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What does it take to make a great show? To be in the top ten best reviewed shows on an incredibly popular webpage dedicated to the art form? I think we can come up with a few necessities, though art always surprises us, as it should.

First, we can try to imagine the viewer might hope to find compelling characters. Maybe a cast of teenagers coming to age, battling the anxieties of being outcasts, unable to find their place in an increasingly interconnected but also alienating society. Perhaps some are fighting against loss, loneliness, family issues, or simply trying to become the unattainable idealized versions of ... themselves. Those topics may be too broad, and without the necessary care, they could very well fall into plastic stereotypes without the depth that the situations demand. Perhaps some, or none, of these issues are ever moved forward; evolved into something meaningful that leaves a lasting impression or further our understanding of each other. A masterpiece must not fall into this trap of empty characters, letting them exist merely as quirks or one dimensional cliches.

Or maybe the characters don't matter? Characters are often merely a conduit for the story, after all. A well told story can captivate the viewer and make them rethink how they view life or themselves. A story about time sounds incredibly compelling, even more so when you add a dash of scifi, warping the assumptions that we previously had about such an ethereal concept. The story must then be well thought out, avoid excessive and unnecessary repetition, and not meander into boring and unrelated situations. The time traveling aspect should be believable and satisfying, with an unique twist on the genre utilized to its full potential. One would not expect, for example, contradicting rules, divine interventions, unexplained breakthroughs, insane logic or dull, unearned conclusions. A masterpiece must not let the story be window dressing to pandering, get stuck in a time loop of self gratifying angst or pull out solutions out of its metaphorical ass.

Well, without good characters or a good story, there doesn't seem to be much left. But maybe we can salvage it! We're talking about an audio-visual medium, so surely those aspects must be so enchanting and unique that they left a lasting impression on every person that reviewed it, so far above every other show that its' haunting beauty or unexpected uniqueness impressed even the most stubborn of critics. For this, one can imagine it would *not* have the same shots of an uninteresting apartment, empty city or suburb, framing the same static characters, doing the same expressions and poses, over and over and over, with very little reprise, which itself is just more repetition, for 24 episodes. It's not good enough for a masterpieces' artwork to be cohesive and pleasant, it must shock and and charm in equal measure, showing something incredible that you could not find anywhere else. And for sound, it's not good enough for it to blend nicely into the background, it must punctuate every frame of the art as if they could never be thought of separately. Every noise must be carefully considered and placed with the precision of an assassin, delivering maximum effect. An audiovisual masterpiece must excel and innovate constantly, and it must not stagnate.

Okay, the characters are charming yet simple stereotypes that never evolve, the story is bland, badly paced and full of plot holes, and the art and music is good, but nothing to write home about. We're running out of a lot of things here, but it can be a masterpiece yet. The themes, the overall message, it must be so well communicated and original, so outlandish yet compelling, it makes even the most cardboard characters and awful story beats shine. It is difficult to imagine this without the support of the characters, story, audio and visuals, but if it is indeed a masterpiece, it shall manage regardless. The message should be easy to understand but complex in its implications and the way it would be reflected in the real world. It should be obvious enough to be noticed, but subtle enough that is not merely a statement shouted at the rooftops by the story or characters. One would expect this message may be told in other pieces of art, but for a masterpiece, it needs to be reshaped into it's own thing. One might arrive at the same conclusion after watching two masterpieces, but the method must be their own, and the conclusions must shed different lights on the topic. How can we consider it a masterpiece when it merely retells the same thing countless works have done before with just a new coat of paint?




If you read all that diatribe, you can probably guess I did not like Steins;Gate. Obviously, I don't equate popularity points to mass agreement that this is one of the greatest pieces of art ever created. I doubt everyone that rated it a 10 considers it a masterpiece, they merely enjoyed it greatly, and there's nothing wrong with that... But seriously? **Everyone** liked it? I can't see it. We're talking about a fairly bland shonen that does so many things wrong it should be way more polarizing, especially as people start to age out of the the target demographic and turn a more cautious eye towards this type of 'nostalgic' anime.

Yes, I was in the demographic once, and I confess to liking it as a teenager. Lucky for me, I did not finish it back then. Maybe it was the choice of the Steins Gate, allowing my nostalgic image of the series remain untainted. But what I liked back then, I still like now. The early episodes are entertaining and endearing, though not without their problems, mind you. The overall message of not being a burden for relying on others, finding solace and happiness in a community, I greatly enjoy and its a huge positive I take out of this series. The time traveling shenanigans that fueled the slice of life aspect were fun, and yes, it was unique, at the very least in 2011. As a bitter and lonely neet, I can relate and understand why people cheer for the characters and are happy with its hopeful ending. But everything else is just bad. It's bad as a scifi story, it's bad as a time travel story, it's bad as a coming of age story, it's bad as an exploration of everything I already outlined earlier. So many moments of screaming at the writers, 'Why is your protagonist doing this? Why is this happening? Why can't we move on from this, it's been 5 episodes already! Why are they acting like this?'. And yet you trudge through, because everyone else said it's the best thing ever, and you don't want to miss out.

I could write a lot more, with specific examples, but that would be just a tad more self indulging than I'd prefer. I think this is enough.

I just don't get it, and I wished I did. Hopefully, there is another time line where I do, and I never write this dumb review in the first place.