English is a second language to you, right? I always admire people who can communicate in another language; I can't begin to explain myself outside of the words I know.
Oh god, it makes me so sad to think that I really can't tell this woman just how beautiful I think her manga is because of language barriers. Maybe I should make it my mission to learn Japanese and be able just to tell Shimura how fantastic she is.
I honestly, honestly thought if I ever got a chance to talk to that woman, I don't know how I'd articulate to her how many hours and days of my life I spent pouring over her work, loving it like it was a part of me, and thinking she was the greatest thing to ever pick up a pen and pencil.
I think I'd cry if I ever met her, and I'm not that type of person... The only people I'd ever freak out meeting are her, Miyazaki and Miyamoto.
Ah, a nephew! That's good. I have much younger siblings (10+ years younger), so people say I behave like a mother instead of an older sister sometimes.
My dog is less than a year old. She's trouble and mischievous. She doesn't listen and everyone at home encourages her wild behaviour. She was a street dog and was poorly taken care of and was abused by other dogs. So she's just contentious about everything.
Ah, you see, I would've loved to understand Japanese to be able to read the raws for Aoi Hana because a simple word changes the entire meaning of a phrase. Just look at that example you gave me. I'm now considering the entire aspect of Fumi and Akira's relationship all over again because I had believed Akira to be unhappy with her new feelings, not confused.
Yeah, labels are... whatever, I don't really remember what I said, and don't hold me to anything I say because I'm really wishy-washy and that's a terrible aspect of my personality. My ideas and beliefs change by the day and that's not good, I guess. It's probably because everything seems funny at the end of the day, not miserable. I get in trouble all the time for laughing when I'm in deep shit. I'm not doing it to be cocky or rude. I just can't help but laugh.
I used to be proud to be called a tomboy, I dunno why, they tended to be the coolest girls in the movies or the books, so I was happy about it. I get insulted a lot about some aspects of my personality, but I'll not bring that up because it's embarrassing and it hurts me to think about it since it's technically people I love saying harsh things.
I live in a country where animals have no rights. So it's okay to beat a dog to death or shoot one or to put firecrackers in animals and let them explode. You might get, if the police think you're displaying psycho tendencies, some time in jail or a fine. But as per animals being treated well, it is not important. But not everyone is like that, and our girl is like a spoiled baby princess.
Suicidal tendencies because she runs out into the street and doesn't look for cars, so she can get easily knocked down. She eats... anything. Rocks, needles, plastic, and we had to take her to the hospital because we were getting pieces of broken plastic in her stool. It is really stressful but we try to keep her from killing herself.
Hahahaha, I said she was asexual because... what's wrong with her being asexual? The same way, what's wrong with her being straight? Or what's wrong with her being lesbian? Most people opt not to have labels at all, but they act like labels are bad entirely. Why is it wrong for people to have MANY labels? Or a label for a time? Or a label of one thing some days and a label of some things another day? The idea of "label" is totally stigmatised. But why is better to say "Don't label me, I'm not boxed in one identity, I'm me" as opposed to "I am a lesbian, straight, bisexual, asexual whenever I feel like being one of those things and I have many identities, not just one"? But oh well, nobody would agree to that, and maybe I'm wrong.
I thought Akira was straight and then I thought she was asexual and now I think, okay, she's a lesbian. I know Akira is just Akira. She's Akira. That's the most important thing. But Akira isn't any of those things I mentioned either? Maybe it's better to live in a world where nobody is labelled anything, but we sadly, as humans, need to categorise everything in order to understand it. So while we live in a world of label, why not embrace those labels rather than see them as constraints as to who we are? And in that way, I think we find freedom. But whatever, I'm sure this is naive and stupid.
I fall in love easily and very hard. Fumi struck a chord with me because she loves how I love. Strongly, quickly, completely. But I feel very dead inside right now, so maybe now is a time I have to love myself.
Haha, no, she is named after a snack as per the wishes of my younger sister who wanted her in the first place.
I worry every other day about the inevitable especially since we live in a hostile neighbourhood and the dog herself seems to have suicidal tendencies...
Oh, Akira can never be considered immature. And hahahahaha, I remember those days on imageboards with the whole "Akira asexual" thing. I think I used to even flame those fires myself.
It's all right. I don't mind it. I needed a new start to life, I suppose. Love is... I don't know. I fell in love and forgot myself. I don't think that's how it's supposed to work. So maybe love isn't for me.
I'm really sorry about your dog. I used to be run ragged for months wondering about my dog. She's technically the first dog I ever really took care of. She's really important to our family, and she acts like a spoiled brat, but we love her so much. We had to take her to the hospital once and we had to leave her there, and everyone was crying because that was the first time she was ever apart from us. I have way too many pictures of her online, ha.
You see, I'm going to need to re-read Aoi Hana (again) in order to even answer your question. But you're right, for Akira it wasn't a clear moment. Fumi is very clear about her feelings; if anything, that's one of her greatest strengths (and ultimately weaknesses because it ends up getting her hurt often). She knows what she wants even if she's just a mild person. She's absolute while Akira's resolute. She knows that she's always loved Akira and it took a break-up and some support to realise what her feelings were, and she was certain it was no crush. Remember that panel where she confesses to Akira? That was the mark of her absolution.
Akira on the other hand, it was a series of events and moments and maybe even a lot of nothing. Akira never fell in love before, didn't know what love was like.
That picture of Akira here. I love it to pieces. I spent many months and paragraphs trying to explain that look on her face. That's when she was saying her goodbyes to Fumi as a child. That expression, I can't still find words for it. I perhaps can make sense of iit on a human level, on an emotional level, but to articulate or to actually understand it, it's impossible for me. It was the moment I realised how Shimura communicated an impossible emotion about two people saying goodbye and one person's feelings about that.
I would say that moment was the first moment.
As for others, there were times I think Akira herself seemed resistant to falling in love or the things happening around her. I know there was the time at the onsen when she saw Fumi's body as beautiful, and that was the beginning of recognising a physical attraction.
I think people expect love and attraction to be instantaneous all the time. I am trying to remember the last time I ever looked at someone and liked them off the bat, but now I do and I don't want to remember it any more, haha. Especially since I saw her last night with another girl getting dinner... ugh, life!
Oh, a letter? I have thankfully only one letter in my possession. Everything else I own as evidence of past loves got lost when my computer fell and broke. So perhaps I needed that too.
Who poisoned the dog, if you don't mind my asking?
Yeah, my neighbour was an asshole. Apparently the dogs got into her garbage and she was fed up and instead of telling the owners about it, she decided to poison the dogs.
I think people had too many expectations that Akira would behave the way THEY wanted her to. They wanted the formula to work. Romance = leads getting together and being happy. So when confronted with any hindrance to that, they would get angry. But that's also their problem, because they don't see the value in the story outside of its genre. One of its genres I should say.
Shimura is infallible even to this day. A good friend of mine rationally argues that she was tired and fed up of writing/drawing which was why the releases got smaller, cryptic and why we got the ending we got. I can understand all these things, but I find myself painfully defensive as well and thinking, "No, she did this for a reason." Is this how people think about gods and politicians!?
I used to live for Aoi Hana releases. LIVE for them. That, Octave and Girl Friends made up a huge part of my life a couple years back. Waiting for a release was like waiting for Christmas every month. But coming to the end, I guess when I had my break down, Aoi Hana was the only one left publishing and I couldn't bring myself to read anything about it. Especially not when Aoi Hana was a huge part of my past relationship that I had also just gotten out of. I guess it reminded me of how much I used to talk to this girl I loved and then I got a very awful lesson about love in the same breath. I'm still pretty emotionless towards relationships now; it's been a year and I still can't find the energy to be excited about love, which was different a few years back. But I guess I needed that ending for Aoi Hana. A wedding, a baby, Akira and Fumi doing the thing they've always done since they were little girls. Maybe this was what I needed to remember.
My girl is really precious to me; there was a neighbour who went and poisoned every dog in our street who wasn't confined to a yard. When we found out, we were really angry and my mother went out in the yard and said very loudly (so the neighbour would hear) that if anyone was crazy enough to try to poison our dog, she'd be crazy enough to find them and knock all their teeth out one by one. That was about three months ago. Our dog is still alive. I guess that neighbour wants their teeth intact.
Agh, I know, I hate when people see things so black and white about everything! They don't really take into consideration the implications of Akira's actions or even the just basic reasons for why she did what she did. Maybe I'm overly defensive of the series too but it's one of those rare few series where I don't ever think the mangaka is wrong or mishandling her characters. I trust her 100% with them. So whenever she does what she does, I stop and think about it and what that means. Other writers are not that skilled. I can see through bad characterisation, flawed ones and even when writers don't understand the logical progression of their own characters' development. But Shimura, I inherently trust her and leave everything to her. It's like accepting that a mountain is where it is because it is... as opposed to watching a car being parked badly or in strange places: "Why is this here, why did they park here, when did this happen?" You know? I don't know.
Got poisoned and died... geez, sounds a bit Fatal Attraction-y.
Yeah, I know how it is to be surrounded by people who don't "get" something you love. I mean, I've been terrified that I only got to talk to people who thought that Aoi Hana was a straight-up yuri romance. Or that they just write Kyouko off as a wishy-washy bitch. Or they don't see how fantastic the Sugimoto clan is when they're all in the same room. Or how utterly wonderful Hinako and Orie are.
I've been trying to see the merit of my insanity. But it looks like everything has come full circle. My dog and siblings broke my laptop. Everything I ever had stored on that laptop (pictures, writing, old things from past girlfriends) just... disappeared.
I'm sorry about the family photos. Those things are irreplaceable. But as my mom said, "If you remember the event, then a memory is more important than a photo."
Oh God, LiveJournal. I think everyone had one of those. I deleted mine years ago because it was useless. And I'm glad I did because geez, I'm sure it's embarrassing.
Haha, I'm almost sure my reviews did sound like the ramblings of a lovestruck teenager. I was very much into the things I watched and thought that relaying my really impassioned feelings were the best way to communicate my thoughts. /sigh
They are really poor, though. Even now I watch the things I wrote a year ago and think that they're bad.
Then that's great! I sort of know how it feels to want to keep something all to yourself, but in general, when I love something, I want to share that feeling with the whole world. I'm the type of person, who, when they love someone, I'd get a massive grin on my face and then just tell everyone how fantastic that person is. Although that doesn't happen too often, I don't think...
Urk, well I didn't really want to make you think I was a nut case, but I pretty much had a break down last year and the closest thing to hurting myself I could do was deleting nearly 5 years of labour on MAL. It succeeded in destroying a whole aspect of my life. I'm in the repair stages of life right now, I guess.
Hahaha, you don't want to read those old ones. I read them and cringe.
But my laptop is busted, so I haven't gotten the chance to check out Facebook. When it's fixed (or I buy a new one...) I'll get on it. I'm glad to talk Aoi Hana with anyone. There was a time in either 2009 or 2010 that every month/two months, the club I was in would just explode with Aoi Hana conversation. Those were some good times.
No no, you didn't yammer on too long for anything. I might be imposing conversation on you and for that, I apologise, if it makes you uncomfortable.
I sort of roughed-up a person at my office today, and I want to find her to apologise. I don't usually apologise to people but I'm trying to humble myself... So if I have put you out of your way, I didn't mean to.
All Comments (19) Comments
You suddenly came across my mind earlier, so I thought I'd drop a line.
And huh, I guess you're even more impressive now!
Ah, tumblr. Where hours just disappear.
I honestly, honestly thought if I ever got a chance to talk to that woman, I don't know how I'd articulate to her how many hours and days of my life I spent pouring over her work, loving it like it was a part of me, and thinking she was the greatest thing to ever pick up a pen and pencil.
I think I'd cry if I ever met her, and I'm not that type of person... The only people I'd ever freak out meeting are her, Miyazaki and Miyamoto.
My dog is less than a year old. She's trouble and mischievous. She doesn't listen and everyone at home encourages her wild behaviour. She was a street dog and was poorly taken care of and was abused by other dogs. So she's just contentious about everything.
Ah, you see, I would've loved to understand Japanese to be able to read the raws for Aoi Hana because a simple word changes the entire meaning of a phrase. Just look at that example you gave me. I'm now considering the entire aspect of Fumi and Akira's relationship all over again because I had believed Akira to be unhappy with her new feelings, not confused.
Yeah, labels are... whatever, I don't really remember what I said, and don't hold me to anything I say because I'm really wishy-washy and that's a terrible aspect of my personality. My ideas and beliefs change by the day and that's not good, I guess. It's probably because everything seems funny at the end of the day, not miserable. I get in trouble all the time for laughing when I'm in deep shit. I'm not doing it to be cocky or rude. I just can't help but laugh.
I used to be proud to be called a tomboy, I dunno why, they tended to be the coolest girls in the movies or the books, so I was happy about it. I get insulted a lot about some aspects of my personality, but I'll not bring that up because it's embarrassing and it hurts me to think about it since it's technically people I love saying harsh things.
I live in a country where animals have no rights. So it's okay to beat a dog to death or shoot one or to put firecrackers in animals and let them explode. You might get, if the police think you're displaying psycho tendencies, some time in jail or a fine. But as per animals being treated well, it is not important. But not everyone is like that, and our girl is like a spoiled baby princess.
Suicidal tendencies because she runs out into the street and doesn't look for cars, so she can get easily knocked down. She eats... anything. Rocks, needles, plastic, and we had to take her to the hospital because we were getting pieces of broken plastic in her stool. It is really stressful but we try to keep her from killing herself.
Hahahaha, I said she was asexual because... what's wrong with her being asexual? The same way, what's wrong with her being straight? Or what's wrong with her being lesbian? Most people opt not to have labels at all, but they act like labels are bad entirely. Why is it wrong for people to have MANY labels? Or a label for a time? Or a label of one thing some days and a label of some things another day? The idea of "label" is totally stigmatised. But why is better to say "Don't label me, I'm not boxed in one identity, I'm me" as opposed to "I am a lesbian, straight, bisexual, asexual whenever I feel like being one of those things and I have many identities, not just one"? But oh well, nobody would agree to that, and maybe I'm wrong.
I thought Akira was straight and then I thought she was asexual and now I think, okay, she's a lesbian. I know Akira is just Akira. She's Akira. That's the most important thing. But Akira isn't any of those things I mentioned either? Maybe it's better to live in a world where nobody is labelled anything, but we sadly, as humans, need to categorise everything in order to understand it. So while we live in a world of label, why not embrace those labels rather than see them as constraints as to who we are? And in that way, I think we find freedom. But whatever, I'm sure this is naive and stupid.
I fall in love easily and very hard. Fumi struck a chord with me because she loves how I love. Strongly, quickly, completely. But I feel very dead inside right now, so maybe now is a time I have to love myself.
I worry every other day about the inevitable especially since we live in a hostile neighbourhood and the dog herself seems to have suicidal tendencies...
Oh, Akira can never be considered immature. And hahahahaha, I remember those days on imageboards with the whole "Akira asexual" thing. I think I used to even flame those fires myself.
It's all right. I don't mind it. I needed a new start to life, I suppose. Love is... I don't know. I fell in love and forgot myself. I don't think that's how it's supposed to work. So maybe love isn't for me.
You see, I'm going to need to re-read Aoi Hana (again) in order to even answer your question. But you're right, for Akira it wasn't a clear moment. Fumi is very clear about her feelings; if anything, that's one of her greatest strengths (and ultimately weaknesses because it ends up getting her hurt often). She knows what she wants even if she's just a mild person. She's absolute while Akira's resolute. She knows that she's always loved Akira and it took a break-up and some support to realise what her feelings were, and she was certain it was no crush. Remember that panel where she confesses to Akira? That was the mark of her absolution.
Akira on the other hand, it was a series of events and moments and maybe even a lot of nothing. Akira never fell in love before, didn't know what love was like.
There's this one frame of Akira that I tell people is my favourite, favourite shot in all of Aoi Hana: http://i894.photobucket.com/albums/ac142/tehnominator2/Aoi_Hana_ch37_18.png
That picture of Akira here. I love it to pieces. I spent many months and paragraphs trying to explain that look on her face. That's when she was saying her goodbyes to Fumi as a child. That expression, I can't still find words for it. I perhaps can make sense of iit on a human level, on an emotional level, but to articulate or to actually understand it, it's impossible for me. It was the moment I realised how Shimura communicated an impossible emotion about two people saying goodbye and one person's feelings about that.
I would say that moment was the first moment.
As for others, there were times I think Akira herself seemed resistant to falling in love or the things happening around her. I know there was the time at the onsen when she saw Fumi's body as beautiful, and that was the beginning of recognising a physical attraction.
I think people expect love and attraction to be instantaneous all the time. I am trying to remember the last time I ever looked at someone and liked them off the bat, but now I do and I don't want to remember it any more, haha. Especially since I saw her last night with another girl getting dinner... ugh, life!
Oh, a letter? I have thankfully only one letter in my possession. Everything else I own as evidence of past loves got lost when my computer fell and broke. So perhaps I needed that too.
Yeah, my neighbour was an asshole. Apparently the dogs got into her garbage and she was fed up and instead of telling the owners about it, she decided to poison the dogs.
I think people had too many expectations that Akira would behave the way THEY wanted her to. They wanted the formula to work. Romance = leads getting together and being happy. So when confronted with any hindrance to that, they would get angry. But that's also their problem, because they don't see the value in the story outside of its genre. One of its genres I should say.
Shimura is infallible even to this day. A good friend of mine rationally argues that she was tired and fed up of writing/drawing which was why the releases got smaller, cryptic and why we got the ending we got. I can understand all these things, but I find myself painfully defensive as well and thinking, "No, she did this for a reason." Is this how people think about gods and politicians!?
I used to live for Aoi Hana releases. LIVE for them. That, Octave and Girl Friends made up a huge part of my life a couple years back. Waiting for a release was like waiting for Christmas every month. But coming to the end, I guess when I had my break down, Aoi Hana was the only one left publishing and I couldn't bring myself to read anything about it. Especially not when Aoi Hana was a huge part of my past relationship that I had also just gotten out of. I guess it reminded me of how much I used to talk to this girl I loved and then I got a very awful lesson about love in the same breath. I'm still pretty emotionless towards relationships now; it's been a year and I still can't find the energy to be excited about love, which was different a few years back. But I guess I needed that ending for Aoi Hana. A wedding, a baby, Akira and Fumi doing the thing they've always done since they were little girls. Maybe this was what I needed to remember.
My girl is really precious to me; there was a neighbour who went and poisoned every dog in our street who wasn't confined to a yard. When we found out, we were really angry and my mother went out in the yard and said very loudly (so the neighbour would hear) that if anyone was crazy enough to try to poison our dog, she'd be crazy enough to find them and knock all their teeth out one by one. That was about three months ago. Our dog is still alive. I guess that neighbour wants their teeth intact.
Agh, I know, I hate when people see things so black and white about everything! They don't really take into consideration the implications of Akira's actions or even the just basic reasons for why she did what she did. Maybe I'm overly defensive of the series too but it's one of those rare few series where I don't ever think the mangaka is wrong or mishandling her characters. I trust her 100% with them. So whenever she does what she does, I stop and think about it and what that means. Other writers are not that skilled. I can see through bad characterisation, flawed ones and even when writers don't understand the logical progression of their own characters' development. But Shimura, I inherently trust her and leave everything to her. It's like accepting that a mountain is where it is because it is... as opposed to watching a car being parked badly or in strange places: "Why is this here, why did they park here, when did this happen?" You know? I don't know.
Yeah, I know how it is to be surrounded by people who don't "get" something you love. I mean, I've been terrified that I only got to talk to people who thought that Aoi Hana was a straight-up yuri romance. Or that they just write Kyouko off as a wishy-washy bitch. Or they don't see how fantastic the Sugimoto clan is when they're all in the same room. Or how utterly wonderful Hinako and Orie are.
I've been trying to see the merit of my insanity. But it looks like everything has come full circle. My dog and siblings broke my laptop. Everything I ever had stored on that laptop (pictures, writing, old things from past girlfriends) just... disappeared.
I'm sorry about the family photos. Those things are irreplaceable. But as my mom said, "If you remember the event, then a memory is more important than a photo."
Haha, I'm almost sure my reviews did sound like the ramblings of a lovestruck teenager. I was very much into the things I watched and thought that relaying my really impassioned feelings were the best way to communicate my thoughts. /sigh
They are really poor, though. Even now I watch the things I wrote a year ago and think that they're bad.
Then that's great! I sort of know how it feels to want to keep something all to yourself, but in general, when I love something, I want to share that feeling with the whole world. I'm the type of person, who, when they love someone, I'd get a massive grin on my face and then just tell everyone how fantastic that person is. Although that doesn't happen too often, I don't think...
Urk, well I didn't really want to make you think I was a nut case, but I pretty much had a break down last year and the closest thing to hurting myself I could do was deleting nearly 5 years of labour on MAL. It succeeded in destroying a whole aspect of my life. I'm in the repair stages of life right now, I guess.
But my laptop is busted, so I haven't gotten the chance to check out Facebook. When it's fixed (or I buy a new one...) I'll get on it. I'm glad to talk Aoi Hana with anyone. There was a time in either 2009 or 2010 that every month/two months, the club I was in would just explode with Aoi Hana conversation. Those were some good times.
No no, you didn't yammer on too long for anything. I might be imposing conversation on you and for that, I apologise, if it makes you uncomfortable.
I sort of roughed-up a person at my office today, and I want to find her to apologise. I don't usually apologise to people but I'm trying to humble myself... So if I have put you out of your way, I didn't mean to.