It's unlikely that I will accept a request if you don't attach a message/post a comment with the reason why you sent it. I have a higher likelihood of accepting your request if our tastes are somewhat similar. If you don't plan to talk to me like ever, please don't add me. Also don't add me if you just want to up your friend-count or only want to use me for recommendations. If you just want to chat, but don't want to be friends, feel free to leave a comment.
Shows I have completed are generally rated 6-10, because I most likely already dropped the show if I think it should be rated below that. Also, I rate with .5 and since this isn't possible on MAL I wrote it in the tags.
The character-aspect is the most important factor to my enjoyment of a show. If I don't like the majority of the main-cast, there is pretty big chance that I won't like the show. Even when the story is good.
No anime on my droplist is permanently dropped, I can go back to them whenever I feel like it.
My favorite genres are: Slice of life, Drama and Romance; in that order.
I prefer a Cute artstyle.
Air
Binbou shimai monogatari
Cowboy bebop
Gakkougurashi!
Hyouka
K-on!
Koi kaze
Neon genesis evangelion(TV series)
New Game!
Nhk ni Youkoso!
Serial Experiments lain
Shoujo kageki revue starlight(the movie in particular)
Suzumiya haruhi
Angel's egg
Fushigi Mahou Fun Fun Pharmacy
Mahou Shoujo Madoka★Magica
No Game No Life
Kodomo no Jikan (TV) Rewatched entire series(6.5 -> 8.5) 18/8/2024
🡇 Expand bio by clicking the arrow below 🡇
Haibane Renmei
Gasaraki
The IdolM@ster (OG)
Pop in Q
NieA_7
Saki
Oniichan wa Oshimai!
Kamichu!
Texhnolyze
Tamayura
Fate/kaleid liner Prisma☆Illya
Mahou Shoujo-tai Arusu
Kure-nai
I haven't updated my favorite-anime section in a while. I have some anime in mind that could become my favorite when I rewatch them. Beyond the first 4 anime in the list I'm not sure if I could consider them my favorites. I'm curious what my opinions on lain(sel) and welcome to the nhk are if I rewatch them. Currently Cardcaptor Sakura has high potential to land a spot on my favorites list. 24/12/2022
Apparently I haven't watched a sports anime yet(well I mean not completed). The thing closest to a sport anime I completed is S1 of Sangatsu no lion. Anima yell! doesn't count. I should do something about that. So the next anime I'll try will be sport until I find one I like. 20/2/2023
I've decided to get into precure, but I didn't know where to start. Until I learned about Albino Piccolo. I've just watched 2 episodes of the OG precure because of that. I thought it was alright. I'm gonna try different iterations of precure and try to watch 2 episodes max of each that I choose. Then I'm gonna continue watching the one I liked the most. If I happen to like that precure a lot, I can then go back and continue the others. 17/4/2023
I tried 5 iterations of precure and I managed to sit through 2 episodes of every single of one of them. Of the 5 that I tried this was the ranking based on just having seen 2ep of each:
1. Heartcatch Precure! (7.5)
2. Mahoutsukai Precure! (7.5)
3. Hug tto! Precure (7.0)
4. Go! Princess Precure (6.5)
5. Futari wa Precure (5.5)
If you want to see more detailed thoughts, they're inside my list written in the notes. 18/4/2023
I gonna remove half of my favorites list (slots 6-10) because I don't really consider them favorites anymore. I left them there, because otherwise it would feel empty; which is kinda silly. I'm certain enough that I don't need to rewatch them to make sure. I still have anime that can become my favorites if I rewatch them; it does take a lot of time tho. Another reason why I left them for quite a while, is that I was unsure if I needed to have anime scored at least 9 or 10 to consider them favorites. I think it would only make sense to have something rated below a 9 in favorites, if the reason why you like it is mostly because of nostalgia. So I will remove them.
From spots 6-10 the order was(left to right):
6. Chuunibyou take on me(9),
7. Violet evergarden(8.5),
8.Death note(8.5),
9. Sora yori mo Tooi Basho(8),
10. Love Live! School Idol Project 2nd Season(8) 22/4/2023
I was wondering for a while if I was gonna reach 1000 PTW or 250 completed first.
I reached 1000 PTW by adding Video Girl Ai
27/7/2023
I somehow managed to add like 45 anime to my PTW(before I went on a dropping-spree) in 4 days. I did reach 250 Completed entries, but with one of the most terrible things I finished in a while. Got click baited hard by the poster of M.D. Geist
2/8/2023.
50 days watched.
Looking back at when I reached "250 completed", I only managed to watch 4 days of anime in 7 months, with the amount of free time on my hands; this is so little. I need to watch so much more to even make a slight dent in my plan to watch list. I completed 23 anime and added nearly 500 anime to my PTW. 25/3/2024
It was a hard decision, but I finally decided to purge most of my on-hold list. I just shouldn't keep anime on-hold for a really long time anymore, if they would too difficult to continue. It's unfortunate, most of them were pretty good anime. But if I would actually continue them, the experience is ruined to some degree.
I really hope Eureka Seven will not end up with the same fate. I will probably move all other precure except Mahoutsukai to drop too, since I will continue that one. And if I decide to watch the others, I might as well rewatch 2 episodes of them. Will likely grow fed up with Sonic X. I think I am able to continue Sugar Sugar Rune and 6HP Princess easily. And I will restart watching Made in Abyss, but keeping it there still to remind me that it's high priority. 23/07/2024 03:02 - 3:30
Yeah just seeing whatever number next to the poster isn't very useful information lol you can get more reading the synopsis or even just how the poster itself looks.
I think the cutest precure might be Star Twinkle? Tropical Rouge has one of my favorite casts and Heartcatch's style is just so vibrant. Can't help but love. I would love many more plushies. I have some of the Pokemon Build-A-Bear plushes and i want to collect them all! (soon my room might look like a nursery lmao xp)
I've been studying japaense but im no where near close xD it's sooo hard.
To be clear, im not interested in what's popular on it's face lol i rarely do enjoy whatever splash in the pan seasonal people tell me to watch. I just think popularity is more useful metric than given credit for. People complain about how MAL does rating's and our leaderboards.. sure it doesn't represent anime watchers, but it represents the people who use the site and that has some use.
I also have a preference for Mahou Shoujo, probably my favorite genre. I've been trying to watch more and more Precure but they keep making them XD anything cute peaks my interest. I want pastel kawaiicore rooms if i had it my way lol
Manga has so much production it would be nearly impossible to keep up with it all. Lot lower bar for what can be counted as manga or doujinshi. So it's easier to find obscure stuff. I remember long time ago theres this manga on this site Lucky Charms & Applejacks i can't find any information on it lol i don't even know how they found it. been trying to track ti down and i've nearly given up. Just an example of like... what's out there. Probably not even that cool but kinda funny.
Oh yeah lol plus i have weird criteria of what to watch and when lol like it's totally random unless one of my friends in my anime club just force me to sit through one xD i wanna make sure i get all the popular anime at least even i don't like them they're highly rated or popular for some sort of reason right? :p But then also something totally obscure is kinda interesting! Oh i've never heard of this? I mean i've been around MAL awhile and it never came up??
Oh of course! I've been dying to meet new people with similar (or even dis-similar lol) tastes. FukaBoku i loved since chapter 1 it stole my heart. I remember when it was releasing~ my sweet LGBT sisters lol
I'm pretty open to stuff yeah lol i dont really get "I just can't watch idk Mecha" like what if it's good lol if you watch it and don't like it fair but it's not the genre that makes it bad lol
I'm more active on discord than on MAL but im open to talk where ever lol you got great taste and i'd be happy to talk about whatever
Don't know about you, but it feels like a decade that we used this tool to make conversations. Because I want to write longer, I will use it now; and it have some sort os nostalgia. If I feel the need, I will do it again.
So, I will do the same as you did in the confession, I will make a recap from my perspective.
Feb, 3/4:
When I discovered your profile and noticed that you are a lolicon, but at the same time you have broad taste with critical thinking, I instantly got curious. In my journey in the anime community, when I started to share my tastes to other people, I was always misunderstood, they think I'm pervert, pedophile, crazy, insane, annoying and everything that you already know because os how clichê this sounds. I felt that I found someone equal, so, I decides to friend request and respect your warning in the top of your page.
What followed after this was super unexpected, you had absolutelly no shame! In the first interaction you just dropped "what is your favorite loli hentai"! Man, who does this kinda of question? Because I don't care about these social tabus, I responded honestly. So, even in our first interactions it was something very unique, even with few words typed in the screen. I took some time to respond you because I was curious about Prototype Lolita, I was reuniting courage, I needed to be considerate with you.
Feb, 14:
After reading the hentai and liking at the same time, I shared my experience with you and got interested in our tastes, mainly because you lacked ecchi anime your list (very unusual for otaku like us, who endlessly consume what the industry tells), so started with questions without too much focus. But for some reason, you just dropped that you have sociel anxiety, and this instantly got my attention, I needed to be carefull with you. I wrote that text reggarding anxiety because I felt that you're suffering to some extent, my instics telled that you needed confort; maybe you suffered like me but didn't had the guts to don't care. The lack of humanity in the social media just disgust me and I just decided to act differently, sharing my kindness with someone I don't even know the name, the face or life history.
Feb, 26:
Well, this was the big time gap between our messages. After the last interaction, I really was wanting for more, but I didn't know anything to add, so I fished a topic (your favorite characters and people) but let the anime out because I wanted to save more subjects. Inside me, it grow a fascination for you, I wanted to keep talking to you. To confort you more, I shared my past unrequited love for you, I wanted for our conversations to be more human. And it was after this that I really, really, started to yearn more about our messages, spending hours to write those didn't even made a scratch.
Mar, 2:
That was when my commentary got obliterated by MAL...... And I rewrote the text because it's not something like this that would put a stop in our chatting, it was frustrating, but at the same time demonstrating a nice gesture coming from my past me. Despite our differences, we never took them as some sort of barrier between us, and that is true even for today. We truly respect each other.
Mar, 10:
That was really a turning point for us, I wanted to make our friendship official, that is the problem of not seeing your face. You don't have any idea of how this was precious for me, because I NEVER done that in my life, my past (and gone) friendships were always made automatically. If by my own I made that plea, it was because I really felt that was needed; "I need to treasure this", my mind was telling this. The hours I spend writing the text were so precious to me, all my coments stating that I was speechless of how much I got impressed by your opinions are genuine, I never felt something as equal as our relationship.
Mar, 13:
You casually droped a comment about depression... And I instantly thought "the social anxiety stuff is even worse then I think". I started to get worried about you, my instics were telling that you really needed some form of love, because I really cared (and I care even more now) about you, you are my friend and friendship isn't just happy things. What type of friend I would be if I abbandoned you?
Mar, 16:
"I think I am very affectionated with you"... What I wanted to write was "I think I am very attached with you". But I didn't had courage at the time to tell you that. Also, you didn't answered my question even back then: "do you consider yourself a happy person?"
Mar, 23:
Even after you wrote that long about your mental state, what shyned in my mind was: "the problem lies inside him, he has everything to surpass but he doesn't find motivation or will; just like me". I got very sad in that day, knowing that my friend was suffering in state much worse then me. When I reached home, my top priority was to write to try to make you feel better.
Mar, 24:
I shared some of my story and beliefs because I didn't know what to do to make you feel better. Just saying clichê phrases don't help people (I even stated this in the text). My vision about faith, confidance and were true, I don't modify a single word from that text and I recommed you to re-read. Even If I help you with words, plays or even love; the one who will cure you is yourself. In the final of that text, I asked for us to talk about happy things again, despite the development coming from harsh situations, we need confort to maintain our mind sane. I also thanked your existence to make you feel even more alive.
Apr, 3:
You started to feel better and I just started smiling. I was so happy that your friendship was giving us good fruits, I felt a strong sense of realization, because making other people happy is something sacred to me, you are making me feel even more alive. Also, your takes on religion didn't bothered me or bother me today.
Apr, 6:
Also suggest you to re-read my test. I still stand that we were destined to know each other!
Apr, 15:
You temporarily broke... well, things aren't too simple. One thing to mention is that I imagine you as some form of femboy because you transpose delicacy, you are someone who valorises feelings above everything, contraring the usual "masculinity" that we have around here. And guess what, this feeling of having a man so beautiful that we don't know the sex just from the appearence is something that mesmerized me even from kid. The truth is: I imagine you like this because you enchant me! You seduce me with your words and have values that I admire! Of course, I hate this part of society that label us in identity, I am what I want! If I find androginy beautiful, it doen't mean that I am LGBT or wathever, I even dislike this acronym because it ends up labbeling people (it's contradictory to the idea).
Apr, 17:
You asked my attention because you were feeling so bad. I remember clearly my mom calling to dinner and I asking her to wait a moment because you were my top priority! What type of monster would abbandon the friends in the time of need?
Apr, 20:
Because aparently you were alone in home, I just thought that you didn't had good relations in practice with relatives, so I decided to "gamble" on that natural department pharagraph. Because I never found fun on porn and I was aware of the damage that porn can do to our mental health, I also thought that it could be that one of the reasons of your depression and lack of motivation. I'm now doubting my past vision about pornography and hentai, I still think they aren't good by themselves, it's more the state that we see it. I want to know more about how you see porn and hentai to be sure that it is harming you somehow. Because you phrased "the meaning of life is having fun" poorly, I also thought you were some type of hedonist, but now I'm surely that you're not like this. In that time, there was a little fear of you abbandoning me because you felt offended somehow, this is due what happened to me before...
Apr, 25:
You shared your life story and it got me emotional so hard. You really suffered much more then me in your life span. What could I say to make you feel better? But like, if you endured all of this while having strong mental problems, don't you think you are very strong because of this? And now I reached in the "finally", your "delicate topic". Knows what, I didn't even noticed that the colored text was the rainbow flag, this demostrates how much I care about this LGBT stuff. What delivered the meaning was the "if you're not going to talk about it, I will!". It gave a delay time of like, 10 seconds of my brains processing the stuff untill Ifinally reached the conclusion: it's a confession! But I reached this conclusion because I realised that in april you were the only thing I was thinking, the perfect "symptoms" of being in love (and this is still true even today). So it came the thought of me getting a boyfriend and I got excited with this, I wanted to try this experience!
Apr, 27:
I explained my sexuality in this text, but there is some things I want to explain more to you, I also recommend you to re-read. I say that i wrote the last lines because I was so anxious about your declaration. These 5 days were very exciting for me, I expressed my gratitude to the universe don't know how much times, for knowing a wonderfull person and also sharing my love with someone that almost perfectly matched me. My expectations from the last days of february was a friend to watch anime together and I got this treasure coming from the sky, this is perfect!
Apr, 30:
And we finally reached the point when our emotions just "exploded" inside us! I want to point something first, you managed to perfectly manipulate me! Hell, who needs Ayanokoji and Lelouch if we have you! I'm not angry with you, by the way, this just demostrates that you really wanted my attention on a degree that I can't imagine. My thoughts when I noticed this were, this guy is a GENIUS, how the hell he sucked in the tests? You wrote in such magnificent way that ignited even more my will to accept you. So, everything aligned, I searched that Oreimo scene just say "YES".
May, 1:
Our first interaction in voice call. It was right there that my emotions started to calmdown. It is unexplicable to me (even right now), but I felt a strange sensation after our chatting. The thought was "he and I will just be friends, very close friends, probably a friendship for the entire life, but never engaging in romantic love, it will be just platonic". And I know that my intuition is good! As I stated before, the problem isn't you.
May, 2:
We broke up! I realised that you were (and maybe still is) drowned in this feeling for me. You got so attached to me that if I was conniving with your "life project", this would end up hurting you. Man, you are so binding to these extreme emotions, anxiety, worries, calculating the future that this ends up blocking your development. So, THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM! You need to learn how to avoid the anxiety nad lack of patience to fix your life. So, because I realised this, fueling your impossible dream would be malefic from my part. I rejected you because I love you!
May, 3:
You really have maturity, you didn't abandoned me.
May, 4:
I really had fun with Made in Abyss and the AMQ. I remember that I commented casually that I heared you taking so much screenshots. I didn't noticed that this made you anxious. I'm sorry! I still think we will find a game or a way that makes you less anxious.
May, 5:
We engaged in the perfect philophical discussion about faith and worries. That day really showed our main differences! When you understood my point about faith, I got so glad. This is the perfect first step for you to overcome your internal problems.
May, 6 - 10:
Very fun game we made, I'm very curious about your project and I'm very glad that you're having fun. But still has this thing pendent between us, your feelings for me and how they hurt you because the way I reciprocate is not what you was expecting.
Now, I will make a question for you: Can we now discuss my vision about Love? What is Love after all?
So, I am already being called boyfriend, it will take some time for me to get used :)
"Have you dreamt about me last night?" Sorry, but I hardly remember what I dream lol
Fantasizing about me... well, I fantasize about you too. I would be surprised if we didn't daydreamed about this.
I didn't noticed any errors in the text when I read, It was probably the faster text I read in my life. You don't need to correct the grammar, as you say, it is cute this way.
Now, for what you want to hear. Yes, I'm totally free tomorrow, I can schedule, what I don't guarantee is the quantity of time that we will chat. There is also one factor that could be considered annoying for us: I live with my family (4 people counting with me) and they don't have any idea of what is happening with us (I will tell them soon about our relationship, I can't wait to see their faces). Also, I don't have a proper room for me, I've being sleeping with my mother for 10 years (I can tell why latter and stop thinking sexual innuendos about this), but don't worry, I will somehow find a way to us to hear each other voices.
What platform we will use for our conversation?
There are some things that I want to clarify about our relationship.....
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I am trembling right now......Yes,yes,yes,yesYESYESYESYESYESYESYES! I LOVE YOU TOO!
I couldn't stop thinking on you in these past weeks. I want this to be a reality! I always dreamed for something like this in my life! And be sure that we will surpass great hights, because contrary to our past relationships, our love is reciprocal! This is one of the most magical days in my life!
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Now......I need sleep (How can I sleep after this? I don't know!)! I need to talk more about our official love relationship in my next text.
I'm so glad that may's 1th is holiday here in my country.
I just don't know what I'm tipping right now, looks like my emotions once again are turning me upside down!
I'm so glad that you shared part of your life story with me, it makes much more sense to me now, I feel capable of helping you more. But there is something I want to point: you endured 6 years of being NEET + horrible events that injured your self-esteem and social capabilities, but you are still here, you're alive, you want to improve your health and want to move forward! See, what you need to make the change is already inside you, in the middle of the adversity you suffered but didn't broke, you're stronger than you think and you WILL be better!
Talking about how your mother loves you genuinely makes me happy too! Don't you agree that the emotion of the realization that we are being loved is one the best out there?
Now, after this short introduction, I think it is the perfect time to talk about my sexuality:
"Did you always feel this aversion to hentai/porn or did something happen?". This phrase is actually perfect for an introduction. Maybe this was uncommon in my country 15 years ago, my mother explained naturally what sex is (the biological sense) when I was 9 years old and to me, in the middle of my innocence, sex wasn't something to be afraid, shamefull, think it is impure or just something funny that adults do. What my mind processed and what reflects nowadays is a vision lacking malice when I encounter something erotic, in other words, the same as above but with more comprehension. For me sex is something naturally sacred, it is an act that makes the two parts engage in extreme pleasure, a delight more than just the stimulus in the erogynous zone involving a person that we like, it is the touch of the skin, the smell, the sounds and mainly the sensation of making the other happy too. Let's be honest, a lot of people only wants pleasure for themselves (this is why brothels, alcohol and drugs have popularity, they center around egoism and escapism) and this can lead to not so good outcomes, like desensitization on empathy and brain atrophy which can lead to actual tragedies and familiar dramas. So, did something happened in my porn/hentai consumption? No, nothing happened! When I watched porn in my teenager days, I always felt something was wrong, I couldn't get fun, I just felt something meaningless.
But probably you are wondering: "but how is your vision when it comes to clean masturbation (just the imagination) and works like Fate/Illya and Kodomo no Jikan?". Firstly, I only masturbate in the bath (I don't want to clean my semen) and, from what I researched, clean masturbation don't stimulate the brain in the same form as from a video. This is something I think it makes sense, because theoretically I have control on what I imagine. Now, when it comes to anime, I need to make a parallel on moe itself. I already know that you already studied about the lolicon story and knows how moe in general affects our minds, so I will not dump you with overexposition on the topic. I think is better if I explain with examples within the shows I like and how I reacted to them.
1) K-On: if you look at my "Sono Bisque Doll wa Koi wo Suru" tag, I made a comment stating that I get an erection watching the beach episode but not with a "proper waifu". I don't need to explain why K-On is a masterpiece, Naoko Yamada nailed with the natural characterization present from the beggining to the end and this reflects on how I see the girls, they are so cute and pure that reached a point where unknown emotions got triggered when I watched the show. K-On has my favorite anime episode of all time (episode 20), I cried because it is one of most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life, something that will inspire me forever. And it is because of this show's aura that I feel excited sexually, the non-verbal lenguage inside K-On is something unmatched on the CGDCT niche.
2) Fate/Illya and Onimai: these two are really honest on the fanservice factor and they have very strong characterization, but I will focus more on the sexualization itself. When I see Illya, Shiro, Rin, Taiga, Takagi, Miyu, Kuro, Mahiro or other good lolis in my screen, my subconscious interprets this as something divine. But for this to reach its full potention, the loli needs to have good personality, dramas and function in the narrative, just being a character with soul and good writing, totally contrary on what the ton of isekai anime presents. When these "planets" align, I start feeling really close to the lolis (just like with K-On). Another factor that I like to point is the simplicity inside my thought: "the loli is already cute, but if she is naked while doing cute things, she will be even more cutter".
3) Made in Abyss and Kodomo no Jikan: now we entered the drama area. If I have to pick two authors who I think 100% understood the lolicon concept (not counting hentai), I pick Akihito Tsukuchi and Kaworu Watashiwa. The erotism inside these two works encapsulates perfectly with the messages. Kojika is about how society see sexuality, how it affects us alongside our traumas and what is our/ the school position when we encounter these situations; the manga needs the give us erotism for us to feel what Aoki-sensei is feeling and to make us reflect too. I will not talk too much about Made in Abyss because you haven't watched, what I can say is that I think this story can be compared to Berserk, but with moe instead of dark fantasy. Made in Abyss is the absolute culmination of the terrifying side in our minds and in the world, but at the same time the work doesn't make us forget the purity inside us. To make us feel the grounded fantasy, the work use the sexuality to reminds us that we are still part of the nature itself and sexuality is being closer to the earth. Trust me, if you watch or read (manga transmit this aspect a little better), you will understand.
With all this information, it is very easy to conclude that I am attracted to concepts behind everything above to the pure sexual content. I'm gonna admit something very curious now: I feel erections when we talk about lolicon! Yes, just reading/writing the text excites me because I feel very close to someone I like who also loves the same content, something that I urged from a very long time. Of course, this doesn't belong only to the sexual context, the Jellyfish anime that I hated have the problem of the girls don't having any trace of humanity on them (humanity doesn't mean realism, by the way). And that is it, what matters for me is the full picture which leads to sensations involving everything good that human emotions can provide.
Short disclaimer: I'm not an anti-porn! What you just read is just my vision and I don't have the right to start a proselytism campaign against someone who consumes casually or the industry itself.
About your procrastination: you realised that the best is just the equilibrium. You scouted your limits and made experiments on what is more viable and productive for you. It is even more evident to me that you will get out of this hole because you have what is needed. Don't you think it is fascinating the power of empathy? How many people out there are suffering like you who don't even have someone to speak what is bothering? Reality is very harsh, but with acceptance everything can be soften.
about my "please, be safe": I just messed up when I translated inside my head, lol. The problem of not having english as my first lenguage is this, we tend to use our local expressions without making a proper conversion. "Please, be fine" is what I meant.
Now for the "sensitive topic": don't be afraid, our friendship will last for a very long time, I have faith in my words! JUST DO IT!
"but if you're not going to talk about it, I will!". I think I already know what is coming, but if you are being brave to take the lead, I will not stop you. Maybe is better this way, with you gathering courage. I wonder what good things will initiate after this...
Nitpicking: I found to be kinda hard to read a gigantic wall of text. Well, I know you use the pharagraphs to separate the subjects, but it is fine if you use more times independently.
Before finishing, I have a final request: if isn't going to disturb your schedule, can you write your next text in a lower time gap between today and the day you will post? The curiosity for your next text is so high inside me that I can't describe properly. Please, say yes...
How are you? I noticed that you watched more anime this week. I hope this is a good signal.
After reading your text, one of the first things that came to my mind was the fact that I hate this culture of "natural departure". You cusually mentioned that your mother lives in another place, this is totally contrary to my reality. Yes, I still live with my parents (oh, what a surprise!) and I think this is wonderfull. The concept of "move away from the parents" is very gross to me because this question pops up in my head: "for whose sake?". You're probably already understanding my point now, the society just thinks it's shamefull "not being completelly" adult and we need to endure all the bad aspects of the life in one sitting while we are still teenagers mentally. For me this isn't humanity, it's just some type of cruelty, people are forcing themselves in engaging in something they don't like, resulting in lack of happiness. I know that everyone has it's own context and not every family is happy together, but I still think there is some type of lack of empathy in the middle that is being throwed under the carpet. And you, what is your opinion in this subject? Are you fine in living in a different place from your mother?
Now I'm gonna talk about what can "challenge" our friendship...
Two phrases coming from your text define well my topic: "It's just so hard to break out of my bad habits" and "The only thing I want from life is fun". I know what I will say now can be seen as hypocrisy, but I think if you stop consuming hentai can make your life better. I already expressed my quarrel with hentai in one of our first interactions and I still stand my point, hentai is just not confortable for me to watch, Prototype Lolita was the last one that I touched. I don't feel well watching because pornografy in general don't have love between the individuals who are making sex in the screen. I also don't need to explain that porn harms the brain by overstimulation, which is already proved by science and every neurologist agrees with this. So, can you at least try lower your frequency of watching this type of content just to see how your body and mind will react?
I can explain my "hypocrisy" this in better words if I dedicate a longer text just to talk about sexuality and explain how it affects me... and to explain why I thank God for making me a lolicon (as I mentioned before). I even masturbate 3-4 times in week and I don't think this is degeneracy as people say...
About the "The only thing I want from life is fun", don't you think this can be toxic if we take in an overexagerated way? In other words, I think we can call this hedonism. Yes, having fun is super important, but we need to take the responsabilities that life naturally gives us and not all of them will be fun. I also believe that bad things happen to make us stronger or wiser, it's just a logic thought, to recognise what is correct we need to make errors and experience the misfortune, making a natural development. For me, the meaning of the life is just finding the happiness, but for this to definitely concretes, we need to learn how to manage the problems (even our internal conflicts).
Now I'm gonna admit something: I know this is just guessing from my part. I don't know your life story and what drove you outside from your mother home and your opinion about this. I recognise I can be totally wrong about how your mind reacts to hentai, it can be something irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. So, I'm very curious about your reply.
There is another internal factor inside me that I want to share. There is a part inside me that has a little fear. Fear of maybe interfering too much. Remember that I shared my infatuation on a girl? One of the factors of the failure of that relationship was my reckless on helping her. She obviously had her problems and I tried to help her, but she didn't wanted to accept my assistance, resulting in me disrespecting her free will. It's just wasn't the right time for her to hear what I speaked. But in our context, you seem to want my help and also wants to change for the better. Well, it is hard to me to ignore when someone is in pain, but I think a true friendship is not always compliments. I am telling you things that throws you out of the comfort zone because I like you and want you to be better. Also, don't you think that trying different things can help your anxiety and self-esteem? Try reading a book, for example. Don't be shameful because you feel that you con't advance the content, advancing little by little is also important, your brain just needs to get used.
Okay, that is it for today, now the questions:
1) Are you aware that anxiety has physical symptoms?
Yes, and this is something I admit that I can't 100% understand how you feel because I didn't suffered high levels of anxiety in my life. To supress my anxiety I have a tecnique to stop thinking about the problem and just face it when the time arrive. Halting expectations is another good tip for you.
2) Are you just that content with living in the moment and not aspiring for anything more?
Bingo! I don't have any idea about what will come in my life! I don't have any particular objective in life! I don't have interest in any sort of material stuff (like cars, houses or ton of money)! Right now, I just want to get experience in my professional area and I will think in something to do latter, my problems always got resolved in the last minute.
3) When you say things like "I don't have problems in recognizing my abilities, but why would I use them?"
What I was trying to say is when I don't have interest in something, I don't make actions to pursuit despite knowing I can. This phrase can be more clear when I find myself in a comfort zone.
4) I am really curiously how far your urge of skinship goes beyond cuddling.
I will probably elaborate more in this topic when I talk about sexuality. What I will say now is that I accept your non-binary identity and I don't care that you are biologically male. My concept of skinship is like the common shoujo-Ai anime like Yuru Yuri, cute hugs, cuddles and kisses (why not?); specifically for you, it goes around this. Why society accept two girls being more close than "normal" but not two boys? I also don't like cult to the masculinity around the world.
5) Are you a furry?
No, I'm not! Yes, I have nostalgic feelings for MLP (Gen 4), Pinkie Pie was my favorite character of all time in that time, but I enjoyed more because the ponies looked like girls, not horses (I also think the other Gens of MLP are ugly, even the current one). It's just that I don't think in any animal parts if I start fantasize girls. And it's very ironic that Made in Abyss is my Top 2 when it shares 50% of the fanservice around furries (watch MiA, please!).
6) What are your favorite anime OPs and EDs? Do you care about the visuals of them or only the song?
I can't give a definitive answer because, just like you, when I like a music, I just keep playing the song until I get bored (but I still go back to hear again randomly). For OPs I like the one from Higurashi Kai and the one from Grisaia no Rakuen. For EDs I like the one from Kodomo no Jikan (deserved the fever on NikoNiko) and the one from Nisemonogatari. My preferences tend to weight more in the song side, but I still value visual too.
7) What is your favorite anime that looks unique, art style wise?
This is a question that I feel I'm not prepared to respond because I feel that I need to watch more "different" anime. Right now I think is Casshern Sins because of the backgrounds and overall art that valorises the concept of beautiful.
8) Do you care about fashion in anime?
No, even in the ral life I don't care about fashion. This is a subject that I definively don't have mental capacity to discuss.
9) Do you care about archival of media?
Of course I care! We only are here now because they decided to arquive all historical records. Archiving the past flames us the will of aquiring knowledge, something that I volorise endlessly.
And that is it for today! I know you're right now ready to point some contraditory elements in the text (like my opinion on pornografy while liking erotism at the same time and my belief in departing from home despite finding important to face the problems). If you have doubt in a particular topic, I accept every question or criticism. At the end of the day, I don't have any right to interfere in your life, you're free to do what you want!
Sorry if I made you worry in any way, but pointing against something that gives you pleasure can be offensive for some people.
Also, Can you give me an immediate answer if you felt offended in a way?
All Comments (49) Comments
I think the cutest precure might be Star Twinkle? Tropical Rouge has one of my favorite casts and Heartcatch's style is just so vibrant. Can't help but love. I would love many more plushies. I have some of the Pokemon Build-A-Bear plushes and i want to collect them all! (soon my room might look like a nursery lmao xp)
I've been studying japaense but im no where near close xD it's sooo hard.
I also have a preference for Mahou Shoujo, probably my favorite genre. I've been trying to watch more and more Precure but they keep making them XD anything cute peaks my interest. I want pastel kawaiicore rooms if i had it my way lol
Manga has so much production it would be nearly impossible to keep up with it all. Lot lower bar for what can be counted as manga or doujinshi. So it's easier to find obscure stuff. I remember long time ago theres this manga on this site Lucky Charms & Applejacks i can't find any information on it lol i don't even know how they found it. been trying to track ti down and i've nearly given up. Just an example of like... what's out there. Probably not even that cool but kinda funny.
I'm pretty open to stuff yeah lol i dont really get "I just can't watch idk Mecha" like what if it's good lol if you watch it and don't like it fair but it's not the genre that makes it bad lol
I'm more active on discord than on MAL but im open to talk where ever lol you got great taste and i'd be happy to talk about whatever
Don't know about you, but it feels like a decade that we used this tool to make conversations. Because I want to write longer, I will use it now; and it have some sort os nostalgia. If I feel the need, I will do it again.
So, I will do the same as you did in the confession, I will make a recap from my perspective.
Feb, 3/4:
When I discovered your profile and noticed that you are a lolicon, but at the same time you have broad taste with critical thinking, I instantly got curious. In my journey in the anime community, when I started to share my tastes to other people, I was always misunderstood, they think I'm pervert, pedophile, crazy, insane, annoying and everything that you already know because os how clichê this sounds. I felt that I found someone equal, so, I decides to friend request and respect your warning in the top of your page.
What followed after this was super unexpected, you had absolutelly no shame! In the first interaction you just dropped "what is your favorite loli hentai"! Man, who does this kinda of question? Because I don't care about these social tabus, I responded honestly. So, even in our first interactions it was something very unique, even with few words typed in the screen. I took some time to respond you because I was curious about Prototype Lolita, I was reuniting courage, I needed to be considerate with you.
Feb, 14:
After reading the hentai and liking at the same time, I shared my experience with you and got interested in our tastes, mainly because you lacked ecchi anime your list (very unusual for otaku like us, who endlessly consume what the industry tells), so started with questions without too much focus. But for some reason, you just dropped that you have sociel anxiety, and this instantly got my attention, I needed to be carefull with you. I wrote that text reggarding anxiety because I felt that you're suffering to some extent, my instics telled that you needed confort; maybe you suffered like me but didn't had the guts to don't care. The lack of humanity in the social media just disgust me and I just decided to act differently, sharing my kindness with someone I don't even know the name, the face or life history.
Feb, 26:
Well, this was the big time gap between our messages. After the last interaction, I really was wanting for more, but I didn't know anything to add, so I fished a topic (your favorite characters and people) but let the anime out because I wanted to save more subjects. Inside me, it grow a fascination for you, I wanted to keep talking to you. To confort you more, I shared my past unrequited love for you, I wanted for our conversations to be more human. And it was after this that I really, really, started to yearn more about our messages, spending hours to write those didn't even made a scratch.
Mar, 2:
That was when my commentary got obliterated by MAL...... And I rewrote the text because it's not something like this that would put a stop in our chatting, it was frustrating, but at the same time demonstrating a nice gesture coming from my past me. Despite our differences, we never took them as some sort of barrier between us, and that is true even for today. We truly respect each other.
Mar, 10:
That was really a turning point for us, I wanted to make our friendship official, that is the problem of not seeing your face. You don't have any idea of how this was precious for me, because I NEVER done that in my life, my past (and gone) friendships were always made automatically. If by my own I made that plea, it was because I really felt that was needed; "I need to treasure this", my mind was telling this. The hours I spend writing the text were so precious to me, all my coments stating that I was speechless of how much I got impressed by your opinions are genuine, I never felt something as equal as our relationship.
Mar, 13:
You casually droped a comment about depression... And I instantly thought "the social anxiety stuff is even worse then I think". I started to get worried about you, my instics were telling that you really needed some form of love, because I really cared (and I care even more now) about you, you are my friend and friendship isn't just happy things. What type of friend I would be if I abbandoned you?
Mar, 16:
"I think I am very affectionated with you"... What I wanted to write was "I think I am very attached with you". But I didn't had courage at the time to tell you that. Also, you didn't answered my question even back then: "do you consider yourself a happy person?"
Mar, 23:
Even after you wrote that long about your mental state, what shyned in my mind was: "the problem lies inside him, he has everything to surpass but he doesn't find motivation or will; just like me". I got very sad in that day, knowing that my friend was suffering in state much worse then me. When I reached home, my top priority was to write to try to make you feel better.
Mar, 24:
I shared some of my story and beliefs because I didn't know what to do to make you feel better. Just saying clichê phrases don't help people (I even stated this in the text). My vision about faith, confidance and were true, I don't modify a single word from that text and I recommed you to re-read. Even If I help you with words, plays or even love; the one who will cure you is yourself. In the final of that text, I asked for us to talk about happy things again, despite the development coming from harsh situations, we need confort to maintain our mind sane. I also thanked your existence to make you feel even more alive.
Apr, 3:
You started to feel better and I just started smiling. I was so happy that your friendship was giving us good fruits, I felt a strong sense of realization, because making other people happy is something sacred to me, you are making me feel even more alive. Also, your takes on religion didn't bothered me or bother me today.
Apr, 6:
Also suggest you to re-read my test. I still stand that we were destined to know each other!
Apr, 15:
You temporarily broke... well, things aren't too simple. One thing to mention is that I imagine you as some form of femboy because you transpose delicacy, you are someone who valorises feelings above everything, contraring the usual "masculinity" that we have around here. And guess what, this feeling of having a man so beautiful that we don't know the sex just from the appearence is something that mesmerized me even from kid. The truth is: I imagine you like this because you enchant me! You seduce me with your words and have values that I admire! Of course, I hate this part of society that label us in identity, I am what I want! If I find androginy beautiful, it doen't mean that I am LGBT or wathever, I even dislike this acronym because it ends up labbeling people (it's contradictory to the idea).
Apr, 17:
You asked my attention because you were feeling so bad. I remember clearly my mom calling to dinner and I asking her to wait a moment because you were my top priority! What type of monster would abbandon the friends in the time of need?
Apr, 20:
Because aparently you were alone in home, I just thought that you didn't had good relations in practice with relatives, so I decided to "gamble" on that natural department pharagraph. Because I never found fun on porn and I was aware of the damage that porn can do to our mental health, I also thought that it could be that one of the reasons of your depression and lack of motivation. I'm now doubting my past vision about pornography and hentai, I still think they aren't good by themselves, it's more the state that we see it. I want to know more about how you see porn and hentai to be sure that it is harming you somehow. Because you phrased "the meaning of life is having fun" poorly, I also thought you were some type of hedonist, but now I'm surely that you're not like this. In that time, there was a little fear of you abbandoning me because you felt offended somehow, this is due what happened to me before...
Apr, 25:
You shared your life story and it got me emotional so hard. You really suffered much more then me in your life span. What could I say to make you feel better? But like, if you endured all of this while having strong mental problems, don't you think you are very strong because of this? And now I reached in the "finally", your "delicate topic". Knows what, I didn't even noticed that the colored text was the rainbow flag, this demostrates how much I care about this LGBT stuff. What delivered the meaning was the "if you're not going to talk about it, I will!". It gave a delay time of like, 10 seconds of my brains processing the stuff untill Ifinally reached the conclusion: it's a confession! But I reached this conclusion because I realised that in april you were the only thing I was thinking, the perfect "symptoms" of being in love (and this is still true even today). So it came the thought of me getting a boyfriend and I got excited with this, I wanted to try this experience!
Apr, 27:
I explained my sexuality in this text, but there is some things I want to explain more to you, I also recommend you to re-read. I say that i wrote the last lines because I was so anxious about your declaration. These 5 days were very exciting for me, I expressed my gratitude to the universe don't know how much times, for knowing a wonderfull person and also sharing my love with someone that almost perfectly matched me. My expectations from the last days of february was a friend to watch anime together and I got this treasure coming from the sky, this is perfect!
Apr, 30:
And we finally reached the point when our emotions just "exploded" inside us! I want to point something first, you managed to perfectly manipulate me! Hell, who needs Ayanokoji and Lelouch if we have you! I'm not angry with you, by the way, this just demostrates that you really wanted my attention on a degree that I can't imagine. My thoughts when I noticed this were, this guy is a GENIUS, how the hell he sucked in the tests? You wrote in such magnificent way that ignited even more my will to accept you. So, everything aligned, I searched that Oreimo scene just say "YES".
May, 1:
Our first interaction in voice call. It was right there that my emotions started to calmdown. It is unexplicable to me (even right now), but I felt a strange sensation after our chatting. The thought was "he and I will just be friends, very close friends, probably a friendship for the entire life, but never engaging in romantic love, it will be just platonic". And I know that my intuition is good! As I stated before, the problem isn't you.
May, 2:
We broke up! I realised that you were (and maybe still is) drowned in this feeling for me. You got so attached to me that if I was conniving with your "life project", this would end up hurting you. Man, you are so binding to these extreme emotions, anxiety, worries, calculating the future that this ends up blocking your development. So, THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM! You need to learn how to avoid the anxiety nad lack of patience to fix your life. So, because I realised this, fueling your impossible dream would be malefic from my part. I rejected you because I love you!
May, 3:
You really have maturity, you didn't abandoned me.
May, 4:
I really had fun with Made in Abyss and the AMQ. I remember that I commented casually that I heared you taking so much screenshots. I didn't noticed that this made you anxious. I'm sorry! I still think we will find a game or a way that makes you less anxious.
May, 5:
We engaged in the perfect philophical discussion about faith and worries. That day really showed our main differences! When you understood my point about faith, I got so glad. This is the perfect first step for you to overcome your internal problems.
May, 6 - 10:
Very fun game we made, I'm very curious about your project and I'm very glad that you're having fun. But still has this thing pendent between us, your feelings for me and how they hurt you because the way I reciprocate is not what you was expecting.
Now, I will make a question for you: Can we now discuss my vision about Love? What is Love after all?
Are you anxious?
Soon I will call you. You are using the same user name on Discord, right?
I can use my notebook for portability, so I doubt that arranging a space will be a problem.
See you tomorrow when I find a good time.
Sleep well!
So, I am already being called boyfriend, it will take some time for me to get used :)
"Have you dreamt about me last night?" Sorry, but I hardly remember what I dream lol
Fantasizing about me... well, I fantasize about you too. I would be surprised if we didn't daydreamed about this.
I didn't noticed any errors in the text when I read, It was probably the faster text I read in my life. You don't need to correct the grammar, as you say, it is cute this way.
Now, for what you want to hear. Yes, I'm totally free tomorrow, I can schedule, what I don't guarantee is the quantity of time that we will chat. There is also one factor that could be considered annoying for us: I live with my family (4 people counting with me) and they don't have any idea of what is happening with us (I will tell them soon about our relationship, I can't wait to see their faces). Also, I don't have a proper room for me, I've being sleeping with my mother for 10 years (I can tell why latter and stop thinking sexual innuendos about this), but don't worry, I will somehow find a way to us to hear each other voices.
What platform we will use for our conversation?
There are some things that I want to clarify about our relationship.....
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I am trembling right now......Yes,yes,yes,yesYESYESYESYESYESYESYES! I LOVE YOU TOO!
I couldn't stop thinking on you in these past weeks. I want this to be a reality! I always dreamed for something like this in my life! And be sure that we will surpass great hights, because contrary to our past relationships, our love is reciprocal! This is one of the most magical days in my life!
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Now......I need sleep (How can I sleep after this? I don't know!)! I need to talk more about our official love relationship in my next text.
I'm so glad that may's 1th is holiday here in my country.
I just don't know what I'm tipping right now, looks like my emotions once again are turning me upside down!
I'm so glad that you shared part of your life story with me, it makes much more sense to me now, I feel capable of helping you more. But there is something I want to point: you endured 6 years of being NEET + horrible events that injured your self-esteem and social capabilities, but you are still here, you're alive, you want to improve your health and want to move forward! See, what you need to make the change is already inside you, in the middle of the adversity you suffered but didn't broke, you're stronger than you think and you WILL be better!
Talking about how your mother loves you genuinely makes me happy too! Don't you agree that the emotion of the realization that we are being loved is one the best out there?
Now, after this short introduction, I think it is the perfect time to talk about my sexuality:
"Did you always feel this aversion to hentai/porn or did something happen?". This phrase is actually perfect for an introduction. Maybe this was uncommon in my country 15 years ago, my mother explained naturally what sex is (the biological sense) when I was 9 years old and to me, in the middle of my innocence, sex wasn't something to be afraid, shamefull, think it is impure or just something funny that adults do. What my mind processed and what reflects nowadays is a vision lacking malice when I encounter something erotic, in other words, the same as above but with more comprehension. For me sex is something naturally sacred, it is an act that makes the two parts engage in extreme pleasure, a delight more than just the stimulus in the erogynous zone involving a person that we like, it is the touch of the skin, the smell, the sounds and mainly the sensation of making the other happy too. Let's be honest, a lot of people only wants pleasure for themselves (this is why brothels, alcohol and drugs have popularity, they center around egoism and escapism) and this can lead to not so good outcomes, like desensitization on empathy and brain atrophy which can lead to actual tragedies and familiar dramas. So, did something happened in my porn/hentai consumption? No, nothing happened! When I watched porn in my teenager days, I always felt something was wrong, I couldn't get fun, I just felt something meaningless.
But probably you are wondering: "but how is your vision when it comes to clean masturbation (just the imagination) and works like Fate/Illya and Kodomo no Jikan?". Firstly, I only masturbate in the bath (I don't want to clean my semen) and, from what I researched, clean masturbation don't stimulate the brain in the same form as from a video. This is something I think it makes sense, because theoretically I have control on what I imagine. Now, when it comes to anime, I need to make a parallel on moe itself. I already know that you already studied about the lolicon story and knows how moe in general affects our minds, so I will not dump you with overexposition on the topic. I think is better if I explain with examples within the shows I like and how I reacted to them.
1) K-On: if you look at my "Sono Bisque Doll wa Koi wo Suru" tag, I made a comment stating that I get an erection watching the beach episode but not with a "proper waifu". I don't need to explain why K-On is a masterpiece, Naoko Yamada nailed with the natural characterization present from the beggining to the end and this reflects on how I see the girls, they are so cute and pure that reached a point where unknown emotions got triggered when I watched the show. K-On has my favorite anime episode of all time (episode 20), I cried because it is one of most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life, something that will inspire me forever. And it is because of this show's aura that I feel excited sexually, the non-verbal lenguage inside K-On is something unmatched on the CGDCT niche.
2) Fate/Illya and Onimai: these two are really honest on the fanservice factor and they have very strong characterization, but I will focus more on the sexualization itself. When I see Illya, Shiro, Rin, Taiga, Takagi, Miyu, Kuro, Mahiro or other good lolis in my screen, my subconscious interprets this as something divine. But for this to reach its full potention, the loli needs to have good personality, dramas and function in the narrative, just being a character with soul and good writing, totally contrary on what the ton of isekai anime presents. When these "planets" align, I start feeling really close to the lolis (just like with K-On). Another factor that I like to point is the simplicity inside my thought: "the loli is already cute, but if she is naked while doing cute things, she will be even more cutter".
3) Made in Abyss and Kodomo no Jikan: now we entered the drama area. If I have to pick two authors who I think 100% understood the lolicon concept (not counting hentai), I pick Akihito Tsukuchi and Kaworu Watashiwa. The erotism inside these two works encapsulates perfectly with the messages. Kojika is about how society see sexuality, how it affects us alongside our traumas and what is our/ the school position when we encounter these situations; the manga needs the give us erotism for us to feel what Aoki-sensei is feeling and to make us reflect too. I will not talk too much about Made in Abyss because you haven't watched, what I can say is that I think this story can be compared to Berserk, but with moe instead of dark fantasy. Made in Abyss is the absolute culmination of the terrifying side in our minds and in the world, but at the same time the work doesn't make us forget the purity inside us. To make us feel the grounded fantasy, the work use the sexuality to reminds us that we are still part of the nature itself and sexuality is being closer to the earth. Trust me, if you watch or read (manga transmit this aspect a little better), you will understand.
With all this information, it is very easy to conclude that I am attracted to concepts behind everything above to the pure sexual content. I'm gonna admit something very curious now: I feel erections when we talk about lolicon! Yes, just reading/writing the text excites me because I feel very close to someone I like who also loves the same content, something that I urged from a very long time. Of course, this doesn't belong only to the sexual context, the Jellyfish anime that I hated have the problem of the girls don't having any trace of humanity on them (humanity doesn't mean realism, by the way). And that is it, what matters for me is the full picture which leads to sensations involving everything good that human emotions can provide.
Short disclaimer: I'm not an anti-porn! What you just read is just my vision and I don't have the right to start a proselytism campaign against someone who consumes casually or the industry itself.
About your procrastination: you realised that the best is just the equilibrium. You scouted your limits and made experiments on what is more viable and productive for you. It is even more evident to me that you will get out of this hole because you have what is needed. Don't you think it is fascinating the power of empathy? How many people out there are suffering like you who don't even have someone to speak what is bothering? Reality is very harsh, but with acceptance everything can be soften.
about my "please, be safe": I just messed up when I translated inside my head, lol. The problem of not having english as my first lenguage is this, we tend to use our local expressions without making a proper conversion. "Please, be fine" is what I meant.
Now for the "sensitive topic": don't be afraid, our friendship will last for a very long time, I have faith in my words! JUST DO IT!
"but if you're not going to talk about it, I will!". I think I already know what is coming, but if you are being brave to take the lead, I will not stop you. Maybe is better this way, with you gathering courage. I wonder what good things will initiate after this...
Nitpicking: I found to be kinda hard to read a gigantic wall of text. Well, I know you use the pharagraphs to separate the subjects, but it is fine if you use more times independently.
Before finishing, I have a final request: if isn't going to disturb your schedule, can you write your next text in a lower time gap between today and the day you will post? The curiosity for your next text is so high inside me that I can't describe properly. Please, say yes...
How are you? I noticed that you watched more anime this week. I hope this is a good signal.
After reading your text, one of the first things that came to my mind was the fact that I hate this culture of "natural departure". You cusually mentioned that your mother lives in another place, this is totally contrary to my reality. Yes, I still live with my parents (oh, what a surprise!) and I think this is wonderfull. The concept of "move away from the parents" is very gross to me because this question pops up in my head: "for whose sake?". You're probably already understanding my point now, the society just thinks it's shamefull "not being completelly" adult and we need to endure all the bad aspects of the life in one sitting while we are still teenagers mentally. For me this isn't humanity, it's just some type of cruelty, people are forcing themselves in engaging in something they don't like, resulting in lack of happiness. I know that everyone has it's own context and not every family is happy together, but I still think there is some type of lack of empathy in the middle that is being throwed under the carpet. And you, what is your opinion in this subject? Are you fine in living in a different place from your mother?
Now I'm gonna talk about what can "challenge" our friendship...
Two phrases coming from your text define well my topic: "It's just so hard to break out of my bad habits" and "The only thing I want from life is fun". I know what I will say now can be seen as hypocrisy, but I think if you stop consuming hentai can make your life better. I already expressed my quarrel with hentai in one of our first interactions and I still stand my point, hentai is just not confortable for me to watch, Prototype Lolita was the last one that I touched. I don't feel well watching because pornografy in general don't have love between the individuals who are making sex in the screen. I also don't need to explain that porn harms the brain by overstimulation, which is already proved by science and every neurologist agrees with this. So, can you at least try lower your frequency of watching this type of content just to see how your body and mind will react?
I can explain my "hypocrisy" this in better words if I dedicate a longer text just to talk about sexuality and explain how it affects me... and to explain why I thank God for making me a lolicon (as I mentioned before). I even masturbate 3-4 times in week and I don't think this is degeneracy as people say...
About the "The only thing I want from life is fun", don't you think this can be toxic if we take in an overexagerated way? In other words, I think we can call this hedonism. Yes, having fun is super important, but we need to take the responsabilities that life naturally gives us and not all of them will be fun. I also believe that bad things happen to make us stronger or wiser, it's just a logic thought, to recognise what is correct we need to make errors and experience the misfortune, making a natural development. For me, the meaning of the life is just finding the happiness, but for this to definitely concretes, we need to learn how to manage the problems (even our internal conflicts).
Now I'm gonna admit something: I know this is just guessing from my part. I don't know your life story and what drove you outside from your mother home and your opinion about this. I recognise I can be totally wrong about how your mind reacts to hentai, it can be something irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. So, I'm very curious about your reply.
There is another internal factor inside me that I want to share. There is a part inside me that has a little fear. Fear of maybe interfering too much. Remember that I shared my infatuation on a girl? One of the factors of the failure of that relationship was my reckless on helping her. She obviously had her problems and I tried to help her, but she didn't wanted to accept my assistance, resulting in me disrespecting her free will. It's just wasn't the right time for her to hear what I speaked. But in our context, you seem to want my help and also wants to change for the better. Well, it is hard to me to ignore when someone is in pain, but I think a true friendship is not always compliments. I am telling you things that throws you out of the comfort zone because I like you and want you to be better. Also, don't you think that trying different things can help your anxiety and self-esteem? Try reading a book, for example. Don't be shameful because you feel that you con't advance the content, advancing little by little is also important, your brain just needs to get used.
Okay, that is it for today, now the questions:
1) Are you aware that anxiety has physical symptoms?
Yes, and this is something I admit that I can't 100% understand how you feel because I didn't suffered high levels of anxiety in my life. To supress my anxiety I have a tecnique to stop thinking about the problem and just face it when the time arrive. Halting expectations is another good tip for you.
2) Are you just that content with living in the moment and not aspiring for anything more?
Bingo! I don't have any idea about what will come in my life! I don't have any particular objective in life! I don't have interest in any sort of material stuff (like cars, houses or ton of money)! Right now, I just want to get experience in my professional area and I will think in something to do latter, my problems always got resolved in the last minute.
3) When you say things like "I don't have problems in recognizing my abilities, but why would I use them?"
What I was trying to say is when I don't have interest in something, I don't make actions to pursuit despite knowing I can. This phrase can be more clear when I find myself in a comfort zone.
4) I am really curiously how far your urge of skinship goes beyond cuddling.
I will probably elaborate more in this topic when I talk about sexuality. What I will say now is that I accept your non-binary identity and I don't care that you are biologically male. My concept of skinship is like the common shoujo-Ai anime like Yuru Yuri, cute hugs, cuddles and kisses (why not?); specifically for you, it goes around this. Why society accept two girls being more close than "normal" but not two boys? I also don't like cult to the masculinity around the world.
5) Are you a furry?
No, I'm not! Yes, I have nostalgic feelings for MLP (Gen 4), Pinkie Pie was my favorite character of all time in that time, but I enjoyed more because the ponies looked like girls, not horses (I also think the other Gens of MLP are ugly, even the current one). It's just that I don't think in any animal parts if I start fantasize girls. And it's very ironic that Made in Abyss is my Top 2 when it shares 50% of the fanservice around furries (watch MiA, please!).
6) What are your favorite anime OPs and EDs? Do you care about the visuals of them or only the song?
I can't give a definitive answer because, just like you, when I like a music, I just keep playing the song until I get bored (but I still go back to hear again randomly). For OPs I like the one from Higurashi Kai and the one from Grisaia no Rakuen. For EDs I like the one from Kodomo no Jikan (deserved the fever on NikoNiko) and the one from Nisemonogatari. My preferences tend to weight more in the song side, but I still value visual too.
7) What is your favorite anime that looks unique, art style wise?
This is a question that I feel I'm not prepared to respond because I feel that I need to watch more "different" anime. Right now I think is Casshern Sins because of the backgrounds and overall art that valorises the concept of beautiful.
8) Do you care about fashion in anime?
No, even in the ral life I don't care about fashion. This is a subject that I definively don't have mental capacity to discuss.
9) Do you care about archival of media?
Of course I care! We only are here now because they decided to arquive all historical records. Archiving the past flames us the will of aquiring knowledge, something that I volorise endlessly.
And that is it for today! I know you're right now ready to point some contraditory elements in the text (like my opinion on pornografy while liking erotism at the same time and my belief in departing from home despite finding important to face the problems). If you have doubt in a particular topic, I accept every question or criticism. At the end of the day, I don't have any right to interfere in your life, you're free to do what you want!
Sorry if I made you worry in any way, but pointing against something that gives you pleasure can be offensive for some people.
Also, Can you give me an immediate answer if you felt offended in a way?