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Interestingly, one of my first thoughts in this scenario was that the director is akin to the delinquent middle schoolers that kidnap Kurosawa and beat him with a bat. Just as the director is doing here, the middle schoolers put Kurosawa in a situation where he had to swallow his pride and apologize for something that he did not feel sorry for. Having made that connection I didn't think it would go past that. However unexpectedly, this chapter is like a retelling of chapter 17 of Kurosawa! Kurosawa was told to “say you’re gravely sorry and beg for your life while you lower your head into the mud” to save his life. He even rationalizes this, clearly he doesn't feel sorry but he knows that this is his only option. But, when he tries to do what they asked, his body refuses. He asks himself “just what am I protecting by not apologizing”? Kurosawa too realizes when it is too late that he is protecting a shallow idea of pride. At the time I read it I was yelling at Kurosawa to take the bat to his head rather than give up his pride and apologize. I was in the same mindset as his subsconscious, I love characters who don't bend on these things, to open up their arms and take a blade rather than run away. But Kurosawa made me challenge that idea of pride, now I'd be quicker to tell him to lick their boots than disobey. The message of Kurosawa is not one of living safely and avoiding conflict, far from it, it is about risking your life, giving your all, and being willing to die so that you can “live” and fight for what you believe and value. Shallow pride however is far from a value one should die for, when Kurosawa is hit he realizes that, and here Gai realize the exact same thing.
I find it deeply charming that Gai, a kid who appears to be a super powerful shonen protagonist, had to make the same realization about pride. Despite Abe telling him so, it was too hard to embrace his idea of power. He thought not sucking up to people was manly, that not backing down from stronger people was manly, but by throwing these tantrums and nearly dying due to them he was forced to face the fact that Abe was absolutely right. That this kind of action is an aversion to winning, it’s running away. A meaningless form of petty and pitiful struggle. I found a line Gai said absolutely amazing:
“Petty pride is bound to destroy me. Throw it away, discard that pride. And rather allow myself to be swallowed by the enemy! To win…!”
This is seriously phenomenal stuff. It lacks the emotional drive that Kurosawa’s similar scene gave me, as that scene was relatable and realistic in a tangible sense, it was built up to slowly and it was horrifying. It's one of the hardest chapters I have ever read, in fact you can read my reaction to it on that chapter thread if you really want. But regardless, as my first sentence implies this was awesome. It's serious development from the Gai who tried to blind 5 police in the beginning of the series. It plays off of the themes that Abe started about what power really means. It was led into with one of the coolest action moments while being a commentary on it, no matter how cool and manly it was, it was regretful, pitiful, and petty. It didn’t get him closer to a future he wanted, it got him closer to being killed. And most importantly, seeing Gai go through such regret, get introspective and realize a serious character flaw of his, swallowing his pride with furious tears trailing down his face had to be the most humanizing moment of his career.
I also freaking love the “I raise my hand to live page”. I think this marks a new Gai. There were times I questioned why Gai acted in ways that seemed bad for him and this has explained it was, at times, purely a form of retaliation and rebellion.
P.S. I keep wanting to mention something and fail to find time to, what I love about Ishihara is that he serves as a counter to a common Kaiji criticism I hear. People sometimes don't like that Kaiji is relatively the only stand-up guy in his first series(there are exceptions but not as quick as there is here). Here Ishihara, a stranger, stands out as somebody who is strong, principled, and interesting. This is not a story about Gai and Gai alone as he deals with a bunch of nincompoops and assholes. It almost is, but it isn't and I think that's rad!!!