- Last OnlineNov 5, 2017 1:09 AM
- GenderFemale
- BirthdayFeb 1980
- LocationMontreal, Quebec, Canada (French Canadian)
- JoinedJan 20, 2014
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I'm as talkative and crazy as Deathpool.
I have a severe duct tape deficiency. Mwahahahaha! More: I don't kill people for a living though. I tried to dig a hole for roses, it was so exhausting that there's no way I can bury a dead body. It's too bad that I don't have a boat. *Maniacal laughter* I love water, fishes and sushi. I have many aquariums with guppies and bettas, but I don't make sushi with those. I'm a French Canadian. I make great efforts to write properly, even when I fail miserably, and would appreciate the same courtesy so I can learn. I value blunt truth and freedom~ I'm very fond of photography because it immortalizes the beauty of life into pictures, and animes because it takes pictures and brings them to life beautifully. As a general rule, for me to like an anime, somebody has to die, or bleed a lot. The more blood the harder I laugh. I adore parodies, satires and sarcasm. I'm the embodiment of them. I don't like clichés like school girls and mechas, but I did like Code Geass. I have an open mind. Especially when it's supernatural, evil and freaky. Love it! I use all of my brain: my kid side, emotional, rational, and dark side. I'm always impressed by split personality stories, or anything out of the boring ordinary. I need complexity and originality. I'm gifted with a high IQ, but socially clueless, like a wild animal. I actually kinda know what people expect, I just refuse to be trapped in a stereotypical box. What's the point of having a easier life, by playing it safe and obedient, if you're dead inside... I'm eclectic, a hybrid in many ways~ Why follow one path blindly when you can get the best of many~ I love dark humor above all, and spontaneous randomness~ I'm crazy, on purpose, with great effort and care. It amuses me. I hope that you'll choose to appreciate it too~ I'm a health nut. I'm good at hunting information and this is my passion. According to my research, specialists and my experiments: in theory if we took massive doses of vitamin C instead of sugar, we'd become immortal. Or at least we'd stop being sick. I'm the undead proof! I'm hypoglycemic, so if I try to bite your head off, I'm probably just hungry... or playfully showing my affection... or you really provoked me too long and deserve it. I love to make demotivational posters! I made a web site from scratch and this is my funniest page: BANANAPOOP ~ The "How to be less stupid" tutorial. I merge orphan torrents into 480p packs. Mostly by HorribleSubs. I'm [WolfPack] at nyaa.se This is a short post for me. Well, maybe not anymore. I edit them many times. I can write way more than that. Unlike the writer's block, I can't stop! I'm a writer's wettest dream~ XD But I'm asexual, attracted to neither, so don't take sexual comments literally, to me it's a all big joke. Hyper-sexualisation annoys the hell out of me, if I wanted to see panties, I'd open my drawer! I could have a deep friendly affection for any gender, but I'm a misanthrope so it's rare. Except maybe effeminate evil men, like Sephiroth! Tototo~tom~~~! I'm actually chaotic good but I'll just call myself evil. I'm a Demon Lord. Definition: Lord for the high intelligence and literacy. Demon because it’s not enough to be intelligent, you have the get the guts to face the dark facts that everyone wish to deny, the truth hurts but it also sets free. I find a wicked pleasure in rubbing cold hard facts in the face of the people who dare to ask, or who are unbearably stupid. Calling people names isn’t constructive, but teaching them until they realize their own stupidity is the greatest way to put an end to it. I’m not a freaking troll! By definition, insulting someone with names like that, instead to argue our views with logic, IS trolling. Every time I see the submit answer button, I'm like NO! I'll never submit! Just post my torrent of text you damn button! Enjoy~ Lisa of Shades ![]() ![]() ![]() Stay healthy with real food, and take care~ I'm a health nut, among other nuts! Enjoy the pea peacock, he leads to recipes: ![]() The shades of my personality: There is actually order in my chaos, once you know all the corners of my mind. It's very similar to Jung's theory of analytical psychology, the archetypes of the Collective Unconscious. But I explored it by myself, since I was 6. Holy ~ My kid side When I was a child, I saw the adults rushing through their day with a bad mood, oblivious to the wonders of the world. I swore to myself that I would never let this part of me die. It's my ability to feel sheer joy, its purpose is cheering. It's the part of the brain that develop during childhood but is forgotten as we learn to be adults, but still there. It's the part of me that I used to build my social persona. Because I want to see people smile, and my worst fear is to have people see the darkness in me. It correspond to Jung's Inner child. ![]() ??? ~ Rational side His name is my secret, but he correspond to Jung's Wise old man. The exploration of my inner self all started with this man. I used to make myself bed time stories with a recurrent character, and one day he spoke to me. I think my subconscious used it as a doorway so that my rational brain could talk to the emotional brain I specialize in. Extremely intelligent, more than I can even be with aware thought processes, he's able to calculate the probabilities of cause to effect and warn me of danger, of how to obtain my objectives... (Like pacts with the devil since prayers are useless unless you make it happen, and you loose something every time you gain something to preserve the balance...) but more strangely, it also works the other way around... With synchronicities. Unlikely coincidences that are very favorable. Thy happen to everyone and most people don't notice them... but I do... because I usually ask him for help first. To me, he is god. Or perhaps more like the devil for telling me the cold hard facts of life, but while this might seem like cruelty, it has saved my life many times, and I have never seen a deeper kindness. He tells me that the heart must lead, because without the important information from the emotions and senses, he wouldn't be able to come up with solutions so effectively, becoming my 6th sense of intuition. As much as I worship him, he tells me that God would actually be the sub-sub-conscious of all living things that are, were and will be, like the cells of our body makes us who we are through life, and as insignificant as one is, we'd be nothing without each and every one of their independent little lives. He is my advisor and my guide. I'd be dead without him. refusing to listen to reason leads to disaster. He told me not to ask a question unless I'm ready to hear something that I really don't want to, that might destroy everything I believe, and crumble the very ground under my feet. I was told that I ask too many. But I cherish truth, even though there are an infinity of them, like the sides of people's minds... a diamond with many facets, good or bad being merely different sides of the same thing, always in balance. This part is an observer, a deep thinker, not meant to be seen. But if I give you cold hard facts to help you gain a new perspective, it's probably this part of me. I feel safe, because no matter how bad things get, I know that he'll figure it out. No matter how long it takes, he'll lead me to safety again. ![]() Shad Wolf ~ The dark side (To draw: wicked male with a sword and long hairs) He is Jung's Shadow. For the longest time I've felt nothing but sheer terror and hatred toward this part of me. But the harder I tried to be good, the more evil he grew.... because everything stays in balance and it's a vital part. Being good at all cost only got me abused because a defenceless prey is an easy prey. It wasn't love or kindness, it was hypocrisie. You can't be compatible and love everyone. It was unfair to treat my enemies the same as the people who showed me kindness. I met him when I was 16... the dark rage I saw first took the form of a ghostly putrid giant wolf. When I was too wounded by people I was too weak to hold his chain and he could get out. But one day I finally understood: the only thing that he wanted was to protect me. As another side's purpose was to care for others and only got pain in return, his only purpose was to care for me, with the unconditional love that I desperately craved and was ready to endure hell itself, hoping to deserve, when I always did. One day he told me "You know... if you allowed me to get out when people first try to hurt you, instead to wait until you're near death, I wouldn't be so enraged all the time anymore". So I started letting him out, respecting him, and he became fluffy and playful, even if he plays rough, I really enjoy him. And when I freed him on people who assaulted me, finally considering my own life more important than random stranger's, I thought he'd beat them to death, but he just showed his fangs with the conviction to fight with everything I had, even if it hurt or killed me... and the people ran away to never bother me again... He didn't even need to touch them, or even say a single word... Just the crushing will to defend myself was terrifying enough. Nothing scares me anymore. Because I won't go down without a fight, because my worth and what I deserve doesn't matter. If I don't like it, I can just walk away and never look back... or tear someone appart with my bare hands and teeth. I am not human anymore. Because I have embraced my primal brain, my survival instinct. I will no longer accept to be tortured to be politically correct or polite. I've never felt so free~ But I am evil now, terribly evil, because I won't look away from the dark, it's in me, it's everywhere... and only by acknowledging it can we truly turn it into something constructive. There's nothing more dangerous than the ticking time bomb of someone who tries to be perfect-good. So I'll relieve the pressure with dark humor, even if it will get me hated and misunderstood... because now I see... that this side of me has its good points too. And it makes me utterly happy~ Annae ~ The heart (To draw: woman in Victorian dress) This is my heart, the core, my emotional brain. Idealist, she constantly mourn all the possibilities that will never be. A empath healer, she feels all the pains of the world, but people have to take care of themselves she can't force it on them. So she feels as powerless as Cassandra, in the Greek mythology, foreseeing pain but people refusing to believe her... and watching them walk to their doom. She holds all the sorrows so that the kid side can let go and be care free. She cannot stop to care, she can only twist her passion into cold hatred to shield herself, but she feels everything as if the whole world was an extension of her own body. Every sentient being is a person, animals, plants, insects, even viruses and every single cells of our body... the collective of so many lives working together, like society. We are one. Without her, the reason wouldn't have enough information to think, and the survival instinct wouldn't have the fire to empower itself... For the longest time I wondered which one would be the real me, and I thought it would be her... but it's the sum of them all. It's the most vulnerable yet most powerful part of me. I don't like when people see it, because she's so full of melancholy. But she watches over and cares, even if ultimately, she cannot fulfil other people's responsibility toward themselves. A deep thinker is meant to reflect in solitude, it's the price to pay to have the time to connect to an eternity of endless possibilities and the whole universe itself. But as much as she feels deeply in her core the bond with everything in the world, she does so by being introverted. So she doesn't have the skills to socialize in the mundane, in spite of having genius, it goes against the nature of her skill... and being so full of longing for warmth and share love with others... for her purpose is devotion... it adds to the tragedy... as people are ungrateful and exploit until there's nothing left... but darkness. Like a fallen angel. Shade, now Amber Arane The first Shade, she got her name stolen when I bound my dark side to my rational side, to give him awareness and be able to function on his own, as my heart was too wear to lead at the time, and I was scared of that monster turning berserk. But she is actually a different side. I have yet to discover her for I'm still uneasy with her. She seems to be my sexual side, yet I am asexual. Amber is like a black widow, violent and feeling a deep hunger when too excited. This is actually a survival response to hypoglycemia. So while Shad is my defencive mechanism, she is... desire. Not just lust, but gluttony, greed... everything necessary to stay alive. I had glimpses of her since childhood... but I knew nothing of her except that she seemed to be a strong willed and composed woman. She may be the bringer of life, even though that purpose was denied by the stupidity of men. She has a deep resentment and desires of vengeance for men. Even though she is sensuality itself. You'd be both very lucky and unlucky to meet her. She's like a dominatrix, who'd rejoice in beating the crap out of you, but would never surrender herself to a spineless man like that, so her attacks are more likely a test for whoever can win against her with dignity, self control and respect... not mindless brutal force or acting like a rat in heat. She's like an amazon, able to stand proud and fight for her convictions. She's like siren, able to sing to bewitch you, but if you can't resist keeping your own mind, ultimately leading you to your doom. She's like a wood nymph, voluptuous grace, beloved by life itself and loving it back, tenderly. But never finding any human worthy. Her new name, Arane, is from araneae, Latin for spider, Amber for the trees. What you'll most likely see is my kid side and dark side. In random spontaneity, but always reacting to the way I'm treated. I tend to vanish in the woods to rest, but since my humor is easily misunderstood and I have to be crazy to stay sane, maybe I'll get killed. I never check my emails, I just come here, but if the worst happens, my email is with gmail.com. I have seen way more animes than I'm willing to put in my list. I have a excel file with hundreds of entries. I feel privileged and grateful to be able to watch such art~ My home is full of posters! Enjoy~ |
Statistics
All Favorites Favorites
Anime (5)
Manga (1)
Character (10)
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Zoë, Hange
Shingeki no Kyojin
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Blouse, Sasha
Shingeki no Kyojin
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Fullbuster, Gray
Fairy Tail
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Dragneel, Natsu
Fairy Tail
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Mikk, Tyki
D.Gray-man
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Sephiroth
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
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Lamperouge, Lelouch
Code Geass: Hangyaku no Lelouch
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Nakahara, Sunako
Yamato Nadeshiko Shichihenge♥
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Hiroshi
Yamato Nadeshiko Shichihenge♥
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Dark Schneider
Bastard!! Ankoku no Hakaishin
All Comments (108) Comments
Good luck with your friend troubles, finding someone with the same expectations of a friendship can be tough. Don't give up on it though, it sounds like you realize that you need people in your life, and that is very true, though finding and keeping friends can be a lot of work.
Anyways, I have found that where you look for friends makes a big difference. Bars and clubs attract people who just want casual sex. Since you have a sharp mind, maybe try looking for literary clubs or something like that? I can see more intellectual thoughtful people being drawn to things like that.
As for what makes you unique, you definitely have your own perspective on things, a little bit of a crazy side, a (slightly) twisted sense of humor, and no fear about telling people what you think.... :) I mean all this in a good way; I enjoy reading your posts, they are quite entertaining. And deep down inside you have a good bit of common sense too (the kind that comes from hard life lessons I think).
Well, keep your chin up, sister! See you around!
I'm having finals in 3 - 4 weeks so i won't be giving an entire essay as a reply. Not because i don't have the time, but because i'm sick of reading/writing that much.
Let's start with this:
''I replied last, do you think you did too or you just got tired of me and started to ignored me for school. As much as I understand that... you come here often! How can a damn list be more important than a PERSON! How could you let me think for 2 months that you just don't care!''
TBH i really just use this site for the lists... I always update it on my mobile devices so i just access MAL on the computer when i look for anime/manga info.
Still, i like chatting with random people so it's not like i don't wanna talk.
''Then why did you not reply to my post?!''
Major reason: It felt like you insulted me
Sub reasons: I'm a busy exam student and you write entire essays.
is that a problem? Nahh, but it prevents me from replying within 10 minutes...
Why didn't i reply for 2 months? I really didn't feel like replying an entire essay to an insult...
Doesn't mean i forgot about you though. TBH, i checked your profile an hour before you became active again. I also your profile every other day to see if you were back.
I almost wanted to ask if you commited suicide but you didn't really take the joke that well when i said it last time...
Tip: buy a nexus 7 2013. It's only around 200 dollars on ebay and it gives you the greatest specs. Reading manga and novels and even watching 1080p/720p anime on it is fucking gorgeous! I decided to buy it because i can't use my mom's iPad when i'll move out the house and it was the best decision ever!
oh and this is what you missed during the last 2 months. (was it only 2 months)
I marked the new updates you missed with an @
My 2014 to do list:
[X] Deciding my college. (This was harder for me than you might think)
[X] Getting a smartphone (Nokia lumia 710 Hand-me-down but i'm happy with it)
[X] Handed in my first version of my profile-essay
[@] Handing in the final version of my profile-essay (I nearly failed this shit with a 4.5)
[@/O] Surviving School-exams (I have yet to receive my societystudies mark)
[O] Surviving Central-exams
[O] Getting my diploma.
[@] Quitting as a mailman.
[O] Getting a new job because i quit being a mailman.
[O] Getting a laptop for my studies
[O] Getting an Headset for my studies + Skyping with the friends i'll be leaving behind.
[O] Buying ALL of my daily necessities.
[O] Moving out of the house.
[O] Survive my own cooking untill 2015.
(Optional)
[O] Getting a girlfriend. (Impossibru I know)
Shit is starting to move.
BTW i can't graduate if i don't get a good grade on my societystudies test so FML
But first: going to cycle 30 min to mcdonald. Why mcdonald? Dunno, the fact that you appeared again made me want to go mcdonald's for some reason...
I left for a while because a few hurtful things happened in my life and I needed some time to myself to heal.
I don't have much energy, and since people can drain so much especially when they hurt you, I've gave up on having friends since years.
Kongou touched me when he asked me to come here... but he said something that needed to be clarified, I didn't know if it was kind or mean. It happened when I lost 2 other friends and right before my birthday... I feel awful that even after 2 months he never bother to reply.
But I feel touched that other people did.
I tried to help an acquaintance who agreed to become a friend but never acted on it, but never took her words back either. I tried to help her like I saved my health, but I couldn't stop her from making herself sick... I tried to give her a gift and she looked at me with despise... I don't need this.
I started to go to geekout meetings... but once again someone asked me to own and fuck me the very first day after I told him that this could endanger my health... he kept pressuring me with not so subtle actions. What was so wrong with it is that he didn't care about me, he didn't know me. He only cared about how he could use me for self gratification, like a sperm toilet, and own me like a thing, not share a relationship with me, not offer himself to me.The idea to offer me anything never crossed his mind. He even gave me an angry despise when I refused... like a spoiled child who was denied a toy. If he truly loved me he would have appreciated my company no matter the relationship we were in.
Because I've been treated like this... like a thing and not a person, and felt lonelier with a lover than ever been alone... I gave up on sex... ever being loved... on ever having a relationship... for the rest of my life... I managed to accept this peacefully, I even find pride in being an asexual. I find it funny that I'm more chaste than priests!
But after how he acted... as I merely tried to be social and have friends... I came to the conclusion that I cannot have friends either... and it shattered my mind.
I thought that I healed quickly because I got over him quickly. But the stress took its toll on my weak adrenal glands... I crashed so bad I couldn't even take care of the basics... and then one day... I just healed. I don't know why. I tried a new recipe with red beans, red rice and vegetables. I gained tremendous energy. Maybe time just healed me. Anyway it was delicious.
I've been thinking about replying to this place almost everyday... But I felt ashamed for leaving so long and thought that I'd be forgotten anyway...
Someone forgot our conversation and just skipped it after only a few days... I thought there would be no point coming back after 2 months... But the way Grimatic shown his appreciation to me... I thought that at least him would miss me. He's been so very kind to me.
I was hoping that Kongou would have replied me... to clear things out... to at least tell me that he doesn't want to be my friend anymore... being ignored is even more painful than insults... I agree. He's the one who made me come out of the woods... and he was also the reason why I was scared to come back. He's meaningful to me... either way.
I don't know if I should leave or if someone would love me to stay... but I don't have enough energy to go where I'm not wanted... I do need friends... but that's more than someone to talk to, someone to kiss, or someone to fuck...
I need someone I can care about without pain... and someone who'll care back.
Hope your doing fine out there and staying unique! :P
I hope soon there is a light to illuminate the dark so that you may see bright sun instead of darkness.
Immortality is definitely something I'd have to think twice about. That unable to see clearly enough to read subtitles really hit me. /: That's really scary. And it's infinite too! Never ending.
I will definitely have to consider deeply whether or not I really do want to become immortal. But I'm pretty sure I do so I will continue readily eating oranges!
That sounds harsh, you're condition must have been pretty serious at a stage. But it's good to hear you're feeling better! And better yet it was all thanks to Vitamin C! While generally i prefer the letter A fort it's connotation to receiving a really good score on a test the letter C is slowly capturing my heart!
Fast food? You mean fatty oily bleached lumps of unhealthily flavoured lumps of meat? I despise the very idea of it! Yet it continues to spread like an uncontrollable incurable disease like AIDS! It doesn't affect you immediately and it starts off quite small, there is some resistance to the disease but all resistance is quickly flushed out and slowly after years the axe comes down and SLASH! YOU"RE DEAD!!!!! Worst of all you can't blame it on the fast food, the fast food just allowed for some other virus or bacteria to kill you! Truly despicable!
I adore cookies. (Shame)
I've had clementines! They are Freaking amazing~~~
While I personally think it's slightly clumsy (with seemingly unbalanced pacing), it goes above and beyond in supernatural/vampire genre.
Though Crunchyroll doesn't provide the viewing, FUNimation does. Unfortunately HorribleSubs doesn't have it ripped for nyaa.
The picture is really tempting i agree, its more like a hormone enhancer so i keep it.
Is your picture from 'Wolf's Rain'?
My avatar actually use to be me, but I like Persona better ;)
I tried the forums today, even though I should have kept up with my PMs instead... it kinda was a disaster XD I tried to share morbid jokes and people didn't find it funny, what they found funny was way, way worst...
This made me realize... there's way more insane people than I am here...
And if I'm not THE crazy one... then who am I!?... I lost my identity!!!? *SHRIEKS and jumps out the window*
I hope you didn't say stuff like that on the forums. lol.
What kind of douche bag people have you met? If people really do think that, then they have some serious issues. Regardless, I had no idea you felt that way. You could have told me it made you feel uncomfortable, I would have changed it sooner.
Oh yeah, I know that. It's just the way you said it before made me confused a bit. Heheh.
I'm not even sure how a club like that would be allowed. But yeah, you should have reported it. NSFW things are pretty much a no-go here. Does that mean the club is gone now?
You can be random in casual discussion, but by the looks of it, you already have.
I have social issues too, so I really have no idea what to say here...
I'm not sure how you came across that from dating websites, but needless to say, I really have no idea what to think about this. I'm seriously at a loss for words. And I can say proudly that this is probably the most fucked up thing I've ever heard.
I can picture this being you.
I'm always up to talk, yo~