Back to Daimyo's Profile Daimyo's Profile

Pros

+Crisp Character designs
+Clear Animation
+Nice Soundtrack

Cons
-Unrealistic
-BL dialogue
-Uninspired storyline ... -Lackluster protagonist
-Melodramatic

Kuroko no basuke, is a popular basketball manga/anime that strives to be successful as Slam Dunk but falls flat on its non-proverbial ass (this is a big ass grotesque anime) many times along the way. Kuroko no basuke is an anime about a group of basketball players called the generation of Miracles. This legendary densetsu group won all the Japanese junior high basketball championships. In particular the anime concerns the actions of the titular character Kuroko and his transition to seirin high school, his new team and their aspirations for national championship status.

Story 7/10

You would think from what I said earlier the story for this show would be simple. WRONG! You couldn’t have a more convoluted mess of a sports anime if you tried (well maybe POT). I watched 25 episodes of it and I’m still confused what the story is. Somehow I think I grasp the gist of it. Our main character wants to prove to the generation of miracles that they were wrong for winning by…you guessed it , winning. This makes about as much sense as someone saying drugs are bad then injects morphine into their selves while someone rams meth crystals up their anus. Along the way our charismatic main character squares off against many of his old friends and former teammates. At this point many of you who are still reading this review are probably wondering, “but hey what’s the deal Daimyo? Why is this animu so popular?” Well that’s easy to answer guys. While what I described earlier makes for a pretty generic anime, it’s unrealistic as silicon breast implants. Each character of the generation of miracles and even our shitty little kuroko has moves or preforms plays that make the NBA, at best, seem like a league of amateur players with shaky night cameras. There are characters who can shoot consecutive three pointers from their own goal territory, can instantly copy any move, and one who can shoot a ball at will from behind the back board. This is a generation of bullshit. What makes it worse is the dialogue that sounds like a yaoi soap opera. Here’s an excerpt of the show’s dialogue from episode 5 to illustrate my point. Kise:“First you turned me down then we lost today’s game, everything is going wrong in my life now“ Kuroko: “I felt we lacked something…I still I don’t what’s wrong with it…all I know is that I hated basketball at this time…that’s why I was so impressed with kagami” Kise: “Someday you and Kagami will part ways” It got to the point I thought Kagami and Kuroko were lovers the way they kept talking about one another. The show is so BL oriented that in episode 12 during the half time of the serein vs. (insert team name here) game Midorima takes time to file his nails. Seriously who the hell does that during a sports match, let alone a basketball game. I almost half expected for Aomine during his matchup against seirin to explain his reason for being late as the result of him getting a pedicure.


Characters 7/10

That being said, there are only like 4 or 5 characters you should even consider caring about throughout the course of this series. First off is our main character, Kuroko. He’s the type of guy who just oozes charisma, the type of guy who can get a girl’s panties wet just by staring at her, and ugh you know he’s really badass. Sorry I lied, he’s a no good pussyface, pale, soft spoken, jacks off in a dark room dipshit. They said he was the generation of miracles’ sixth man, but they lied, this little pussy is no man. He was their shota. He apparently has this ability called “who gives a fuck”. It involves no one giving two shits about him only to have suddenly appear before them much to their chagrin. He doesn’t speak much, but when he does talk it’s usually to proclaim his love for his boyfriend Kagami or to up the dramatic ante. He’s the uke in this relationship as you’ll see even he agrees he needs a strong man to draw the best out of him. The next one up is Sakuragi Hanachimi….err I mean Kagami. This red haired all personality punk is the true one the story mostly revolves around. Returning from the U.S. he finds himself bored with the Japanese level of basketball until he meets Kuroko where he soon finds out that American players are chumps and Japanese people are the ultimate basketball players. His dominant never say die attitude make him the uke. Now I know what you’re thinking, “gee Daimyo you must be some sort of yaoi connoisseur” Who the hell do you think I am? I’m Daimyo and this isn’t mangafox motherfucker there are no connoisseurs here! I just happen to be very skilled at using urban dictionary and receiving texts from yaoi fans who proliferate the internet like the aids virus spreading their terminology and yaoi-ism to a network node near you. Next we have Kise. His ability is being able to copy other people’s moves and modeling and some other bishounen type shit. This next character really makes you question the sanity of the person who made this. Midorimasu, his ability is to be able to score three pointers easily from anywhere on the court. At the half court line? No problem. From his basket? No problem. In the stands while boning your mother? Piece of cake. Who needs Reggie Miller or Ray Allen on your team when you have this guy. Lastly we have Ao fucking mine. I had to add, “fucking” to his name cause that’s what he does. He fucks up the logic of this insane show even more. You ever thought a move was too physically impossible or difficult to preform in a game? Don’t worry, Aomine does atleast 20 such moves every fucking game. This guy can break past 5 defenders in 10 seconds, has a 1 second instant score shot release, can preform a fullcourt sprint and block then switch up and dunk on a fastbreak, and when he pulls up on a shot his back is almost completely parallel to the ground, he then manages to scores and always lands on his feet. This guy wasn’t born out of a vagina, he came out of a basketball net. It got to the point where I was like, “well damn what’s next? Is he going to shoot lasers out of his ballsack?” Also he was Kuroko’s previous boyfriend as he received most of his assists. He has this childhood pink haired bitch friend that used to like Kuroko, but Kuroko must have given him an assist (though I bet they double teamed her) as it appears Aomine is the one tapping that proverbial (word switching yay!) ass.





Enjoyment 8/10

It’s fairly entertaining. Not much more needs to be said but more will be said. As far as entertainment goes it is a lot more entertaining than a Daimyo review (which doesn’t say much).

Overall and Conclusion 7/10

I think what prevents this show being better for me are all the weak aforementioned elements: the corny writing, the unbelievable events and the incredibly dull main character. The matches themselves while entertaining became boring after awhile because seirin would always win in some grandiose over the top way such as scoring a buzzer beating game winner (which even Lebron James himself has only down a handful of times). Maybe I am being too nitpicky as I assume the majority of people who enjoy this show don’t even watch real basketball. Alright, but what about that other basketball series, you know the best selling sports manga of all time and one of the best selling series of all time: Slam Dunk. How does Kuroko stack up to it? It doesn’t. Mostly because Slam dunk ended many years ago, and Kuroko no Basuke is still ongoing. It’s too soon to tell how well Kuroko no Basuke will fare over the years. There are strong indications of growth as apparently this series was among the top selling manga of 2013, and the fact that a sequel currently ongoing anime was produced shows signs of strength. That being said, the overall impact and attachment to characters that Slam Dunk produced trumps most of what Kuroko no Basuke has to offer. Slam Dunk told a raw, cut no corners, realistic take on basketball.

To summarize my too many words review, Kuroko no Basuke is a BL version of Slam Dunk with a few more prominent bitches.

Bored and lonely, equipped with a strong burning desire to watch some nostalgic shit, led to my chance encounter with Slayers.

Story 9/10

Slayers is a long running and popular Light Novel series by Hajime Kanzaka, but if you're reading this review, you probably already knew this.What YOU need to know about Slayers' Story is that it's basically about an overpowered girl named Lina Inverse and her wacky adventures in medieval fantasy Japan. That's essentially, how you should think about it. I know it doesn't really make much sense, but you'll find a strict definition of this show's plot does not necessarily do it justice. They ... go around adventuring and shit. It's almost like some adventure time type stuff, but not quite as goddamn campy. There's consistency in the plot of this show at least. Unlike, other shows I have reviewed in the past and commented on for diverging into too many unrelated story lines and random events. This show for the most part, sticks to the hardcore adventuring and monster killing aspect. The show tries to put in plot twists and other predictable none sense, but it's just so well crafted and engineered, that it's easy to look past these things. Personally, I found the first few episodes a bit slow and hard to get into, but the show easily picks up once the Shabranigdu arc starts. Sadly, after this arc, the show once again slows down and does not pick up its pace until several episodes later. What really gives this show bonus points, is the execution. For instance, they are far from amiable when it comes to securing the lives of characters. And while no major main characters die, if you're a side character in this show or a villain, your life is potentially forfeit. That's why I can appreciate, that despite this show's humour and generally light hearted pace, when the killings are good, the blood is fresh.

Characters 9/10

I mentioned earlier a specific character named Lina Inverse. It would be more appropriate to name her Lina Universe. The whole show revolves around her. This short-statured, short-tempered, avaricious, magical little ginger girl. I must say, she is one of the most interesting female heroines I have encountered in a long time. As the show progressed, not only was I following in love with the series, but I felt as if I was beginning to fall in love with her. That being said, she's not without her own problems. She's completely overpowered. We get the fact that she is supposed to be a magical genius, but give this bitch a toothpick and she'll shove it so deep up your ass, you'll fucking explode. We literally, get the feeling that there isn't anything she can't do. In fact, because of her, no matter how great and interesting we might find the other characters, they have no real purpose. Because anything they can do, Lina can do much better. Lina is the law and you don't fuck around with her. Even Gourry whose specialty is Swordsmanship and light sabers can't defeat her; somehow Lina ends up being that much fucking better when she uses the Light sword than him. Using all sorts of falcon punch level moves like Giga Slave and God knows what else when she proceeds to completely beat the shit out of you. In fact, the only thing that stops Lina from becoming a Mary Sue, is that her personality is intentionally flawed. The other main characters are her fan support group. Still we must at least mention them, especially, if my plan for the future of this series remains intact.

We'll start with my favorite non-Lina characters, Gourry Gabriev. This character had potential. Not to say, he didn't have his moments, but his actions were often overshadowed by Lina's greatness or his stupidity. Once again, I assume this was done intentionally, in order to add that much more credibility to Lina's awesomeness. This lucky son of a bitch had the privilege of first meeting Lina when he saves her from Bandits. That's really the only time he gets to be badass until much later in the series. I know this is completely irrelevant, but his wikipedia entry describes him as an “unmatched swordsman” and “nigh unbeatable”. Yea we must not have been watching the same fucking series. Because the Gourry I saw, was constantly matched and beaten on numerous occasions. Unless he somehow gets a super saiyan level power up in the next few series, I highly doubt that's how he is. That is the Gourry of our ideals. We all wish him to be that badass swordsman that never loses. Shouting beams out of his light saber and shit, saving the day, being hero guys(medarotto). Unfortunately, this is Lina's Universe, not his'. He can be occasional love interest, comedic relief and plot item support. Even in critical moments, you might expect him to do something hardcore, but he's just so motherfucking passive. If a role requires a man to do, he sends it to Lina.

Next we have Zelgadis, the part human, part troll and part demon shaman they meet on their journeys. They introduce him as a bad guy, but he quickly does that whole I'm not really a bad guy type thing and switches sides. He's a pretty complex character. The first series does very little to elaborate on his character. They just chose a quick route to the story. There could have been a lot more character development done to add depth to his character. We can spend all day pondering on what might or could have been but for the sake of brevity in a very dilated review, we will move on.

If you noticed, I am commenting on the characters based on the order they were introduced in the show. I'll leave you guys to guess who comes next. All right, what you need to know about Amelia: she's very clumsy [...]

I always forget the names of these types of characters. These negligible characters that the world or series could do without. Syphiel aka annoying girly shy chick.

The only thing lacking about this show's characters, is that there really is no character development. I guess it's because the characters are already at a certain level, that they don't even waste time developing further. I don't think it would ultimately make a difference though, being this is Lina's Universe. There are a myriad of other side characters I neglected, but for the sake of not spoiling, as I actually do want you to watch this series yourself, I purposely omitted them. Though I must say this, Rezo probably isn't dead.

Music

7/10

Just your generic J-pop here. Some memorable scores, particularly the opening piece. Has all that cool stuff I look for in a Japanese animation. Really matches the theme of the show too. I would score it higher, but it is J-pop after all(all the kool kids listen to k-pop now). Both pieces are by Masami Okui and Megumi Hayashibara; look into it.

Enjoyment And Overall 8/10

I really enjoyed this series. Despite it's simplicity and sometimes corny dialogue. The story's execution and the characters really pulled through on this one. Like I said earlier, there were faults. Lina's role in the storyline is too great even for a main character. I think the author said he has no clear cut favorite characters, but I mean that is obviously a bullshit. He's done a ton of specials and series with just Lina as the main character. It's more than a fascination. Also I felt at times that the series would drag on at times. All that aside, this is one of the best series I suddenly decided to watch. Almost makes me regret all the years I was ignoring it. If this website let you rate things in increments of .5, I would change this score to a 8.5. Personally, I find it closer to a 8.7 or 8.8. Not quite a 9, but definitely something you should watch once in your anime viewing lifetime. I'd give it a 9, but honestly, I can't be assed to do that, I'm not that easily impressed. I mean I love Lina to death, but I won't let her run my life, like she runs the other characters in the show. I'm a main fucking character of my own.

[Open your mind cause the reviews are esoteric YO]

After suffering another long absence and subsequently ameliorating my punctuation and grammar(go read my first few reviews), I decided I would spice things up a notch by reviewing a critically acclaimed and popular series from last year. The question is, has Puella Magi Madoka Magica managed to escape the turd train? Read—OBEY!— and find out. That being said, without further ado, I now introduce the long awaited sequel to the perpetually incomplete reviewing saga that is Daimyo.

Story 7/10

Puella Magi Madoka Magica, is a seminal anime from the year 2011 directed by Akiyuki Shinbo and written by Gen ... Urobuchi.

In order to gain a proper understanding of this anime, you must first understand the story. If possible I'd like to do without drawing out too many spoilers; but this storyline is such a bucket of shit, that if I don't at least attempt explain some of the finer details, you'll fuck up your galoshes as you tread through my review. Now I must profess, it has been quite some time since I completed this show, so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong in any of my accounts. Basically, what we have is a story about a bunch of fucking girls doing girly stuff. Drinking tea, designing costumes, discussing boys; or at least that's what the show wants you to believe in the beginning. You're quickly brought to reality —as real as a show about a bunch of girls can get—. We are soon led into a world of deceit, jealousy, paradox, paradox, paradox and more paradox. We're missing a key point here, though. Why is all of this happening? What if I told you, it's because there is some race of super advanced aliens granting little girl's eternal youth and the power to make 1 wish, just so they can feast on the power created by their happiness and misery, thereby, restoring balance to the universe and creating a thermal energy source for future generations to enjoy. Yea you'd probably tell me to stop smoking crack. Who came up with this shit? What ever the original intention of this show, I can confidently tell you that this show is more than hilarious. If you're the right kind of bastard, you'll laugh for days while you watch this. Which is even easier to do with the show's shabby visuals and balls on the wall animation—2011 and they still fucked things up—. Seriously, whoever drew this show can't draw a straight line. Must have masturbated too much to the visuals or something. This is of course emphasized by the fact that almost everything on this show seems spontaneous; like literally they were pulling plot developments and twists out of a hat (Constanza).

All of this is kind of bearable, but there's one thing you just won't be able to stand. This is a 12 episode series, and I swear to Jehova they were talking for 5 fucking episodes straight. We don't give a fuck about tea parties, violin players, or any of your shitty lives. I just want to see you guys kill and beat the shit out of things. I mean some would call it character development, but in my opinion, it's more like degradation. Though a show like this does have it charms, it's limited by the fact that once again, it is just about a bunch of fucking little girls. These tough enough girl shows lose credibility. Like that Higurashi show, it's just a bunch of none sense. The only time you need to be afraid of a girl, is if she has a gun pointed at you, poisons your food, tries to kill you in your sleep or proposes to marry you. Actually, those are a lot of times to be afraid. Be very afraid of this show's plot, very afraid...

Characters 4/10

The show stars the titular character Madoka. Who is, without a doubt, the worst character in the whole series. I don't know of any other series that immediately comes to mind, where the main character gets away with doing almost nothing of importance but somehow has the whole series revolving around them. The only way to describe Madoka, is as a nuisance that just won't go away. A pain in the ass that never heals, she's there right from episode 1 all the way to the end. There's just nothing to like about her: over optimistic, too damn kind for her own good, cheesy, nosey, you name it. She's everything you hate in a shoujo character cranked to 11. What makes her even her even worse, is her neh neh neh voice. I mean all characters in this show are guilty of this. Then they have her played out like she's some sort of God. Because all the female characters are like Gods these days or something. If her name wasn't in the title of this show, she'd be completely un- necessary.

Next up, Akemi Homura, who continues the trend of the quiet emo girl being the strongest. Hardcore dyke though, because behind that tough girl exterior, she can't live her life without Madoka. How this came to be? I don't even fucking know. Didn't make much sense to me even when they explained it.

Sayaka Miki, the next dumbass in this series. I think I established earlier, that when these Alien overlords come to steal your emotional resources, they offer you the chance to make 1 wish. This stupid bitch wishes for some guy who didn't even like her to get healed. You heard that right. This dumb fuck gets 1 free wish, could have been wealth, power, you fucking name it but no she blows it on a whim. That's like some female intelligence and logic right there. If she was going to go that route, why not wish for the power to heal people, then use it to heal him, then become some sort of doctor and use it to scam millions out of people. You know why she didn't think of this? Because all the characters in this show are over-emotional retards. She'd rather mope around and then watch as the man she wasted her wish on to heal and tended to everyday in the hospital, falls in love with someone else.

Mami Tomoe, is like this show's Kamina. But since this show is nothing like TTGL, she's completely full of shit. I mean she's like one of those soft spoken, know-it-all characters that sip tea and fuck knows else.

Kyoko Sakura, is the least obnoxious character on this show. Which really isn't saying much. Somehow, she ends up being the one I detest the least. That does not mean, I like her the best. She has a rough start, though. I mean they introduced her as the new selfish bitch, but unlike the other characters on this show, she actually progressed.

Kyubey is like some evil deranged version of some shitty mahou shojo luna/kerobero type character. He's a no good son of a bitch, is all you need to know.

The problem with most of the characters in this show, is that they all make me want to jump in and punch the shit out of them. Yea, yea, yea, I know they're GURLS. But seriously, wasting my motherfucking time like that, that's a low blow, bro. They're lucky anime budgets are so low these days, that they could only afford 12 episodes. Imagine this steaming pile of donkey shit as a full blown out 26 episode series.

Enjoyment 7/10

I enjoyed this show a lot more than I thought I would. Somewhere I must have missed out when they giving membership passes to this show, my little pony and other similar sensation shows. From reading this review, you can tell I enjoyed it for the wrong reasons.

Music 5/10

Just your usual generic j-pop. Nothing special here. No memorable themes even. Or so I'd like to say. I ended up giving this show a pass due to the first opening. Pretty good stuff. "See You Tomorrow" by Aoi; investigate.

Art 3/10

They no can draw straight lines. Daimyo no can make sentences...

Overall 5/10

Overall, you're just going to put this show in shit territory like Angel Beats. However, where I saw Angel Beats had the potential to be better, I just don't see how this show could get any better. That is, short of an alien invasion and all the characters getting killed. This show is a solid 5.5. While it's not always good to use my previous reviews as a scale —seeing as I gave Hareluya II boy a 9 lol—. To give you an idea on how I view it compared to other shows I've done, it's better than maken-ki but worst than angel beats. Thankfully, I had the privilege and opportunity to watch other shows from 2011, that I deem to be better, fate/zero and kaiji S2 , for example. So if you're still reading this review at this point, go watch those instead.

The worst day of the year has just drawn to a close. That dreaded day that begins with the chocolate and roses and ends with the kissing and the sex. February 14 may very well be Valentine’s Day but what about all us roneri brothers out there? Those currently out of a relationship or are part of forever alone. If February 14 is Valentine’s Day, I hereby, decree February 21st as All bro’s day; a festival of camaraderie, bro fisting, and general misguided misogyny. What better way to celebrate our lonely celibate lives than by sitting here with me and reviewing another series that does ... just that -- one that paints a misogynistic and cruel view of females--. Enter the world of 19nineteen.

Story 7/10

The story starts off with our main character Kubota looking for love—and some ky jelly—. He’s tried time and time again to get laid. But as said earlier he doesn’t just want to have sex with the girls he wants to genuinely fall in love. The problem with this type of premise is that it doesn’t lead to much credibility. Here we have our main character looking for love in the big city. Are we honestly supposed to believe that a Japanese male would pass up the chance for sex when offered numerous times by seemingly healthy, somewhat attractive, chicks? This is a country with dispensable used panties, soap houses, nyan nyan, naked and penis festivals and all other sorts of craziness. Many of the girls in the series offer to have sex with him yet he refuses. That is until he sees an old love a schoolmate with whom he was previously infatuated with. She has just broken out of a longtime relationship herself and so begins what Daimyo calls our main characters decent into pitiable debauchery. Instead of leaving well enough alone, he does what most guys call “rebounding” and attempts to pick up this chick that has just broken up with her boyfriend of several years. It almost makes me wonder how gullible these people are —to Daimyo this girl is obvious red card on the don’t want department—. I mean if you’re just looking for the sex and don’t expect much of a relationship, then sure why not? But this guy has specifically stated he’s looking for a real burning hot romance. What possible hope could have with a girl who will most likely continue to look behind him? That’s the only thing he has though, no hope. This is one of those tragedies waiting to happen. It’s like you think you know and love this girl but really she turns up being nothing but a two bit, good for nothing, whore. I must say the story sets itself up to be at least interesting. The music pieces and the video scenes are very well done and add a nice layer of ambiance to the story. For a while, you almost believe this poor sod has a chance with the girl. But then you are brought back to reality and reminded of the problems that real girls have. This is more of a problem with nature’s (kamisama?) mechanics rather than the story itself.

Characters 6/10

You really only have two characters in this series, well three. Considering this is somewhat of a love triangle I have to include the previous boyfriend. We’ll get to him later. As mentioned earlier we have hopeless romantic Kubota. Not to say that he’s a bad guy but he should have taken a page from the playbook of rapper Snoop Dogg, regarding comments he made recently on Kim Kardashian. It basically went like this “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife”. That’s essentially what Kubota tried to do. He tried to turn his favorite middle school ho Fujisaki into a housewife. Now some of you might say, Daimyo you are being exceptionally harsh to this female character that has just gotten out of a long and tense relationship. She’s a ho because she tries to get him to bed as soon as possible. Even our boy Kubota is suspicious. She wants his dick as soon as possible. She even says it herself, “she wants to fall in love with him as soon as possible”. Meaning she just wants his **** and then good game thanks for playing, now get the fuck out —role reversal—. Like I said earlier, this isn’t always a bad thing but once again Kubota wanted a housewife not a whore. Fujisaki is definitely a bitch there’s no sugarcoating that. Not only does she have all the qualities to be a bitch: overly emotional, over-demanding, self-centered and un-grateful, she also just happens to be a model. Yup pure unadulterated bitch. There are almost no redeeming qualities in her character. There might be the fact that she pretends to portray an innocent girl for most of the film. You almost believe that wants to be with Kubota earnestly but like a hooker she takes her privates and pisses on all over Kubota’s dreams. Kubota even gave her a choice, but she chose abusing, using, bitch. The last dude is pretty much the story’s douchebag. His name is Kazuya. If you didn’t know by now I had to search this up. As far as douchebags go, —cheating on the girl and all that— he isn’t that bad. He tries to warn Kubota on just what type of woman Fujisaki is. He doesn’t even care when he catches the two of them about to have sex. Yet watching Fujisaki defend him was just pathetic. To sum up all the characters in this story, it was pretty much pralines and dick. There were some sweet parts but there also a lot of parts with nuts I didn’t care for.

Music 8/10

I think it’s the first time I did a music section, with good reason too. The music and scenes with music are by far the best parts of this ova. They match the mood of the series and another layer to this otherwise typical love story. Listed are the names of the songs and each artist —incase you want to sample them first—: I must change my life & love for me by Toshiki Kadomatsu, Desire by Toshiki Kadomatsu once again, Miss you by Shouji Kumi, boys boys boys by Sabrina —try and spot the nipples— and One and only lover by Sakamoto Hiroshi. I must, however, say the music is quite dated. So if you’re not really a fan of italo disco the older jazzy/funk jpop/bass heavy jrock you may not necessarily like it. I myself can’t get enough of the stuff.

Enjoyment & Overall 6/10

It’s a bit of a mixed bag for me on this one. Yea I liked it at times, but at the same time it’s not the type of show I would recommend someone to watch. Usually, when you’re digging through old shows like this that many people today would consider trash, you have to find something, I don’t know with a little bit more “pizzazz” or “charisma”. Basically you want either a hidden master piece anime (Legend of the Galactic Heroes) or you want something that’s so bad it’s good (Mad Bull 34). This show doesn’t fit into either category. It’s by no means brilliant neither is it so badly written and ridiculous that you just have to love it. Having said that, if you’re a fan of older animations, love stories, or general misogyny, this show is definitely worth your time, maybe even time and a half. The age and general obscurity of this anime combined with the lack of a “wow” factor made me score it a 6, were it not All bro’s day I may not have even written a review. Maybe you disagree but who cares what you guys think. This is my review —alienates any 1-2 imaginary fans he has—.

Story 3/10
This story takes place at a school once exclusively for girls —aka pussy high— tenbi. The main character, Mr.Ohyama Takeru, goes to this school primarily because he’s looking for sex and also because he’s too retarded to hire a hooker. Actually, I lied. He doesn’t try to screw any of these girls. He just plays pervert and stares at their censored panties. Here my friends, we have the first problem of an ecchi series. Ecchi series always tend to confuse me. I can’t tell if we’re supposed to masturbate furiously while watching them, or just stare at them with a huge boulder—rock solid geodude— ... in our pants. Unlike the casual anime that uses fanservice here and there, ecchi uses things like this everywhere. This show is even more sexually frustrating because they arbitrarily decide to flashlight the panties —as if looking at a girl’s panties is the biggest crime a man can commit—(If that’s the case I’m guilty as charged.) As a result, while they were using moves like maken lock, maken this, maken that, I kept waiting for maken sex—only to be sorely and sexually disappointed—. My balls were inert, eagerly waiting for the next move, literally en passant. Had they moved a little bit further, I might have even been able to ejaculate. But instead, I had to sexually satisfy myself with Hentai. And that’s probably what you’ll do when you watch this show. You’ll watch a bit of it, then you’ll go on to your favorite hentai and fap fap fap. There’s no beating around the bush, when one of the main aspects of a show is crotch shots, strip teasing and boob flashes you know what you’re supposed to do. Since we pretty much laid the framework for the entire show’s plot, we might as well talk about the bullshit last minute edits they put into this show so it could at least resemble a storyline. Don’t worry shit starts flying right from episode 1. Where they have sort of street fighter competition to see who can survive one on one in the ring with one extremely bodacious babe —le gasp—. Supposedly, the name of the show comes from these weapons they use, these maken. Some maken are real, and are part of the original maken created by kami-sama, others were replicated by Naruto Sensei. STOP! That’s all you need to know. The rest of this show makes absolutely no fucking sense. It won’t matter which episode you watch in this one, it’s all of bunch of randomly generated events. Bottom line, story = blue balls;

Characters 5/10

Ah the characters, the best part of this show. Or as I like to say, save the worst for last. But since this is only the first sentence in my extremely long paragraph that had to be split in two, we definitely have more horse manure to plow through. Let’s start off with our main character, ladies man and Mr. charisma, Ohyama Takeru. Literally this guy just oozes charm. He has almost all the main female characters in the palm of his grubby fingers right from the first episode. Let’s do a recap of the playboy’s debut performance. He starts off school with his hot childhood friend personally tending to him —she just can’t help but falling in love with his welcome to NHK habits—. Then at school he magnificently gropes and kisses this blonde haired tsundere. Finally, before we even get to lunch, he successfully has a girl say she’s his fiancée. I don’t about you, but did you guys count all of that? That’s three bitches, not one, not two but three of them!!! And what do they see in this 1940s cereal box —BlandOs—, megane motherfucker. I’ll never know. And what does our boy Casanova do? He befriends them. That’s right you all read that right. He not only knows all three of them but he also ends up roomating them. Do my eyes fucking deceive me? You expect me to believe this guy lives with 3 hot chicks and not once ever pulls out the Trojan? What is he sterile? This noble hentai crap is ridiculous, absurd and asinine (Three in fucking one).

All right, since we’re running out of time and space, let’s use the magic powers of fast forward to blaze through the bitches —if I might say myself—. First off we have blonde haired bitch named (brace for it) Himegami. Her name means beeping princess god. Can you beliiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeve this? She’s NOT (lies) your average tsundere; pretends to hate main character, blah, blah, blah. Read my previous reviews to get a good idea on how I shake these types of bitches down. What you need to know about her is that she pretty much changes from tsundere to servant in the course of one episode. Also she’s into incest —which is quite common in this show—. All right, next bitch, Kushihachi Imahoe. Our main characters so-called fiancée, she’ll do anything to bear our main character’s children. Other than that, she’s pretty damn negligible. Then we have our main character’s childhood friend, commonly referred to as Haru nee (Sister Haru). Why he calls this girl who is a non-relative, didn’t live together during childhood and is only one year older than him sister… I’ll never know. Well, you know she’s the basic childhood friend archetype. She loves the main character but is too awkward to say it, so instead decides to beat on him whenever he gets close to another girl. In other words, she’s a cockblocker. She constantly cockblocks the main character but at the same time never offers him her goods. There’s more characters like these chicks from this group named venus —that obviously need some penus—, bishounen teacher, naruto sensei (dattebayo!), kurigasa hardcore should’ve been in another show kai, his love interest faux action girl Azuki, our main characters best friend —who is essentially an unluckier and more realistic version of him but with a cooler sounding name— KENGO and finally the only ones that even partially resemble villains, our last incest couple. These two are obviously playing the game for the whole family, no doubt in my mind. All I can say is, if you’re into that stuff fap but do it silently. There are a bunch of random characters but yea I should have given you a good idea on this debacle of a character list.

Enjoyment 3/10

I couldn’t even properly enjoy this show. Every time I tried —and kami know’s I tried— this show got even worse. There were just so many garbage episodes. Hot springs, dates, bdsm torture—hot—, hostess cafe and a ton of other random crap, that whenever I tried to get into the mood, the show was just too out there for me to attach myself to it vaginally —there just wasn’t enough for me to stick my dick into—. It just doesn’t know what the fuck it’s doing; they couldn’t even get this show done right even if they had a proper anime budget of at least 26 episodes. Compared to this, similar shows like ikkitousen and tenjho tenge look like elaborate works of art and dare I effin say it even a show like Angel Beats looks great by comparison. Not only were the last two episodes anti climatic as shit, the whole affair felt contrived. Like they just had to show oh here’s our main character whom we neglected most of the series but watch him kick ass cause he has like super powers and shit. What made this even worse, the fansubbed version I watched, had translation errors. In I believe, the 2nd last episode we are given a scene in the café where they discuss with the transvestite manager what the words O.B. means. The main character says Okama Bakemono literally homosexual monster but the translators, translated it to something like strange something. Yea that vague shit. How the fuck could you tell me you don’t know what okama Bakemono means and you’re translating anime?

Overall 4/10

The time is nearing where I disappear inexplicably like the main character’s mom. But enough of this shit really. Watch this show if you like having blue balls, poor storylines and censored panties. All I can say is this; if this show is exciting, get me the pills.

Well guys let’s start off with the awesome characters in this awesome manga. First and foremost we have Rin Okumura our principle protagonist, followed by his younger twin brother Yukio Okumura, and then we have Rin Okumura, and then Yukio Okumura, Rin Okumura again, some blond haired chick, random people and some dude named Shiro (and guess what he has white hair, har har har… weaboo) oh and did I mention Rin fucking Okumura. Theatrics aside, we essentially only have two or three characters with important roles throughout the whole TV show. The rest are just ballast. However, seeing as this is a review and ... not a rant, I must divulge in the sweet juicy details. As I said earlier our primary protagonist is Rin Okumura, but what I neglected to mention earlier is that he is the son of satan (oh sh-). Now would be a good time to hide your nuns. It is almost as if the Japanese people live in an unreligious society and are completely unaware of the ramifications and controversy that would ensue from pursuing such a plotline. That being said, as far as shounen characters go he’s as typical as they get. Out of place, just found out he’s not like everyone else, has a tendency to fight a lot, not very intelligent. You’ll find him very reminiscent of Naruto(among others) character wise. Through his character we are expected to sympathize with him, the son of satan. Likewise, his younger brother Yukio, serves pretty much the same purpose. Although, much more akin to the role of a character like Alphonse from Fullmetal Alchemist. I mention these well-known shounen because that is essentially what this anime (and I assume manga) is; a bastardization/ hot pot of various other well-known shounen titles. While originality is not really known to the shounen genre (or all anime these days) this anime makes it blatantly obvious which minds it is melding from. More on this though when we reach the story section. The blond girl has a role but it’s more of the not really romantic, love interest that we are so used to in anime by now. Her and this big voluptuous chick named Shura are pretty much this show’s cockteases. The rest of the characters are not really important and seeing as the show simply abandons them half way in, I will do the same. Sure we have an episode where they celebrate everyone’s birthday but that’s just an excuse to do stupid crap for 30 minutes while displaying the whole cast. Those crazy Japanese! And that even crazier Daimyo for watching shows not originally intended for Western audiences. 6/10


Indeed going by the story it would not be hard to pinpoint who this show was originally intended for. A predominately nihonjin audience, most likely in school, more specifically junior high- high school, and while the manga is published in a shounen magazine, it is subtle enough to appeal to both males and females. In other words, it’s a McDonald’s anime, full of everything but substantially nothing overall. Yea you’ll eat it when you’re hungry but after you salivate it for a while you’ll feel nothing but cold guilt, despair and diarrhea as you ponder on why you didn’t find anything better and less regurgitating to eat. Opps, did I ramble off again? Sorry about that. The story is pretty much this, troublemaker boy who everyone avoids finds out he has a demon side to him, then goes to school for exorcism, wants to be the strongest exorcist which is called hokage…Paladin. Does this sound familiar to anyone yet? That was just the basic plot outline. We also neglected to mention that this show steals…gathers inspiration from other shounen titles like d.gray-man, souleater, fullmetal alchemist, among others. As naruto like as this anime is you’ll be verily disappointed to find out that a filler episode of Naruto has better and more exciting fights than this. Action- wise this show climaxed when Rin had to face Amaimon the earth king (2 lazy to add him to my character section). Everything else after this moment was just depressingly bad. Many times I looked forward to this character named Mephisto(opps left out another) to kickass but every single damn time he failed to deliver. Ultimately, that is what this show does, it fails to deliver. It tries to cater to a shounen audience but lacks the impact of better more successful shounen. Now Daimyo you might say that this anime is more story driven and thus does not need to rely on cheap acts of violence. Well, then OBJECTION! This show’s story is just as terrible as any other is, if not worse. There are a lot of useless plotlines that don’t even get properly resolved. Like who was it that brought Neuhaus’(at this point just screw the character section) wife back to life in the first place. That eyebrow’s girl story was pretty much thrown out the window too. We do not even know who the antagonist is the majority of the show’s run. When we finally find it out it’s satan, of course the Japanese have to make us try to sympathize so they paint satan as more of an anti-hero or at the very least an anti-villain(tv tropes motherfucker). He is trying to usher in a new world where the demons of Gehenna and the people of Assiah (more terms I ignored) can live together. So we get a satan that sounds more like Lelouche fucking Lamperouge than well satan. You know the absolute evil, cursed by the big G(google?), hated by all, yadda, yadda, yadda(for more info pick up your nearest Bible, Torah or Quran). Just as they had extinguished Mephisto’s flames right before his crowning moment of awesome, I felt they had extinguished my ability to enjoy this show.5/10

Let’s recap this a bit shall we. We are given a show with essentially two or three characters, a poor clumsy attempt at a storyline, topped off with disappointing fights. Basically, what we have is a wet mess. However, seeing as we had 3 paragraphs full of my failed attempts at comedy let’s get serious here. I am left somewhat confused as to how to finally score this anime. There were many moments throughout the course of the show’s run where I felt this show truly did deserve its rating of 8.20. Had this show ended right after the fight with Amaimon I would have scored it somewhere between the 7.0-7.5 range. The reason is not length. I mean the show is only 25 episodes, so perhaps I might be able to add this to the oh so common manga-anime adaptation failure’s list. Then you might say that this show is simply not my taste. Not quite if you were to view my anime and mangalists you would see that the majority of the shows I complete are in the category of shounen. Some might say this has caused me to lose out on other great animes from different genres/demographics over the years (alas only shounen and seinen satisfy my young manly soul). I feel modern anime in general tries to cater to too many different tastes at once and overall just ends up being tasteless. This is not to say I did not enjoy this show, it just felt rather bland. It’s not the type of show that left an impact. And ten years from now if someone asked me to name the animes from this era that left the biggest imprint on me, ao no exorcist most likely would not be part of the conversation. Who knows though? Anime is like fine wine, much better when it’s aged. Hopefully, by then Daimyo will be sufficiently aged as well.

The End

In this world there are many legends. The legend of Zelda, the legend of Excalibur, the legend of leisure suit Larry. Likewise it also isn’t usual for many Legends to carry hero in their titles; Legend of Condor heroes and the legend of Galactic heroes are two good examples of this particular trend. However, this series I’m about to review (in my now trademarked half-assed style) does what very few series before have dared to do. It gives itself a name so damn awesome you’ll cream yourself every time you think about it. Welcome to Legend of the Legendary Heroes (DenYuDen!).


Characters

With a name as ... awesome as this, the story has to be good. I'm guessing probably full of action, epic battles, great characters and manri men. Well, if you (like me) thought that was the case you couldn't be anymore wrong. Try dumplings, tsundere, more dumplings and assassination attempts that clearly aren't Ezio based(ubisoft, western?... ok ok tenchu based then) . The plot is exactly as written in the title; the primary (and often randomly exploited) story is about a search for legendary hero artifacts from a past age, called legendary hero relics(very original). You might want to bring a map for this one as you'll have almost no clue where this story is headed. One episode they'll be searching for the hero relics(and failing) and the next episode Ryner and Ferris will be wasting minutes discussing dumplings in a very bakemonogatari like banter. There's literally little to no consistency in this shows tone. Which really wouldn't be so bad if that was what they were aiming for. However, that is definitely not the case as you'll see that shortly after these episodes about dumplings, going on a date and various other things(that belong on a slice of life show and not a show with the name legend) we are given massacres, wars and tales of hidden corruption. As a result this show has no flow, no sense of direction. Now I'm well aware that this was originally a light novel and perhaps this style of narration worked best for that format. But for an anime? Many times I found myself confused at to what was going on. This especially worsened towards the end. Where I assume the producers/studio found out that they had blown their budget and poorly managed the episodes and now suddenly had to fit 100 plot devices into the last 2-3 episodes. Seriously, I don't even know if what happened at the end could even be called a cliffhanger. It all just felt very anti-climatic and rushed. Cliffhangers are supposed to build the tension for a possible(or in this case improbable) continuation. All this ending did was build more confusion. There are so many questions left unanswered at the end. Who is Ferris' brother? Why is Gastark so desperately after the relics? What is the point to all this Lonesome Devil Dark Hero business ? I fear at the rate they're going even if they did continue this series it would take at least another 2 seasons before any of these questions get answered. And we'll all be left no doubt with a feeling that it was 2 seasons 2 many(ahahah...no?). Be that as it may the story does captivate it's audience and if you get past the slow beginning you'll definitely find something moderately interesting. For that reason alone it gets a 7/10.


Story

The characters. Ah what would a show be without its characters(what would a daimyo review be without random questions and comments)? First and foremost we have Grif...Sion Astal as this shows black knight. He starts off with good intentions(conquering the world), a coup and later down the road begins to ask himself where all of this went wrong. It isn't Sion's fault though, Sion's mom was a commoner and his father was a noble so it completely makes sense to us the viewers when we see things like Sion being split into two personalities. His first personality and the personality that defines his character as whole (as it sets the tone for yaoi fanfiction writers across the globe) is the typical shojo male. Flamboyant and visually effeminate it is the face he usually shows when talking to Ryner(suspicious). It is also the one usually displayed during this show's ending credits. His 2nd personality however is what I would describe as the serious fucking business look. Anything can happen when he displays this look ranging from: wars, noble executions and various attempts to kill his best friend. The reason for all these things? I suppose you could explain the first two kingly business and all that but the last one is up for grabs. Is Sion a crazy sadistic mofo(awesome)? Or is he just jealous that Ryner loves Ferris and not him? Who knows, who cares he's the villain and that's as much as the series wants us to believe. Who needs a motive? Evil is evil guys. Next up we have Ryner what I guess you could call this shows primary protagonist. What you need to know about Ryner is that in Japan people that don't work and want to sleep all day are cool dudes(shikimaru, etc). Where just about everywhere else they're jackasses (or daimyos). The main difference however, between a Ryner and a Daimyo is a Ryner has no reason to be lazying about all day. Ryner has atleast 3 women who would come(pun) to his every whim and call. The fact that he has what could potentially become a harem makes Ryner anime 2.0 approved. His first bi... love interest is this chick by the name of Kiefer (ran out of good names). Not much needs to be said about her and so I won't say anything else. But please do feel free to imagine and ad lib whatever this loquacious Daimyo might say. His 2nd and by far more tsundere love interest is Ferris (Ferris? Ferris? Ferris Bueller?). Just as you might imagine she loves hitting our main character and subsequently wasting our time pretending not to like him. Many an episode died as these two tried to conceive what would only be described as a bastard plot. Don't get me wrong though I'd love to bone her, but would I marry her? No. My life is what could only be described as an action anime full of suspense, violence, explosions and tissues(don't ask). Having her involved would change my life into some sort of mediocre slice of life. And that is exactly what Ferris does to Legend of the Legendary heroes. Her interactions with Ryner while they may seem interesting to some just remove quality from the show. Finally for the last love interest, we must ask ourselves this question. What does a show need to be greenlight for production these days? Random dialogue check, tsundere check, moe check, bishounen males check. Seems like everything doesn't it. But in the words of the eternal captain Konata of the USS Fap-J "Make it loli". Now you'll have to excuse me for not knowing this last ones name off the top of my head so I will just call her Orange Juice. In fact it is my opinion she was just added to ensure that this show maintained anime 2.0 standards. Without Orange Juice, Ryner is just in a love triangle( easily solved when studying rumbling hearts). With her, Ryner has a certified harem. The fact that Orange Juice is also a loli guarantees sales. Now we have other characters and once again simply out of lazyness I won't comment on them. Don't worry you really aren't missing out on anything all we have left is shotas, hentai sized women(mmm), more bishounen and very poorly written blood knights. Once again proving that if you can't write a story with a few characters adding a bunch of them won't make it any better (though it does make my rants longer). 6/10


Overall

Going by the trend in my scores a 7 in the story and a 6 in characters can only be the sign of worse things to come. Normally you would be right but believe it or not I rather enjoyed this series. Now some of you may think I've gone AWOL but it really isn't that bad(it isn't that good either). The most entertaining stories I found usually had to with Sion's story of conquest. I found that the darker elements helped to combat the uneventful I love Lucy type plots. 8/10



Entertainment

Despite all it's flaws though, unlike another show I rated and review similar to this, Legend of the Legendary Heroes almost never comes off as pretentious. It doesn't try to fool the viewers into believing its made a masterpiece of a show. Neither does liking this show require one to kiss the feet of Kagami Takaya, the shows creator. For those reasons alone I am truly grateful. At the end of the day it's up to you (or your favourite reviewer) to decide whether or not you will like this show more than let's a stardriver or an index. But with so many shows attempting to blend different genres into one mass produced food tablet you'll find that no matter what you decide to watch this or next season everything will seem oh so similar. DenyuDen just did it in a way that wasn't dreadfully painful to watch. 7/10

In the beginning Shigeru Miyamoto created the animes and the games. Now the bookshelves were formless and empty darkness spread over the weaboos as people grew tired of reading picture less books…
Time skip billions of years later (yay no fillers) and you now find that we live in a world full of manga. Yes we have plenty of manga. But do you know what the anti-christ to all manga is? It’s the manwha. Poor, poor (repeat twice for dramatic effect) neglected and often forgotten manwha. It’s said that if you read enough manwha’s it will bring about the end of the world (smb3 world 1 ... level 1). Furthermore, those caught reading manwha’s on the day of judgement will also not get 99 loli virgins. That being said it’s always good to read a manwha once in a while. And that’s the reason why Daimyo has brought you all here (all 3 of you), today we’re going to read some manwha. Now, now (repeat twice for dramatic effect) don’t get mad I know what you’re going to say reading sucks (and I really can’t blame you all reading is a bitch). But don’t worry I already read this manwha so all you have to do is read my review (sounds like a fair deal right?). So let’s get started with Island by In-Wan Youn (5 dollars if you can pronounce his name). The great thing about manwha is that you don’t need to be a weaboo to read them. They actually read like normal books left to right. So your friends won’t think you’re a lunatic who stays at home fapping all day to under aged cartoon girls if you read them, that is until you explain the story…

Story 8/10
The story is set on the very unfictional(made up words are the best) island of cheju in southern Korea. Here we have our female protagonist by default Miho who came on this island basically because she’s a spoiled rich bitch who has nothing to do but complain all day and make other people’s lives miserable(sort of like me, minus the rich and bitch parts of course). Yup, she’s so rich she could sell her shit on ebay as gold bricks and have 99% positive feedback. But would she make gundams out of her gold shit bricks? No and that’s why she’s a bitch. But she’s a hot woman and definantly my typo so I excuse her. Anyway moving along somewhere down the road she meets our real main character a man known solely as Pan (no he is not a pansexual…I think?). Well how did they meet you say? Well, let’s just say that this very real island isn’t so much of a tourist destination, for people atleast. It’s a hotspot for demons and let’s also say that demons love virgin blood (so if I was the one reading this review I’d run away by now). You can pretty much figure out how this goes down, weak spoiled brat meets strong terrifying demon, brat is about to get killed, brat meets hero, hero saves brat. At this point the story can either go 2 ways, it could become a tale of romance between the two characters or it can just become a character of the day rinse and repeat type deal. However, Island chooses the 3rd route the WTF route. Island is not about a romance between two insecure characters; Island is not an episodic character of the day routine. Island is goddam Island, not bound by rules of convention and stereotypes of traditional stories and characters you get a tale that truly is dark and unpredictable. Although the story was somehow short and didn’t tie up all the loose ends, the fact that we are given a tale that is not afraid to break the mould it warrants a solid 8.


Characters 7/10
As for the characters, there really wouldn’t be a story without this assorted mix of pals & gals. Variety is key here. First and foremost we have Miho said rich bitch mentioned earlier (but I still love her). The story is pretty much told from her perspective, or at least with her as the primary focus. Which isn’t necessarily bad but later on you’ll get slightly annoyed with her attitude (feel free to bitch slap her afterwards). Next is our star player, Pan. He’s a deranged serial killer, goddamn. Don’t be fooled, he isn’t in it for good of us all, to be a hero or to save the world; he’s just in it for the lulz. Literally, that’s the only way I can describe his motivations for killing these demons, he just enjoys murder. Don’t be fooled he isn’t chaotic evil he’s most likely neutral evil seeing as he can be bargained with and even has certain things he won’t do. He’s the primary reason I suggest you should read this manwha( I love saying manwha). There are a lot of thing he’ll do that you won’t like. In fact, he’s quite the hateable guy. His only motivations are greed and self-interest but I find people like that to be realistic. I mean he’s not the type of guy who ends all his sentences in dattebayo, foolishly tries to protect everyone or thinks he’s justice incarnated. He’s just a cold blooded murderer no false pretences like in so many other manga (though this is a manwha). Next we have John a priest of the non-ordained (yay for sex…not with little boys!) brotherhood from America. He takes the role as the character that gets pummelled down and gets beaten up most of the manwha(see I said it again). Unfortunately, unlike Pan he thinks he’s justice. So all his enemies better beware, justice will always prevail at the end of the manwha! Next we have our group of Japanese groupies who are there primarily to make this manwha appeal more to a Japanese audience. What we have here is a rowdy mix mostly involving bastards, traps and reverse traps. Sounds delicious doesn’t it? Combined with the fact that the fact that these guys act like complete assholes the majority of the manwha we have a clear message here. What our Korean dictators want us to know is that all Japanese people act like bigoted asshats(isn’t that right Kim?). Let’s be fair they do try to change their jerkass personalities towards the end but it all felt too Hollywood and cliché. There isn’t much character development in this one, mostly due to issues with the stories pacing and its abrupt ending. However, what we do see of the characters is fairly interesting and satisfying enough.

Enjoyment & Overall 8/10
Despite this manwha’s flaws i.e. the length and some of the character’s I had a good time with this one. It was a good read on a slow day when I couldn’t fap( I was all maxed out that day), didn’t feel like going outside and couldn’t find a manga to read. I myself, tend to avoid manwha’s. While I feel many manwhas start strong, the stories tend to get more and more convoluted and end quite horribly. This was especially the case with the other manwha I completed Veritas. However, as far as Island is concerned that statement is only partially true. After reading this one you’ll almost feel disappointed that it ended so soon. There is so much that needs and/or can be explored. Despite this fact, the ending while not necessarily complete certainly isn’t bad (and with a little ecstasy what’s the difference?). This series is a solid 8 overall, definitely worth reading if you find yourself bored with nothing else to do.

Ahh sitting down my computer on this fine Halloween evening good ole Daimyo had a marvellous idea. Let’s review a completely scary and terrifying anime. Now good ole Daimyo has seen his fair share of anime, both good and bad. But rarely does an anime completely terrify him as this one did. In fact after watching something as terrible as this I feel I will never be the same loveable person you’ve all come to know and respect. But I did it all for you, yes it was for you the would be readers (actually it was for my ego) I poured my heart into ... this series. As you can see I’m doing quite the job of pussyfooting around what we’re actually going to review. I have a valid reason for this, currently I am sitting on my ass passing out Halloween candy to all the annoying kids who should be at home doing their homework on this miserable Sunday night, instead of barking(yes one kid barked) up my house for cheap sugary coated treats. So as you can see my temperament is quite disagreeable (I’ll be fine after a couple prozacs). But don’t worry because of that you all get the honour of an extremely long and tedious review. In fact going by the rate I’m typing this nonsense down I might even break my previous records. Hooray! Leaving that aside, I’m sure all of you are familiar with the Harry Potter book and movie series by a certain JK Rowling (good because I’m sure not). If you recall there was a character that was not to be named, yes because if you called this fiend by his name who knows what sort of unspeakable evil and atrocities could be committed. I feel just the same way with Jun Maeda and Key (oh shit I just named them) . Usually, when people discuss key/Maeda work’s such as Clannad I tend to give them the evil eye or the hard flame. This is because first of all just by reading the synopsis I can immediately tell that this type of bilge is going to give me sprue. But you know so as to not appear as an ignorant asshat, I tell them that while I think the premise of the show is shit, I can’t call the entire show shit until I get around and arsed to watching it. Well that is exactly what happened with Jun Maeda’s Angel Beats, I kept bitching about how terrible it was until I finally got around to watching it. Did I get a sudden epiphany and do a complete 180 like some of the characters did in this show towards the end? No, but what I did see scared the holy crap out of me.

Story 7/10
Woah where do I begin? What the hell just happened? What the hell is this? What the hell am I saying what the hell for?(It’s actually Why the hell but I didn’t want to combo break) Now usually when I review a series I just look at the synopsis edit it a bit(plagiarize) and add my own personal finesse to why I think it was awesome. Well, that’s just it the story of Angel Beats was not awesome. From what I understood it involves teenagers who got sent to heaven and await reincarnation? (Sorry I put a question mark, I don’t know where the hell they got sent, but thankfully neither does Jun Maeda.) Yes, here in this random dimension they get to temporarily experience the teenage fun they never had while they were still alive. (Just like Disney land without all the rodents!) I don’t know about you, but I felt they missed out several integral parts of enjoying a complete teenage life. Where were the drugs, gang violence and sluts (debatable presence)? You know the type of stuff that makes Hollywood orgasm dollars. But heh I guess to people in Japan being a teenager means playing baseball and just overall finding new ways to be a douchebag to everyone, and then growing up to buy used panties from dispensable machines, animating H-material and taking opium(or paint thinners) and then going to Roppongi for a Hot Saturday Night. But enough of my rambling we didn’t really address why this story sucks. It’s not only that it’s extremely confusing, but it’s also as if there are certain switches Key threw in there to evoke certain emotions from people. At times it was like they wanted you to laugh but I wasn’t laughing. Other times it was like they wanted me to be sad but who would shed manri tears for a show like this. Maybe I’m just a bad person(ahahahaha yea right)? So almost always my Key switches were off, I mean there were a couple times where my switches were half on mostly leaning towards the comedy side and especially when said scene involved a certain TK. But other than that I just felt myself waiting for time to pass and the next episode to air. I can say that towards the end the story seems to finally go at a decent pace and at least develop into something mediocre. Not to give any spoilers it’s not that the ending was good or bad per say just that it wasn’t as terrible as I thought it could be. Still it could not save itself from the atomic remains of what occurred before it. To be honest I was leaning towards giving this one a 6 (which was written down when I was drunk and writing this) but now I’ll change it to a slightly more appealing 7/10.

Characters 6/10
I wish I could slightly save the characters the same way I saved the story (tbh nobody could completely save that story). Unfortunately, if you thought the story was all over the place with its convoluted ideas then the characters were fucking all around the world in 13 episodes. We just had a shitload of characters... scratch that a fuckton. As a result some were ok, a lot bad and the rest were just plain negligible. For the sake of my review (laziness) and not having to recall all the painful memories I had with the cast (excuses) I will only mention a couple that stuck out for me (bias). Ah first and foremost my favourite character TK. Hell he’s the only reason you should stick around for this. He’s by far the best and most underrated character in this series. Poor bastard only gets like what 2-3 lines per episode and that’s if he’s lucky. Also his Engrish really impressed me, and I found myself pumped every time he said that vintage anime line “Get Chance and Luck”. His dancing moves were just so fresh, if all weaboos were like TK just imagine how great the world would be. The next noticeable character is our traditional punk/yankii character Noda(had to search it up). He really talks like a yankii(which is awesome) but unfortunately, that’s all he can do, talk. I think it’s supposed to be for some sort of comedic effect, but every time he tries to act like a badass he fails. I almost feel sorry for him he has all the negatives of a delinquent (rude, loud mouthed, somewhat an idiot) but none of the benefits (i.e the ass kicking elements). I mean just imagine you’re watching GTO and Onizuka couldn’t kick anyone’s ass, what we’d get is a train wreck (Otonashi no!!!!) and that’s essentially what his character is, a real mess. I can’t tell if he’s supposed to be the lancer (though the main character seems to have enough gigolo’s to satisfy his exotic needs) or just deadweight like the rest of cast. No in fact I pity you, I pity that your character was wasted on Key’s works. Had you have been featured in another anime/manga much more manri you may have made a name for yourself. OK now those of you who are still reading my review must be furious by now, I haven’t talked about any of your favourite characters. Well if I did I could easily keep this going for 10+ pages of rants and complaints. But I have an obligation to at least comment (complain) about what I dubbed this show’s “holy trinity”. Otonashi-Kanade-Yuri. You really can’t discuss (hate) this show without mentioning these 3 characters (at least not effectively). Well, where do I start? We have so much to discuss. Should we start with Otonashi’s generic pseudo defender of justice image, self-righteous tendencies or poor taste in women? Hmm how about all of them at once, well ok then, sure why not. First of all Otonashi, donating your rotten organs right before your death doesn’t make you a hero. Also it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, it’s like in your mind you’re always the hero. You could be working with the evil (subjective) emotionless force that’s been plotting against you for the majority of the show but still somehow end up being justice’s crusader and falling in love at the same time. It wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t take yourself so goddamn serious. But you always do always serious fucking business with you. It’s like you feel if you don’t help the people get obliterated they might die or something. Oh no wait it’s the opposite they will disappear if you obliterate them. Also what kind of man leaves all the fighting to the women; I’ll tell you a pussy (you’ll have to excuse my french). Otonashi is definitely the meddling father in this trinity. Next we have Yuri. Hmm whenever I see her I think about a show I saw several years ago, with almost the exact same character except executed in a better way. The name escapes me… I think the main character’s name started with an H( Google Letter H Japanese) so we’ll just abbreviate it to that. Yes indeed Yuri would be much better if she followed H’s example. Don’t ask me why that is but I tend to like titles involving women with H’s in them better than those that don’t have said H. I guess she would be the unholy spirit. Now this last one really bites my ass, and not like some cheap prostitute but more like an overpriced one that doesn’t know its place. Kanade, this character was completely emotionless and not in the badass stoic Kenshiro way but more like I’m getting raped but don’t care type of way. However, for some strange (predictable) reason she’s the most powerful person on the show. I mean who would suspect that the emo girl would end up being the strongest!? I was completely shocked, like honestly it catches me off guard in the same way a romance begins to develop in a shojo title. But she isn’t just strong, she’s inexplicably strong no she just goes ninja shit on all the other characters, abilities come out of her ass all while maintaining that composure. It gets even better when they customize her and turn her into her own Wing zero custom (minus buster canons). Did I mention I really love angel beats characters? In this trinity she’s the son…er daughter for obvious heart sharing reasons.

Enjoyment/Overall 6/10
While I did enjoy writing this review the actual show itself was not as enjoyable. In fact I would almost be inclined to say that I forced myself to watch it just so that I could write this review (precognition). It’s almost as if I was destined to write about this show. That being said I made several points in my notebook that I did not mention in my review. This is obviously though to me surpassing the 2,000 word point (we did it guys!) but mostly because of once again laziness. Also I feel that by now I may have angered enough fans who actually read this entire review, so not much more needs to be said. This is review is probably off base, I mean the anime community doesn’t really like to things in shades of gray (myself included) most people are always on one side of the extreme or the other. Unfortunately, it just so happened that the extreme (minority) of fans I represent dislike shows like Angel beats in general. Every time I tried to get into the show, it’s almost as if the creators were determined to throw me off the horse. Take Yui for example a character I conveniently missed out in commentaries, completely annoying and un-necessary but said character is also completely loli. This means she not only gets her own romantic sub-plot she also gets an entire episode dedicated to developing her character. From the massive amount of characters to choose from why did it have to be her? Is Key/Maeda trying to show me that whatever I think I may like about this show isn’t going to be touched upon further. But I feel I’ve daunted and rambled on too much about this show.

Preface (Please don’t read)

And now it’s time for another amazing (half ass) review from the world renowned and now famous (in his head) Daimyo. In our last segment we reviewed blank. Indeed blank and blank’s characters will always hold a pace in my heart. This time around we’ll be reviewing a personal favorite of mine Fukumoto Nobuyuki’s Saikyou Densetsu Kurosawa (Legend of the strongest Man, Kurosawa). And now I know they’ll be those among you who will ask what’s the occasion? Why is the elusive and super rare Pokémon Daimyo making such an appearance? A review even!? Well I can calmly say that it ... is for absolutely no good reason. (That and I saw that nobody else did a review so I might as well steal some spotlight) And without further ado let’s start this catastrophe!

(Skip leisurely)

Story 9/10

Miserable, alone and overall just plain pathetic Kurosawa seeks purpose in his life. He constantly tries to fit into society but is equally rejected. His colleagues don’t respect him and his best friend is a traffic robot. Yes, Kurosawa is just like you, the unlucky reader who happens to be reading this review (just substitute traffic robot with your collection of anime and/or gaming material). And that’s just what makes the story of Kurosawa so great, it’s so believable so realistic. The story places us in the shoes of a middle-aged loser. Fukumoto’s amazing storytelling ability greatly executed. Through out the story there are many twists, unexpected events and hardships that those of you accustomed to his other works such as Kaiji and Akagi will recognize and appreciate. This story will definitely take you on an emotional rollercoaster with many ups and downs before it comes to a dramatic stop.

Character’s 9/10

As mentioned earlier the strength of Fukumoto’s writing is what truly makes the story unique. In the character of Kurosawa we see him progress from a loser with no ambition and no goals, to a man who knows that while he may not have won at life will not stop to protect the values he believes in. Kurosawa is definitely manri. A modern samurai if you will, even when crying in tears like a small child Kurosawa’s manriness will make you shit in your pants. The side characters while definitely not as amazing as kurosawa do a good job as Kurosawa’s support. First and foremost we have super tall and hormonally abused middle schooler Nakane (people are this big in japan?). The first important person Kurosawa goes apeshit on and also the first person to call Kurosawa his bro. Next we have Ono former delinquent and hater of Kurosawa who comes to respect Kurosawa as a manri man and pretty much turns him into the banchou of the workplace. Finally the last side character that deserves a name in my review is that pathetic kid weird kid ugh what’s his name again… oh yea Asai was his name. He’s kind of out of place in the theme of this manga but somehow he fits well. Or maybe it’s the fact he did almost absolutely nothing the entire manga I have nothing negative or positive to write about him. Throw in a trail mix of side characters and enemies and this manga really has a solid cast to it. We’re not going to see much evolution in terms of the other characters, but who cares we’re here for Kurosawa.

Enjoyment 10/10

Boy did I have fun with this one. Kurosawa’s crazy and over the top tactics for defeating his opponents had me either standing in awe with my mouth dropped like a scream replica or laughing my ass off. Honorable mention goes to the chapter titled Biological Warfare… it was definitely biological. There was just the right amount of despair and satisfaction between each arc and problem Kurosawa had to face. Thankfully this is Fukumoto we’re dealing with so he was successful in keeping this feeling all the way to the end of the manga. That being said I have seen some people complain about the story’s pacing, especially in the beginning. They claim it was either too depressing or slow and they would be correct. Indeed it takes about 20/25 or so chapters in before this one really takes off. I do however feel the intro did a great job of getting us into the mind of Kurosawa.

Overall 9/10

Great series. What more can be said?(And I am sure by now you want me to stop talking). If you are a fan of Fukumoto’s work or are just a fan of psychological thrillers with just the right amount of action you’ll love this one. And to finish this long review I shall leave you all with a thought provoking quote from the manga. (Wearing my fancy hat) « Panties are the best! »

Notes 2.0 Now in 2D!

Daimyo is crazy and therefore his opinions are not to be taken seriously.

Daimyo does not re-read his sentences.

Daimyo is not Japanese, he is a weaboo… and proud.

Daimyo is not liable for any brain aneurysms obtained while reading his reviews.