Things have been significantly improving since the 2024 elections. I finally got a job again and now I feel like I've risen from the ashes of depression and being mentally dead.
Unfortunately I still haven't watched my anime and I tried to contact hidive for a refund and they still can't give me a refund.
Well shit! Thats money down the drain!
On the bright side, I'm gonna try to go back to watching anime starting either Thanksgiving or December 1st starting with Dandadan.
I'm actually surprised that Abby Trott voices Momo from that anime!
If I don't go back to watching anime by Thanksgiving then I can always try for December 1st.
I will resubscribe to hulu and crunchyroll. Before I resubscribe to hidive I will contact them and ask them if I can have the first month of me rejoining hidive for free.
I need to reboot my plans to watch One Piece and A Hat in Time.
Well shit. Everything is getting worse now. I lost 11 years and 700 deviations and my whole fucking stash on deviantart, i am running out of money, no one wants to hire me no matter how many jobs i apply for, i broke the touch screen on my car radio, and i still haven't watched shit on hidive. I am going through so much fucking depression. I just want shit to get fucking better for fuck's sake! Please let a fucking miracle happen goddammit!!!
This has been the worst year of my life! This year is worse than 2018. Back in 2018 I lost my older brother at a very young age and it hurt alot but there were some redemptions that made 2018 bearable for me but this year has just been a total catastrophe. 2024 started out pretty good but at the same time it was crap because I went on my first cruise and it was ruined because my body had the audacity to get sick. No I didn't get sea sick I got sick with allergies, stuffy nose, cough, lack of smell, and lack of taste. It ruined my first cruise and it permanently ruined cruises for me. I never wanna go on another cruise ever again. In February 2024 I got fired from my favorite job for misconduct. I did something that was wrong and I learned from it and will never do it again. I peed in the parking lot. I did try to be discreet about it by placing myself between my open car door and my car but I still got caught. The cameras caught me so thats why. When my supervisor came to me asking me if I did it I was honest and told him I did it and thank god he was kind and nice to me about it. He told me that I shouldnt be doing that and that I have to go home early. I asked him if I was getting fired and he told me no. The next morning HR called me and told me I was terminated. It traumatized me. I was NOT allowed back in the factory and it felt like I just died on the inside. I asked HR if the termination was permanent. She said I have to wait a least a year to reapply. I spent 2 months jobless and I wasn't allowed to collect unemployment because my termination was due to my misconduct. In March 2024 I fractured my wrist and it hurt alot. It was caused by me trying to do pushups because I am trying to be healthy.
It took MONTHS for my wrist to heal. It still hurts a little but at least its healing. In April 2024 I was experiencing extreme thirst for a couple of days/weeks. I was so concerned that I went to the doctor about it and found out that I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. It was fucking terrifying to hear about this. I tried to eat better after knowing about this but sadly I still constantly struggled to eat better even to this day. I have to prick my finger ever single goddamn day to test my glucose and I have to take pills every fucking night to control my diabetes and prevent my chances of getting a heart attack. I have to take 500 mg of metformin and i have to take pravastatin every damn night. I know I should be changing my diet but its so fucking hard especially since unhealthy food tastes better than healthy food. Its very fucking difficult. I finally managed to get a new job that same month but unfortunately its a shitty job. I worked as a night janitor at an elementary school on a military base. The hours were decent but the pay was shit. I tolerated this job until 3 months later when I was forced to quit when learning that their healthcare is a joke and most likely a scam. Their healthcare wouldn't cover anything and even my doctor knows that this is shady. The only was to get out of that shady healthcare was to fucking quit. It gets worse. In June 2024 I was pulled over and given a ticket for reckless driving. I was driving on the wrong side of the road and speeding. I thought this would be the end of it but I was dead wrong. I was forced to take an eye exam and take my driving test in order to prove that I am not a danger to anyone on the road. But wait, it gets way worse than it is! A week later that same month I got arrested for DUI. I was in jail for the night until my dad bailed me out. The bail was $2500. I felt like absolute dogshit. The second I was in orange sleeping in a holding cell I literally felt like I just died. The cops were nice and sweet and I was kind and compliant but still getting arrested felt very damaging. We had to go to court barely a week later. Thank God I'm doing a diversion but sadly my license was revoked for a while. My parents hired a lawyer to help with my case and after a few months my lawyer was able to reverse the DUI and reduce it to reckless driving. You wanna know how the police pulled me over? I failed to maintain a lane for a while but at least I wasn't swerving and I didn't hit or kill anyone but still I failed my sobriety test and I froze in shock when I found out I was fucking going to be under fucking arrest!
No matter how kind and compliant I was and no matter how nice and patient the cops were it was still scary and mentally scarring to go through this shit! I thought things would get better in the fall. I was wrong. I had to cancel my plans to go to this trading card convention called Collect-A-Con because of my DUI, I couldn't drive for a while, and some VIPs cancelled their appearances like Steve Blum and Chuck Norris! I had to be dropped from statefarm and go with progressive! Now my insurance is even more fucking expensive than it already fucking is!!! The second September began things got worser! (I know that worser is not a word but I don't care) The night before my 30th birthday my hard drive had the audacity to die on me and I lost all my files that I didn't save to a backup and it completely ruined my birthday! On my birthday I went to an amusement park and tried to have fun. I didn't have fun. People easily wore me out and I didn't have enough time to go on any rides.
After my birthday my car constantly gave me troubles. It started off with me having to constantly fill up the reservoir almost every week, my transmission cable snapped so my car was stuck in reverse forcing me to have to put on the emergency brake and I was stranded at a gas station. I almost hit someone but thank God I didn't but this stupid foreign family thought I hit their fucking car! I did NOT!!! The manager and cops checked the cameras and it showed that the foreign family was lying and I was telling the truth. Thank God I was proved innocent but I was pissed that that stupid foreign family lied and tried to get me in trouble. Its almost as if they were trying to scam me! Goddammit its bad enough that I'm running out of money and I'm going through too much shit but now that foreign family wants to make it worse?! Seriously fuck that shitty family for doing that. They were free to go but dammit they should've gotten in trouble for lying and trying to make my life even worse than it already is! We got my car towed using my insurance. We got it towed to an automotive shop. It costed $85 to fix the transmission cable plus $350 to replace the hoses on my reservoir.
I thought my car troubles would end after that but sadly it didn't. Later that month my car started making loud squeaky noises whenever I put my foot on the gas even if I lightly do it. After being concerned I decided to go do a test drive around town to make sure theres nothing wrong with my car. Everything was going fine until I got home and saw that there was alot of thick white smoke coming out of my tailpipe. It was scary! It was probably a blown head gasket. That was the end of my 2013 Ford Escape that I had for 5 years. Earlier this month in October 2024 I had to get a new car. I got myself a 2021 Nissan Versa and it works great! Its kinda expensive but its worth it. I'm still financially struggling so my parents are trying to help me out until I get find a job. We sold my 2013 Ford Escape on peddle and got it towed away. I tried so hard to take care of my new car until after 4 days I drove down a steep hill slightly cracking my front bumper a little. It made me so upset because I am struggling financially and this is the last thing I need. I decided not to worry about for a while and decided to become extremely protective of my vehicle because vehicles are NOT cheap and vehicle repairs are catastrophically expensive even if its mild damage. I have been struggling with road rage and anxiety and anger problems. It got so bad that last month I flipped someone off for no reason and then they fucking followed me in circles through a chunk of town. I was severely traumatized and I felt like I was gonna have a fucking heart attack! I know what I did was wrong but that fucking driver had no right to do that to me. Yes they have the right to be offended from what I i did but that gives you no fucking right to chase me all around town and confront me for my actions! I thought I was gonna fucking die! Now lets move onto more things this year that have been a struggle for me. I have an obsession with old CRT tv sets but the issue I have with that is that I'm selective of how I treat them and it usually ends up with them being destroyed or sold on ebay for much less than how much I paid for it. I destroyed alot of CRT tv sets that I bought from ebay/facebook marketplace this year. The only CRTs I have left are a giant 36" Magnavox MS3652S327 TV from 2003, 13" Teknika TV from 1989, 19" Sharp Linytron TV from 1992, and a 25" Sharp Stereo TV from 1993. I do love those CRTs alot and would never do anything to them but with the others I use to have I did not treat them well and its been hell. Lets move onto another subject of whats been making my year a living hell. I feel like making money nowadays is completely impossible and after quitting my job as a night Janitor back in July I did some Door Dash and Ubereats for a while. It was okay at first but then it got tough and repetitive. DoorDash barely gave me any offers unless it was in the late evening, and Uber Eats made me deliver on base 90% of the time and I hated that because going on base took a lot of time and gas. I have been trying to get a stable job after that but its been like so fucking hard. No one wants to even hire me anymore! I spent months trying to get a job. I applied for shitloads of jobs and some of them responded but only 2 of them interviewed me. One of them told me that they're gonna move onto other candidates while the other one never responded.
This has become so unfair! I can't even get SSI or unemployment because I'm not disabled enough to get goddamn SSI. I have high functioning autism BTW. Even though its been 3 months since I quit my job as a night janitor I don't think there is even a damn chance that I'd qualify for unemployment for that. I have been getting very extremely depressed! I'm 30 years old and I feel like I just wasted my life away! I still live with my parents and I feel so fucking dead inside. My parents love me alot and they don't mind me living with them but I really want my independence and I want a fucking place of my own! I feel like I am in a black hole! I just want a job! I got so desperate for a job that I even tried to apply for the Foot Locker distribution center. Its a warehouse and I hated that job! The pay was pretty decent and so was the healthcare and benefits but the hours were brutal and so was the environment there. I worked there from 2019 to 2021. I'm so fucking jealous of my dad and my fraternal twin brother! My brother is an officer in the United States Navy and hes an O3. Of course that obviously means he gets paid real fucking good despite that military is alot of hard work and the hours are brutal but still I'm jealous of him. He's been in for nearly 5 years and he's getting orders to to go Japan in 2025. I was happy but now I'm even more jealous than before. I've never been to Japan before and I fucking love Japan! Ever since I started liking anime back in 2011 when I was 16/17 I've been wanting to visit Japan ever since! My dad has a remote job building resumes for people that are trying to get a job! I'm still trying to apply for jobs. I just a want a job! I'm getting even more depressed than before! I'm running out of money and I'm so fucking close to taking my own life if I don't get a job that pays at least $18 an hour! If I have to go to a place that is hiring and be on my goddamn knees begging for them to hire me then you know thats a serious problem!
I've been struggling so much trying to watch anime lately. Its been more of a chore rather than entertainment. I usually only watch the ones that come out every season. It got so bad that I decided to cancel my crunchyroll, hulu, and hidive. Its better to watch your shows when you want to rather than when they come out but the problem is that I feel like I'm missing out when I do that so until I can realize that anime is supposed to fun not a chore I am going on a hiatus from watching anime.
Its not gonna be easy going on a hiatus because I cancelled my hidive on the same day my subscription for hidive renewed. I contacted hidive, I told them what happened, and asked them for a refund. Apparently it wasnt a good enough reason so they denied my refund request. So I guess I can either try to force my self to watch hidive anime or waste my money again!
Lately I've been begging for my favorite voice actor to come to Kansas City. Her name is Abby Trott. She voices Nezuko from Demon Slayer. I really love Nezuko so goddamn much that she is my waifu. I've been wanting her to come to Kansas City ever since (spoiler alert) Nezuko conquered the sun. It's been frustrating that even so Abby Trott still hasn't come to Kansas City. If I have to force myself to drive all the way across the country to a convention that she'll be attending just to meet her then you know that its a serious problem. If she doesn't come to Kansas city at all next year in 2025 then I will have to do that. I feel like when its a voice actor or celebrity you really like they will NEVER come to your nearby city. I also struggle with abusing technology. I get so angry when my phone/computer does the slightest thing I don't like like for example when I misspell a word that I type I get destructive. I don't like doing that. I just have an anger problem and I shouldn't have to be so destructive. I cracked my phone and my monitor just suddenly died on me. Its showing weird pixels and lines. I am trying to break that cycle and its hard. I have been struggling with alcoholism lately. Even after finding out about my diabetes I still struggle with alcoholism. I even hide the alcohol from my parents. I don't like doing that but I am really struggling with so much fucking shit! Sorry for this extremely long journal. I'm just really struggling so much and I am seriously considering deactivating my deviantart account. It won't be forever. I'm only gonna deactivate until I can finally get a job. But however, I can't just keep it deactivated for how long I want because if my deviantart account is deactivated for more than 30 days then my deviantart account will be gone forever! I am going to deactivate my deviantart account on Sunday October 27th 2024 at 10PM Central time. If I ever get a job again then I will consider reactivating but if I don't get a job by the time I reach 30 days of my deactivation then I will have to force myself to come back to deviantart. I am officially cancelling the fall 2024 animes and I will have to try to encourage myself to watch hidive anime by no later than Halloween 2024.
After so much time has passed. It's with a difficult decision that I will have to put BNHA S7 on a hiatus and I will have to to the same with season 3 of that time i got reincarnated as slime. Anime really has become a chore for me nowadays and thats not right. Its supposed to be fun. So until I can treat anime as a fun thing instead of a chore I'm gonna have to cancel my subscriptions to hulu, crunchyroll, and hidive.
Ok. Today I am gonna have to make this clear. The one thing that is keeping me from watching my animes is that I havent caught up with That time I got reincarnated as slime season 3 and My Hero Academia season 7. I just feel like they need to be finished before I can advance to the next season of anime. Also I think my anime shouldnt be on weekdays. It should be as originally planned which is on sundays, wednesdays and/or thursdays, and saturdays. I deeply regret dropping re zero from 8.5 years ago. I hear that is such a popular epic anime and I dropped it all because of what happened on season 1 of episode 1 where the main character accidentally walked into the ladies room and then a female animal slapped him. I know I strongly dislike female on male slapstick shit but that was no damn reason for me to miss out on this anime. Because of this I missed out on 8.5 years of re zero. I did watch re zero with my dad on netflix earlier this week. It gave me the courage to give it another chance. We only watched the first episode but it was more than enough to let me give the anime another chance. When I have the time I will watch the anime.
As I was saying, today I WILL finish Slime S3 and BNHA S7 and thats final. If I don't then they are gonna be on a hiatus and I will skip straight to watching the fall 2024 animes.
Why the fuck am I not watching my animes?! Why is it so impossible for me to watch them on the weekends? I have endless free time on the weekends and yet I still don't watch my shows. The new season of anime for fall 2024 started a week ago and I still haven't watched shit.
That tears it! I am moving the seasonal animes to weekdays only. Monday through Thursday.
This issue has been going on for a long damn time!
It doesn't help that I've been watching that Damn Wayans show called My wife and Kids. I should've been watching my anime instead of watching that stupid show that used to air on nick at nite back in 2010-2011.
Ok this fall I am gonna make some huge changes to how I watch my anime.
Because I've been struggling to watch my anime I am gonna change how I watch my anime.
I will only watch the seasonal animes 3 or 4 times a week instead of all week.
I will try to watch animes that are not on the schedule along with other shows that are not anime so that I can expand my variety.
If I watch the seasonal animes 3 times I week then I will watch them on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays!
If I watch the seasonal animes 4 times I week then I will watch them on Sundays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays!
Reason why I will watch my seasonal animes like that is because I wanna even it out with the animes I'll watch every season and because it reminds me of my old days of working at the DFAC at Sodexo where I worked as a cashier on the weekends and dish room on Wendesdays and Thursdays.
I will still try to watch A Hat in Time, Burnout Paradise, RE4 (original and remake), and the Star Fox series (except for Star Fox SNES, Star Fox 64, and Star Fox 64 3D)
And I will try to reboot RWBY and One Piece.
The decision is final. Aside from BNHA S7 and that time i got reincarnated as slime s3 I am putting every anime on my schedule that I'm behind on on a hiatus. I just can't take it anymore!
With all due respect. I'm still struggling to catch up with my anime so I have decided to put the anime Spice and Wolf (2024) on a hiatus until the second season comes out. Sometime before the second season comes out I'm gonna watch the original 2008 version and then reboot the first season of the 2024 version.
I'm glad that 2 weeks ago I finally started watching my anime but sadly I didn't catch up with all of them and its been driving me nuts. That will stop NOW!!!! Its been kinda rough for me in my personal life again. I really need a job because ubereats and doordash ain't cutting it!
I'm pretty much almost freaking broke! I applied for a few jobs. I hope I get one soon. I've broken another CRT tv and now I'm feeling much worse about it! I'm still struggling with alcoholism. As of yesterday STOP fucking buying and drinking booze!!!!
Shit has been getting worse for me in my personal life. I still haven't watched my anime. Starting today I'm gonna force myself to watch my anime whether i want to or not and absolutely no fucking alcohol!
I have decided that regardless if I win my court case or not I will keep my 1991 13 inch Magnavox tv as an XY oscilloscope. But if I lose my court case I will destroy my dresser.
All Comments (242) Comments
Unfortunately I still haven't watched my anime and I tried to contact hidive for a refund and they still can't give me a refund.
Well shit! Thats money down the drain!
On the bright side, I'm gonna try to go back to watching anime starting either Thanksgiving or December 1st starting with Dandadan.
I'm actually surprised that Abby Trott voices Momo from that anime!
If I don't go back to watching anime by Thanksgiving then I can always try for December 1st.
I will resubscribe to hulu and crunchyroll. Before I resubscribe to hidive I will contact them and ask them if I can have the first month of me rejoining hidive for free.
I need to reboot my plans to watch One Piece and A Hat in Time.
It took MONTHS for my wrist to heal. It still hurts a little but at least its healing. In April 2024 I was experiencing extreme thirst for a couple of days/weeks. I was so concerned that I went to the doctor about it and found out that I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. It was fucking terrifying to hear about this. I tried to eat better after knowing about this but sadly I still constantly struggled to eat better even to this day. I have to prick my finger ever single goddamn day to test my glucose and I have to take pills every fucking night to control my diabetes and prevent my chances of getting a heart attack. I have to take 500 mg of metformin and i have to take pravastatin every damn night. I know I should be changing my diet but its so fucking hard especially since unhealthy food tastes better than healthy food. Its very fucking difficult. I finally managed to get a new job that same month but unfortunately its a shitty job. I worked as a night janitor at an elementary school on a military base. The hours were decent but the pay was shit. I tolerated this job until 3 months later when I was forced to quit when learning that their healthcare is a joke and most likely a scam. Their healthcare wouldn't cover anything and even my doctor knows that this is shady. The only was to get out of that shady healthcare was to fucking quit. It gets worse. In June 2024 I was pulled over and given a ticket for reckless driving. I was driving on the wrong side of the road and speeding. I thought this would be the end of it but I was dead wrong. I was forced to take an eye exam and take my driving test in order to prove that I am not a danger to anyone on the road. But wait, it gets way worse than it is! A week later that same month I got arrested for DUI. I was in jail for the night until my dad bailed me out. The bail was $2500. I felt like absolute dogshit. The second I was in orange sleeping in a holding cell I literally felt like I just died. The cops were nice and sweet and I was kind and compliant but still getting arrested felt very damaging. We had to go to court barely a week later. Thank God I'm doing a diversion but sadly my license was revoked for a while. My parents hired a lawyer to help with my case and after a few months my lawyer was able to reverse the DUI and reduce it to reckless driving. You wanna know how the police pulled me over? I failed to maintain a lane for a while but at least I wasn't swerving and I didn't hit or kill anyone but still I failed my sobriety test and I froze in shock when I found out I was fucking going to be under fucking arrest!
No matter how kind and compliant I was and no matter how nice and patient the cops were it was still scary and mentally scarring to go through this shit! I thought things would get better in the fall. I was wrong. I had to cancel my plans to go to this trading card convention called Collect-A-Con because of my DUI, I couldn't drive for a while, and some VIPs cancelled their appearances like Steve Blum and Chuck Norris! I had to be dropped from statefarm and go with progressive! Now my insurance is even more fucking expensive than it already fucking is!!! The second September began things got worser! (I know that worser is not a word but I don't care) The night before my 30th birthday my hard drive had the audacity to die on me and I lost all my files that I didn't save to a backup and it completely ruined my birthday! On my birthday I went to an amusement park and tried to have fun. I didn't have fun. People easily wore me out and I didn't have enough time to go on any rides.
After my birthday my car constantly gave me troubles. It started off with me having to constantly fill up the reservoir almost every week, my transmission cable snapped so my car was stuck in reverse forcing me to have to put on the emergency brake and I was stranded at a gas station. I almost hit someone but thank God I didn't but this stupid foreign family thought I hit their fucking car! I did NOT!!! The manager and cops checked the cameras and it showed that the foreign family was lying and I was telling the truth. Thank God I was proved innocent but I was pissed that that stupid foreign family lied and tried to get me in trouble. Its almost as if they were trying to scam me! Goddammit its bad enough that I'm running out of money and I'm going through too much shit but now that foreign family wants to make it worse?! Seriously fuck that shitty family for doing that. They were free to go but dammit they should've gotten in trouble for lying and trying to make my life even worse than it already is! We got my car towed using my insurance. We got it towed to an automotive shop. It costed $85 to fix the transmission cable plus $350 to replace the hoses on my reservoir.
I thought my car troubles would end after that but sadly it didn't. Later that month my car started making loud squeaky noises whenever I put my foot on the gas even if I lightly do it. After being concerned I decided to go do a test drive around town to make sure theres nothing wrong with my car. Everything was going fine until I got home and saw that there was alot of thick white smoke coming out of my tailpipe. It was scary! It was probably a blown head gasket. That was the end of my 2013 Ford Escape that I had for 5 years. Earlier this month in October 2024 I had to get a new car. I got myself a 2021 Nissan Versa and it works great! Its kinda expensive but its worth it. I'm still financially struggling so my parents are trying to help me out until I get find a job. We sold my 2013 Ford Escape on peddle and got it towed away. I tried so hard to take care of my new car until after 4 days I drove down a steep hill slightly cracking my front bumper a little. It made me so upset because I am struggling financially and this is the last thing I need. I decided not to worry about for a while and decided to become extremely protective of my vehicle because vehicles are NOT cheap and vehicle repairs are catastrophically expensive even if its mild damage. I have been struggling with road rage and anxiety and anger problems. It got so bad that last month I flipped someone off for no reason and then they fucking followed me in circles through a chunk of town. I was severely traumatized and I felt like I was gonna have a fucking heart attack! I know what I did was wrong but that fucking driver had no right to do that to me. Yes they have the right to be offended from what I i did but that gives you no fucking right to chase me all around town and confront me for my actions! I thought I was gonna fucking die! Now lets move onto more things this year that have been a struggle for me. I have an obsession with old CRT tv sets but the issue I have with that is that I'm selective of how I treat them and it usually ends up with them being destroyed or sold on ebay for much less than how much I paid for it. I destroyed alot of CRT tv sets that I bought from ebay/facebook marketplace this year. The only CRTs I have left are a giant 36" Magnavox MS3652S327 TV from 2003, 13" Teknika TV from 1989, 19" Sharp Linytron TV from 1992, and a 25" Sharp Stereo TV from 1993. I do love those CRTs alot and would never do anything to them but with the others I use to have I did not treat them well and its been hell. Lets move onto another subject of whats been making my year a living hell. I feel like making money nowadays is completely impossible and after quitting my job as a night Janitor back in July I did some Door Dash and Ubereats for a while. It was okay at first but then it got tough and repetitive. DoorDash barely gave me any offers unless it was in the late evening, and Uber Eats made me deliver on base 90% of the time and I hated that because going on base took a lot of time and gas. I have been trying to get a stable job after that but its been like so fucking hard. No one wants to even hire me anymore! I spent months trying to get a job. I applied for shitloads of jobs and some of them responded but only 2 of them interviewed me. One of them told me that they're gonna move onto other candidates while the other one never responded.
This has become so unfair! I can't even get SSI or unemployment because I'm not disabled enough to get goddamn SSI. I have high functioning autism BTW. Even though its been 3 months since I quit my job as a night janitor I don't think there is even a damn chance that I'd qualify for unemployment for that. I have been getting very extremely depressed! I'm 30 years old and I feel like I just wasted my life away! I still live with my parents and I feel so fucking dead inside. My parents love me alot and they don't mind me living with them but I really want my independence and I want a fucking place of my own! I feel like I am in a black hole! I just want a job! I got so desperate for a job that I even tried to apply for the Foot Locker distribution center. Its a warehouse and I hated that job! The pay was pretty decent and so was the healthcare and benefits but the hours were brutal and so was the environment there. I worked there from 2019 to 2021. I'm so fucking jealous of my dad and my fraternal twin brother! My brother is an officer in the United States Navy and hes an O3. Of course that obviously means he gets paid real fucking good despite that military is alot of hard work and the hours are brutal but still I'm jealous of him. He's been in for nearly 5 years and he's getting orders to to go Japan in 2025. I was happy but now I'm even more jealous than before. I've never been to Japan before and I fucking love Japan! Ever since I started liking anime back in 2011 when I was 16/17 I've been wanting to visit Japan ever since! My dad has a remote job building resumes for people that are trying to get a job! I'm still trying to apply for jobs. I just a want a job! I'm getting even more depressed than before! I'm running out of money and I'm so fucking close to taking my own life if I don't get a job that pays at least $18 an hour! If I have to go to a place that is hiring and be on my goddamn knees begging for them to hire me then you know thats a serious problem!
I've been struggling so much trying to watch anime lately. Its been more of a chore rather than entertainment. I usually only watch the ones that come out every season. It got so bad that I decided to cancel my crunchyroll, hulu, and hidive. Its better to watch your shows when you want to rather than when they come out but the problem is that I feel like I'm missing out when I do that so until I can realize that anime is supposed to fun not a chore I am going on a hiatus from watching anime.
Its not gonna be easy going on a hiatus because I cancelled my hidive on the same day my subscription for hidive renewed. I contacted hidive, I told them what happened, and asked them for a refund. Apparently it wasnt a good enough reason so they denied my refund request. So I guess I can either try to force my self to watch hidive anime or waste my money again!
Lately I've been begging for my favorite voice actor to come to Kansas City. Her name is Abby Trott. She voices Nezuko from Demon Slayer. I really love Nezuko so goddamn much that she is my waifu. I've been wanting her to come to Kansas City ever since (spoiler alert) Nezuko conquered the sun. It's been frustrating that even so Abby Trott still hasn't come to Kansas City. If I have to force myself to drive all the way across the country to a convention that she'll be attending just to meet her then you know that its a serious problem. If she doesn't come to Kansas city at all next year in 2025 then I will have to do that. I feel like when its a voice actor or celebrity you really like they will NEVER come to your nearby city. I also struggle with abusing technology. I get so angry when my phone/computer does the slightest thing I don't like like for example when I misspell a word that I type I get destructive. I don't like doing that. I just have an anger problem and I shouldn't have to be so destructive. I cracked my phone and my monitor just suddenly died on me. Its showing weird pixels and lines. I am trying to break that cycle and its hard. I have been struggling with alcoholism lately. Even after finding out about my diabetes I still struggle with alcoholism. I even hide the alcohol from my parents. I don't like doing that but I am really struggling with so much fucking shit! Sorry for this extremely long journal. I'm just really struggling so much and I am seriously considering deactivating my deviantart account. It won't be forever. I'm only gonna deactivate until I can finally get a job. But however, I can't just keep it deactivated for how long I want because if my deviantart account is deactivated for more than 30 days then my deviantart account will be gone forever! I am going to deactivate my deviantart account on Sunday October 27th 2024 at 10PM Central time. If I ever get a job again then I will consider reactivating but if I don't get a job by the time I reach 30 days of my deactivation then I will have to force myself to come back to deviantart. I am officially cancelling the fall 2024 animes and I will have to try to encourage myself to watch hidive anime by no later than Halloween 2024.
As I was saying, today I WILL finish Slime S3 and BNHA S7 and thats final. If I don't then they are gonna be on a hiatus and I will skip straight to watching the fall 2024 animes.
That tears it! I am moving the seasonal animes to weekdays only. Monday through Thursday.
This issue has been going on for a long damn time!
It doesn't help that I've been watching that Damn Wayans show called My wife and Kids. I should've been watching my anime instead of watching that stupid show that used to air on nick at nite back in 2010-2011.
Because I've been struggling to watch my anime I am gonna change how I watch my anime.
I will only watch the seasonal animes 3 or 4 times a week instead of all week.
I will try to watch animes that are not on the schedule along with other shows that are not anime so that I can expand my variety.
If I watch the seasonal animes 3 times I week then I will watch them on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays!
If I watch the seasonal animes 4 times I week then I will watch them on Sundays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays!
Reason why I will watch my seasonal animes like that is because I wanna even it out with the animes I'll watch every season and because it reminds me of my old days of working at the DFAC at Sodexo where I worked as a cashier on the weekends and dish room on Wendesdays and Thursdays.
I will still try to watch A Hat in Time, Burnout Paradise, RE4 (original and remake), and the Star Fox series (except for Star Fox SNES, Star Fox 64, and Star Fox 64 3D)
And I will try to reboot RWBY and One Piece.
This shit starts NOW!!!!!!!!!
And I will get rid of this CRT https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/568065798985507
Same thing with why does nobody remember me in this world?.
I'm pretty much almost freaking broke! I applied for a few jobs. I hope I get one soon. I've broken another CRT tv and now I'm feeling much worse about it! I'm still struggling with alcoholism. As of yesterday STOP fucking buying and drinking booze!!!!
Please help me.