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heya girl. if youre ever online again hmu!

hmmm fullmetal alchemist brotherhood, attack on titan, fairy tail, naruto, dr.stone, black clover, soul eater, demon slayer, and fire force.
and wbu??

yeah i get that. it's really hard to watch since it's such a long show. i always put it on hold T^T
i think you should give it a try tho! maybe watch like the first 3 episodes and see how you like it? i hear a lot of people say it "gets good" around episode 200 so im going to watch until then and then decide if i wanna keep going or not. i kinda like it so far tho it reminds me a lot of fairy tail so maybe that's why

ish okie, no need to b sry.

the game is fun, despite all the bugs n shitty optimization, but it has the best character design in last decade of gaming imo.

anyways, ☆ндρρч(+≧3≦)йёщ(≧ε≦+)чёдγ☆★

it's been so long!! kirrane reboot??

ooooh what are some of your favorite sports anime??

ahhh i'm pretty basic so shounen and action xD

im doin fine thx2 cyberpunk.

i use to play more among us, but now i got cyberpunk wit me XDDD

and thx for accepting!

thx4 accepting it(・∀・)

hru? do u get call sus alot XD

lmaoooo my sisters tell me that xD

sameeee it's just so hard to pick one buttt if i had to pick one it would be kirishima. i also like todoroki a lot too. awhhhh i don't meet too many people who like jirou she's awesome

what's your favorite genre?

ALSOOOOO GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FINALS!!

thanks for your kind words. rly. I mean it.it's nice to hear that.
the weird thing is my ex is the best person to talk to about all this shit because he literally knows everything that has been going on and is still going on. rn spending time with people is A LOT! like suuuuuuper stressful. (however, im pretty used to him so hanging out with him is less effort than it would be with others) so if I rly need to tell s.o. about everything, which I sometimes do, he's pretty useful for that.

in general, this year was so so bad. what I went through was the worst I've ever ever felt in my life. it was tough and I still feel the effects of it every damn day. so it still is tough, and it sucks that I feel so ashamed of everything that happened, but you're right. I'm just a human being and I didn't know any betteR;; esp. since it was my first Long term relationship. like I didnt know ANYTHING!!!! about what kinda person I am in a relationship, what I needed,.... .
my knowledge about relationships was sorta based on movie and books and FUCK MAN THINKING THAT THINGS FUNCTION LIKE THEY DO IN MOVIES IS RLY NOT GOOD. !! !! yeahhhhhhhhhhh

the good thing about it, I guess, is that I learned so fucking much this year.
in a way I feel like I needed to wake up out of my unrealistic expectations and experience real life. idk. I believe some things ought to happen, and this was one of them.

also I dont rly mind posting this stuff on your public comment section. idk why but I see no issue with it...



okay now about other stuff!

yesss I watched a lot of Corpse's content!!!! probably 40 hours of livestreams , but it helped. lots of editing in videos is stressful so long ass videos without any cuts are really good for me. corpse is such a nice, anxious dude. especially rn, because of everything, I find his presence very very comforting. some of my fave people he played with are sykkuno, Ludwig, pewdiepie, jack, James Charles (idk why but his 'energy' is just so different from the rest, its so fun), rae, toast,.... . idk why im not sick of the same people playing the same game but it is so nice ! that helped me recently.

I've started song of achilles, but I ditched it because I knew it was gonna be super sad and I couldn't deal with that :DD
idk, that happens sometimes, where I start a movie or book and I just quit halfway through cause I dont wanna deal with being completely wrecked :D

fanfics are rly rly nice. I used to read A LOT of them, but idk why but rn I'm not that into it. but for a long time I read fafiction every single day, so I feel ya. I think fan fiction is nice and more self-indulgent, but they never feel like reading something 'proper';; at least for me.
I know books are sorta glorified in our culture, but I mean, I sorta agree. I love books a lot.

my fave books of all time, ever, is - given that I love depressing books and sad af fictional characters - the catcher in the rye. I know there is a lot of hype, and also hate, surrounding this books but Ive read it 7/8 times and its just.... it's so fantastic? it took Salinger 10 years to write and it rly rly shows. everything that happens, and so many phrases/words, are extremely thought out. everything has significance and I discover new things about the book every time I read it. I think I mostly love it bc. of the way it was written, but I'd also probs kill for Holden. i just really connected to his 'teen angst', his alienation from others, and how he sees things.
my second favorite book, is Fahrenheit 451. its so critical and dark and Ive taken so much out of this book. I sorta have a thing for English, though mostly american, classics. like I hate German classics because I was forced to read them in school. but ive read a lot of american classics just in my free time, because - like I said- Im a nerd.
there are so many other books I love, but those 2 stand out in particular.

anyway im stopping this long ass message now.

thanks once again for ur nice response.

OMG I LOVE THAT BURNING PILE FITS HIM PERFECTLY

yes i love oh ana!! well i usually do it myself or i have my mom help me haha.

who's ur favorite mha character btw?

Aw thank you so much! It's pretty simple but I'm glad you liked it :D
Oh no! I hope you can get some rest soon. I'm on school break so I get to sleep in :))

My day's been pretty good! I'm going to the theatres with my friends so I'm excited for that.

sorry for the late response, life has been A LOT! and im struggling ;;;;;;
you remember the most important moments of carry on :DDDDD ''they were kissing and stuff was on fire''yeeesssssssss. man I just loved the book so much, it was so so comforting.
do you have any favorite books??????????????I love love books(◠﹏◠✿(◠﹏◠✿)

regarding Harry Potter, i love!! luna as well. I think she might be my fave girl in the books. I never rly got into Ron tbh. In the movie he's often comedic relief and I think that shaped my perspective on him quite a lot.

my entire life is a f-ing disaster so there's almost always gossip. idk I guess my not-giving-too-many-shits personality mixed with a mental illness is just bound to create drama. idk man the rrelationship rly rly messed me up. so so so bad.
like I got burn out from it and im currently recuperating from that, which means EVERRYTHING stresses me. seriously! listening to music is stressful, texting is stressful, watching shit is stressful; literally everything other than lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling while listening to my thoughts is somewhat stressful!!
and it sucks ass. rly bad. because a) I feel like an idiot for letting things get that far ( I know its not completely my fault but still), and b) you can't rly enjoy your days bc there is only so little you can do.
like rn a typical day for me is lying In bed for 12h, spending 3h lying on my back and doing fuck all to calm myself down, watching old among us lifestreams, listening to some music and then idk the day is pretty much over. its horrible, everything is stressful. writing this message is stressful.

my body hurts a lot because of the stress that piled up over basically 12 months. my throat has been feeling like im about to get a cold for half a year at this point and my chest hurts as well. all of this because of me being a complete idiot, my old boyfriend being a complete dumbass and me getting more mentally sick than I've ever been before;
for about2-3 months my mental illness has come to the point where I was constantly terrified of my own brain because it could (and often did) attack me to the point where it will hurt me so much that I would wanna kill myself, id probably end up screaming, I would feel 10.000 emotions which were so strong they make me wanna pass out,..... . shit was rly rly bad.

in general, things are all right-ish now. my brain is back to normal which is somewhat sucky but manageable. but my body has taken a lot of damage and I feel stressed almost permanently.

sorry this is such sad as fuck bullshit. but that has been my 2020. and now im trying to just do as little as possible to help my body recuperate. and i'm scared ill never heal and have to deal with this "stress-feeling" for the rest of eternity. I know that's most likely not gonna happen but I worry regardless. so I took the semester off, and idk if ill be going to university in spring or if ill take a 'vacation semester'. idk yet idk.


I just feel so dumb for things being this way. I know im not really to blame but in a way I allowed things to get this far(the reasons for this, however, is a 10h ted talk). fuck man. sorry if this is message is like waaaaaaay too depressing. but honestly I just miss my old life and being able to do what I wanna do and not having to worry about putting my body through too much and having my throat hurt constantly ,..........
although my mental illness is( trying to) make me feel guilty about taking so much time off, I know I need it. I need to heal. I rly do. I just feel like an idiot for things being this way.

I mean I learned a shit ton this year. I just had no idea how to behave/be in a long term relationship and because of my mental illness and a very false understanding of relationships it sorta ending like it did now.
idk man.

~~~~sorry to be such a bummer. I just love talking about how shit my life is because I always have to go through it alone and talking about it makes me slightly slightly less alone ~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~I just hope I didn't scare u off with all the depressive bullshit that is my life~~~~
like I'm rly sorry,,,,,,,,,, next message will be more upbeat if u wanna continue sending these messages ...
love u (sorry)