. Watching Lord El-Melloi feels like you're watching a plot synopsis, with all the depth of a nano particle.

Art: 8/10
It's Fate. It always looks good. Decent art is the only consistency in all of the Fate franchise. Good art should never be any shows best quality. Good art and a good soundtrack should complement the story, not be the only passable things present in the entire production.

Sound: 5/10
Just take the last paragraph and replace the word art with soundtrack.

Character: 2/10
Everyone present besides Waver and Gray are only present to give Waver and Gray an excuse to do things or are one of the three comedic relief sidekicks. If they had changed every characters name every time their name was spoken, I would be none the wiser. No one is worth remembering, especially when the revealed big bad guy at the end of the only arc that matters is a character you've never seen before.

Enjoyment: 3/10
Like a prostitute made of Vaseline, it can barely grab your attention and it sure can't hold onto it.

Overall: 2/10
The fact that this isn't the worst part of the animated Fate franchise really shows how far it's fallen since its inception.
Also, a murder accomplice gets off immediately with a plea bargain and is not punished by the law or by their school. This doesn't really affect the quality, I just thought that it was funny.

If you're reading this review, chances are you have either been told to watch Utsu Musume Sayuri by some mischievous 3rd party, or have already seen it and are here to find the simple comfort that what you just experienced was not a product of some wicked hallucination, dream, or sleep paralysis, and was actually a thing that was once seen by another human being. Unfortunately for the rest of us, this isn't in your head. This is a real thing that we have to make space for on our mortal plane of existence. If your friend DID tell you to go watch this, don't ... go in with high hopes. In fact, don't go in with any hopes, because even the lowest of expectations will be shattered.

In my entire state of being, I've been exposed to only two pieces of media that are worse than Shitcom, and if you haven't seen Shitcom, know that it's an "OVA" that was made for either the grossest, worst kind of gross comedy connoisseurs, or for scat fetishists. The lesser of these offenders is the Panty And Stocking OVA, which takes the worst parts of Panty And Stocking and puts them back to back for 10 miserable minutes. The worse offender is, you guessed it, Utsu Musume Sayuri.

Apparently this kind of thing has it's own genre, called "dementia," probably named for what people wish they had after having seen this monstrous shite.

This isn't anime. This isn't "art" or whatever justification was behind this. Anyone pretending that this has some sort of meaning or message behind it is either
1. Faking it for the funnies
2. The type of person who enjoys over analyzing gross things like this (and it's ok if you are, I can't say it wasn't fun to try)
Or 3. Has been dropped on their head enough to actually believe that this is some sort of "master film, brimming at it's embroidered tips with metaphor, anecdote, and symbolism. masked under a brilliant veil that leads one to question, not only the film being shown to them, but to question themselves."

I don't need to explain why this is awful and disturbing. If I did, it would take longer for you to read this review than it would take to watch the whole OVA (it's on YouTube by the way). So yeah, go ahead and let yourself be absorbed by this story of... Love, I think. It's kinda hard to tell with all those polygons that are infesting my neural pathways.