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I do feel like I want to quit games sometimes. But I feel like I owe games a lot, and it'll always be a part of who I am. It's just a matter of time management, and quite often I feel like I've wasted and continue to waste so much of the valuable time I have to exist. As much as I love having fun with my friends and being competitive and shooting things...I can't help but shake this feeling of what I could be doing. Perhaps what I should be doing. Making music, writing scripts, filming movies, focusing on creating things that I want existing in the world.

Ableton, huh? I haven't dabbled in much software outside of audacity, but it is something I want to give a shot. As long as it's more intuitive than garage band "I don't really care for much of anything that Apple does) I'm sure it'll be good.

Your friend sounds like a man of exquisite tastes. Excellent. Btw, here's a Japanese film captured in 8mm that's been making the rounds in film festivals across the world. The coolest thing about it? It was subtitled by yours truly ;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9NsrP22Xd4

I got my ears pierced and it was fun. I'm sure tattoos will be soon to follow. Also, I'm writing this response right after I coming home from an amazing concert. Whitney is the band, if you're curious. I'm curious what kind of music you listen to. I've been getting more and more involved in my local music scene and perhaps by next year I might start performing myself :)

Anyway, hope you find yourself well this holiday season! And if I hear from you in a similar amount of time that it takes me to respond (haha...), have a happy New Year as well

Oof, took a long time on this reply. Sorry about that, life just got me down for a good month there.

Apex is just so much fun to play and hopelessly addicting because the cosmetics and leveling grind is literally only designed to keep you playing for as many long as possible. Been back on it recently. as well as FFXIV. Games are fun, but I do wish I kept from these "service" games so that I spend more time on art/story games. As for Rin, I just finished it. That show is...not worth the time, tbh. It's hilariously aggressive in it's sexuality and violence, and while I'm all for gratuity, there's really no substance beneath it's bloody, sexy skin.

I love punk and indie folk music, as well as classic rock and the good old British invasion as well (The Beatles, The Who, Sex Pistols, etc.). I like most music tho, and find things I like from all over the genre spectrum. I hope I develop the skills to make some of my own music, preferable to add to my own future films and art projects. I also do love me some evening time-lapses.

One thing I'll say I've been thinking a lot about lately is getting piercings and tattoos. Do you have any or would you ever get any? Personally, I'd like an important quote tattooed on my arm, as well as The Fool tarot some on my body.

Remember, we're all going to die some day :)

The most modifications I’ve made to my clothes are tearing arms off jackets haha. That said, I have been meaning to paint a design on the back of my denim jacket. I even bought all the supplies, I’ve just been kinda lazy lately. Plus it was something I planned to do with my ex…yeah.

I finally deleted Apex Legends because I was waisting too much damn time. Battle royal games in general are such an addictive and aggravating mess, it’s so easy to fall back into it. I’ve also been playing FFXIV, but that I play much more in moderation because the gameplay doesn’t really hook me that much. I started Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu a while ago and thought it was pretty good. I can’t remember why I stopped, probably something just going on in my life (I think I moved to Japan around that time?). I’ve been getting back into watching more anime so I’ll definitely get back on that one. Recently I started watching Rin, and that’s been a trip haha.

I think I need a therapist. There’s a lot of things I’ve been bottling in and a lot of things that have been leaving me anxious and unfulfilled in life. It had gotten to the point where I was experiencing physical sensations that likely were not really there (chest pains, loss of focus, intense fear, etc). And because of that I’ve been trying to come to terms with my own mortality as well. It’s weird how so many people around me seem not to mind or care that they’re all going to die one day. I don’t know if they’ve truly accepted the inevitable or just choose to not dwell on it. One of the great things Ozu films are the subtle plot connections he makes between marriage, family, and death. While many believe he’s a genius for understanding and portraying the reality of Japanese life, I think his themes are far more universal. Tokyo Monogatari is probably the epitome of this—the whole movie is just an elderly couple visiting all their uninterested children who consider their visit more of a burden than anything else, then the mother dies and they all come to mourn out of obligation. There’s no melodrama or subplot, this is just the entire movie played straight. This is why I take the time to visit my grandmother every weekend I can.

As for love…I had thought I felt it. Perhaps I did. I hope to feel it again one day. Betrayal hurts, but surprisingly it doesn’t kill or diminish the love I had. I still remember the good times fondly.

That was a cool short film. I’ve never been to Canada despite living very close to the border. I plan to make the trip up there eventually, I do have online friends to meet up there.

Ooh, and one last thing: I did end up getting music lessons! I’m going to get better at guitar, and hopefully this is just the start of my return to the world of art. Perhaps I’ll start a new portfolio soon. Do you have any dreams in the realm of art? Something to create or even to have a part in creating?

Honestly, figures were the least of my worries haha. I only collect the series of Monogatari figures in Vofan art style now. I try not to buy physical media as much anymore, but I still pick up the occasional book from time to time. I like having filled bookshelves, as they have purposes symbolically, aesthetically, and practically--they make great sound proofing as well. Probably the biggest amount of clutter I have involve electronics and clothes. As a lover of video games I really struggle to get rid of anything involving the hobby out of preservational instinct. And as someone who just enjoys fashion and customization, keeping a small wardrobe is also a tough task. At the end of the day, though, these things do really tie me down to a place that I'm not necessarily keen on staying in. I'll either need to find a place for them or donate so they can be of use to someone else.

Speaking of habits, man do I have a bad gaming addiction--I consider it an addiction based on the type of games I've been playing: grindy, heavily monetizable "product" games, rather than legitimate works of artistic expression. I kick the habit every now and then but I inevitably come back. It's fun for the social element of playing with friends, but then I start to play when they're not on and I just end up wasting so many hours trying to complete the next meaningless "achievement".

Nisioisin is definitely a big inspiration for me: his prose, themes, and lack of boundaries are all things I vibe with heavily. Another couple inspirations I have Osamu Tezuka and Yasujiro Ozu--two geniuses that certainly do not receive anywhere near the amount of recognition they deserve. Their work is truly timeless, portraying the ever-present worries of modern existence in soft, subtle ways. I recommend Jumping and Push by Tezuka, and An Autumn Afternoon by Ozu. My biggest inspiration, however, would have to be Atsuko Ishizuka. The Pet Girl of Sakurasou had a profound effect on me and really taught me what I needed to do in a time in my life where I had absolutely no direction. That beautiful show taught me that the reason nothing happens in your life is because you're not making it happen, and once you take those brave first steps you'll start to see the world in whole new colors. And while Hajime Kamoshida did write the book, I attribute the brilliance of that anime to Ishizuka because she's clearly a force to be reckoned with, and her other works clearly show the kinds of important themes she intends to get across to the kind of people (like me) that really need that extra push to start living and adventuring out into the world.

As for my health, I've been having serious anxiety issues. I've been ruminating about death a lot, too, which make my panic attacks all the more frightening. So I've been seeing a therapist and she's been helping me work through things. Tough stuff, but I'm putting in the work.

What do you think about death? Personally, I'm terrified of it and would likely choose immortality if I had the chance to. I just love the experience of being alive, the never-ending supply of art and meaning around us--I just don't think I would get tired of it. But maybe that's naïve. Perhaps after my 1000th year I'd be sick of all you mere mortals.

Have a lovely day. Haha.

Lately, due to health and personal reasons, I’ve been deeply concerned with my own mortality and the frivolity of life. I must say, I am constantly disappointed with myself. I’m not all that I could be. Sometimes I do better, but eventually I fall back down. Sure, you could say the key is to keep picking yourself up, but how many times can one fall before the whole exercise seems pointless? I’ve been trying to sort myself out, but man…life is disappointing. Sorry to be such a downer. Who knows, maybe I’m a coming close to an upswing?

How about you? Who do you want to be? And are you managing to pick yourself up time and time again?

First off, so sorry for the late reply. I’ve been busy moving and realizing that I have too damn many possessions.

Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever be sure of who I am or who I want to be. My aim changes a lot…but there is one target that I’ve been thinking about for perhaps as long as I can remember. I’ve always been a creative, and I always strived to create things. Now the struggle is prioritizing which thing to create first, and seeing it through until it is finished.

I admire things that are meticulously crafted to lead to an emotion-charged, thematically-resolute conclusion. I love it. I tear up whenever I’m truly impressed by a finely crafted story. To me, it’s the ultimate form of art: Something created step by step to lead someone whom engages in the art to find meaning, meaning so profound that it elicits involuntary, emotional reaction. I hope I can one day create something like that.

Yeah, there's parts of me that will always want to be in Japan, but in regards to my work and career, I value freedom and directness above all else--and loath rigidity and etiquette. That makes working FOR anyone in Japan quite a daunting task. For now I feel America is probably the best place for me to increase wealth until I have enough to do things the way I want to do them. I also have a lot of self-educating to do, in Japanese and in the arts.

I love Mushoku Tensei for the roughly the same reason I love The World God Only Knows: They have a flawed protagonist that reflects their own primary demographic--otaku. And they handle it with such grace, I mean Rudeus is such a compelling, degenerate character, and I think isekai as a genre is meant for these kind of rehabilitation stories. He's so fucking selfish and sociopathic at first, because that's all he knows from all the media he's consumed--dating sims and shitty isekai LNs and rpgs. And now he's learning what the world can really be like, the consequences of making decisions rather than hiding from responsibility, and how his tremendously warped view of the other sex is causing a lot of problems in this world. The world-building in general is so deep, and the female characters are all so fantastic and strong and complex, it's such a shame that some people have written this show off as just another perverted isekai when actually it's incredibly progressive thematically.

World of Horror is great, though I definitely need to play more of it, and I'll definitely take you up on your Fata Morgana recommendation. As for martial arts, I do like to practice boxing with a bag but I've never actually fought or sparred with anybody. My brain's already so messed up, so I try not to risk damaging it any further. I just read up on self-defense and try to have a strong jab in the pocket in case I ever get into a bar brawl or something. I bartend so I like to be prepared for the worst.

How long have you been playing sax? And/or musical instruments in general? I've been playing guitar for over 5 years now and have been looking into getting a tutor again so I can actually get good at it.

Glad to hear you're doing so well! Education, music, and health (through sports) are all great things to be doing. And going to Taiwan? That's next level. Best of luck to you and all your awesome endeavors!

As for me, adult stuff never ends, and some adult stuff has just been way harder than other adult stuff. I'm still hanging on, though. And I've been thinking about getting back into reviewing and stuff but I'm not sure yet. The path I'm on has taking a lot of twists and turns, let's say. I got a job in the states right now and I do some freelance work involving Japanese stuff. For example, I've been subtitling films that have been making the rounds and winning some awards in international film festivals.

I too have been locked out of Japan cause of the rona, and goddamn do I miss it. Hopefully we can both make it to the promise land one day. Until then, you been watching any great anime recently? For me, Mushoku Tensei and Kaguya-sama were really fantastic and finally pulled me back in to watching more regularly.

what's up my dude?

I did too. Right at the beginning of the month. Tbh, it wasn't a matter of whether I would fail NNN or not, but a matter of when I would fail it. And it seems like the answer was the first day.

ONI CHAN!

Yoooooooo. Good on you for deleting Twitter. Sorry for late reply. I'm still around, just handling adult shit. Hopefully I'll get back to doing some more internet stuff soon

Thanks. Much appreciated

Maybe I will do. Let's see. Thanks for the enlightenment btw!

I wish I had. I'm thinking of trying No Nut November, but don't think I will able to resist myself that long.

Oh, I just realized how weird this conversation sounds....