_Defect_'s Profile - MyAnimeList.net

Last OnlineNov 16, 10:29 PM
GenderMale
BirthdayOct 31, 2005
LocationEikow Cram School/Sangatsu Town
JoinedMar 20, 2020

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No more Monogatari. Imma kms.

Degenerate
Discord: Defect#9705

"I hated deciding. I hated choosing. I was unable to be interested in others. I was unable to be interested in myself. I hated conflict with people. I hated being laughed at. I could not laugh. I could not cry. I could not enjoy nor get angry. I could not do anything. I did not feel anything. I did not attain anything. I broke them because I could. I wanted them but I could not so I destroyed them. I wanted them so I threw them away. I wanted to trust them so I betrayed them. I liked them so I rejected them. I wanted to protect them so I hurt them. It felt homely so I escaped. We were friendly so I was lonely. I was envious so I crushed them. Necessities until they were unnecessary. Fondness until hatred. I acted like a cold person. I acted like a shallow person. I acted like a wise person. I acted like a smart person. I acted like a foolish person. I acted like a person. I mimicked someone else. I was unable to mimic someone else. I admired someone else. I hated myself.
I tried to like myself. I tried to like someone else. I tried to love someone
else. I could not love someone other than myself. I could not love myself. I
did not know how to love or be loved, equally. That was why I ran. But I
could not escape. From anywhere. From anyone.
Life sucked.
”….. so let’s have a masterpiece.”
I’ll kill them, slice them to bits, line them all up, trim them down to size
– and set them out for all the world to see."~Iichan (Zaregoto Series)

“Just as the opposite of love is not hate… The opposite of hope is not despair. Apathy so strong that nothing matters anymore – that’s the opposite of hope. The ability to forgive anything. The ability to say, “Fine,” to anything at all – that is the opposite of hope.” ~Iichan (Zaregoto Series)

"Why didn’t I notice that until now? That I was so blessed. That I was so happy. Remember it. Remember it all. Hime-chan’s words. Hime-chan’s appearance. Down to the last strand of hair….. I couldn’t forget her even if I tried. It would be so much easier for me to forget her but, even then, I couldn’t. How could I have forgotten that even though it was so much fun? I want to shout it out. Even now, I want to go and tell her with all my heart. That even if it was only for ashort while, you’ve managed to bring joy to a single hopeless person, to someone who had no happiness in his life. And not to just me.
To Miiko-san and everyone else too.
I’m sure to Aikawa-san too.
What was I born for?
With what meaning was I born?
At the very least… not to feel like this.
If it was to feel like this, then I would rather have not been born. If it was for this pathetic feeling, for the feeling like it would be far better to just die, I would rather have not been born.
That’s what I had thought.
I don’t have any intention to take it back.
There’s no way I could take it back.
I came to think that everything was a mistake.
I came to think that living itself was a mistake.
I came to think that everything was a failure.
I came to think that not dying itself was a failure.
Then why is it?
Really, why is it?
That I still wouldn’t wish that I had never known Hime-chan….
__

So I closed my eyes... I'm starting to feel sleepy... Let's just fall asleep like that. I don't know if I'm going to wake up tomorrow. That too will depend on the Story to come. If I'm not going to die, I won't die, no matter what. If I'm going to die here, then that would be it. No matter how much I struggle it's useless. After all, it's not like I have anything I want to do. I have neither hopes nor wishes. That's why it's fine either way. Either way, it doesn't matter. Do as you like. It's always been like this. I don't know if I'm alive or dead.
Vague and unclear, half-assed and hazy, not choosing anything and letting myself go along with other people, I've led an uncertain and unambiguous life, that's why...
...I don't want to die...
Like that.
I realised I was alive
I learned that at what moments I cried."~Ii-chan (Zaregoto Series)

"At that time, I made that decision.
“That I will not like anyone and I will not hate anyone.”
I won’t give anything to anyone.
That’s why I won’t receive anything.
Rejecting everything.
That was the Nonsense User’s only pride.
I decided to not care about other people’s existence.
The me who could like people.
Decided to not like anyone
I refused to be liked by anyone.
For my own sake, and for the sake of others.
The me who could kill people.
Decided to not kill anyone.
I also decided to not kill myself.
I decided to not become a demonic killer.
“That’s how it should have been, and yet…”
I did it again.
I’ve ruined it again.
I’m really sorry.
I want to apologize.
Who should I apologize to?
The back that I want to apologize to, whose back is it?
“Why did things become like this?”
Why.
Does everyone break that easily?
Isn’t it funny?
It’s absurd.
Even though I didn’t wish for anything.
Even though I didn’t resent anything.
“That’s why I already…”
There’s a monster inside my body.
Even calling it inhuman would be disgusting.
“I already, since a long time ago…”
As if there was nothing left.
As if there was no body, spirit, mind, soul,
Or even a name.
It goes without saying, you don’t even have to ask…
“…Felt like dying.”" ~ Ii-chan (Zaregoto Series)

"The truth coming from the bottom of my heart,
And the fiction that came out from my tongue,
Were heard as one and the same.
When you reach those extremities, the things you trust and the things you
doubt—don’t they become equal and interchangeable?
That's why—why I don't like it.
Being trusted.
Being forgiven.
I don't like it." ~Ii-chan(Zaregoto Series)

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Statistics

All Anime Stats Anime Stats

Days: 97.3

Mean Score: 4.95

Total Entries637
Rewatched6
Episodes5,659

Anime History Last Anime Updates

Kiniro Mosaic

Oct 26, 4:30 AM

Completed 12/12 · Scored 6

Hello!! Kiniro Mosaic

Oct 26, 4:29 AM

Watching -/12 · Scored -

Seirei Gensouki 2

Oct 26, 4:29 AM

Watching 2/12 · Scored -

All Manga Stats Manga Stats

Days: 50.2

Mean Score: 6.24

Total Entries60
Reread0
Chapters5,496
Volumes497

Manga History Last Manga Updates

Vinland Saga

Sep 20, 11:30 AM

Reading 213/? · Scored 10

Solo Leveling

Sep 20, 11:30 AM

Completed 201/201 · Scored 6

Kaoru Hana wa Rin to Saku

Sep 20, 11:29 AM

Reading 126/? · Scored 9

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All Comments (384) Comments

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GentleDragonite Oct 31, 4:58 AM

Happy birthday :]

Ashhk Oct 31, 3:17 AM

Happy birthday! 🥳

fausifahrial Oct 30, 7:50 PM

Happy birthday! :)

Tuls Oct 20, 9:33 AM

Nice to meet you! Saw we had high affinity so sent a request haha

GentleDragonite Oct 19, 7:24 PM

Yeah I know, I just meant that without prior knowledge, I could not tell her style from the episode itself. Of course, this is true for most episode directors since the main direction of the series is still the role of the director, so the episode director has limited creative input.

GentleDragonite Oct 19, 10:19 AM

I am of the opinion that A silent voice is her worst film, but I am in the extreme minority here, everything else she has done is a beautiful and subtle expression of human emotion.

Unfortunately, I am not well versed enough to be able to tell which episodes she directed from either show lol

GentleDragonite Oct 19, 10:00 AM

Sure thing. I do think not all of her works hit the mark, but most of them have such emotional maturity and charm to it that is unique to her art expression and style. Tamako Love Story and especially Liz and the Blue Bird exhibit this beautifully.

watsym Oct 17, 9:55 AM

Hey, thanks, I see we have a lot of favorites in common.
We eating good, monogatari is doing great and Madoka movie should be just around the corner.
Even for Yamada just had a new movie, though I'll have to wait until it airs in the west as well.

SIimyBread Oct 14, 10:55 AM

Cures my soul to see another one obsessed with Monogatari

ZNoteTaku Oct 12, 4:17 AM

Just "ZNote." The direct link is also on my profile bio in case you want to just click that.

ZNoteTaku Oct 11, 5:37 PM

Sounds like a good enough reason to me! I will say that I tend to be more active on AniList since my MAL is mostly a backup, but don't hesitate to send me a message if you like. It'll just take a bit of time before I respond :P

ZNoteTaku Oct 10, 1:17 PM

You're welcome! May I ask what made you want to send me an FR?

KiroTheAssassin Oct 10, 8:03 AM

Hey, you're welcome! Nice to meet you.

argy97 Oct 6, 7:53 AM

i am not caught up i dropped it around chapter 150

cross3773 Sep 20, 2:34 PM

Thanks, man

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