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I had started to watch Hellsing OVA in (I have to check this cause I don't remember) in far 2016, but I couldn't watch it to the end and dropped after sixth episode. I called it an ultimate trash and deleted away to never come back. Then I was young and dumb, I had One Piece in my favs and fangirled Yagami Raito. A lot of water has flown away, I have grown up and got wiser. Now I have realized that One Piece and Yagami Raito don't deserve my favor at all. And I've got a think, maybe my opinion on Hellsing OVA has ... changed too. I've watched it to the end. And you know what? FUCK NO! I still think it's an ultimate trash.

Plot, characters, dialogues, visuals, music, humor - all is incredibly poor and pitiful in Hellsing OVA. The narration is so slow and dull so it had been making me drowsy. Characters just chatter some useless idealist bullshit and stand still in pathetic poses in the middle of battle. I could never suppose I can yawn watching a massacre. A half of scenes could be cut out and the remaining half could be sped up twice without any losses. Hauptsturmfyhrer looks advatageous a lot on this background as he's silentful.

Characters' motivation is utterly pointless. Sturmbannfyhrer is the most poorly written villain ever, much worse than even Johan Liebert. Johan just plays human lives cause he's curious and Sturmbannfyhrer wants to rise a war cause... cause what? They're both insane as fuck but Johan's mindset is at least shown off and understandable while Sturmbannfyhrer is just a maniac as it's given without any single tiny explanations.

Enrico Maxwell doesn't stay behind. His plans to devastate England are as pointless as Sturmbannfyhrer's plans to... Tbh I've missed the point of what exactly Sturmbannfyhrer has planned to do. Maxwell's goals are more understandable but not more reasonable. Integral is the same annoying. She's supposed to be a strong woman but all her strength is two vampires in voluntary slavery. She hasn't done anything during ten 45min episodes but shot Sturmbannfyhrer lying on floor and going to die and scared a cowardly lord leading him to sacrifice his life dumbly. She's weak and arrogant as a typical spoiled diva. She shows her dumbness in the end when she shoots Sturmbannfyhrer behind armed glass again and again then tries to stab him and breaks a sword - what an anvil-headed old lady? And also in her 30 she looks as she's 50. It's an offence that such a useless old bitch is named after the keystone entity of calculus.

Alucard is... passable. He looks cool in his bludred coat, and even cooler in the end as a japanese femboy. But he serves for Integral and it makes me disrespect him. Rip van Winkel is attractive a lot but serving for nazis make me disrespect her as well. Also I liked Hauptsturmfyhrer, not only cause he's sexy but also cause he's silentful. And I suppose he's forced to work for nazis against his will and wants to die as he himself gives Victoria the silver tooth she killed him with. Schroedinger is probably the only cat-like character ever I don't admire. He's disgusting with his childish behavior and nazi shoulderband. Other characters like Victoria, Anderson, Bernadotte, Doctor, Walter etc. caused no emotions in me at all.

My special dislike is for jokes - japaneses were never good at humor but jokes in Hellsing are unfunny even for a japanese. They're dumb, disgusting, out of place and stretch this slow narration even more.

The last episode is the apogaeum of this whorish circus. At first Alucard transformates into a japanese femboy. It was very nice but how and why? What's this form? It's not young Vlad III Basarab who is Alucard's true personality (it's not a spoiler) as Vlad is southern european and he is shown as much more shaggy. It's also not anyone important for Alucard as there is no asian characters in Hellsing. This form is also unfit his personality, it would fit more some cunning and intellectual character that don't occur in Hellsing.

Well, fine. It's just another form of Alucard. Then he eats Schroedinger's corpse and... just dies? He survived everything during 50 years and now just dies of eating a nasty dead cat? I suppose he dies from cringe after seeing the previous nine episodes. Well, he dies and he seems to be happy to die. Is this the end? No, then Victoria kills Hauptsturmfyhrer (their fight was the best part tbh) and Sturmbannfyhrer (not satisfying cause he dies happy), Walter kills Doctor and it turns out they don't need any Alucard to win. But even this is not the end. 30 years after Alucard brings back to life. Utterly vibe-breaking. And his coming back takes the whole 15 minutes. I was literally happy as a clam when the credits had started.

Hellsing OVA easily keeps its third place in my worst animes top after Shitcery Fight and Your April Lie. I don't regret I delayed it this long, I regret I've watched it at all.