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You know, it's really sad when a commercial that looks like it was made by an intern who was fed candy bars from a vending machine in the hallway manages to bring a bigger smile to your face than the film itself. Not that it's some mega big smile, more like an amused smirk, because saying something is better than 2016's Suicide Squad is like saying you're a better comedian than Amy Schumer: it's no big achievement if you can get it so easily.

I myself had never heard of Taka no Tsume (Eagle Talon) before and the fact that they are popular in Japan I ... literally just read from an article on Wikipedia for this review, so my knowledge of lore here is lacking. Although, by some miracle, I am still able to conclude that the material they had to work with was below their capabilities. But to be fair: everything is beneath you when you have to work with Jared Leto, especially your mental health.

My relationship with the RWBY series is like a relationship with that one family member who talks all the time about how great they’re going to be, they are off to a good start, but they ultimately fail. And they fail so spectacularly that you cannot look away from this train wreck. The original series is basically my guilty pleasure (with the exception of RWBY Chibi, it was the peak of the whole series and no one is going to change my mind about that) which I like to make fun of with friends. I'm not going to do the original series from RoosterTeeth here, ... so I'll summarise my opinion: the first three seasons were cool, from season four to season six it was weak, season seven was cool, and season eight went downhill faster than a peregrine falcon. As for season nine... I didn't even care to finish it.
Despite all this, I was hopeful for RWBY: Ice Queendom, especially since it was handled by studio Shaft, which has quite a few good productions to its credit. Especially as the trailers also gave some hope that they would take the imperfect script of the first season and change what didn't work for the better. In the words of my colleague: "Shaft will do it well". Oh boy, how I love to remind him of those words to this day.

Story 6/10

Starting with the story: in the world of Remnant there are Hunters who specialise in killing beasts called Grimms and young Ruby Rose wants to become a Huntress like her mother, so despite her young age she gets into the elite Beacon Academy to then form a RWBY team with her three friends and have adventures together. There is also magical Dust (which is totally not magical) and a superpower called Semblance (which is totally not a supernatural force that could be considered magic), which, like in My Hero Academia, practically everyone has. It's basically the basics of the first season's plot, which is adapted by the anime, with some minor changes here and there. It's only somewhere after three episodes that the plot completely steers off the track of the original series and focuses on the character of Weiss Schnee (if RWBY pretends to be anime in anything perfectly, it is in the Japanese style of creating German names) and the dream world.

The first three episodes are even good. People who are not familiar with the original series will be rather pleased with the action, and fans will be rather pleased with the minor changes. Overall, even a good start.

And then comes the thread with the dream world. I'll start with what I like, because there's a lot to like. First of all, the world is really creative and has an idea for itself in how it visually reflects the characters' problems, i.e. pathological family, obsessive striving for perfection imposed by others, etc.

So where is the problem when we have a setting that is not too bad for the characters? It lies in the speed of the show. The first three episodes go at a pace that is neither too fast nor too slow, the reason for which is probably that they had a finished script from the original series. But the arc with Ice Queendom is so unhurried and dragged out that the sloth from Zootopia seems like another member of the Flash Family.

Other than that, the setting is interesting, but it also seems to me that the full potential has not been realised. I think more abstract and quirky concepts would have worked to the benefit of the whole.

To be clear: this is not a bad story. It's just a story that was dragged out because the creators probably had no idea how to fill it in.

GRAPHICS 6/10

The plot I can still somehow defend, but what I will not defend is the graphics. Not because it is bad, on the contrary, because it is beautiful... in maybe three or four moments. The art is not bad, it's just ok, and the animation itself is acceptable. The problem is that a few times we get really beautifully choreographed fights that are as breathtaking as in the trailers... only for them to make up maybe 5% of the total. It's like arriving at a restaurant that serves you lobster baked with garlic-lime chilli butter as a starter, only to then get minced cutlets made from cheap meat for the main course. It's not that I don't like minced meat (my identity as a Pole forbids me from even suggesting this), but it doesn't change the fact that I feel somewhat cheated.

Most of the time, therefore, we are forced to watch very average-quality animation, only to actually get something nice once in a while. It stings so much that I feel like someone threw a porcupine in my face.

CHARACTERS 6/10

It's difficult for me to talk a bit about the characters without making comparisons to the original series, but I'll do my best. We have four main female characters: Ruby, who is the leader of the team and the female answer to the typical hyper-active shounen protagonist, her belligerent, adventurous sister, Yang Xiao Long, and Blake, who is basically a stoic ninja cat-girl and former terrorist. There’s also Weiss, who is "nice but can also be a little bit bitchy" (those are her voice actress' words, not mine), around whom most of the anime revolves.

I have mixed feelings because after a very short time we are supposed to believe that these four are very close to each other, but it doesn't really work. If they had adapted the entire first season of RWBY into an anime first and then made an arc with the dream world, I think it would have worked much better. And so we have characters who are neither annoying nor overly interesting.

MUSIC 8/10

I can complain about the storyline, I can complain about the graphics, I can complain about the characters, but defy me Flying Spaghetti Monster, I won't complain about the music. I don't normally have much to say about music, and in such an average anime it's not worthy of extended comment. But no one can tell me that the opening of “Beyond Selves” by the band Void_Chords is bland or not catchy. Overall, the music here is on point, working well with the music tracks from the original animated series and retaining that unique style. I'll admit: I didn't expect the best element I'd talk about in the RWBY anime to be the music. It's like praising a cake for having exceptionally good icing, somehow it's both an insult and a compliment to the baker.

AVERAGE SCORE: 6,5

What can I say in conclusion: I am a bit disappointed with this anime, because I can see that there was a lot of potential here. Contrary to what you might think I would like RWBY to be a successful IP that doesn't peak with random ships on the internet or suicide themes. I would recommend it with more confidence if it weren't for the slow pacing of the story, with little happening in too long a time.
Fans of the original RWBY who are after all 9 seasons (God rest your souls) can add half a point to the rating, after so many poor seasons they deserve something too. Except for fans of the Enabler ship, you guys deserve a re-education camp.

It took a while to get back, but it had to be done at some point. And, to my own surprise, I have to admit: it was better than the previous ones, but it's not that the bar was suspended somehow exceptionally high; even an ant would have had a problem going under it. Despite this, with full reviewer's honesty I have to admit that I wasn't as bored on Yan Jia Bao Dazhan as I was on the previous ones, although this is probably due to the fact that the previous series had 17 episodes and here we only have four, so there really ... isn't time to get bored.

STORY: 6/10

The story picks up where the previous series left off, so I'll forgive a detailed description so as not to risk spoilers. All you need to know is that there are harbingers of a larger conflict on the horizon, the main character will have to prepare, while we finally get something along the lines of a main antagonist. Does that make this part better? A little yes, mainly because the plot is compressed into 4 episodes, during which a lot happens. Not that it improves much, because the main protagonist is still that cardboard cutout with a face hole in an amusement park, mainly used by middle-aged women who think that memes with Minions on Facebook are the height of comedy.

GRAPHICS: 7/10

You won't hear anything here that I didn't say in the previous review, so you can skip this section of the review with no regrets. The graphics are still competently done, the fights still look nice, and the close-up characters have a look on their faces as if someone told them to hide illegal seeds in their rectum. Visually, it is still enjoyable to watch.

CHARACTERS: 4/10

What do I have to say here? The characters are still somehow not deep, but the main antagonist improves this somewhat. Mainly because there is a bit of politics, intrigue, etc. shown, allowing the cleverness and intelligence of a couple of characters to somehow show through. It's not Game of Thrones by any means, most of the characters are still bland pieces of paper, but when they need to be given some credit when at least SOMETHING is done better.

MUSIC: 7/10

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Go read the review of the previous series, I'm not going to write the same thing.

AVERAGE SCORE: 6

In summary: I had more fun than with the previous Fanren Xiu Xian Chuan. But this was mainly due to the fact that instead of 17 episodes I only had to endure 4. Somehow this encouraged me to see the next part, but seeing that the next season has 51 episodes I had the same reaction as Adam Driver had in The Force Awakens: "I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it".

I'll be honest: this is my first experience with Chinese 3D animation. I decided at some point in some day of some month of some year to diversify my repertoire and see what people from the country of Winnie the Pooh can create. Especially as I have not had much exposure to Chinese pop culture in my life, at least not to the same extent as Japanese pop culture. Here, of course, we are not counting creations i.e. the poor remake of Mulan from Disney or the concentration camps for Uighurs. So how did Fanren Xiu Xian Chuan fare after that huge number of reviews ... on MAL, four in number while writing this in 2024, of A Record of a Mortal Journey to Immortality? It was just meh. Like a big MEH.

STORY 5/10

Let's start with the story: a poor kid joins the minor sect (that doesn't sound at all like an introduction to a psychological horror film with a theme of reliving trauma) and so soon begins his story towards immortality, surviving along the way... moderately interesting adventures. Let's start with the most important thing: the story is boring and seems to be going nowhere for most of this season. In the sense, we know that the main character wants to achieve immortality, so along the way he walks into a parade of various bad guys, defeats them, occasionally acquires some piece of equipment from them or another superpower, which makes him stronger, and that's about it. Only towards the literal end do we get some interesting plot expansion and foreshadowing of some interesting conflict. Before that, the first half of the show with the Wolf Gang resembles a half-baked side quest from Fallout: New Vegas that you want to complete mainly for the extra EXP. And this sentence is a great insult to NV, because at least there was something worth remembering from Goodsprings. The conflict itself is just resolved crudely, without any life. Overall, the whole world in this donghua seems lifeless and it's not about the graphics, we'll get to that part later.

Some people in the reviews praised this work for some philosophical message, and it made me spit on my monitor laughing as I was drinking tea. There is as much depth here as in a dried up puddle. To be clear: not every story has to have a profound message. Sometimes an idiotic action movie is just what our monkey brain needs after a hard day's work. But saying that Fanren Xiu Xian Chuan's first season has some deep message is like saying that 365 Days is the pinnacle of Polish romantic cinema without having seen any Polish film before.

I complain about the plot all the time, but I'd be lying if I said it was something entirely bad. It does have some interesting moments, I particularly liked showing that life and the system aren’t always fair, even when you work very hard. It wasn't anything special, but it was nice to see. And as I said: the ending shows some seeds of an interesting conflict, but I was simply bored on the whole.

GRAPHICS 7/10

The universe likes balance, so it's time for me to praise this ONA for something. The 3D graphics look just fine. It's not some work of art, but the particle effects and the whole thing looks good, it certainly could have been worse. The only time it really looks bad is when the camera zooms in on a character's eyes, it then looks like someone is putting their hand up their arse to use them as a puppet. It is also lazy to use real-world photos or video, but this is rare enough that complaining about it starts to border on being petty.

What I must commend, however, are the fights. These look genuinely good, even if they sometimes resemble PS3 cutscenes. And it was a nice change seeing completely fluid combat, from the usual turn-based combat of most anime. The fights themselves have nice choreography, the characters fly coolly, continuing the glorious Chinese tradition of being suspended from ropes, varied with various magical abilities and weapons, in that respect it's the full package.

CHARACTERS 3/10

Know what? The plot really doesn't have to be anything particularly good or deep. Sometimes it's enough for the characters to be easy to like and memorable. Well, you guessed it from the rating that A Record of a Mortal Journey to Immortality contains some really 'fascinating' characters to get to know.

I'm really trying to recall any characterisations of the main character. Han Li is such a white piece of paper that if the number of character elements were converted to the amount of fat in the body he would be bloody anorexic. If the same process was applied to the rest of the cast we would be left with a skeleton crew.

Authentically I am able to say more about Bell from Danmachi, Kirito from SAO, heck, even the main character of OniAi than I can about Li Han. I've seen pieces of titanium that were less stiff than the protagonist of this series. As for the rest of the characters: by some miracle it is even worse. Apart from the characters from the first half, no one is worth remembering, and the interesting ones just disappear after the first half. After that, it's only the NPCs who are defined by one trait, and you can consider a character with two traits as a luxury.

The antagonists, on the other hand, are so one-dimensionally evil that it is an insult to one dimension. Some of them aren't even fun to watch lose. Literally the one enemy Li Han fought against was somehow interesting. And yes, you guessed it, he was only in the first half.

MUSIC 7/10

About the music I have the least to say, but it is good. So much, no one track is memorable, but it adds the right attitude and is generally nice to listen to.

AVERAGE SCORE: 5,5

So what can I say more about Fanren Xiu Xian Chuan? It was just so plain. You can watch it, but you'll be asking yourself every now and then during the viewing, like me, why you're not watching the Spy x Family cinema film or catching up on the latest episodes of Attack on Titan instead of watching this slugfest. It isn’t the worst, but it’s so mediocre I’m gonna remember this only as my first attempt at Chinese animation. Of course, I’m gonna see what’s happening in the next seasons, hoping it’ll get better. But for now I’m feeling like it was a waste of time. Because with a really bad product I could at least remember how bad it was. And that will fall out of my head as soon as I watch something really good.

Naruto - one of the most famous series, for many one of the first anime in their lives that encouraged them to reach for other series, thanks to which our otaku world got two things: a lot of merchandise to sell and that cursed style of running through which you hope at some point that the alien hiding in Area 51 will break free and bring doom to the human species.

But what made a demonic fox eating a bowl of Japanese broth (I feel I just provoked somewhere around half the Japanese population with that term) so successful? Well, when asked myself (the list of ... friends who could ask me is so narrow that even fingers using the One Thousand Years of Death technique wouldn't fit) if I wanted to watch as many as 130 episodes of the first series (hey, I also have my own life, much of which I wouldn't want to spend watching fillers) I could only say one thing: COME ON!

The plot takes place in a ninja world familiar to almost everyone who enters the world of anime, in which the main character, Naruto Uzumaki has a dream: to become the Hokage - the leader of the Village of the Hidden Leaf. This is not easy, as he carries within him a sealed fox demon, which at one time almost turned this village into a landscape reminiscent of that of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945 (this time I certainly pissed off the entire population of Japan). Luckily, he has loyal friends (who are a bit like invisible ink - they pop up here and there when things get heated, only to forget a significant number of them in the next series), including Sasuke "I'll have the most volatile of goals guided by a rather twisted logic in the next series" Uchiha, and Sakura "People will remember me for being useless, but the same thing are somehow able to forgive Hinata" Haruno, and all three get under the care of Kakashi "I know 1000 methods for heart surgery" Hatake. Together they'll fight ninjas, defend the village, and use all sorts of techniques while probably having some of the most flexible fingers I've seen in anime so far (and yes, I tried to do that too, but who hasn't?).

The story itself contains a ton of interesting, diverse characters, especially the antagonists, who are memorable for a long time, and a ton of great fights where it's all about who's smarter instead of physical strength (before it turned into fights full of explosions, because as we know ninjas wanted to be as loud as a certain Saudi millionaire in 2001). But despite the sarcasm I'm venting here I had a great time! The music is brilliant, making the adventures of the young ninja more and more engrossing, the artwork and animation (apart from those single freeze-frames the internet was flooded with) still hold up very well. It's also worth appreciating the fact that you can feel the difference in the strength of the characters, which makes watching a fight between two novices a completely different experience from watching a fight at the Hokage level.
The only drawbacks I can mention here are the increasingly frequent flashbacks in the later part of the series (especially in this ONE arc) and the annoyance that the main character sometimes caused with his character. And if you want to watch absolutely all the episodes then you need to be prepared for a ton of fillers.

To sum up: the first Naruto series is a very good anime, maybe not without its flaws, but it clearly shows why so many people in the world fell in love with a certain easy to spot (like a real ninja, not those nerds dressed in black) orange kid with a dream.