May 24, 2023
The Concept Yakitori:
On a planet far from a fallen Earth, an experimental squad of misfits in an interstellar military unknowingly carries the hopes of humanity on their backs.
Unaware the secret plans of the United Nation agent who recruited them, they serve not as space marines fighting freedom or virtue but as disposable pawns for humanity's conquerors trying to enforce a predatory loan that threatens to enslave an entire civilized planet of intelligent rodents. Refusing to go quietly, the indigenous inhabitants swarm en mass, scurrying through sewer pipes and lifeless piles of former friends and family, martyred in desperate revolution. Will the Yakitori learn to
...
work together to survive as cannon fodder? Will the revolution defy the odds? Will the U.N.'s secret plans work?
The REAL Yakitori:
After slaughtering "rats" (read as derogatory slur) to club music, the squad hops in a yellow armored school bus and drives through an ancestral nature preserve where they get attacked by naked suicide bombers. Then, while a jarring dj remix of Mozart plays, the gang gets help from bunny rabbit Hatsune Miku to commit indiscriminate orbital bombing.
We watch as civilians run, families hold each other, and children look up with curiosity as they are all engulfed in blinding light and turned to ash.
"Oorah! Victory at last! Take that you *$@&%# FILTHY RA– wait why are you arresting us for genocide?"
But just as our war criminals are at their most dire,
"OBJECTION! I am a lawyer dog!"
Collective gasp!
"A lawyer dog, not a military dog? That's weird because generally our society segregates employment by what zoo animal we look like because our creators couldn't be bothered to come up with any original designs for extraterrestrial life!"
Adjusts thin glasses intelligently,
"True, but I, lawyer dog, am actually a private lawyer hired secretly the U.N.!"
Collective gasp!
"The Yakitori are innocent of genocide because guns don't kill people, people kill people! And Yakitori are just disposable equipment!" (Mic drop)
Collective gasp!
"Flawless logic! Lawyer dog is right! Acquitted all changes!"
But how did lawyer dog know?
😎 "All according to my secret U.N. plan, good work lawyer dog."
"Yakitori, I space marine dog support you! Glad you got away! You're brutality on the battle field is space marine material! Also we're good dogs even though we didn't stop you from glassing an entire city."
Que bunny rabbit Hatsune Miku "dancing" to remixed Mozart and roll credits.
Spare your ears and watch something else on Netflix. Like "Love, Death, + Robots" which unlike Yakitori, is 10/10.
You deserve better. Not watching is selfcare.
Reviewer’s Rating: 3
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