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Hands down, one of the best manga I've ever read. It's a tragedy that this manga will be dismissed by most people as just another BL/yaoi, but it's so much more than that. At its heart, this is a story about two very broken human beings at their most fragile and flawed. It's a story about suffering, human resilience, and how, despite everything, despite all our differences, we as humans crave love, compassion, and connection to another person even when we feel like we're unworthy of it.

It's not at all a light-hearted story. The story takes place in the world of organized crime, where ... physical and sexual violence is a commonplace occurrence. The story is deeply psychological and explores very heavy themes like childhood trauma and sexual abuse.

However, that is nothing new in the Yaoi world. It pains me to admit it, but most BL/yaoi has non-consensual scenes and deeply traumatized characters. It's just that most of the time, these characters only have trauma to make them "interesting". Trauma for the sake of trauma. "Trauma" is just another "trait" that the character has, and it's never fully explored; usually, it's just a plot device, and more often than not, it's magically cured through the power of love.

None of that can be said about Saezuru. And that's exactly what sets Saezuru apart from other yaoi. The story isn’t merely about two men falling into a complicated relationship, it's about the long, difficult journey towards healing and self-acceptance. And the best thing? Nothing is ever romanticized, glorified or normalized. It's shown as it is. The darkest of human emotions. Raw and unadulterated and brutal.

And Yashiro's character is at the centre of it all. Oh, Yashiro T.T As I read on, he quickly became one of my favourite characters in any media ever. Yashiro is a beautifully tragic man. He's very unlike any other "uke/bottom" I've read. A lot of yaois tend to sort of put the men into traditional roles of "male" and "female" where the one who takes it up the bum is the "female".

In Saezuru, there's none of that. Yashiro is a very charismatic and competent yakuza boss despite being an "uke". He's a pervert, but also someone who uses sarcasm and sexual promiscuity as a shield to protect himself from his own trauma. He is who he is due to the abuse he suffered in his childhood, and throughout the story, he's constantly engaging in self-destructive behaviour, using and seeing sex as merely a transactional process.

Yashiro is very emotionally detached/numb, but every panel does a beautiful job of showing us how deeply damaged he is, how he's built this whole sexual facade, how he's masquerading as a perverted masochist to avoid confronting his own trauma.

As Yashiro himself would say, humans are full of contradictions, and so is he. He's so deeply wounded that the only way he can cope is by pretending that he likes it, that he's always liked it. I'm honestly in love with the portrayal of Yashiro's character, the complexity, the depth, the way he clearly yearns for just a bit of affection and love and compassion, but he's so intensely afraid of being vulnerable, of intimacy, of opening himself up to pain again that he can't admit it. What's even more depressing is that he's aware of this. He's a very self-aware man who knows exactly why he is the way he is, but he's still stuck in his own patterns of behaviour.

Then, the gentle soul Doumeki comes along and shatters the illusion (and cage) Yashiro's created for himself. It's just so painful, yet so beautiful how Doumeki, unlike the typical "seme" shows Yashiro unconditional care and respect. It's wonderful to see his quiet dedication and patience.

Chapters 24-25 were some of the most hauntingly beautiful panels in any BL/yaoi ever, and though nothing much was said, it was so clear how Yashiro was breaking, how his whole world was falling apart, and the author managed to beautifully capture his pain and fear of vulnerability.

I've never loved a story more. And I'm here to tell you that if you haven't read this masterpiece yet, please do.