Colonelfancy's Profile - Reviews

Last OnlineJan 9, 11:30 AM
GenderMale
BirthdayDec 31, 1982
LocationMidwest, U.S.
JoinedJul 19, 2009

Anime List Manga List

Oct 14, 2018

Jikan no Shihaisha (Anime) add

Not Recommended

Nothing about Chronos Ruler works or is even remotely interesting. Generally, I have a long-winded and over-analyzed opening introspective on even the lamest anime I review, but I feel it's much better to cut to the chase with this one. It's a Frankenstein's Monster of overdone anime tropes, concepts, humor, tone, and personalities that have been done over and over while providing nothing resembling a single original thought of its own. Chronos Ruler is the festering junkie with halitosis and three undiscovered types of hepatitis waiting behind dumpsters at night to rummage through whatever ideas haven't been used recently by better shows.

STORY: The ... only reason I can imagine this idea got greenlit in the first place is because studios are so desperate for a hit is in this age of parity, any panicky, struggling hack writer with a deadline can hastily scribble bullet-points on a Post-It note, submit it to one of the 4,259 studios that are stacked atop each other in Japan, and it'll be regurgitated onto television to fill a time slot. In this instance, Chronos Ruler's origins began when "White-haired card wielding, red clad protag, short-skirted loli who kicks high, and Full Metal Alchemist" was written on a napkin in ketchup and submitted.

Given the pacing, it doesn't even pretend that this synopsis is completely phoned in. Very much like Dream Eater Merry, it hopes you're deluded by jargon to ignore that it's a formulaic monster-of-the-week format with faux importance purposely shrouded in mystery to make up for it not being interesting in the first place. The monsters, which I'm just going to refer to as the Hollows in Bleach (or the Yoma in Claymore), because that's what they are, eat time. The Chronos Rulers, who are FMA's alchemist military (or demon hunters in Blue Exorcist), are charged with hunting them down to restore any offsetting damage they may cause by devouring time, like the Shadows in the Persona series or the demons in D-Gray Man. Victor is a cool, smarmy hero who's laid back on the surface as so his suave demeanor doesn't expose how much he struggles to overcome his soul crushing shortcomings and his odds of letting those around him down. It's borrowed every outdated template under the sun and winds up looking like a dad trying to be hip in front of teenagers. There's no upswing, sense of purpose, and most of the run time for each episode is devoted to lame jokes based on the one aspect of the cookie-cutter personalities. Even its finale felt more like it exceeded its stand-up act and tacked on a room temperature three-parter with an antagonist it pulled out of thin air to stumble across the finish line. SCORE: 2 PATHETIC

ART: Chronos Ruler, like a lot of shows I've seen, looks cheap and slapdashed together in short succession. The CGI doesn't blend properly with the choppy frame rate the cel animation moves at, and during action sequences it looks like cut scenes from a mid generation PlayStation 2 game at best. The character designs are regurgitated templates that have been done to death. Victor Putin obnoxiously wears his white lab coat off his shoulders and it magically dangles around his biceps so you can get a good look at how red his shirt is (because anime). His son Kiri is clad mostly in black and is any given brooding edgelord swordsman. If you chewed up Sebastian Michaelis halfway through a wood chipper and gave him a water-based Zanpakuto, he's what you get. Mina, the lead female, is centuries old, but she hasn't physically aged past 14 (again, because anime). Her one giant ponytail off to the side just annoys me. They all look like they don't fit with wherever the hell this is supposed to take place. It's modern day, but wants badly to be a steampunk set piece. It's awful. SCORE: 3 POOR

SOUND & MUSIC: The English dub is provided by Funimation, and I guess this is the strongest point of Chronos Ruler. It's far from impressive, none of the performance really stand out in a positive or negative manner. It's the same factory produced voice work Funi has been doing since ADV closed its doors, now all the talent just sounds interchangeable.
The musical scores are very free flow jazz centric. It's not bad, if a out of place. In the midst of a fight, it begins to speed up and seems like the horn section is making a run for it after drinking a Red Bull. Chronos Ruler calls for a more somber and orchestrative score, not Marvel vs Capcom 2. I also never caught myself humming opening or closing theme. Maybe that's minute, but that matters to me. SCORE: 4 BELOW AVERAGE

CHARACTERS: I really miss Re:Creators. I went from delving into works of fiction gaining three dimensional personalities to these cut-and-paste chuckleheads (and I have way more hyphen fused adjectives, I'll never run out of those) they are bottom of the basement dreadful. The four central characters, Victor, his son Kiri, his wife, Mina, and Blaze (a fire user, if that name wasn't subtle enough. I wonder which lucky 10 year old tyke won the Pretz Design A Chronos Ruler Sweepstakes) are devoid of chemistry and intrigue. Mina's technically the most interesting character because of her direct ties to the Chronos bloodline (and how a woman that petite managed to give birth to a baby without exploding from traction), but it's treated with all the care and attention of a parcel package labeled FRAGILE and serves only to explain how she's virtually indestructible. Screen time is devoted to making all of them as annoying as possible, because they won't stop quipping or throwing hamfisted insults at each other.

"I'm not going to listen to a virgin!"

Victor: "Hey, we can't pick up chicks here!"
Kiri: "C'mon, be serious for a change!!"

Blaze: "That's the saddest story ever! You're my new little brother!!
Kiri: "Uuuuggh, no I'm not! What's the matter with you!"

.........Please laugh. We swear, it's funny. SCORE: 2 PATHETIC

IN CLOSING: I often say if I feel a work is aiming to be an outlier, give me a B- and up or give me an F. A title like this colors way too inside the lines and is so safely average that it's worse than it actually is. Or if this does tickle your fancy, then I will assume it's among someone's first anime and you have to start somewhere. Chronos Ruler brings absolutely nothing new to the table and even the microwaved leftovers hit their expiration date in 2009. It's derivative, insultingly pedestrian, underwhelming in every category, and hopes the lazy smoke & mirrors act will fishhook unsavvy people into continuing the story in the manga. OVERALL SCORE: 3

PROS: None. I can't think of one single thing this does that's noteworthy
CONS: Chronos Ruler will kill you faster than eating KFC regularly

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Jul 21, 2018

Re:Creators (Anime) add

Recommended

It's going to be a little tricky to not discuss critical spoilers when talking about a show like Re:Creators. It certainly stands out from a lot of titles I've seen and is one of the rare cases when I stumble upon a fairly original concept. The idea of manga and video game characters springing into existence is something that crosses the mind of every fan. The writers of Re:Creators aim to provide subtext and gravity to this idea, but given how ambiguously this title questions the rules in its own complex reality as a sign that the author Daiki Kase either bit off more ...

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Dec 10, 2017

D-Frag! (Anime) add

Mixed Feelings

It's not often I stumble across a synopsis for a show that flatout LIES about what it is. Not that I expected D-Frag! to actually be about game development in any shape or form (which an anime about that sounds about as entertaining as watching an apple brown), but D-Frag! seemed so uninterested in its own premise, it barely does anything unique with its loosely established concept and settle on being a rather generic run-of-the-mill shonen comedy that's way too loud while also bringing anything remotely new or charming to the table to muster more than a small handful of laughs over 12 episodes. ...

STORY: So stop me if you've heard this before in a situational comedy; a self-proclaimed high school delinquent befriends weirdos and develops a begrudging bond with them, and together they must work to keep their school club from being shut down. I'd say D-Frag's premise could be written on a Culver's napkin, but that would imply someone took the effort of writing it down. The "writing" "staff" (I'm putting staff in quotes, because that would imply a team with moderately qualifying credentials sat around and brainstormed, of which I'm skeptical) merely copy/pasted a formula that's been beaten to death since 2003. This was about as written as finding someone's crumpled up notes from your social studies class in the garbage. If school club related premises are the backbone of modern anime and manga comedies, then this genre's spine is riddled with an untreatable case of osteoporosis. And the "game development" aspect of D-Frag! is virtually unexplored. With the exception of some meager retro interactive electronic and table top game references littered about, it bypasses addressing it. Given the universal resurgence of table top gaming in the last 8 years (maybe it's different in Japan), this was a missed opportunity. The Game Development Provisional Club could've implemented more emphasis on poking jokes at deck builders, or multiplayer co-op board games, using those as a metaphor or morality lesson at the end of episodes, or even a chance for slapstick. But it foregoes these in favor of placing emphasis on Takao's ridiculously gigantic breasts and misinterpreting characters yelling at each other as jokes. SCORE 4.7

ART: D-Frag is colorful, but nothing that makes it stand out in any particular fashion. Even the animation does little to accentuate whatever physical or visual humor they're attempting to get over. I've seen it all before. Blank white eyes, Beam of Enlightenment, Blank Face of Shame, Cross-popping veins, nose bleeds, cross-dressing trap characters...every single anime trope is in D-Frag. I can't laugh at things I've seen for 17 years. It isn't that tropes are bad, but how and why you utilize them are more important than just simply doing it.
The character designs are alright, you can guess their personalities upon just LOOKING at them. For a comedy show, that isn't a bad thing. Kenji Kazama looks like every other turf-headed, orange, gruff protagonist. If you threw a black cloak on him, he'd be Ichigo Kurosaki. Goofy large breasts aside, Takao is my vote for the best design. She has a more unique hairstyle (accentuated by the red ribbon, which helps her stand out) and a cuter face than any other female in the cast. The rest of the characters are a marginal amalgamation of seemingly rejected School Rumble designs.
The backgrounds, like most modern anime, use a pointless amount of distractingly average computer animation, like more than one occasion there's just an establishing shot of things like a CGI hallway or playing cards. Again, just because you CAN do it doesn't mean you should. SCORE 7.3

SOUND & VOICE: I'm reviewing Funimation's English dub. All things considered, it's not a BAD dub, but as mentioned before, all the characters are screaming at the top of their lungs seemingly all the time and it gets rather taxing and repetitive to listen to. The Japanese dub is actually slightly more grating, so I just switched it back over. Some of the funnier lines are actually the low key moments from Austin Tindle's Kazama rather than his yelling. If you like English dubs (all 38.5 people on the planet), you may get some laughs out of the delivery of some lines, and Patrick Seitz is fairly entertaining as jock Odawara. I thought the funniest line was the very last one before the credits when their supervisor/teacher Oosawa told them they were all suspended for their gambling phone contest stunt. That was brilliant. SCORE 5.8

CHARACTERS: Maybe it's because I'm a very cynical and nihilistic person regarding modern anime (I try to look at the glass as half full), but I feel like I'm missing something here. In a show as rambunctious and off the wall it pretends to be, D-Frag! has a surprisingly forgettable cast of characters. With the exception of Takao and Tama, the latter who shows up for the final arc, the motley crew is a mish-mash of templates and archetypes that try in exaggerated methods to seem dynamic, only come off looking rather generic. Kazama has two childhood friends who are featured fairly regularly, but I forget their existence. Sometimes it's a meta callback when Odawara returns and he's not remembered, but the aforementioned teacher Oosawa, whose gimmick is she sleeps and carries a taser (lightning type) is virtually useless after the first episode. Takao and Roka have this Ryoko/Ayeka-like rivalry for Kazama's attention, which is the only takeaway from D-Frag! I'd say is genuinely amusing. Other than that, the setup for this series' ONE joke is the same; someone speaks nonsense, Kazama gets annoyed and yells at someone. SCORE 6.2

OVERALL: D-Frag! wouldn't suddenly become better or worse if it dropped its gaming premise. Like Dagashi Kashi (another "why bother" comedy) I think you need a little more defined reason for existing, other than weirdness for weirdness' sake. I reviewed Tonari no Seki-kun and those 4 minute shorts manage to properly convey its humor in greater success than all of the rambling these girls do in D-Frag! throughout its 22 minutes. I've said it many times, these hack anime and manga writers need to watch/read older titles like Tenchi Universe, Here Is Greenwood, Slayers, and Dragon Half and take some inspiration on how to effectively set up gags. Even if they are repetitious, change the delivery. Because offerings like D-Frag! is just the mediocre sludge that's a big part of the problem.

FINAL SCORE: 6.1/10

PROS: Decent art. Serviceable English dub.

CONS: Way too generic, despite potential in premise. Obnoxiously loud, one-dimensional humor. Bland characters.

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Jun 1, 2017

Tonari no Seki-kun (Anime) add

Recommended

One of the things I learned as I studied comedy writing throughout my youthful years, find a creative way to craft the same joke to tell it as many times as possible. Tonari No Seki-kun has one job and does it very well. A show with such a direct premise manages to have me asking many questions.

STORY: I admittedly did little research on The Master of Killing Time prior to watching it, so I was curious to see how it would manage to sustain its humor for 21 minutes. I later learned each episode runs 6 minutes, opening and closing credits. And it's great. ... Each project is paced the same, which starts with Rumi Yokoi, the female lead and Seki-kun's seating neighbor, believing it's going to be a normal class, only to be distracted by whatever it is Seki begins constructing as she interprets/narrates the scenario. Now the magic I discovered is that you get pulled in as much, if not more, than SHE does! It's quite amazing! Seki-kun will pull out dominoes, mecha bots, a rack of glasses, and I'll find myself trying to guess ahead of Rumi, thinking, "Where could this possibly go?". And no two scenarios are the same, so each of Seki-kun's contraptions are as much a mystery as the previous episode. This show gets so much out of such a small amount of time, it's a perfect example of less can be more. SCORE: 9/10

ART: The palette and animation are very pleasent, yet simplistic. Produced by Shin Ei Animation (Doraemon 2005 and Hare+Guu, two other delightful anime I adore), they capture the spirit of the manga well in terms of comedic timing and execution while also having a delightful aesthetic adjacent to the aforementioned anime. The physical gags aren't incredibly over-the-top or disrupting, as Seki-kun's satiristic pacing calls for more of a rising crescendo with a payoff at the end. Not overly demanding and fairly easy on the eyes. The character designs are not very complex, though there is one thing I'd be remiss if I didn't mention: Rumi Yokoi's oddly colored white hair. She's a cute girl and certainly gives her a very distinct look. Not many teenagers in anime simply have white hair without some cryptic reason or mythos behind it. Different is good, but it certainly caught me off guard. SCORE: 7

SOUND/VOICE ACTING: As I'm reviewing the Sentai Filmworks, I'm discussing the English dub. This is Blake Sheppard's easiest paycheck ever. He "voices" Seki, but I use that term loosely, because Seki never actually speaks. Other than audible grunts and murmuring, he doesn't emit a single word of dialog. It's impressive, to say the least.
Rumi Yokoi is Voiced by Monica Rial, who I've been critical of for just kind of being default anime voice actress woman. Over the span of her career, none of her roles jump out at me as impressive or notable, even when voicing comical characters, she's just decent, if not outshined by Laura Bailey or Karen Strassman. Her performance as Rumi isn't really different from her performance as Bulma or Kirika from Noir. She puts an energy into narrating Seki's madness she's attempting to translate that I can appreciate, as it's essentially a one-woman performance. Her inflection ranges as Seki-kun's playlets unfold through various emotions, from curious, apoplectic, amused, to frightened. It's my favorite Rial performance. SCORE: 8/10

CHARACTERS: I've pretty much already covered the characters' throughout, so I'll just talk about talented Seki is. I know it's a work of fiction, but from one school hour day dreamer to another, Seki's creations are really cool and easily the reason I latched on to the series. He's got laser focus for everything he constructs and shows a pride in it that's almost admirable. It makes me wonder if he goes home, planning on what he intends to bring to school the next day. And with several exceptions, he's mostly amusing himself. There's instances where he's completely aware Rumi showing interest, but it's sometimes ambivalent as to whether he's put off by her efforts to dissuade either his works or the outcome of the tales he's telling. Again, so much is derived from how little they give you, it's fascinating. SCORE: 8/10

OVERALL: Tonari No Seki-kun is an enjoyable, effective, creative comedy with a formula that works. I can't immediately think of anything to compare it to, but it really hearkens back to my days of goofing off and not taking notes during class. Each episode is an ever-increasing drumroll that builds and builds. FINAL SCORE: 8/10

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Mar 12, 2016

Amagi Brilliant Park (Anime) add

Recommended

Amagi Brilliant Parks' bright color palette, aura of delightful, happy charm, and exuberant welcoming nature drew me, an otherwise sullen, jaded, and grumpy individual towards it. But absorb these kinds of shows like a sponge and this was no exception. While it initially wasn't as testosterone driven as a comedy series like Gintama or Digagi Kashi, which is totally what I was expecting, Amagi Brilliant Park instead offers a more light novel approach without having to boast a great deal of noise and delivers a great deal of character.

STORY: I enjoy an anime that gives me the plot in a matter of minutes instead ... of wasting 16 minutes of the first episode only to cram a cliffhanger conclusion that forces me to watch the next episode. I should WANT to because I'm enjoying what I'm watching, not forcing myself. What's great about the story of saving the park is the series establishes its goal right off the bat, so as a viewer, I'm immediately invested in this, and as more details follow about the importance of said plot, it makes me want to watch even more. I would go as far to say the journey to save Amagi Park is almost like watching a Kickstarter trying to reach its stretch goals, and that makes it fascinating. Each episode searches for a new way to draw more customers to the park, so I began to become more engaged and wanted ultimately for them to succeed. The frustration the cast exhibits when being pressured to overcome such insurmountable odds feels authentic. The stakes are very high for them to succeed, so when they begin to fight amongst themselves, it's justified. Most anime I watch just have the heroes bickering amongst themselves for no legit reason, other than to stretch the drama for as long as possible (Tiger & Bunny's second half was like trying to watch someone pedal a bicycle uphill through mud). SCORE: 7

ART: As noted, Brill Park's (as the kids call it) deep and enriching color palette makes it very easy on the eyes. One of the things I noticed immediately is the very large ensemble of...for lack of a better phrase...interesting character designs, including (and I can't make this up) a sentient 4 foot wrench, masked luchador security guards, and a passive, fire breathing dragon! The mascots, Moffle, Macaron, and Tirami, are incredibly adorable, though I admit, it took me about 5 episodes to figure out Tirami's gender. There's a lot of great things of various shapes and sizes to look at in Amagi, but I do have a major nitpick: the main character Sanie's overall design. Maybe it's just me, but I've just about had it with anime's short, messy, black-haired protagonists. When did this become the default look for male leads? I can't think of a more boring character template, and there's so many sporting this same look! Why not give me something interesting to look at, at least a different hair color? Sento, the female lead, is super busty and shapely, but I can't stop staring at her bangs. They look funny to me, as if an extra set of bangs overlap her original ones.
While Amagi's physical gags and jokes aren't anything I haven't seen in the last 11 years, they are kind of funny. I wished actually that it could've been a bit zanier and produced new jokes, but perhaps its more reserved approach can be appreciated. SCORE: 7

CHARACTERS: I can honestly say that Sanie is the kind of lead character the anime world benefits greatly from. "Lead" is the key word, because when the opportunity is presented to him to make a change, he accepts it with great aplomb. I had hoped that the series played more on his conceited and arrogant nature, Sanie is the perfect complete character that guides a cast of characters that are essentially schtick. That isn't particularly a knock on the cast for being shallow, but it's a little true. The crew members of Amagi Park are a little one note, Sanie and Moffle seem to be the only two dimensional personalities among the cast. Sanie's determination to create revenue for the park resonates throughout and he finds a way to be an inspiration for everyone. In some ways, I forgot he's a high schooler. Moffle, whose closest to Sento and Queen Lafita, is grizzled and discouraged. While he doesn't believe much in Sanie, he pushes onward, feeling the inevitability that the park is doomed. He's the only park member who wears his somber expression and he bears a great weight with the task at hand. Sento, on the other hand, as a female lead brings little to the show other than breasts and a small skirt. She has moments throughout, and her laconic, by-the-books attitude is something I've learned to appreciate over the years, but she's pretty much cosplay eye candy that would bring attention to the series that probably wouldn't look otherwise. Nothing wrong with a cute girl to promote your show. SCORE: 8

IN CLOSING: Amagi Brilliant Park may not bring much new to the comedy anime table, but this show is incredibly enjoyable. Its large cast of bizarre and adorable characters, charming story, and precious conclusion makes this one of my favorite feel-good anime titles of modern times. A few things do kind of hold it back from being the treasure I think it could be (things probably explained in the manga), but this is a really good starter anime for anyone just getting into the genre. OVERALL SCORE: 8/10

PROS: A fantasic male lead. Loveable supporting cast. Straightforward story. The dramatic climax was worth a million bucks.

CONS: Comedy feels reserved and predictable.

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Jan 7, 2016

Yumekui Merry (Anime) add

Mixed Feelings

Sometimes I wonder if there is a formula for being able to mess up things like telling a cohesive story, establishing character motivation, and outlining a linear plot that builds interest with each passing episode. If there is, the writing staff behind Dream Eater Merry coined it. Now it isn't the worst example I've seen of this, because that still belongs to titles like RaXephon and Soul Taker, but nearly everything about Dream Eater Merry suffers from this horrible cocktail that ravages a lot of modern anime I watch. If you can only do ONE THING, give me a reason to care.

STORY: One of ... my biggest problems with storytelling in anime nowadays is the overused template of shrouding EVERYTHING in mystery until an episode or two away from the finale. A common way to utilize this is usually by having a character with amnesia to center around. This often gives the writers a reason to "flesh out" aspects in incredibly vague detail and you can use cryptic smash cuts to an event that will be more elaborated on later in the plot, you know, FORESHADOWING...barring my interest is retained enough to get that far. It's never directly explained how Merry gets lost, or why she's in the human world. It's tossed up, but never paid enough attention to, so she just eats doughnuts. Yumeji is able to see dream signs in people, but it's not touched upon how or why he can do this. When the show isn't spending its time explaining key things, it has a monster-a-day pacing that fails to pick up in intensity while throwing several red herrings that go nowhere. Dream Eater Merry seems disinterested in building no momentum to anything until the end, which leads to a pathetic finale that's more appropriate for a mid-season arc, not a climax. With 13 episodes, elements felt rushed when they didn't have to be while dragging at various points. SCORE: 4/10

ART & ANIMATION: The quality that went into the production is one of J.C. Staff's poorest efforts. Other than Merry's design herself, the characters look like your standard anime template of vanilla teenagers. If you lifted Isana or Saki and placed her in Special A, you wouldn't notice. Engi Threepiece and John Doe (probably the only character that comes off as "cool" to me) are unique designs, but come off as glorified cosplayers as far as I'm concerned.
The animation and direction is a mess. The messy action sequences are kept mercifully short, because the framerate and character detail quality drops to a distractingly low level as soon as things have to start moving. The editing is choppy during talkie scenes, the camera is needlessly focused someone's feet, then cuts to a windowsill, and immediately back to a girl's thigh. These kinds of things will give me vertigo!! If there is one detail this camera stays locked onto is Merry's midriff. There is no other anime I've ever seen that focuses on panties as much as you will see Merry Nightmare's midsection. To be fair, she has a great torso and one of the more prettier girls with a petite physique. SCORE: 4/10

SOUND & MUSIC: I own the English dub released by Sentai Filmowrks, who have done some pretty decent work as of late. It felt pretty good to hear Hilary Haag as Merry, I feel like I haven't heard her since she destroyed her voice dubbing Excel in Excel Saga. Blake Shepard is serviceable as Yumeji, but he's one of those male VAs whose specifically cast to sound like Default Male Character. Know what I mean? Yuri Lowenthal, Bryce Papenbrook, Sam Regal...if you need a voice that kind of sounds like a teenager, but clearly sounds like a 40 year old man? Chris Ayers is wasted as John Doe. The opening theme is pretty catchy, so high marks overall in the music department and English voice acting.
SCORE: 7/10

CHARACTERS: Eeehhh, Dream Eater Merry bites off more than it could chew in this department. Being that I haven't read the manga (I'm leaving it out of the equation and focusing on the present material), I'm certain there's more to Merry Nightmare herself than this series leads on, but she wants to find a way back to this vaguely described Dream World. This left me with a great deal of questions that would probably take more than 13 episodes to verify, but with that in mind, they did as little as they possibly could to inform you on what to look forward to. None of these characters have arcs, revelations, they seem to learn nothing, and for the most part, it's treated as none of your business!! So because there's quite a few characters here, they just keep adding more, like Engi Threepiece and Leon, but does little to nothing with them that's of any relevance. Until the final deal towards the end, there's no sense of character development and everything that happens simply feels like a sequence of events leading to the next. The character that has all the answers, John Doe, is left out intentionally, otherwise, there wouldn't be a plot. There's just too many characters and not enough time to give them purpose. SCORE 5/10

IN CONCLUSION: Dream Eater Merry did not have much going from my perspective, so it's not really a huge fall from grace. It just comes off as yet another run-of-the-mill anime that exists in this era of very placid shows. Other than the animation, everything else seems serviceable, but this otherwise a very weak cup of tea. A plot that fails to garner traction, art design that seems unmotivated, and lazy characters make for a very tepid anime viewing experience. It's bad at what it does, but I've seen far, far worse. OVERALL SCORE 5/10

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Nov 7, 2015

Dragon Ball Z Movie 15: Fukkatsu no "F" (Anime) add

Not Recommended

Are...are you serious? I have a hard time believing that THIS is the return of Dragonball Z's most notable villain and a good majority of the masses are happy with it. Maybe it's because I am long past the point of liking, much less caring about, the Dragonball universe, but I thought Battle of the Gods was pretty damn good, so that left the door open for me to warrant interest in Frieza's return movie. The lesson learned, as far as I know, is if you're going to make a movie where the genesis is a Japanese metal band doing a song about the character, ... you can get away with making it stupid.
STORY: Generally the story really never matters in these DBZ films, it's not like context of the plot ever has cohesion with the franchises' overly bloated, ridiculous fight scenes after the initial Frieza story arc. So much like almost half of the 15 movies, shadowy bad guys want to use the Dragonballs for some nefarious purpose that never results in them wishing for immortality right off the bat. This group of numbskulls are remnants of Frieza's army. Sorbet, diminutive brownnoser who sounds like Warren Beatty to me. Tagoma, yet another 13th tall, skinny, bald guy, and maybe the others had names, but it seriously isn't important at all.
So, with this being Frieza's great revenge, I was expecting a great sense of tension throughout the film once he's brought back. And since this is DBZ, we need a built-in excuse why Goku and Vegeta aren't there. Those two are off in Beerus' world, training [WHAT A SHOCKER] with Whis. Fine, whatever, but the path of carnage I was anticipating was instead virtually absent. Earth's forces to stand against the former galactic overlord are Piccolo, a shriveled up Gohan (more on that later), Krillin, a character named Jaco, I assume he's from Cho, which I haven't seen, Bulma, for no discernable reason other than to make my ears bleed, and......Master Roshi...who hasn't done anything useful in Z up to this point. So this standoff is Frieza, allegedly blinded by revenge, coolly sitting off to the side watching the Z Fighter B Team play mop-up duty with generic henchmen. Why not turn it completely into Final Fight and have Krillin kick a garbage can to reveal a health replenishing hamburger?!
This went on...forever. It's not engaging, not interesting, I DARE even call it pacing. The movie is filibustering itself and were it not for Beerus's existence, this would almost be a complete waste. Whereas Battle of the Gods carried a heavy sense of tension throughout the first act because of the unpredictable danger of the God of Destruction, Resurrection F returns to the repetitive, time padding, empty calories fights that made me sick of DBZ in the first place. This is anime malnutrition. SCORE: 3
ART: The production values, animation, and CGI continue to be good to the series as the higher quality images makes the impact and pace of the battles the way they probably wanted them to look 20 years ago. It is very easy on the eyes, but I am not a fan of the new art, it looks very sterile, glossy, and lifeless. Much like how Bulma's character design somehow gets sexier as she ages, everything feels too neat and pristine, like it's afraid to get its nails dirty. And I have a hard time getting over that distracting shine on all the characters' skin, they look like they were marinating in Armor All. When the action picks up, it is visually impressive, but a lot personality is lost in FashionBall Z here. SCORE: 6
SOUND: The FUNimation VA group for the English dub reprise their roles, minus Tiffany Vollmer, as much to my chagrin, Monica Rial is now PermaBulma. Sean Schemmel sounds like the only one who still actually cares, as he's still decent as Goku. Chris Sabat seems to have given up and now just does alternating inflections of Roronoa Zoro for Piccolo and Vegeta. Chris Ayers still sounds like he's channeling Team Four Star Abridged Frieza, but I'm used to it now. If there is one positive about new Dragonball is being done away with the irritating Bruce Faulconer soundtrack. It was cute for a while, but jeezuz, it got repetitive! SCORE: 7
CHARACTERS: What can I say? It's the Z Fighters, they do pretty much the same schtick they've been doing, just slightly subdued. I want Bulma assassinated. I was never a fan of hers and she's all over this movie shrieking like a harpy, so I can only assume this is a rib against me. An even bigger rib is how much Dragonball now seems to go out of its way to make Gohan, the only two dimensional personality, a gigantic dweeb post Mystic Super Saiyan. The biggest thing I like about him is that he DOESN'T follow in his dad's footsteps, does right by his mother's wishes and finishes his schooling, and wants to be a decent father, something he never had. I learned a lot of people hate Gohan for that, then I realized just how out of touch I am. Being a good citizen is now frowned upon? This industry left me in the dust and isn't turning around. I'm sure if I watched Cho, I might Jaco, he seems like a fun enough nonchalant being, which is a healthy break from the knuckleheads. Vegeta, another guy I was never a fan of ever, has become very likeable and funny. Other than that, the original villains don't add a damn thing to this. SCORE: 3
IN CLOSING: To call this a disappointment is an understatement. This is Lord Slug level terrible and the two have a lot in common; wasted characters, nonsensical storytelling, continuity errors that make absolutely no sense upon hearing them, a useless middle portion of the movie, and an anticlimactic resolution that sums up everything I hate about the Dragonball universe!! The writers should've been arrested for the ending to this movie, because they stole 88 minutes I could've used for something productive instead of spending it on this failed attempt to rehash a part of my past. There are good things about it, ut as far as I'm concerned, the bad dreadfully outweighs the good. Resurrection F? Yeah, "F" indeed on multiple levels. FINAL SCORE: 3

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Aug 14, 2015

Choujin Gakuen Gowcaizer: The Voltage Fighters (Anime) add

Not Recommended

Masami Obari. Every time I revisit one of your works, I'm reminded of the time I got a second degree burn on my ring finger from touching an overheated lawnmower. I could reach my hand blindfolded in a bucket full of used needles and come out with something more full of substance than Obari's OAV vehicles. He works primarily in hentai now (and those that I've seen aren't good either, like Viper GTS), but before that, Obari spent the 90's wrecking one of my favorite fighting games with Fatal Fury The Motion Picture, a movie that is brazen proof video-based anime are ultimately bad ... ideas. And then there's Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer, a slightly below mediocre NEO*NEO fighting game so obscure and unaware of its own existence, it might mistake itself for World Heroes 2 Jet when questioned.
STORY: So it's bad enough this fighting game that not a lot of people out side of hardcore SNK/NEO*GEO are aware of, Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer premises it's story with the tone of "none of your business". This is 90's anime at its worst, at least until the Tekken Animated Movie years later. Fighting game stories seldom matter, so as long as the gameplay is intense and satisfying, so when transitioning this subject matter to a different medium, i.e. an anime, it's important to add an element that relatable to the viewer not familiar with said product. Fatal Fury 2 The New Battle added Tony, an original character whose sole purpose is to be a plot device to give Terry a reason to rematch Krauser. Tony's wild ambition, stubbornness, and will to never give up reminded Terry of himself at that age. VFG (as its fans have NEVER called it) gives you no reason to care about whose fighting or why. It's a horrible hodgepodge of inane dialogue with another fight crammed in between to break up the monotony, which it fails to do. Things happen with no rhyme or reason, barely makes any sense, and nothing is explained in a manner that would have you want to invest interest. SCORE: 3
ART: Typical Masami Obari character designs at full force here; pencil-thin men with -14% body fat, yet somehow ripped to shreds with muscle. The anorexic, hook-nosed women with round, protruding eyes that take up a third of their heads, topped off with Obari's subtle respect for the female form, the grotesque, gravity-defying bouncing breasts that juggle for weeks if the ladies did as much as take a sip of coffee! This man actually made me sterile to breasts before I was 18, I didn't even think that could happen!! In short, the characters are all hideous, you could swap hairstyles and outfits and barely tell them apart. The costumes look as if you redesigned Saint Seiya armor into S&M bondage gear, which isn't all that much of a stretch. The only thing that I can salvage is that the animation isn't all that bad and the production values seem pretty good for its time period. SCORE: 4
SOUND: The English dub (which I'm not sure if it was done by Ocean Group or Laughing Dog) is mediocre, if not completely forgettable. This is still that period before Pokémon, when the quality of English dubbing, unless it came from one of the more established studios with their own in-house flavor. ADV, Manga Entertainment, for example) was so laughably bad it became good, or downright terrible. U.S. Manga Corps (Man, I really miss them) turned this inconsistency into an art form! You'll watch Dominion Tank Police or Project A-ko, two phenomenally dubbed anime, then you turn on Cyber City 0808 (or E0E8, I could never tell from the box art) and go, "What the f**k am I listening to!? Did he just say, "You wouldn't know a ghoddam vampire if it jumped up and bit you on the end of your f***ing dick."!?. Gowcaizer falls in the middle........no dick biting...or depending on what floats your boat, I'm sorry there's no dick biting here for you. SCORE: 5
REWATCH VALUE: Because I'm like flies attracted to dog poop for 90's anime, this has enough silliness and its flee-flowing, don't care attitude makes it easy to watch if you happen to have an anime club or something. I miss OAVs like this because they don't require a lot of input on your end just to stay invested. With today's anime writing style, I feel I have to make a commitment to watch just a handful of episodes of something and really pay attention to it, otherwise, I'll be lost by episode 4. There are significantly better 90's OAVs I can recommend that make great background noise, like Cleopatra D.C., Elf Princess Rane, or Saber Marionette. At three episodes, running 90 minutes total, it feels like it goes on forever and the lack of substance will probably mean turning it off after one episode, unless by some miracle, a viewer leeched sympathy for these clods and WANTS to know what happens. SCORE 4
OVERALL: Dumb OAV. Dumb director. I will continue to despise his works. Go play Garou: The Mark of the Wolves. FINAL SCORE 3/10

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Jul 6, 2015

Kill la Kill (Anime) add

Recommended

I wasn't expecting to love this show as much as I did. Trigger has quickly become one of my favorite anime developers. The better half of Gainax's creative team lives on, and that spirit permeates throughout this entertaining thrill ride of an action anime. I became endeared immediately because of how much Kill la Kill feels like an anime from the 90's, the era I grew up and loved the most. It was a simpler time, when charm, wit, and a straightforward mentality towards story writing ensured a memorable experience, and today's stuff can learn a lot from this.
STORY: With Kill la Kill and ... the way this show is structured, less is definitely more. One of my biggest gripes with a lot of recent anime I've tried to watch isn't so much that the writing is bad, but events like learning about the characters and its central plot lacks cohesion. In short, character-driven stories usually mean having to slow everything down in order to flesh out the protagonist and the main plot suffers, unless cleverly done. RaXephon and Casshern Sins are some of my more poignant examples. A character study isn't a bad thing, but too often I see a series grind to a halt because MORE STUFF has to be revealed!
With Kill la Kill, Ryuuko's motivation is made very clear from the first episode, hell, the first couple of MINUTES! It never derails from that: she wants vengeance for the death of her father and Honnoji Academy is responsible. Along the way, the reasoning becomes clear and the series doesn't have to dangle the mystery over your head, so that albatross isn't weighing you down. Even early episodes, which follow a fight-of-the-day formula, can't be considered wasted filler (which has become a dirty word because people are sick of having their time wasted), moments like Ryuuko's bond with Mako and her family establishes more of a reason to fight, not to mention her bond with Senketsu serves as a subplot in and of itself. It stays on track, doesn't veer away, and the stakes and battles get more intense as the series progresses, all while retaining a lax, tongue-in-cheek nature that's such a contrast to the brooding, melancholy cesspool a lot of modern series have become. SCORE 8/10
ART: People I've talked to have considered the art to be a turnoff, and I can understand that. Perhaps it's a generational thing, but I have nothing to back that claim. Again, it looks like shows I grew up watching, and while it may not win any beauty pageants, Kill la Kill's art and animation are very distinct and really stands out. The characters' faces show a lot of grit, intensity and drive. The battles are vibrant and explosive. Every frame is packed with information and nothing feels wasted. It does everything that other titles I'm watching feel afraid to do. Amagi Brilliant Park and Bodacious Space Pirates, for example. I like both of these shows, but their gorgeous animation and style doesn't sacrifice itself too far away from it's pretty palette to make some of the jokes a lot funnier than they were.
There is also a lot of flesh and fan service in Kill la Kill. Ryuuko's Senketsu looks too absolutely ridiculous to call "sexy", but if it floats your boat. As a married man who has been pretty bored with fan service in anime (I've seen buttocks and panties from every angle, massive cleavage, overboob, sideboob, underboob, Jiggles Counters...), especially now that I am more than half the average age of these girls, I was a little pleased that there IS some context to some of the nudeness. There's actually a point where dignity and shame effects the way Ryuuko can utilize Senketsu. Maybe I'm overanalyzing, but I like it when there's a reason for things. SCORE: 9/10
SOUND: Talking mainly the English dub of the show, everyone did a remarkable job and this is one of my favorite English tracks in quite some time. Erica Mendes adds the right amount of toughness and nails to Ryuuko's tone without sacrificing any femininity. Mako, voiced by Christine Cabanos, was one of my greatest concerns, feeling nobody can channel that energy. By golly, does she nail it!!! It's so great! She sounds like Minnie Mouse after drinking a six-pack of Jolt Cola! Senketsu, voiced by David Vincent (I'm not a fan of his, mostly because he voices Jin Kisaragi in BlazBlue, who I HATE...I know it's not fair, but GOD!!) is really good. I'm glad the approach for his dub was kept low key, the LAST thing I needed was another shrieking Kon-styled character. I know English dubbing seems to be the bane some people's existence in regards to anime, I'll continue to be a staunch supporter of the art. Take my word, for whatever that's worth, this dub is really great. SCORE: 10/10
CHARACTERS: What does a successful story need? A great cast of lovable personalities!! Kill la Kill's cast is bursting with a wide variety of entertaining heroes, vagrants, even the villains have a wicked, twisted charm to them, especially when you get to Harime. These characters aren't heavily written. Much like the plot, they are pretty straightforward, but still retain a great deal of depth and substance. Touching again on how nothing is wasted, no character feels useless or out of place. Lady Satsuki is such a great heel persona, she has as much charisma as Ric Flair. The Elite Four, her subordinates and the best of the best, are each amazing.
Normally a revenge-driven character isn't my kind of party, but as long as that character's journey comes off as someone I would like to root for, I can get behind it. I would call Ryuuko Matoi a female equivalent to Kenshiro of Fist of the North Star, but she's so much more likeable and diverse, like having a facial expression, (I kid FotNS) but she has her own integrity. She doesn't have to be regulated to being a simple "badass chick" that just has to "kick ass" to be considered cool. Her more human side shows when she gets cocky in battle (nothing wrong with a bit of bravado) or Mako and her family reminding her of how her courage and fight represents those under the thumb of Honnoji Academy. That grounding rod makes Matoi cooler than any damn Bankai power-up or Super Saiyan level. Mako Makanshoko, I can't put in words just how much I love this girl. In this dark age of anime, I can look at her naïve, innocent smile and feel better instantly. Characters like her and Haru Miura from Katekyo Hitman Reborn are motivation that keeps me from giving up on most anime. Fight the good fight, you two!! SCORE: 10/10
OVERALL: This anime has been a delight. It's simple, satisfying, and has a distinctive wit about it that truly makes it stand out form not only other shows of the genre, but most titles in general. Its brash content and attitude might not be a palette for some viewers, and there's no problem with that, but I feel this is a true gem, a perfect score, and I'm glad I can own hard copies of it to add to my collection. FINAL SCORE 10/10

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Feb 13, 2015

Pokemon XY: Koukoku no Princess Diancie (Anime) add

Recommended

When I first got a ticket to see the very first Pokémon movie, it felt like an event. Even if the movie wasn't particularly impressive, the higher budget, production values, and the amazing soundtrack helped it be a bigger deal than it really was. Since then, the movies and their plots have become more of a formality. Diancie and The Cocoon of Destruction is kind of more of the same, as far as the familar structure these films; Ash and Co. meet a talking, magical pokemon and help stop something from awakening, while poachers, thieves, or some evil human entity looks to capture it ... for their own nefarious deeds. But I liked this one a little more than others.
STORY: Nothing super stellar, however this works to the caper-themed nature of Cocoon of Destruction, at least the first two acts. The slightly more low key pacing is rather enjoyable, but the third act feels a tad rushed. Might have just been me, but this movie felt a little shorter than previous ones. It starts off stranger. A lot of playful hijinks with the ever so adorable Princess Diancie before urgency just literally hits you in the face. The opening narrative is summed up fast, as if the voiceover guy was just like, "Every generation....yada, yada, evolution, something-or-another, mysterious world of Pokémon!!"
To be fair, what else is there left to say? There are various thieves and treasure seekers looking to take advantage of Diancie's power and they appear periodically throughout and it becomes a game of Hot Potato with a living creature!! It's cute and campy, the sequences are very well directed, but not really engaging, to the point that I completely forgot a larger threat was looming! Entertaining, yes, but lacking focus. SCORE: 6

ART & ANIMATION: The visuals for these movies never disappoint and Cocoon is no slouch in the CGI department. This production team must have been paid in purple jewels, its pretty amazing to see how many dazzling effects can be thrown into one scene. It's a blessing and a curse, seeing as this movie would rather impress you with fireworks than to have it accentuate the story, like Lucario and the Mystery of Mew, at least, not up until the finale.
The characters move smooth and fluidly and all look great. I question the design choices for the three parties looking to capture Diancie, however. They look like design choices lifted from a scrapped One Piece artbook. There's this woman who I honestly thought was Jessie in a whacky disguise when I first saw her. This ninja-ish guy in powder blue attire (how very ninja-like. Oh well, this IS anime...) who looks vaguely like Galford from Samurai Shodown. And some dude and his teenage daughter in a giant cloaking airship that looked like Hunter J's from Diamond & Pearl. Seemingly no rhyme or reason for these seemingly random character designs, but I titled my head curiously to see where this was going. SCORE: 8

SOUND: All the English voice actors are pretty good. I've gotten used to Sarah Natochenny quite some time ago and I actually like her performance as Ash. She doesn't try to do a bad impression of her the same way Bill Rogers tried to copy Eric Stuart. Her cadence is completely different when delivering key Ash-isms, to coin a phrase, like "Go, Froakie!!" or "Alright! The [fill in gym here] badge is mine!" Jimmy Zoppi does a great Meowth, and his James voice was almost a dead ringer for Ted Lewis, but has gotten worse. Now James sounds really congested and nasally, like somebody doing a really bad imitation of the original. Outside of that, Caitlin Glass is adorable as Diancie and she might be my second favorite pokemon with a voice. Jay Goede as Mewtwo is #1 (Funny, I always thought Maurice LaMarche did his voice, it was THAT cool)

CHARACTERS: I really like Ash's travelling group for XY, especially over the dull Best Wishes offerings, comprised of the bland, charisma-lacking Cilan, and the infinitely annoying, beastly hellspawn that is Iris ("You're such a little kid!" will be drilled into my head for all eternity). Clemont, Bonnie, and Serena are fun adorable for this movie, and Diancie is so painfully cute. Seemingly absent from this movie was another adult character or companion to help them. This was surprising, being that the three groups of treasure hunters were underdeveloped as two-dimensional people. They came off as merely the source of greed and doing it nowhere as good as Team Rocket in their prime. Disappointing, given how diverse they appear to be. Team Rocket barely qualifies as bit players, I often forgot they were around. Our heroes were good at yucking it up, Diancie and here subordinates are charming, but the antagonists are by far Cocoon's greatest weakness. Lamer than Collector Guy from Pokémon 2000, but at least he had backstory! SCORE: 5

IN CLOSING: While lacking some of the drama and intensity of other Pokémon movies before it, that doesn't mean Diancie and the Cocoon of Destruction is COMPLETELY useless. It felt more like a vacation with a half-baked finale. Lots of things are happening, but many of them don't involve pokemon battles. The villains are really wastes of time and add very little, serving as nothing more than a red herring for no good reason. It's kind of shorter run time keeps scenes from dragging too long. All in all, I found it slightly above average, most of the entertainment stemming from the well-balanced XY main crew. FINAL SCORE: Barely a 7/10

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