Back to Arjman89's Profile Arjman89's Profile

Oh man, the final (for now) Hayao Miyazaki joint. This one starts off very, very strong. Our setup includes wartime childhood trauma juxtaposed against a countryside horror setup and a menacing antagonist. The Heron is beautifully/horrifically realized as an abomination barely contained within the shape of a bird. Teeth, gums, a second face threaten to spill out of its beak and into the audience's nightmares. There is also a painful and harrowing nightmare sequence that easily ranks as a highlight of the Ghibli canon and further heightens the emotional stakes. You will begin to ponder what the Heron may symbolize in relation to our hero, ... Mahito. He quietly abhors his replacement mother, his unborn sibling and his relocation into the provincial countryside. While the answer you might cook up could be unoriginal as far as horror setups go, the manner of its presentation is spot-on.

However, when the titular Heron is revealed to be a paper tiger (along with some patented slime-people), I got worried. Like several other Miyazaki productions, there is a point where you notice that there isn't going to be enough runtime remaining for the plot to conclude. Sure, plot isn't really the point in (especially latter-day) Miyafilms, but it nevertheless prevents them from achieving the sublime heights of some of his best work. I usually think of “Laputa” being the most complete for instance. The pictures that couldn’t wrap it up on time could lean on an episodic dénouement: Nausicaa could explore more places. Lupin had another 300 or so capers to tumble through. Some endings were aided by animated credit sequences that gave the sense that “life goes on” when the conclusion came too early. Compare these to Sophie and Howl’s suddenly-ever-after or Ashitaka and San’s perfunctory parting. We get a few heavy images and words, and then roll credits. Boy + Heron opts for the latter route.

Just as Heron is deflated - a new shadowy figure is revealed (likely in reference to an aside about an insane uncle from a previous scene) and then we are dropped into a Wonderland. Waiting until so late to introduce a completely different locale is risky. Some of my worries were placated by stirring scenes of deathly Böcklin cyprus trees/stone tombs and the film opting for the grotesque. There is a great scene where Mahito is enveloped by the erupting guts of a giant fish (had to hold the “TETSUO!” in) that made people in the theater audibly squirm. There are “greatest-hits” bits added: an ultra-cute mascot, a strong and competent woman, lots of flying stuff…Then we start getting more on-the-fly exposition and unmoored fantasy elements thrown at us. Before long I got a little lost in the sound and fury. One could make a connection between the elder-Miyazaki and Great Uncle – tired lords of astounding/crumbling worlds looking for an heir. There won’t be one for either of them. We can only hope for another un-retirement before the call of the grave.

A true oddity.

-A Vignette of Explanation-

Anime degenerate 1: "Waddup mayne. You heard of that one-off OVA that looks like Miya-san's work but also has sex scenes? Balthus?"

Anime degenerate 2: "Yo yo. Oh yeah, I've been meaning to watch that. Problem is that when I look for it I get distracted by the much more 'porn-y' ads and links that surround the show's low quality vhs rip. It is like a vegetable surrounded by cakes and pies. I then sigh, click on the most lurid looking image, and unzip my pants for another shameful wank."

Anime degenerate 1: "Uh...well, I've been there too I guess, ... but I was gunna say that it was actually really cool in a lot of ways. if it wasn't just a half hour long it might have been something quite interesting. Kinda like Windaria is. Bathlus isn't shy about being Laputa with, ahem - las putas, though. When the tits and Ghibli Hills mix...they don't make a good pair. The lovely heroine sadly gets abused by the Char-clone bad buy. But when the movie does its rapid-fire exposition and atmosphere building I can't help but be interested. They animated like, five billion moving gears in this thing. Has to have the highest gear to boob-kneading ratio out there."

Anime degenerate 2: "Ha. Las Putas. I see what you did there. Anyway, do you think Zakizaki has seen Balthus? That episode in Lupin III Part 2 where Fujiko is stripped down and makes a bare-assed escape was really cool. It is hard to imagine full on sexy stuff in that dude's work. You ever wonder if he has adult stuff he has drawn hidden away? Like Dr. Seuss?"

Anime degenerate 1: "He has to. Even the best of us cishetmales are guilty of the objectifying horny. We are just bastards. If one can draw sexy girls, I suspect that one would. I know I would. I'd hate to ask a real woman to do some of the stuff that wets my whistle. I can thank the stuff in those ads and links you mentioned for that"

Anime degenerate 2: "I am going out on a limb here, because I haven't spoken to a woman in like three years, but I think being open with your partner is usually a good idea. Idk, maybe if you had an old lady she'd be into it?"

Anime degenerate 1: "Man, I don't think I've even SEEN a woman since the pandemic started. I can order everything I need online just take the garbage out. God forbid the trash collector is a woman."

Anime degenerate 2: "Totally, imagine handing her a garbage bag filled with used condoms. We both know those condoms wouldn't have been from anything but self-handjobs."

Anime degenerate 1: "The shame. The shame is real. Why are we even talking about this? I feel like a total subhuman anytime I talk with anyone about the deep-anime shit. Just feels gross."

Anime degenerate 2: "We are gross. It is why we don't talk or see women in real life. I hope that our kind are exterminated someday. I don't want to imagine a world where we are allowed to live near healthy couples or families. The stench of pus and cum would suffocate them."

Anime degenerate 1: "...well, on that note, you wanna watch it? Maybe if we watch it together we can avoid clicking on all the 'Build a Fuck-doll' ads I can show you what I mean."

Anime degenerate 2: "Hmmm. Could we skip the sex scenes? That might be awkward."

Anime degenerate 1: "Aye, I could do that."

-Fin-

Takeaways:
1. Spinning Gears are the best way to build atmosphere and transition between scenes.
2. The Brothel's architecture would make Antonio Gaudi proud
3. Tia is a lovely anime heroine that deserves a better movie around her (or at least one with better sex scenes)

“Neon Genesis Evangelion” is so potent a mixture that fitting it into 26 episodes, a film, 97 chapters, four “Rebuilds,” or in the form of countless products is only possible by means of our collective efforts to consume it. So voracious we are, that this purported “The End of the End of Evangelion” is a something like a major life event. And it is, because we’ve all lived our lives laced with its influence. I still think the original is basically the greatest thing ever.

19.5 years ago, having seen years of Suncoast ads and magazine praise, I collected the needed money, and 13th birthday ... purchased the ominous obsidian “Perfect Collection.” Little did I know I had changed the course of my life. The details aren’t important, but take my word for the truth – because here I am now. Stories like that are not uncommon. Here is the type of material that certain young minds should not have access to – both for its incredible brutality but also for its decentralization of the objective. And all done in the apparition of a children’s show. My current self is partially molded from what was Built and Rebuilt by this animated phenomenon. Loved ones in my life suffered as a result, even if in small and incremental ways. Ikari Jr.’s story bled over into my own.

But enough about m-

!!!NEXTEPISODEPARAGRAPH!!!
“Misato here! Being a character in this show is pretty hard, especially for Shinji. People are really hard on him. On top of it all, he is written to be hardest on himself, to the point of hedgehog inertia. Does that sound familiar to you? Many seem to think so! But really though, can you figure out a way to become someone you aren’t in a thousand words? 26 episodes? Can you fight your way out of a situation that is prefigured to “End” the same way over and over again? Daily? From moment to moment? You’re stuck in your head, and your head is stuck on your body, and your body is stuck to this planet. And people only seem to remember the time where you got your hand stuck to your cock! If you could rewrite it all, would you? You would?! Okay! Here are four more films to make it happen! Next time on Evangelion: ‘One Plus One More Final: I Need (You) to Need Me’. Keep your nuts ready for the fanservice too!”

…And now that Evangelion’s remodeling/reconstruction/recycling/recasting is completed with “Thrice Upon a Time”, what do we have? I don’t think I can give a strong answer. Sure, more money in the pockets of its creators on one hand and thousands of confessional reviews on the other. But I suppose it also literally builds a new space in which the experiences of the viewer are created and housed. However, said living-space seems rather bare and unresolved. So much in terms of story are left as mystery, while the patented guerrilla-psycho-montage is only employed briefly near the end. So we kinda end up like the aforementioned hedgehog: unsure of what is going on above ground and also unable to dive into the LCL. It isn’t a secret that the original’s plot was grew more incidental when the series took its famous left turns. The Rebuilds went in the opposite direction. Here, Part IV decides to jettison many of its threads for a broader didactic recitation. The lesson seems to boil down to something like:

Please get out of the robot
Here is not reality
Lower your fists
Reach out to understand
Time is short

Easy enough. Ending things on an uncomplicated and sincere chord would run in the face of the property that launched a thousand associate philosophy degrees (and millions of sticky pillows). Offering a second, more tentative “Congratulations!” but “Take Care of Yourself” coda to viewers provides some consolation. It feels a little like that to me, one who wasn’t mature enough for either of the endings all those years ago.

But again, “Why?” It is hard to tell if it was a serious question or some sort of teenage reflex brought upon by Eva poisoning. Surely, I was modestly entertained as this film struggled to snap back its narrative from the disastrous “3.0”. Man, I still don’t know what to make of that flick. A minority hails it as a masterpiece, but one predicated by the aim of its sequel. If “Thrice” decided to build upon its prequel’s major conceits, it would be hard not to respect it even if it bombed. It takes balls to go up against the legions of us shitty nerds (I really, sincerely freaking hate us) and Anno knows it. Alas, this final installment serves only to solidify the larger consensus the third film was a total miscalculation. So instead, we get a very long film that has to work very hard to do its job. The runtime is evidence itself, yet the plot path it took is one of less resistance. Going hard to buck expectations would have been much more difficult. Then again, the pressure is simply too great, expectations too high, and the purpose of the Rebuilds too murky (aside from money making) to even have a shot at unqualified success. And it really isn’t fair to judge too harshly.

I am reminded of “Final Fantasy 7: Remake,” which is at least somewhat inspired by Rebuild’s concepts. The game ends up being pretty bold with changing the rules as it plays on. However, like Rebuild, “Remake” is strongest when it is working from the original’s framework. Which it does for most of the playtime. By the time it becomes clear that some meta-jockeying is taking place, the momentum and rationale behind the diversion simply isn’t strong enough. Granted, we are only one installment deep into that series, but it nevertheless echoes my opinions about Rebuild. Part 1 is the best installment. Save a few scenes, it is a decent compilation movie of the first arc of Eva 95’. The “updated” animation and effects aren’t my thing, but most everything else is in the same place. But I ask you, what if the first film was where the big risks were taken? Where could have this project gone if it had a clearer and more bold intent?

Anyway, “Thrice” isn’t a terrible flick by my measure. I for one was at least somewhat impressed by the considerable visual plastic-chipotle-sauce on display (still inferior to the original). And the pace was fairly brisk despite the Hollywood length. The nice little nods to the original series and “EoE” kept things rolling, as did a few good story choices. For instance, I really liked how Asuka’s explanation of her hostility from previous film really came down to how far Shinji went to save Rei, but faltered to take action for her during the Bardiel incident. It echoes her precarious position late in the television series: expendability to both her occupation and to her would be lover. Sadly she is mostly expendable to this story as well. Instead we spend time with the New-Rei, who is only okay, but still infinitely better than Mari, who is totally pointless here. I’d rather have more time with original Rei! Er, Rei II? Or is she Rei I in this version? It doesn’t really matter I guess. Mull on this: when Shinji does encounter the “real” Rei inside of Unit 1, there could have been amazing scenes that would give the big-save of “2.0” some meaning. I mean, he is inside (!) his monster-mother and interacting with her emotionally-stunted-nubile-angel-clone as well. Holy shit. That would have been rad. Also, Rei’s Amalthea hair is freaking amazing! I’d totally run my hands through it while mingling metaphysical bodies with her! Am I sure all this isn’t really just about needing to get laid? Whodaffuckknows.

I think the best scene is Asuka Soryu’s (?) sendoff. It still very touching, despite her counterpart’s diminished role within the story (and with her adult-sized body busting all-sexy out of her adolescent-sized plug suit). There is a lot that can be taken from that scene. Like, she had been waiting on that beach all those years for a boy that was supposed to be like most of us. Why? Because she was written that way. The same with Rei. Best of all is that the film confirms this in its own plotline. They were designed to like Shinji. There is some serious self-criticism in there. But even more importantly, this situation provides a mature way of ending those fantasy relationships. She and Shinji might find healthy and realistic relationships now! But then Shinji ends up with Mari, who is literally “a gorgeous gal with big boobs”. Wow. I have no idea how Maaya Sakamoto uttered (uddered?) that line. I really hope she got paid a lot for it. Or maybe a boobs-based relationship is more realistic than a giant-robot based one?

The other big highlight is when Shinji faces off with his pops Gendo (finally!) in the psychoanalyst train car. I seriously bent forward in my chair with excitement. Finally! The flick was finally going to go ham on us! But, before I knew it, it was over, and so went my hope for a really impactful Gainax (er, Khara) Ending. But I guess I still got one after all, because it wasn’t the ending I wanted? Maybe the infinite loop thing was more about how many of us got stuck in a self-fulfilling loop of failure? Was it because Shinji gave us someone to be when we figured that being ourselves wasn’t going to be worth much? Or is it because we too really just want to end up inside (!) our mothers again?

I know I still wish for a sequel along the lines of the old “Reprise of Evangelion” fanart image. An elegiac sequel after “EoE” Devilman bloodscape. The central pair are older and making progress with their traumas. There are healing one another like I so desperately want them to. But Rei’s ghost still hangs over them. A new physical threat afoot? Or could the trappings of a plot could be abandoned completely in favor of finding an artful path to true adulthood? A collection of those internal segments where the original work moved beyond anime and closer to the sublime.

Time will tell if I too can overcome my own personal “Curse of Evangelion”.

I thought this was pretty impressive, it had been recommended online quite a few times so not that much of a surprise.

"Grey" is waaay too short to tell the story it wants to, which is a mix of Terminator, Starship Troopers, Mad Max and a slew of other properties I probably don't even know about (people actually read sci-fi books back then!). There are too many characters, ideas and terrain, but there are some great moments of dialogue and exposition that quickly give a viewer a solid sense of what is going on. It is based on a comic, which also appears to be rather ... short, so the problem may have been inherent in the material however.

The biggest draw here is Grey himself, who's nihilism is as understandable as his reason for wearing his red helmet memento. Other characters are sketches that are erased quickly and deliberately, but are appealing enough for the time they remain. Nova, the blue-haired anime girl (TM) seems pretty badass early on but undergoes what TV Tropes calls "Chickification" fast (she also gets a hilariously gratuitous fanservice scene at about the same time) but she sticks it all out nevertheless.

About a third of the way through is when it really falls apart, but even then the pace keeps up and moving despite the stakes start expanding exponentially. Mecha-cults, supercomputers, 500-year-old cyborgs come and go, but make me wonder if later titles like "Appleseed" pulled some influence from this humble title.

To make the experience more authentic, I viewed a low quality youtube VHS rip with subs that were a little off-time. I could imagine myself as a gnarly teenager in the early 90s who snagged this off his pot dealer. A cool little film that could only exist in the 1980s and survive for nostalgia fuel for the rest of time.

BACK IN MY DAY (!), “The Vision of Escaflowne” was considered one of the pinnacles of Japanimation. It featured the triple threat of a great story, charismatic characters and gorgeous production values. And it also had cross gender appeal through romance and fortune-telling (popular in Japan at the time) for girls and dragons/mecha for the boys. Over time though, it was mostly forgotten in the rapidly growing fandom. Among those relatively older anime acolytes, it still remains a cherished favorite (for yours truly as well). So well received was it, that this big-screen version was birthed a few years later. Sadly, it was the last ... time we got to travel with Hitomi in Gaea.

“Escaflowne: A Girl in Gaea” was one of the last epic anime films with the privilege of being done in cellular animation: and its quality shows. This ish’ is jaw dropping! Person designer Nobuteru Yūki’s drool-inducing creations are palpably elegant and have textural weight, a rarity in the medium. The central cast in particular will remind you of the moment you fell in love with anime’s strange hyper-reality. Visual moneyshots abound: beautiful clothing flowing in the wind, sunsets reflecting off of armor, and villains brooding in the dark. On that measure the movie is essential to animation enthusiasts of any stripe. Also of note are the action scenes, which are gorgeously done and whose fluidity and detail astound. The cinematography is often excellent as well, utilizing moments of like a landscape’s pensive stillness to punctuate and frame scenes. Some of the locations and background characters are a bit rote, but they still manage to be lovingly detailed and realized. Of course, musical couple Yoko Kanno and Hajime Mizugitchi’s score is charismatic and memorable. I especially like the vocal and choral pieces and the lower key string ques are also intriguing. When the film gets its audio/visual narrative mixture right, the effect is almost mystical and extremely captivating!

Yet these virtues are blunted, because this is quite a flawed picture…ending a half hour premature for a normal movie epic, and being half hour too long for what the film actually provides in narrative. When I popped the movie in for the first time, I was dismayed to read its runtime on the keepcase because I knew it wasn’t long enough. In a typical television to big-screen fashion, there are way too many characters, and said characters motivations are vague and change when the story needs them to. We get treated to lots of cameos that distract from fleshing out the main trio of characters (Hitomi, Vaan and Folken) i.e. where the major drama waited to be cooked up. Boiling down about ten hours of television into ninety minutes is a difficult and admirable task, but one can’t help but wish that the product turned out differently. As said before, when this work gets it together, it WORKS. My favorite scene in the entire film occurs at Dryden’s Inn. Naria and Eyira, the cat sisters who served Folken in the anime, are adapted into two dancing girls. They sing an absolutely enchanting version of the film’s central song motif (“Song of the Dragon Clan” whose original version is a bit wonky to be honest) in what results as an actualization of just about everything I love in fantasy. The scene is draped in a bluish haze, parallel to the bluish notes of the new-age synthline that carrys the song, which is then held aloft by a slow electro pulse. The dancers are beautifully dressed in cultural costume and submerged in this interior scene where patrons converse and listen in a lifelike manner. The scene itself does not further the action directly, but instead shows us how elemental and important the legend of the Dragon Clan is to the general population of Gaia. It feels natural and inspired, and it naturally brings on chills. I love the short scene so much that I can’t help but lament about the rest of the film.

I must echo the usual complaints that we’ve heard over the years in that Hitomi is a shadow of her irresistible television personage due to how little time we get to understand why she feels so terrible. How did such a state attract the attention of Folken, who likely had access to countless other depressed teenagers? Why is she a chosen one? To be fair, when I watched this movie for the day of its DVD release in summer 2002, my passage through puberty was giving me the first tastes of chronic depression, a sign of what the rest of my life was to be like (my reasons for being depressed were certainly not very dramatic at all at that time). And of course such states mostly go unnoticed by passerby’s in reality, but we get all of a few lines of dialogue and scenes to impart her despondency. She cannot coalesce into a complicated and emotional teenager, instead wilting into someone mean spirited who lashes out at her friend for the heck of it. Spending more time on Earth with her and establishing her as the case as a link between worlds would have undoubtedly made her a much more appealing heroine and given the film the true center it needed. Someone derivative of Nausicaä or Nadia would have even worked much better. It is wise to show that Hitomi feels guilt over her previous behavior in one scene, but it isn’t enough. The obligatory “metaphysical” montage that we get at the end of film also gives us a few vague images and lines about loneliness that cannot stand up to the grandiosity surrounding it. The emotions and motivations of the characters should endeavor to be as baroque as their surroundings.

In a similar way, Folken’s ambiguous turncoat from the series is reduced to a rote nihilistic overlord out of a 90’s JRPG. His motivation to “end everything” is fueled merely because he was passed up in line for the throne, and that is it. It is unclear as to why he chooses to destroy his homeland instead of merely seizing it, and his world ending ambitions are just as uncertain. It is possible that the film hinted at this reason with his relationship to dark technologies and sorcery later on, and if he were subject to some mind-warping revelations then at least we would have that. But otherwise he is a significant weakness in the story. A shame. Van is the only character that gets somewhat close to being what he needs to be: a (secretly) compassionate warrior who nevertheless will stop at nothing to destroy the wicked, even if it means his own demise. It is hard not to be interested in someone like that! As a more aggressive and vengeful rendition of his TV character, we are treated to some very cool battle scenes and moments of quiet that show us his softer side that had been pushed underneath his surface. But again, there isn’t enough time to define him as more than just that.

The film really wants to be “Akira” or “Evangelion” in its more violent and destructive scenes, but merely shadows those milestones without taking faith in its own fantasy world. Escaflowne itself bleeds and contorts like the Eva units, while the telekinetic battles between Dragon Clan members are pure Tetsuo vs. Possessed Kei and tacked on for a big screen wallop. While they are admittedly cool and flawlessly done, they distract from the numerous phenomena that the TV series already had. The original was conceived as “Macross” mixed with “Dunbine” on paper but it resulted in “Escaflowne.” Here we get something like “Escaevakira.” I also suppose part of what makes me like the film is the fact that it is even connected to such a lovely and fun show. It is familiar, and gives us a chance to reenter the world of Gaea. And reality surely encourages repeat escapes to fantasy.

Despite all this dissing, I really like this movie, because there is the feeling that I have about it being “right” in what it is: a stately adventure through a different yet similar place that is filled with numerous familiar beings and locales. It is rather bare, lacks a real central focus and does not live up to its huge promise, but it somehow ends up being rather rich, riffs on some really cool motifs and at times conjures up real wonder and awe. But therein lies one of the film’s intrigues, a viewer knows that there is something very, very right going on despite all the elements that are very, very wrong. Personally, I am quite forgiving of ‘visual-feast’ type films because they serve a really important role in reminding audiences that not everything needs to be a tightly plotted potboiler. We as escapists need a chance to feel things beyond the immediately visceral. Images and music on their own have value, because they can say things in languages beyond what the tongue can conjure, and should not be neglected in the face of stone-faced rigidity and literalism. Animation has considerable powers to make us 3D beings feel 4D things through the illusion of motion and depth on a 2D surface. I only wished this formula worked in "Escaflowne: A Girl in Gaea."

Minor spoilers ahead:

I like about 97.3 percent (calculated precisely) of everything I watch. Making these cartoons takes a lot of time and effort, and I am always amazed by the will of people to bring their creations to life. I feel that we all should give people the benefit of the doubt and look for the redeemable or at least the serviceable in everything.

But man…”Knights of Ramunes,” is just upsetting. This six-parter decides to take some tried and true anime tropes like robots, swords and big boobs (all among my favorite things) and mashes them together in a most unfortunate manner. Imagine ... if someone took the VF-1 Valkyrie, the Sword of Omens and Tifa Lockhart and went full Seth Brundle with them. Real horrorshow. I was benighted enough to write a review about how disappointed and wounded I was, for serious. Despite the opportunity to use the time spent bettering myself or helping with social ills, I choose instead to use the moments to vent futile frustrations with a near-pornographic anime from twenty years ago. My priorities are obviously in order. I will admit upfront that I saw this travesty through to its end, but that might be just my own masochism finding an outlet. Bonus points for my faithful self-abuse.

The basic plotline of "40 Fresh" concerns a pair of priestesses, Parfait, a novice, and Cacao, an adept, who are sent to investigate the destruction of worlds and the kidnapping of children by unknown assailants. The show starts off well enough, we are promised a sexy romp where our heroines will frequently lose their clothes while engaging in some derring-do. While a viewer will get that in the loosest sense possible, instead expect dozens of cringeworthy "highlights" that HURT. Much of pain comes from the fetishy material which is supposed to be the main draw. Thing is, it's among the most-unsexy I have ever seen. The fanservice is completely gratuitous and lacking the joy/humor of classics of the genre like “Golden Boy” or “Agent Aika.” What we have here is just mean, senseless pandering that will remind you why you hate yourself and the rest of your pervy-ilk. Why titillate a viewer with lovingly animated breasts when you can make them feel entirely horrible about the prospect?

It doesn't really matter, but the kidnappers are soon revealed to be led by Ramunes IV, a reincarnation of a hero that our heroines knew from the previous series (first spoiler: he is an unwitting imposter raised to fill the legendary hero's shoes), which I haven’t seen but can’t possibly be this bad. Flanking him is his harem of scantily-clad female mecha-pilot-minions and his shadowy master Don Vodka, who is VERY obviously privy to info we don’t have access to yet. The fact that the viewer KNOWS that he has information and the story wont let him spill it is downright infuriating because nothing noteworthy really happens until he does towards the end. By then we have had our fill of lackluster mech-battles and boner-killing "fanservice."

This is going to alienate the contingents of anti-sjw's and manosphere drones on here, but my biggest issue with this show is how the adult female characters are treated with such viciousness by this fucker Ramunes IV. It is to the point where any fun kinkiness is totally negated. Holy cow; this guy is just a bastard! And one with a bad Yu-Gi-Oh! haircut! A lot of people enjoy watching or performing "darker" sexual practices, but watching a total Caligula abuse his adoring groupies without an ounce of feeling for them is not my idea of hot. But then again, this show is pretty much negative male sexual frustration personified. I guess I don’t get frustrated in that way and it just plain freaks me out. In addition we also are “treated” to the young sidekick girl, Lemon, being positioned as a potential sex-object (her inclusion in the first closing theme is downright offensive! Look it up! Actually, don't!) despite her looking like a five year old. It is fucking gross. But, there is also an audience for that...but I am not among its ranks.

It is so strange. Many of us are here (at least partly) because we adore anime girls, and probably fell in love with one of them as children. They are mostly animated by men, so they check off so many (admittedly backward) desires and cater to our every fantasy…but at the same time, we also still love to see them abused and hurt in shockingly terrible ways. Even as an adult I am not able to reconcile my adoration alongside the ability to keep watching them be abused. The easy answer is simply that we are sadistic monsters that also hate what we love, but that just isn't a good enough analysis for me. But it might be the truth.

Anyway, back to Psuedo-Ramunes. I hate to harp on him, but my hate for him is compounded by how uncertain is position is in the story. As the chosen one, the “Warrior,” he is charged with saving the galaxy by finding a legendary mecha (of course)…but does so by destroying planets and kidnapping kids? I may have been in a state of utter bafflement, so feel free to enlighten me if I missed an obvious plot point. Even if I did, it wouldn't change anything.

What REALLY sucks about this show is how badly the creators dropped the ball in regards to the story. There is the potential here for some really emotive moments. This is especially true with the relationship between Ramunes IV and the cyborg Electone, his personal sex and chew toy (Second Spoiler: she is a clone! Ooooh!). The idea that they are both “artificial” could have made for a perfect tragic love story for the inexperienced heroines to learn from and us to attach to. A section that is done fairly well is the flashback to Ramunes IV and Electone's past. We meet a meek and kind-hearted boy forcefully thrust into a position of power, but given solace by his beautiful robot companion. He is shown to love her throughout his life, and even when they first join in union his desire for her is telegraphed as pure. It is easily the highlight of the show for me, and it is completed ruined by the fact that we simply aren’t given ANY reason for his transformation into a complete and utter piece of shit other than a vague explanation from Don Vodka along the lines of “absolute power corrupts absolutely.” But there is no indication that he was losing grip, and it kills the story. I will digress and say there is a similar story in “New Fist of the North Star” that is done with some competence and delves into issues regarding providing symbols of hope to downtrodden peoples but also abusing power. That show is worth a view for anyone interested in that story element with a less jiggly orientation.

There are a few virtues here, including a catchy as all smut theme song, rather high-quality animation and some nice outfits for the female characters (they aren’t clothed often though). Our two heroines are likeable enough for being the requisite sexy and energetic. Parfait is most appealing as a nicer version of Lina Inverse (this show was written by “Slayers” staff after all), but I can’t say much about the rest of the cast, which are just kinda there. It really is a shame. It is like the creators of this made every wrong choice possible, and in the end created an almost-porn sequel to a fun kids show.

I feel bad being this negative towards someone else’s work, but in some ways it is therapeutic to use something as innocuous as an amateur review to work out your own feelings about a piece of media. We all love this stuff, often to an unhealthy degree, but sometimes you just have to step back and investigate how badly a work can go, even in talented and motivated hands. And while your at it, try to make sense of why you keep coming back for more.

Just to preface, I would have rated "Dragon Half" a 10/10 if it were even one episode longer, the show simply isn't complete. I wish I could go back in time, rob a bank, and then buy buttloads of VHS and LD to fool the studio into producing more installments (and then hopefully figure out a way back to the future to avoid prosecution). I love this show!! I even feel that it makes the world a better place with its good-natured silliness. But animating shows isn’t cheap…

…And it is possible that coming hot on the heels of the classic "Record of Lodoss War" OVA, ... but before the perennial 90’s staple "The Slayers," that Dragon Half’s screwball envisioning of the anime/high fantasy world simply got lost in the mix. It is shame, as the manga was fairly long lived (Update: I have read it now!) and could have supplied at least a few more adventures. One can find the show’s kindred spirits in stuff like "Ultimate Teacher" and of course "Excel Saga," but "Dragon Half" is still a shining gem that old-school headz likely love already and younger peeps should give a chance.

As you may have surmised, this joint is funny. and not always in the usual anime manner either. The creative staff were clearly fans of Merrie Melodies/Looney Toons tradition: mallets, rope-weights, X-Lax and other tricks out of the Warner Bothers playbook are thrown in with hilarious results. And where else can you get a “sinister royal vizier” who uses dry-ice to make his dramatic entrances? If you know, please DM me RIGHT NOW.

What really sells this pair of OVAs are the lovable and well designed characters that are expertly used by the screenplay and voiced to perfection. Our heroine Mink is a bucket of fun (voiced by none other than Sailor Moon herself, Kitono Mitsuishi, and Jessica Cavillo, who seems to be training for her throat-murdering work as Excel). Think Judy Jetson if she was also a half-dragon wrecking ball. Mink follows the proud tradition of anime girls who are harder than steel and not always aware of their strength. It is a trope that I like, and she could hold her own against the likes of A-Ko and the mighty Diacon-Girl if the need arose. The supporting cast are equally awesome, and feature Princess Vina, a stuck-up fire-mage with a (hilariously) tragic past, the doofus warrior Damaramu, who has a “compact brain,” and the perfectly named Dick Saucer, who is somehow both a teen idol and a chivalrous dragonslayer. Saucer also is the object of affection for most of the female characters, and has to balance his duty as a warrior along with entertaining his legions of adoring fans. Mink and Vina, of course, are among those fans.

Visually, the show is awesome, showcasing highly fluid and dynamic battle scenes alongside adorable and goofy “chibifications” of the characters when events go awry. And these two styles are tied together seamlessly, not a simple task. At the same time, many of the backgrounds are a little simplistic, but work because they keep the focus on the characters. Even so, a prospective viewer should keep their eye out for any sight-gags not immediately obvious. Of course, when watching anime featuring scantily clad females, one can just FEEL the loving attention paid to their bodies by the animators. As the titular dragon-half leaps about the screen, we see that the pen and paint jockeys took care in telegraphing her gainaxing whenever possible and making sure that her bikini-bottom is visible from all sorts of compromising angles. Princess Vina and Mink’s friend Lufa get affection from the camera as well. Extra-kudos for the “generous” proportions of the female character’s lower-halves. It is cool to see a Japanese character designer who enjoys the booty and thighs. I digress.

As stated before, this series is incomplete. It’s pretty upsetting how we are left hanging after the awesome “Brutal Killer Martial Arts Tournament.” Seriously, mega-bummer. We never get to find out who Azetodeth the Warlock is or if Mink can win over her beloved Dick Saucer. What isn’t upsetting is that the show has survived in the fandom over the years with several reissues. And the long awaited release of the manga in English is terrific. Do yourself a favor and check it out. Or if you take yourself too seriously…don’t.

**More extra points for the best song about omelets ever conceived***