[MSG] Tterreb&#039;s Story

Offline

Nov 2013

825

I actually got decent feedback for once o.o Thanks!

Apr 5, 2017 1:07 PM

Offline

Nov 2013

825

And the second chapter. Took slightly longer than I had hoped, but here it is.

Chapter 2

I didn’t sleep well. The position I was stuck in didn’t allow for much comfort, and the more I moved the worse it got. I probably woke up four or five times during the night, but eventually I managed to stay under for a few hours, my body finally yielding itself to the fatigue.

My final awakening was caused by a gentle warmth on my face. I yawned and opened my eyes—to find myself looking into the face of a beautiful woman.

“Um, hello...” I said, unsure of how to react. “How are you doing?”

The woman blinked, obviously not expecting my reaction. “Uh…, fine I suppose…” She backed up looking flustered and allowing me to get a better look at her. She was very pretty, with long silky black hair that ran down her back and over the generous curves of her breasts. She wore a black form-fitting top that didn’t do a whole lot to hide her body. Instead it seemed designed to accentuate it. It was open down the front, starting with a good portion of her cleavage and running down to her belly. She wasn’t wearing any pants. That isn’t what caught my attention though. From her waist down she was covered in a black chitin that covered her thorax and eight legs.

Though this wasn’t exactly the biggest surprise given the giant web I had walked into and the other two semi-human women I had met earlier, it was still enough to overload my mind, leaving my mouth to communicate on autopilot. “Just fine?”

She smiled slightly. “Maybe a bit more than fine…”

“Why is that?”

"I-won-der-why~" she sang happily as she began walking towards me.

“What are you doing?” I asked, as she reached towards me. She grabbed the web and manipulated some of the threads, causing it to release me.

"Well, doesn't this make transportation easier?" she asked calmly as she pulled me into an embrace, face pressed between her breasts.

“I guess...” I managed to gasp out. It was hard to breathe, but I would be lying if I said it was entirely unpleasant. “Wait, transportation? You’re taking me somewhere?”

Her hug relaxed and I was able to stand comfortably again. A smooth hand ran gently through my hair as the beautiful stranger smiled at me.

"Why, of course. How else would I get you home?" she asked with a chuckle. “If I just leave you to wander the island who knows where you might end up?”

“The island?”

"You really are new here, aren’t you…?" She sighed before looking straight at me. "Thought so... Well, we are on an island at the moment. You know, a chunk of earth surrounded by water."

“We’re on an island?” The thought was taking a while to sink in.

"...Yes. Everyone is on the island. Well except for a few sea monsters obviously."

Well, that confirmed I was a long ways from home. Though I had already guessed that by now… "How did I get here?”

She sighed. “You do realize that from my point of view you just ran into my web, woke up and now you're in my arms. If anyone’s prepared to answer that question it would be you."

"I guess..."

"Well, if what I have heard is true, you 'outworlders'... or is it 'outsiders'? Well, whatever, people like you apparently... appear, coming from somewhere else." She shrugged. “That’s all I know.”

“Oh.” This was starting to get interesting. It appeared some form of magic was at work. Though, I guess it would have to be for something so scientifically impossible as the people I had met so far to exist... “Is there any way back?”

She began moving through the forest, her pace fast enough I had to jog to keep up. "Hmm, not that I know of. Did you notice anything… ‘special’ when you arrived here?"

"Um... I was naked..." Still was in fact. My poor feet...

She chuckled. “That won't be 'special' for long~"

"It won't?"

She sighed again. “I guess I'll have to do some basic educating on the way... Look at me. What do you see?"

"A spider girl thing?"

From her expression she wasn’t thrilled by my description. “Right. Sort of. You could have said it better… Have you had any other encounters?"

"Encounters?"

"Am I the first…not quite… fully human... the first exotic person you have met?"

“No.”

"Ah. What others have you seen?"

“A lamia and a centaur."

"When was that?"

"Sometime yesterday I think..."

"Hmm, and how did you get here if you met with snakey and a horsey before?"

"Um... I kind of ran away while they were fighting..."

She smiled, probably picturing the scene in her head. She gave a quick chuckle. "You got pretty lucky then."

"I thought so at the time..."

She frowned. "Do you consider yourself unlucky to be with me right now then? Or to have run into my web?"

"Um, no?" I hoped that was the safe answer. She looked like she could probably crush me just as easily as the other two could.

"Oh? Really? I'm not that different from those two, you know..."

"What do you mean?”

"That I'm currently doing, and planning to do the same thing. Couldn't you have guessed by the... Nice little fun... You got from them?"

"Fun?"

She sighed. "I mean sex. Do you need further explanation?"

I paused. "What do you mean by sex?"

"Your penis, inside them. For the short, simplified version at least."

Wait, what? "Um, you're joking right?"

"What? ... What did you think sex was...?"

"I know what sex is..."

"Then what’s confusing you?”

"Why would anybody want me?"

She looked at me with a surprised expression before laughing. "That's... hah... the best reply you could have possibly given me… But to answer your question. You have a penis. They want it, they're stronger, they take it.”

"They take my penis?"

"Well yes"

"I'm using it right now..."

"Well since it's linked to you, they take you with it. But you're not what's interesting them. Your penis makes you interesting."

"Oh..."

"Which is also why you are with me at the moment.."

"Because my penis interests them?"

"And me." She smiled. "Since you got caught in my web I'll be the one to take you. And who knows, maybe I'll be a lot nicer to you then those other two girls."

"Oh… And I don't have a say in the matter?"

"Well, that depends on the species, and the person's... personality. In some cases, no. But then there are also people who - like me - care about it. A bit at least.”

"A bit?"

"Since you're probably wondering about it… If you were to ask me to let you go right now… I would consider it. After we're home, at least."

"Home?"

She nodded. “It’s just a bit farther. Only another mile or so.” I stopped. At the pace we were going, we had only traveled about half a mile. And, as out of shape as I had let myself become, I was already nearing my limit. Added to the fact that I was not used to running naked and I didn’t have shoes, there was no way I was going to make it. I dropped to my knees then leaned forward on my hands, panting heavily and trying to return my breathing to normal.

“Oh, you’re ready for sex already? And in the butt, wouldn’t have pegged you for one of those… Well, I’m glad you’re excited to start, but I left my sex toys at home, and I don’t have a cock. So try to wait a bit okay? I’m sure we can work something out to satisfy the both of us when we get back to my place.”

I bolted from that position, blushing fiercely, suddenly hyper-aware of the differences of nonverbal communication when nude. “That’s, um… I didn’t… I mean—”

She cut me off with a laugh. “I know, I was just messing with you. You’re tired right? Not used to forest travel?” She grabbed me, picking me up and swinging me onto her thorax, so I was riding her as I would a horse. "Sit there. And hold on."

I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Per-fect~. Now let's go again."

"Okay..."

She started walking again, faster than before causing me to tighten my grip. I was glad I didn’t have to run the rest of the way, but this was slightly awkward. Holding myself so close to a beautiful woman, feeling the warmth of her back on my bare chest… I quickly found myself hoping she couldn’t feel my erection through her chitin.

She chuckled. "You could have grabbed on to something else, you know~"

“Like where?" I asked.

"Forget it, forget it.." She sighed and continued running.

We traveled the rest of the way in silence. Eventually we reached a clearing with a small but comfortable looking house in the middle.

“And here we are!” she proclaimed proudly. Walking to the door she opened it and we went inside. “Ta-da~”

tterrebApr 21, 2017 2:31 PM

Apr 6, 2017 6:44 PM

New_User_12345

Offline

Nov 2013

1356

Getting along with an Arachne, I can respect it, maybe you'll get alone even better soon?

I know you're not comfortable with adding a lot of descriptive imagery but it wasn't that bad. You transitioned into it pretty well to allow for a brief description of the girl, it wasn't description overload either which was good. Keep it simple like that for most cases and you'll do fine, the only time I've ever really thought imagery should be more detailed is for really significant objects, structures, or locations.

I'm also glad you didn't just jump into the cliché "Oh you're new here? Let me just pull out my guide book to the island and throw everything at you at once." I imagine that from the perspective of most MGs, the island is all they know, so they wouldn't know what to describe to an earthling about what's significant about their island compared to earth. Unless of course they've had this conversation with someone before and already know the key things the men would want to know. I think "There's more of us than you, we're stronger than you, and we're going to rape you" is pretty much all the key info we'll need, we can pick up on the rest of it along the way lol.

For my criticisms, mostly just grammar issues but I'm sure I had plenty of my own within this review itself, so who am I to throw stones? Other than that, you never introduced her name, but then refer to her by name (from a narrative perspective at least)

tterreb said:
Yoann cut me off with a laugh. “I know, I was....

It happens, as the writer we know more about the characters and the story than the reader that when we're trying to avoid overusing the same pronouns, we might slip up.

I'm ready for the next chapter whenever you are :P

Apr 7, 2017 10:37 AM

Offline

Nov 2013

825

greatgreenman said:

tterreb said:
Yoann cut me off with a laugh. “I know, I was....

Fuck. I can't believe I did that... *commits sepuku*

Apr 10, 2017 2:59 PM

Offline

Jan 2015

1576

tterreb said:
Fuck. I can't believe I did that... *commits sepuku*

Oi! Finish your story first before doing that! :-P

Welcome to the club, tough :-D

Apr 21, 2017 2:02 AM

Clarus_Nox

Offline

Nov 2013

1426

tterreb said:
"Well, that depends on the species, and the person's... personality. In some cases, no. "But then there are also people who - like me - care about it. A bit at least.”

3 quotation marks

your rework and green's advice have really jogged a tonne of ideas for my early chapters when i re-write my story.... making me really wanna try to do it now actually....

Apr 21, 2017 2:44 PM

Offline

Nov 2013

825

Clarus_Nox said:

tterreb said:
"Well, that depends on the species, and the person's... personality. In some cases, no. "But then there are also people who - like me - care about it. A bit at least.”

3 quotation marks

your rework and green's advice have really jogged a tonne of ideas for my early chapters when i re-write my story.... making me really wanna try to do it now actually....

Fixed, thanks. Just wish you would give me some indication of how you felt about the chapter. If it was an improvement on the original, for example, so I know if I should keep this up.

Apr 21, 2017 4:53 PM

#10

Clarus_Nox

Offline

Nov 2013

1426

But you always disregard my positive comments

Apr 22, 2017 3:54 PM

#11

Offline

Nov 2013

825

Not always...

May 19, 2017 2:50 PM

#12

Offline

Nov 2013

825

Okay, I think I actually got everything this time. This is actually only half the chapter, but I have to get to work now, and I don't know when I'll be getting back to writing again. So you'll have to make due with just this.

Chapter 3

The first thing that caught my attention was how wide the door was. It was easily seven feet wide, fit to allow for the spider-woman’s unique body type. The layout of the cottage’s single room followed suit. There was a table in the center of the room, but no chairs, presumably because her body wouldn’t fit in one. Up against a side wall was a counter with washing and cooking implements, inferior to what I was used to, but still easily recognisable.

The biggest portion of the room was taken up by sewing supplies. There were large racks dedicated to bales of cloth. Surrounding then were baskets of threads and needles. At first glance they appeared to be thrown in haphazardly, but upon closer inspection they appeared to be arranged in some complicated order.

In the far corner was a large plush bed. It was to this I was being carried. As we reached it the woman reached back and swung me off her thorax onto the bed. As I landed my fatigue caught up to me, the sleep from the night before not offering much in the way of rejuvenation.

“Soft…” I mumbled as my mind drifted towards unconsciousness. The last thing I heard before reaching the abyss was the arachnid chuckling softly to herself and whispering gently in my ear, “Sleep well.”

I awoke refreshed and ready for what lay ahead, for the first time in what felt like weeks. Or, better yet, just to go back to sleep. I wiggled on the angelically soft bed, trying to get into an even better position. I pulled a pillow tight to my face, allowing the post-awakening euphoria to settle throughout my body.

“You’re finally awake I see. Well, get up. I made something for you.” I rolled over to see the spider woman walking towards me, carrying a bundle of clothes. “As much as I enjoy seeing you naked, you’ll probably need these. I don’t want my friends getting any ideas when I show you off to them…”

I rolled off the bed and took the clothes, ignoring modesty as she had obviously seen plenty of my naked body already. As my knowledge of clothes was never all that extensive I wouldn’t have been able to say what kind they were. But if pushed for a description I would have had to go with black. They were soft and comfortable, sure, the shirt and pants unrestrictive and allowing for easy movement, but the thing that really stuck out about them was black. The clothes practically shouted black. There wasn’t anything about them that wasn’t black. Even the underwear that came with them were black. The boots that came with them were also black, though they were made of some sort of treated leather rather than the black silk that the rest of the set consisted of.

“I made them while you slept. How are they?”

“Um, they’re very black…”

“Is there something wrong with black?” For the first time since we had met I thought I detected the slightest hint of uncertainty behind her mask of perfect confidence, but it was gone as quickly as it had come.
“Oh, no,” I replied quickly, “ I love black. Best color. Back home almost all my clothes were black. Shirt, pants, shoes, all black.” I didn’t bother to mention that my socks and underwear tended to be white, as that didn’t really matter and probably wouldn’t help the situation in any way. From the relief that she was trying to keep from showing on her face it seemed to be helping. “There isn’t any color that beats black. I especially love your hair.”

I hadn’t actually meant to say that last part, but it was true. Her waist-length hair truly was beautiful. She pretended to ignore it, but she was unable to completely hide the small blush that grew on her pale-skinned face. “How do they fit?”

I moved around a bit, testing out the feel. “They fit great,” I told her. “You made all of this while I slept? How long was I out?”

“Hm...About ten hours?”

“You made them that quickly? That’s pretty impressive.”

She blushed again. “I am quite proud of my sewing abilities. All arachne are. At least for the most part.” She paused for a second. “Among the arachne we have a certain tradition. When we find the man we have chose to be our husband we’ll make him a set of clothes.”

“But you made clothes for me anyways?” I asked in confusion.

She laughed. “You really are quite clueless aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly it hit me and I felt my face grow hot. “You mean you want me to be your husband?”

She smiled while slowly applauding me. “I see you finally caught on. It took you long enough.”

“But why me?”

“I started explaining this to you earlier. Men are rare around here. Especially quality men. If you want a mate you have to take what you can get. Plus I find you cute.” She paused. “Do you not like me?”

“It’s not that. It’s just, where I come from we take longer to make that sort of commitment. It usually takes months or even years before people decide they’re ready to devote their lives to each other…”

The arachne sighed, “I’m a lot nicer than a lot of my relatives. Most of them wouldn’t even give you a choice. They’d just tie you up and milk you daily. But I’ll give you a choice. If you ever feel like leaving I won’t stop you. And I’ll let you keep the clothes, so you don’t feel like I’m forcing you. But don’t think I’m just going to lie down and watch you walk away. I’ll do my best to convince you to stay. Starting with this.”

The woman suddenly advanced on me pushing me back until I was sitting on the side of the bed. She ran her fingers down my chest, causing my nether regions to harden. When she reached my waist she grabbed my pants and started pulling them down. My penis shot out eagerly, enjoying its newfound freedom. Continuing, the arachnid gripped the base and started rubbing soft and slow. I let out a gasp of pleasure, no amount of masturbation ever having come close to reaching this feeling.

Right when I thought I had reached the highest peak of pleasure, the aracne brought her head down. Her tongue darted out, teasing the tip of my penis, causing me to forget completely the petty pleasure from before. Absolute bliss coursed through me as she closed her lips around my member. Spasms shot through my body as she moved her head up and down along my shaft, her tongue still gently caressing me.

My arms wrapped unconsciously around the back of her head, urging her to go faster. My heavy panting matched the tempo of her head, in as she went down, out as she went up. I felt the pressure building, and I instinctively held it in, not wanting this to end. Finally my will gave out and I came, my semen gushing out into her mouth.

I lay there silently as she licked her lips, swallowing as much as she could. “Next time you will be expected to do your share as well,” she told me.

I could only nod silently.

May 20, 2017 10:46 AM

#13

Ocu

Offline

Dec 2012

263

What a great character :3

The details you add and the changes to some troubling parts you make really improve your story

Good shit/20, keep at it

May 20, 2017 11:30 AM

#14

Offline

Nov 2013

825

Ocu, that is probably the most helpful comment I've ever gotten from you. Thanks.

May 20, 2017 8:36 PM

#15

New_User_12345

Offline

Nov 2013

1356

Did you repost this chapter (at least part of it)? I feel like I'd already read it, and not just from your original. I COULD just be losing my mind, that is a very good possibility but I figured I'd check.

Well if its not a repost, here's my feedback:

I'm glad to see you're sticking with the imagery, it really does add to the story. Even if it's only "black" lol.

I am really liking the character of Yoann, she is vulnerable but not frail. Arachne will forever hold the stigma associated with their race, making most characters fearful of her and that can make them either aggressive or frail. It's nice to see that the vulnerability is there but she isn't playing the victim.

Another interesting thing I noted was that you pointed towards the commitment of marriage and not the L word. It always irks me when writers immediately jump into the characters falling in love, it takes time to work towards that but anyone can get married regardless of the emotional context. Love can come later, until then its a mutually beneficial business contract.

I look forward to the next post :)

May 22, 2017 1:37 PM

#16

Offline

Jan 2015

1576

Read it. Liked it. Comment is helpful.

May 22, 2017 1:45 PM

#17

Offline

Nov 2013

825

greatgreenman said:
Did you repost this chapter (at least part of it)? I feel like I'd already read it, and not just from your original. I COULD just be losing my mind, that is a very good possibility but I figured I'd check.

Nope, this is my first time posting it since the original. But don't worry, you aren't the only one losing your mind. And thanks for the feedback. It's very helpful.

Aug 18, 2018 2:41 PM

#18

Offline

Nov 2013

825

Chapter 3.5

“Now that I’ve eaten let’s see to getting you fed. Any preferences?” I shook my head, still too dazed to trust myself to speak. “Well, I’ll come up with something.” The spider-woman took my hand and helped me to my feet. “We can talk while I cook. Get to know each other better. My name’s Joann by the way. Sorry I took so long to introduce myself; I was so excited when I found you it completely slipped my mind.

“It’s fine. It rarely even crosses my mind to introduce myself”, I replied. “I’m Berrett,” I added as an afterthought.

“Well, nice to meet you Berrett. I hope you enjoy living here. Assuming you decide to stay.”

“It’s not like I really have anywhere else to go. I don’t know where I am, I don’t know anybody besides you, and I know next to nothing about the geography of this ‘island’ as you called it. All in all I’m not really confident in my ability to survive on my own. So if you’ll have me I’d be happy to stay for a while.”

Joann looked up from the food she was busy preparing and smiled broadly. “Of course I’ll have you. You can stay here as long as you want. Longer even…” I assumed that last part was a joke, but there was something in her eye that gave me slight doubt. I didn’t have time to dwell on it though, as Joann spoke up again. “So Berrett, tell me about yourself.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Talents, interests, hobbies, anything like that. I want to get to know you better.”

“Well, I like to read. And play games. Um… there’s really not a whole lot else…”

“Come on, there’s got to be more to you than that,” she teased, poking me playfully. “What kind of skills do you have? What did you do for a living? Surely there’s something there you can tell me about...”

“I don’t really have a whole lot of skills, and from what I’ve seen of this world, most of the skills I do have aren’t all that useful here. I did spend a few years working at a store, but the difference in the economical structures between our worlds probably makes that pretty much meaningless as well. Everything considered, I’m pretty much useless.”

“I’m sure I can find a few uses for you…” She smiled seductively, eyes locked on my crotch. “I would teach you some of them now, but the food’s ready.” She walked over to the table with the food. “Sit, eat, don’t want it to get cold.”

“Thanks.” I sat down and started eating. Rather than join me, Joann stood on the other side of the table watching me eat.

“What do you think?”

“It’s good.”

Joann continued watching me for another minute. “You don’t talk much, do you?” she finally said.

I paused, fork halfway to my mouth. “Yeah. I’ve… never really been good at conversing. Sorry.” I waited a few seconds, making sure she didn’t have any more immediate questions, before continuing to eat. We finished the rest of the meal in silence.

“So, um, was there anything you wanted me to do? I could clean the dishes or something…”

“Sure. There’s a well out back you can draw water from.” Using one of her legs, she pointed to a bucket in the corner, presumably indicating for me to use it.

“Okay. Thanks again for the meal.” I grabbed the bucket and headed out back.

I had never used a well before, but my understanding of how it worked was sound. I hoped. It was a stone well, as I had expected, the kind you’d see in games and movies about set in medieval europe. There was a rope hanging inside with a hook to hole the bucket as you lowered it down. Simple enough to understand. The problem was, the rope was in the middle of the well, far enough away I couldn’t reach it without leaning over the side further than I was comfortable with. I had no desire to spend any time at the bottom of the well. And besides, Lassie wasn’t here to run for help. And even if she were, in this world she’d probably be more concerned with raping me than saving me…

Ah, nice. On the other side of the well was a hooked pole. Perfect. I hefted it, got a feel for it’s weight and balance, then stuck it in the well, using it to hook the rope and pull it to me. Looks like I wouldn’t be needing Lassie’s help after all. Now that I had a hand on the rope I was able to hook the bucket on and start lowering it down. Peering in, It didn’t look overly deep, maybe 50 feet down. Still, at that distance it took a couple minutes for me to get it to the surface of the water. And now for the hard part. Most people don’t think about it, but water is heavy. Once again I was left wishing I had done more in the past few years than sit around reading and watching anime. Nothing I could do about that now though, just power through it.

It took a few minutes, but I finally managed to raise the bucket and get it back over the side without spilling all of it. After a brief rest to get my breath back I picked up the bucket and headed back inside. Joann wasn’t there when I got back so I just went right to work. There was a metal tub on the counter that I assumed was for dishes, so I filled it up, grabbed some soap and went to work scrubbing. There weren’t many dishes, so it didn’t take long to finish. I grabbed a clean looking towel to dry them with and set them to the side. Joann still wasn’t back yet, and I didn’t feel comfortable rooting through the cupboards to find where the dishes went. My body, tired from all the work it had just done and seeing no immediate task ahead, decided it was done for now and I felt myself starting to doze off. I slowly walked over the the bed, letting my body fall onto it as my vision darkened, the soft sheets enveloping me as I drifted off.

***********************************************************************************

I awoke to the sounds of shouting outside. A quick glance at the shadows in the room confirmed I hadn’t been out for more than half an hour or so. There was more shouting, the words muffled beyond interpretation, but the voice still recognizable as Joann’s. Hopefully everything was okay. I walked to the door and stepped out, curious as to what was going on outside.

“—said already, I am not interested,” Joann was finishing. She was maybe 50 feet from the front door, three women standing in an arc around her. Two of them were obviously not human. One was covered in black fur, two doglike ears sprouting from her head, and red eyes that almost seemed to burn. She looked tense, as if she were holding herself back from something, hands hovering over the twin axes on her waist. The other woman was a sheep. Wool and all. She was kind of cute, actually, tired looking, leaning innocently on her spear… oh, fuck, that was a huge spear... It was taller than she was, and probably half her weight. At first I was surprised she could even hold it, but looking closer, that sheep was built… As intimidating as those two appeared, though, it was the third woman who really concerned me. She stood in the middle of the group, just in front of Joann, the air of confidence exuding from her suggesting she was the leader. Unlike everyone else I had met since I arrived in this world, I didn’t see anything about her that would indicate she was anything other than human. She was slender, shorter than the other two, maybe 5’4”, with just a rapier hanging from her belt. But despite all that, something about her suggested she was someone to be respected, even feared. It was her who saw me open the door.

A grin appeared on her face. “I see now why you’re refusing our offer. You got yourself a man.”

tterrebApr 11, 2020 10:52 AM

Aug 19, 2018 2:42 PM

#19

Offline

Jan 2015

1576

A new chapter! What a happy surprise!

Curious to see if this is a first peak into an entirely different direction your story is going to take, or if you intent to flesh out what you had more. Guess the next chapter will tell.

Aug 20, 2018 11:18 AM

#20

Offline

Jan 2013

503

Took a second to post that second half there I see :P

Since I haven't commented yet, I will say that I like the direction of your story so far.

The MC's somewhat lethargic attitude is certainly interesting and creates an interesting contrast to many of the other stories.

On to this particular chapter: My guess for the leader is Dhampir :P
Also, I enjoyed it and would like more!

Aug 20, 2018 12:13 PM

#21

Offline

Nov 2013

825

Thanks for the comments. Hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter out a bit faster.

Aug 20, 2018 1:37 PM

#22

Offline

Jan 2015

1576

mugen91 said:
On to this particular chapter: My guess for the leader is Dhampir :P
Also, I enjoyed it and would like more!

Yeah the rapier is quite the obvious hint, so I'll put my money on a Dhampir too. Which reminds me that I should make a post in the general info thread on how common/uncommon certain species are.

Given how everything needs to line up for a Dhampir to born, I'd figure they are among the rarest of MG species. So, perhaps a H-scene is in order here @tterreb ? Gotta grab the opportunity while you can :-P

MetallumOperaturAug 20, 2018 1:41 PM

Aug 20, 2018 7:41 PM

#23

tygertyger

Offline

May 2013

1528

MetallumOperatur said:
Given how everything needs to line up for a Dhampir to born, I'd figure they are among the rarest of MG species. So, perhaps a H-scene is in order here @tterreb ? Gotta grab the opportunity while you can :-P

I don't think "the opportunity" is the thing to grab here. };)

"When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling

Aug 21, 2018 11:19 AM

#24

Offline

Jan 2013

503

tygertyger said:

I don't think "the opportunity" is the thing to grab here. };)

The question is not what is up for grabs here, the question is who's going to do the grabbing?

Oct 3, 2018 2:46 AM

#25

Offline

Nov 2013

825

Chapter 4

“Hello there, handsome,” the woman with the rapier drawled, moving to step around Joann. Before she could take more than a few steps, though, Joann scuttled into her way again, holding her arms out wide.

“Berrett, go through the house and run out back. If you go straight out the door there will be a river. If you follow it downstream you’ll come to a house. I have friends there who will help you out. Now go!”

“You think we’ll let him escape that easily?” The woman drew her rapier. “I haven’t had a good fucking in years. What say you two to a nice gangbang?” she asked her companions, her eyes never moving away from Joann. Her companions nodded, the sheep looking one opening her mouth to say something too quiet for me to hear. “Well, we’re in agreement then. Don’t let him get away.” The dog/wolf woman reached down and drew her axes, and the sheep easily hefted her massive spear. “Oh, yes,” the leader added as they started off, “please, try not to kill him.”

Uh… shit. That sounded ominous. While the three women were all attractive I had no desire to get raped. Or killed. That spear was huge. And it only got bigger as it got closer. Wait, that was a little too fast… I jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding the fucking metal tree sprouting from the ground where I had just been standing. Wait, that thing was metal?

“Damn it, Pasithea, we just said not to kill him!” one of the voices, probably the wolf, called out in frustration.

I scrambled to my feet. Not only was I being chased by women who wanted to rape me, one of them seemed to be somewhat insane. Joy. Well, as bad as I felt leaving Joann to deal with these lunatics she was probably more prepared to handle them. Right? She had even told me to run. But could I just leave her? It’s a man’s job to protec— I looked again at the women running towards me. Yeah, fuck that, I had never really bought that crap anyways. I turned and dashed through the door, slamming it shut behind me. Hopefully that would buy me some — a loud crashing sound dashed that hope, the sheep running through the door without slowing down. And in her hand, of course, her spear. When had she even had time to pick that up? I reached the back door, grabbed the handle, and turned it. Or tried to. The sweat on my hand make it hard to get a good grip on the smooth metal of the handle and kept slipping off rather than turning it.

“You aren’t getting away now, little human,” the sheep said slowing to a walk. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk for a week.” She raised her spear, readying it to jab me. Wait, what? I thought she wanted to fuck me, not kill me… I was pressed against the door and couldn’t run, so instead I readied myself to dodge, hopefully giving myself an extra few seconds to live. And here came the thrust… I closed my eyes reflexively and stepped to the side, expecting to feel the spear entering my stomach. Instead of pain, though, I heard a crash in front of me.

“Do you ever listen?” the wolf yelled. She was laying on top of the sheep, having tackled her at the last moment. “We told you twice not to kill him!”

I didn’t bother sticking around for the reply. I quickly wiped my hand on my shirt and managed to open the door, bursting out and quickly climbing to top speed. I don’t think I had ever run faster in my life. I had always been fast, but the adrenaline pumping through me pushed me to even greater heights. I felt like I was flying as I ran between trees, somehow managing not to trip as I attempted to move in a straight line. It wasn’t long before I heard the river flowing in front of me, and as I burst through the last of the trees I saw it. It was large and fast, moving rather quickly for a river of its size, probably aided by the large rocks strewn throughout it. Oh, and it was roughly 3 feet in front of me, no time to stop at the speed I was going. Well, I guess I’m dead after all, I thought to myself as I fell towards the river below me. I took a deep breath, and hoped for the best.

***********************************************************************************

I gasped, dragging myself out of the river. Somehow I had managed to stay afloat for the most part. While I had never been part of a swim team I had always been a strong swimmer. Didn’t think I was that strong, but here I was. Another story to tell if I somehow managed to survive this ordeal. I staggered to my feet, the sun already starting to dry my clothes. They were holding up rather well considering. Joann had made them well. Joann… Hopefully she made it out alright. She had said there was a house somewhere along the river. Maybe we could meet up there again. The problem, though, was that I had no idea how far I had gone, and I hadn’t spent too much time looking at what I was passing as I tried to stay alive in the river. Hopefully I hadn’t passed it yet. Well, I might as well keep going. Less chance of running into the women who had been chasing me at least.

A few steps proved how tired my body was from the fight with the river, and it took great effort to prevent myself from laying back down and going to sleep. I didn’t have time for that, especially if I was still being chased. With force of will I managed to keep going, following the bank the best I could, avoiding obstacles and navigating through closely grown clumps of trees.

After about what felt like an hour of this I came across a trail. Score. From here the walking was much easier, a mostly flat path devoid of plants or boulders for me to go around. While the risk of me being found on the path was much higher, it also increased the speed at which I could travel and the likelyhood of me finding the house or somebody who could point me in it’s direction. And with luck that person wouldn’t even try to rape me...

So lost in thought was I, I almost didn’t notice the woman. She was laying face down on the side of the path, a basket of herbs fallen beside her, contents scattered across the ground. Long golden hair spilled out from under the hood of the white cloak she was wearing.

“Are you okay?” I asked as kneeling down beside her. She didn’t reply. Looking closer I saw that she was sleeping. I shook her trying to wake her up. No response. From the way she was laying and the way the basket had fallen she probably hadn’t just decided to take a nap. I rolled her onto her back, hoping anyways she was just sleeping. Her flushed face and harsh breathing, both suggested something was wrong.

Suddenly she shifted, her hood falling away and revealing her golden, fox-like ears. She slowly opened her eyes. “Who are you?”

“Berrett. I found you passed out here on the side of the road. Are you alright?”

“No…” she answered in a voice so weak I had to strain to hear. “I’m sick. Dying… I... I thought I had longer. But this is it. You coming along must be good fortune. May I ask you a favor?”

“Uhm… sure…” I replied hesitantly. “What is it?”

“The path… follow it… head east along it… You will come to a house… my daughter… she is inside… take care of her for me…” She looked into my eyes pleadingly and with visible effort took hold of my hand. “Please…”

My heart broke, rare tears starting to run down my cheeks. I looked deep into her eyes and replied, choking on emotion, “I- I will. I will do everything in my power to protect her. I promise you.”

“Tha- thank you… thank you…” Her eyes drifted shut and her labored breathing slowed before finally stopping. I sat there for a few minutes, just holding her hand and gazing at the peaceful expression on her face. Then I broke. All my emotions from the past few days, the fear of being chased, of what may have happened to Joann, of being stuck in this strange world where everything was foreign, bubbled up, bursting through the walls I had built around them I hit the ground and screamed in frustration, tears still running down my face. Why did this have to happen? It wasn’t fair. Not that I ever expected life to be fair, but after all I had been through I was entitled to complain, wasn’t I? And now somebody had died in my arms. How was I supposed to deal with that? I didn’t even know her and now I had to deal with her death. I tilted my head back and screamed again and again, until my throat was too raw to continue and they devolved into pathetic sobs. I was still crying as I drifted off to sleep.

tterrebApr 11, 2020 10:53 AM

Oct 3, 2018 3:10 PM

#26

Offline

Jan 2015

1576

Nice a new chapter. Good job!

Looks like you've changed the story quite substantially. Curious to see what else is going to be different.

Oct 3, 2018 4:39 PM

#27

Ocu

Offline

Dec 2012

263

Taking us by surprise with that sneaky chapter. :P Hope there will be more of them, whether they be as sneaky or not.

That's a change for the better in terms of plot in my opinion. Curious about how you're going to go about this now that you've set these two sides.

Good luck :3

Oct 14, 2018 11:06 AM

#28

Offline

Jan 2013

503

Quite some changes from the original indeed, but I like it. Curious to see (further down the line) if Yoann made it :)

Apr 9, 2020 3:57 PM

#29

Offline

Nov 2013

825

Chapter 5

The path was hard to find in the dense undergrowth of the forest, winding wildly through the trees never moving in a straight line for more than a few meters. Following the twists and turns of the path burned through my energy faster than I expected and I quickly started feeling weak and dizzy. As I rounded yet another bend my foot caught a hidden root and I fell face first to the ground. Sighing I went to push myself up. And couldn’t. My body was too weak. How long had it been since I last ate? Not since breakfast at Joann’s, but that was at least a day ago. ‘So I guess this is how it all ends...’ I thought to myself. As I lay my head down for my final rest a slight breeze started, carrying with it a slight sweet smell. Sweet meant edible, right? I might actually have a chance. Now that I had an immediate objective in mind my body started working again. I staggered to my feet, trying to keep my balance. The dizziness was still there, but at least I was able to walk. With hunger in mind, and the sweet smell in my nose I started off, tripping and stumbling through the undergrowth but on my way towards the hope of a continued life.

*********************************************************

Walking was hard. I had no energy left. But the smell… Whatever it was kept me going, moving through the thick undergrowth. Even if I had wanted to stop I wouldn’t have been able to. The closer I got to the source of the smell the more enticing it became. My body, somehow finding a store of energy to pull from, prevented me from stopping. After a few minutes of walking I entered a small, grassy clearing. With nothing getting in the way of the smell it more than tripled in intensity. But what met my nose was nothing compared to what met my eyes…

In the very center of the clearing was the largest and most beautiful flower I had ever seen. But I completely ignored it. What really caught my attention was what was inside it. Positioned atop the flower, wrapped tightly in each other’s embrace, were two of possibly the most attractive specimens of the female body to ever grace the world. Their luscious curves pressing against each other showed just how soft and firm their pale green skin was. One of them brushed the other’s light green hair out of its owner’s face before bringing her own pink haired head in to press her mouth gently against her partner’s. The other woman moaned in pleasure and reciprocated by slowly running her hands down the bare back of her lover, causing shivers of appreciation. The fingers reached the bottom and continued their journey, traveling farther down between the pink haired woman’s legs. I couldn’t follow the hand’s progress any lower from my current position, but from the reaction it triggered in the recipient's body it had to have been something good.

At this point I was drooling, my whole body desiring what I saw before me.My aching erection demanded immediate attention, but my stomach still called out for nourishment, for the sweet, delicious smelling syrup that dripped from the deep pool the two lovers stood in. I didn’t hesitate and walked forward in a zombie-like manner, transfixed by the heavenly scene that lay before me.

As I approached the green haired woman turned her head to look at me. “It looks like we have a guest, Rowan,” she purred, as she brought her free hand down to give the other woman’s butt a playful squeeze. Rowan gave another little shudder then looked over at me. “It seems we do, Abeytu,” she replied. “He looks rather ragged and beaten, but he will do nicely.” She turned her body, pressing her side tightly against Abeytu’s and then reaching her hand down to me. “Come join us,” she smiled. “You looked hungry… in more ways than one...”

The thudding of my heart beat loudly in my head as I reached out to take her hand. I felt my shaft warm and stiffen even further in anticipation, while my stomach growled loudly trying desperately to remind me of my true goal. Just before I grasped the outstretched hand I heard a loud voice come from behind me. “Wait!”

I would have ignored it, but something hit me in the side of the head, hard enough to immediately bring me to the ground. I tried to get up but I was stunned from the impact. I heard one of the plant women angrily say something, but I couldn’t make it out through the ringing in my head. Something long and thin wrapped around my leg and tightened before starting to drag me back towards the flower. A cry of pain rang out and whatever was dragging me suddenly went limp. Arms wrapped around me and lifted me off the ground. The screams from the two girls started growing fainter as we moved away. At least I think that was why. It could have just been me fading out of consciousness.

*******************

‘It’s kind of sad how often this has been happening to me lately,’ I thought groggily, waking up once again with no idea where I was. My head hurt so badly I could barely open my eyes. I was laying in the middle of a small clearing with flowers and bushes arranged around me like concerned witnesses at an accident of some sort.

“Is he alright?” one of the bushes asked a sapling to it’s left.

“I don’t know...” came the reply. “His head was bleeding quite badly… He may be out for a while still.”

“Do you… do you think we could… you know… use him?” another one asked. “I’ve never had a man before…”

“We would have to be fast. We don’t know when his woman is going to be coming back. You saw what she did to Rowan and Abeytu…”

“They had it coming. That’s what they get for stealing all the men who come in here. Eventually one of them was going to be claimed.”

“That doesn’t matter right now. We have to hurry. This chance may never come again.”

I was starting to lose track of all the different voices. Who was saying what? How many of them were there? What were they even talking about? I was too out of it to be able to tell.

“Here, you take his legs. I’ll get his arms. Let’s move him away from the trees. Okay that’s good.”

I felt my belt being undone and then my pants and underwear sliding down my legs.

“It’s not very big…”

“Don’t worry, we can fix that easily.”

Soft warm hands slid up my shirt and caressed my chest as something wet and soft started moving up and down my shaft, instantly causing it to harden and extend.

“Wow, that’s amazing… How did you learn to do that?”

The licking stopped. “I had a man of my own once, many years ago.” I detected a trace of sadness in her voice. “Age caught up to him. No man lasts forever. I miss him deeply. He left behind two beautiful daughters though. They live in the next forest over.”

“Hey, move over. I want a turn.”

“What about me? I’m the one who found him!”

Hands started grabbing me on various parts of my body, trying to pull me towards them. I tried opening my eyes again but I was still too weak. And besides, all the warm bodies all over me felt kind of nice… I stopped listening and just basked in the sensual feel of the women fighting over me.

“Hey! Get away from him!” a voice suddenly called out. I felt the women quickly push themselves off of me in their attempt to flee. “Seriously…” I heard the voice mutter, “I leave you alone for ten minutes and you managed to get yourself raped by a bunch of dryads…” She sighed. “If you hadn’t made that promise to Kinsun I would have just left you to those two earlier. Now that I’ve done all this I might as well take you to the house. Though I don’t see how you would be able to take care of anybody…” I felt myself being lifted into the air. “Well, it’s only a half hour walk. We’ll be there soon.”

My energy spent, I slipped back into unconsciousness.

tterrebApr 11, 2020 10:54 AM

Apr 9, 2020 7:08 PM

#30

tygertyger

Offline

May 2013

1528

Aha! The liliraune makes an appearance in another story!

"When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling

Apr 10, 2020 4:16 PM

#31

Maku_The_Blue

Offline

Apr 2018

260

Since your story is one I haven't fully read yet, and since I'd imagine you might like a fair bit of feedback for the length of the story you've reached so far...

I'm going to read through each chapter and tell you what I think of each one as I go.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2:

Chapter 3:

Chapter 3.5:

Chapter 4:

Chapter 5:

Maku_The_BlueApr 11, 2020 3:19 AM

Apr 11, 2020 9:36 AM

#32

venomwolf

Offline

Nov 2019

103

Finally got to reading this and oh boy, Mc is just a big unlucky charm. He's got great personality though, and I like the use of the different mamono... though it seems this area is home to the more aggressive mamono, I can't wait to see where this goes.

Apr 11, 2020 10:55 AM

#33

Offline

Nov 2013

825

From henceforth the Spider's name is Joann.

Apr 27, 2020 5:22 PM

#34

Offline

Jan 2015

1576

About time I caught up here. Good to see a new chapter being uploaded.

Your MC does not really have the easiest of starts in this world it seems. Hopefully fortune will finally start smiling upon him soon.

Jun 27, 2021 1:01 AM

#35

Offline

Nov 2013

825

Chapter 6

I awoke spluttering. “He’s awake!” called a little girl holding a now empty bucket. She looked to be in her early teens with long, black hair and what looked to be fox ears sticking up from the top of her head. At this point, however, that wasn’t really a surprise. “Who are you?” she asked, looking down at me. “Aunty Elzia won’t tell me. She just said to make a meal and then dump a bucket of water over your head.”

The mere mention of food was enough to elicit a loud response from my empty stomach. “I don’t think the water was necessary, but the food is definitely welcome.”

The girl stared at me, wide eyed, apparently startled by the volume of the rumble. “I’ll bet… Well, come into the house and get something to eat.”

With a groan I attempted to push myself to my feet, bracing my back against the wooden wall as I did so. I nearly made it halfway before my starved and overworked muscles finally gave out, dumping me back to the ground in a pathetic heap. It took every ounce of my willpower to not just curl up into a whimpering ball as my legs screamed at me in pain, clearly unhappy with all the abuse they had been put through these last few days.

“What are you doing? Do you need some help?” Without waiting for a response the girl bent down and, hooking her hands in my armpits, started dragging me. It was far from ideal, I, a man in my mid twenties, being dragged around by a small girl, but in the state I was in, and with the promise of food just on the horizon, I wasn’t about to complain.

The food was already set out on the table when we got there, presumably arranged by the girl before she came out to retrieve me. With a little maneuvering she was able to help me onto my chair. Immediately I went for the food, chewing just enough to swallow without choking. It wasn’t long before I felt the strength start returning to my body.

The whole time I ate the girl’s gaze was fixed on me, eyes wide in wonder. “You really were hungry weren’t you? That meal was supposed to be for all of us…”

I stopped mid-chew, and looked at the now empty platters that once held heaps of food. “Oh, um, sorry about that...”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve been told men eat a lot. My dad could out eat both my mom and Aunty Elzia and still have room for dessert. Or, at least, that’s what they tell me. He died when I was young, so I don’t really remember him that well. Anyways, there’s plenty more where that came from. And my mom should be coming home from hunting any time now.” She paused there, frowning slightly. “Actually I’m surprised she isn’t back yet. It never takes her this long to return…”

“Ah,” I replied, not quite sure how to respond to the information she had just dumped on me. How are you supposed to respond to a girl you just met telling you her father had died?

“Aren’t you going to tell her what happened?”

I looked up sharply. Standing behind the girl in the entrance to the room was a tall, well muscled woman with a scaly green tail. “What do you mean?” I stammered.

“You know what I mean. Now are you going to tell the poor girl what happened to her mother? Or just leave her in the dark? You did promise to take care of her.”

I looked at the girl again and the neurons in my brain finally fired. The fox ears sprouting from her head should have tipped me off immediately. Aside from the color they looked exactly like those of the woman who had died in my arms earlier that day. I was looking at her daughter.

The food I had just eaten now felt like a lead ball in my stomach, and I felt myself getting light headed as the panic started setting in. “How did you know about that?” I asked quietly, almost entirely unable to speak from the tightness in my chest.

“I’ll tell you later. First tell her daughter what happened. It’s your responsibility now.”

“What are you talking about, Aunty?” the little girl cut in. “Something happened to Mother?”

“Quiet Inali, let the man explain.”

The girl, Inali, turned to me, a worried look on her face.

My gaze dropped to my plate. I wanted nothing more than to bolt out of there, run from the stress of the situation I now found myself in, but knew my body was in no way up to the task. How was I supposed to tell her? I almost wanted to laugh as the dark irony set in. How do you respond to a girl telling you her father was dead? Tell her her mother was dead as well. I tried to form a coherent sentence from the thoughts that were swirling through my head, but as soon as I tried to grasp them they’d swim away, keeping just out of reach.

“Well?” the woman growled. “Tell her already.”

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “O-okay,” I managed to croak out through my now dry throat. “Inali— that’s your name right?” I glanced up at her and she gave me a slight nod. “Inali, your mother... she, um, she got caught in a trap. It injured her very badly. By the time I got there she…” I hesitated, choking back a sob and lowering my head again. “She didn’t survive.”

I heard a small gasp and looked back up at Inali. She had gone pale, a mix of surprise and horror spreading across her face. Her mouth opened and closed, no sound coming out, as she tried to say something. Finally, she turned and dashed out the door.

“That went well,” the lizard woman said dryly before turning to follow, leaving me alone at the table, staring blankly at my empty plate.

Jul 4, 2021 10:57 AM

#36

Offline

Jan 2015

1576

It's been a while since the last update. And it seems I'm also late with the reply. Nevertheless, am glad to see another update here.

Also Elzia sure let the MC do her dirty work.

Jul 21, 2021 3:25 AM

#37