WARNING: This review contains spoilers for Hellstar Remina and Uzumaki. You have been warned.
Ito Junji is one of my favorite mangakas. His creative, fascinating, and horrifying drawings he painstakingly creates never fail to impress me. But Hellstar Remina is not one of his better works. In fact, it’s probably the worst out of all his manga that I’ve read.
Story: Hellstar has a very simple premise we’ve all probably seen before. Humanity observes an imminent threat to their existence and everyone goes completely bonkers. Hellstar doesn’t have one of the more creative ideas though. I’ve read several stories about “living” planets or mystery planets crashing into
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Dec 21, 2018 Not Recommended
Warning: This review is NOT spoiler free and may contain spoilers for Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
It happens to just about everything that gets popular. Creators realize they have one sweet cash cow and they want to milk her dry. So many horrible things like the Star Wars prequels and Cursed Child have come from those abused cash cows and now we get to add The Sacred Star of Milos to that ever-growing list. Mediocre at best and an absolutely awful film at worst, SSOM is a shameless attempt to capitalize off of the Fullmetal Alchemist franchise. If you couldn’t tell by the score I gave this ... movie, it was a pretty lousy attempt. Animation: You’d assume that they’d at least get the animation right. Haha nope. The animation uses a somewhat different style from Brotherhood and it… doesn’t really work. Everyone’s hair looks like tentacle monsters, the frame rate is slow, and the action scenes aren’t very sharp or well animated. It had a sort of experimental feel to it, like the animators didn’t really know what they were doing and didn’t really care. And if that was the case, it shows. Sound: Fine I guess. All the old characters keep their voice actors and none of them turn out a particularly bad performance. However, there’s nothing amazing either. All the music is perfectly average and there’s almost nothing of note to say about the sound. Plot: Now here’s where we run into the bigger problems. The plot of this movie is a rehash of things we’ve already seen in the FMA franchise and honestly, it’s pretty dumb. Milos is just another, less interesting Ishval and of course there’s a giant transmutation circle and a philosopher’s stone. Of course. The creators of this movie had a beautiful rich world filled with creativity handed to them on a silver platter and they chose to do things we’ve already seen from the franchise. The biggest sin this story commits though is the complete lack of a reason why any FMA characters need to be here. With a little tweaking to the script, Ed and Al could easily be written out of this movie. That makes the movie a very poor way to introduce someone into the FMA franchise. In a movie based on preexisting works, you have to strike a careful balance between appealing to people new to the franchise and appealing to longtime fans. Movies like The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya strike this balance perfectly. With just a little explaining, you could show that movie to someone completely new to Haruhi Suzumiya and it also has something to offer to old fans. SSOM completely fails at this. Alchemy and Ed and Al’s backstory is so badly explained, no one who hadn’t seen or read FMA would any idea as to what was going on. Yet the movie also included exposition dumps that felt like they were intended for newcomers. That way, nobody wins. The twists in the plot are laughable and are either asspulls that make no sense (like the whole skin-grafting thing- has anyone working on the story seen the results of a real face transplant?) or incredibly obvious twists you could see from five miles away. Seriously, we all knew Melvin was evil. There were so many holes in his story it is a miracle anyone believed him as long as they did. And can we talk about the ending for a second? Julia opens the gate of truth. If we consider this as canon information, why isn’t Father trying to get his hands on Julia? Then he wouldn’t have to use Roy as a sacrifice and it would be much more convenient for him. Overall, this is just bad writing. No effort or love was put into this story at all. Characters: *heavy breathing* Original characters- None of the characters this movie creates are particularly interesting. Julia is given some time to develop, the problem is that she just isn’t an interesting character. Rather, she’s a textbook Mary Sue. The villains are laughable, flimsy pieces of cardboard with almost no motivation and anyone else was so forgettable I don’t know what to write about them. FMA characters- With the exception of Ed and Al, returning characters from FMA do absolutely nothing in this movie and are only there to provide fanservice. Winry does not need to be in this movie, Roy does not need to be in this movie, and Riza does not need to be in this movie. Like I mentioned earlier, Ed and Al honestly don’t need to be in this movie either. Enjoyment: An utterly joyless experience. Watching one of my favorite franchises degraded so much was agonizing and I found myself shouting at the screen, that’s how much certain events frustrated me. This movie didn’t even have a ’so bad it’s good’ quality to it. Final Verdict: Just don’t bother watching this. 2/10.
Reviewer’s Rating: 2
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Dec 4, 2018
Sword Art Online
(Anime)
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Not Recommended
Ah, Sword Art Online. The show that took 2012 by storm and split the anime community into two groups: those who loved the show unconditionally and those who loathe anything to do with it. I’m not really in either camp, as SAO has definite problems but is not irredeemable. However, I believe it has more negatives than positives. Is this show overrated? Yeah, but it also doesn’t deserve all the hate it’s getting. Luckily for me though, there’s still plenty to pick apart and criticize. So let’s get started!
Animation This show’s high budget shows. The animation is absolutely gorgeous. The character designs are nothing special ... (and Kirito’s second design with the spiky hair and pointy ears looks really stupid) but the landscapes and designs of the fantasy worlds, weapons, and bosses look amazing. The only problem I had with it was the tendency to accentuate a girl’s boobs or butt and place them directly in front of the camera. It made all the horny teenage boys happy but the rest of us weren’t amused (I suppose it made horny lesbians happy too but I was totally not one of them). Overall though, this was one of the better aspects of the show. Sound I watched most of SAO dubbed, which I don’t normally do, so I will be judging that version. In general, the voice acting was decent. Voices fit the characters and no one gave a truly god-awful performance. I do have a bone to pick with Bryce Papenbrook, the voice of Kirito. I’m not his biggest fan to say the least. Whenever he raises his voice and starts screaming, I’m tempted to reach for the earplugs. It’s definitely not the worst voice acting I’ve ever heard though so you get some points there. My favorite part about the voice acting though was some of the unintentionally hilarious lines. On two separate occasions, Kirito yelled, “I gotta go fast!” during a battle and then there’s “This is the gnarliest sword you can get from a monster drop!” For the most part, the OST was good. None of the tracks made me want to look them up and listen to them on their own but they fit the scenes well and were very well done. And lastly, the openings and endings. The first op and the first ending were very good. I especially like the op, so catchy! The second set gets just a meh from me. Plot In case you’ve been living under a rock the past couple of years, SAO is about a near future where virtual reality has progressed by leaps and bounds and you can now control an avatar in a virtual world with only your mind. An MMO called Sword Art Online is the first to utilize this technology and 10,000 lucky players, including our lead Kazuto “Kirito” Kiragaya, get to play it for the first time. However, the creator of the game traps them inside it and informs them that the only way to escape the game is to clear all 100 levels of it. Worse, if they die in the game, they’ll die in real life. The players have to work together to escape the virtual world. Sounds like an interesting premise, right? Yeah, it is! Sure, the whole “stuck in a video game” concept has been done before but SAO could’ve easily put a new spin on it and made this a dark story about survival and loss, while still being enchanting and a joy to watch. Did that happen? No, not really. I’d say the first two episodes of SAO are actually good. They got straight to the point and set up the story well. Then the story completely lost focus and we got several episodes dedicated to Kirito meeting a cute girl, helping her out, and then ditching her. Why is Kirito such a chick magnet anyway? He’s supposed to be a socially awkward shut-in in real life yet he has at least seven girls in love with him. The story just meanders around to wherever it’s convenient, making random time skips and just narrating what happened, skipping out on fight scenes for poorly developed romance, plot twists everyone could see coming, and more. However, though the first arc’s story was very flawed, it still knew where it was going and delivered in the end. The whole Aincrad arc was just (very) dumb fun for me. But then we got to the Alfheim arc. And everything that resembled a logical, fun story was thrown out the window. I have so many problems with this part of the story I don’t even know where to start. The whole idea of including another game so Kirito can have some more adventures just seems like a lame cash grab. And unlike dying in Sword Art Online, dying in Alfheim Online has no real life consequences. That sucks all the tension out of the show because the audience knows that even if someone fails and dies, they can just come right back. It also makes the player’s attitudes towards the game (aside from Kirito because he has a reason to take the game seriously) seem very off. I have little experience with MMOs and this game probably feels very “real” but everyone takes it way too seriously. Another problem with the idea of introducing another game using the technology used to create SAO: why would anyone play it? According to the show, SAO sparked a lot of controversy when it started killing players and left the ones that survived in a coma for two years. So why would anyone play a game that used the same technology, lest their brains get fried? Come to think of it, how is this even legal at this point? And I haven’t even gotten started on what happened to Asuna. That whole thing was just sick and uncomfortable. Enough said. Sword Art Online had an interesting premise that ultimately failed to deliver and it just down spiraled into a nonsensical fantasy harem. Characters Oh boy, I’ve been looking forward to this part. By far, SAO’s weakest aspect it its characters. This is gonna be fun. Kirito- This guy is the definition of a Gary Stu. We should start calling Gary Stu characters Kiritos. He succeeds at everything he does, usually on the first try. Kirito masters new skills instantly and is the only player that gets to have the oh so special ability to use two swords at once. He defeats armies that no one else has put a dent in. He’s super intelligent. And he gets all the ladies! It’s painfully obvious the writers were trying to make him “cool” but he’s ultimately a very boring character because without failure, he doesn’t grow or learn anything. He could learn after a humiliating loss that he shouldn’t be so arrogant or that he needs the help of others sometimes but that never happens. Also, Kirito seems to suffer from MPD. From solo, intelligent badass to bumbling, perverted idiot to loving family man, Kirito does it all! Seriously writers, if you’re going to have a character as bland as oatmeal, at least keep them consistent! Asuna- This is the character that really makes my blood boil. She’s constantly changing personalities too but her big shift is from being the strong commander of a guild to a damsel in distress who’s only viewed as a sex object. That’s really progressive guys, keep up the great work. Initially, Asuna is portrayed as a bad tsundere. She hates Kirito, she can’t stand working with him, and she would never fall in love with him. I get it, writing a good tsundere seems pretty hard. It’s not impossible though, just look at Makise Kurisu. Asuna is very inconsistent and her personality is just as bland as Kirito’s. However, she very quickly warms up to him after he has a near death experience (how cliche can you get?), they kiss, they get married, and they get a house together. And then SAO temporarily becomes Twilight with a sappy, perfect romance. I will admit that a few of Kirito and Asuna’s moments were cute, but this is definitely not my new otp. And then we get to the Alfheim arc, where Asuna becomes helpless and incredibly stupid. She lets a man molest her without even trying to stop him and she just sits there and cries for Kirito to save her. Asuna also can’t figure out how to get out of the cage even though there’s very little keeping her in there. Doing this to the supposed strong female character strikes me as a little bit sexist and I almost feel bad for Asuna for being demoted to this. The Villains- Oh boy, these two. The villain in the first arc, Akihiko Kayaba, is the creator of Sword Art Online. For reasons that aren’t very clear, he decides to trap all the players in the game and implement the “if you die in the game, you die in real life” rule. He didn’t play much of a role in the story but my biggest problem was his lack of a clear motivation. Akihiko appears at the end of the first arc and offers an explanation for creating his own virtual world to rule. He says he wanted his own castle and like the idea of ruling a world. My guess is he has some sort of god complex but this isn’t very clear. The villain in the second arc is Sugou Nobuyuki, or the Fairy King Oberon if you prefer. He’s one of the creators of Alfheim Online. And I HATE this guy. His character is bad in the sense that his character is an awful person and that he’s poorly done. Sugou is a greedy pervert that’s also a coward who’s bad at fighting and unintelligent. His only motivation is he wants to marry Asuna. Yeah, you read that right. This sounds more like a villain from an old Disney movie. And honestly, the less we say about him, the better. Sugu- This is the one character I kind of liked. She’s Kirito’s “sister” that turns out to be his cousin. The typical anime trope that opens an opportunity to an incestous relationship. However, this anime deals with it more realistically. Sugu hates herself for her feelings, understands that a relationship with Kirito is wrong, and she doesn’t engage in any perverted acts with her brother and tries to suppress the feelings. She’s also the only “strong female character” that’s actually strong. She’s smart and good at fighting in both the real world and Alfheim Online. Poor Sugu. She doesn’t belong in this show. The only other memorable character was Yui but I honestly have no idea what to say about her. The way her character works and what she is is just baffling to me. I think the creator of the show just made up new rules for her existence on the spot so she could help Kirito and Asuna out of whatever sticky situation they found themselves in. Basically, she’s a walking Deus Ex Machina. Enjoyment I’d be lying if I said this was a torture to watch. During the Aincrad arc, I found myself enjoying it some of the time. Whenever there was some sort of fight or conflict, it was still fun to watch even if it was generic and predictable. However, watching Kirito collect his harem was just boring and infuriating. That’s the worst I can say about the Aincrad arc though. The Alfheim arc is a whole other story. Like I said earlier, it was boring, stupid, uncomfortable, and it made no sense. However, both arcs frequently strayed into the “so bad it’s good” territory so I got a lot of laughs over how ridiculous Kirito’s ability to do anything got. I didn’t enjoy it enough that I’d watch it again but it wasn’t a complete waste of my time. Other Points This was really a wasted opportunity to make jokes and references to MMOs, gamers, and the otaku culture in general. I didn’t notice any of that. How is Kirito so good at an MMO game, games that rely on teamwork and fighting together, as a solo player? Like I said earlier, why aren’t VRMMO games banned after the SAO disaster? Or at least more closely regulated. Both SAO and ALO wouldn’t function very well as MMOs. I don’t know much about those types of games but even I know that. I found the scene where Sugu questions Kirito’s strength after being in a coma for two years and Kirito says he’s been going to the gym and crushes a plastic water bottle to show his “strength” hilarious. What were Kirito’s parents doing during all this? Final Verdict A very flawed series with some enjoyable moments. 4/10.
Reviewer’s Rating: 4
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