Report HunterTennouji's Profile

Hey there. Seems like you aren't active anymore or you will be? Do appreciate your review on "Amagami SS" though.
Wishes!

RIP

I dont make any kind of goals or new year resolutions... my current goal right now is making sure I dont regret how I m living this current college year, as in study as much as possible cuz I m on exams period...

Well, there are decisions we just cant make for example college is really hard for me, and when I start to think like that, and all the progress I have done so far, and how much is life considering all my current difficulties, it is really easy thinking I m wasting my life here, that I will never be able to overcome this, and if I keep at this, later I will regret it.
Honestly, if it was another in my place, he may have already give up considering everything, yet at gives me relief, whenever I start to weaken again, is thinking from a different approach, and that is, there will always be hurdles in life, tasks that seem impossible, where you only feel despair and no hope on the horizon, so rather than thinking that I cant keep this for much longer, I have to set deadlines, my current deadline is the end of this month, the next deadline will be the start of Summer, both times when exams come to end, I cant let myself trap in thoughs of this is wrong, I cant see myself doing something like this in the future.
Currently my goals are having these deadlines, and just doing the best I can, I want to give all I can, after I do, even if that was not enough, okay I can hang the towel and try something different, but for now, I have to try my best to surpass this, I can only feel inner peace with myself later on, IF I done everything I could, and if I did and wasnt enough, hey no regrets.
That is the sole thing that has keep me from giving up honestly, I hang by a thread to that belief, that I can only give up when I have given my all, if I give up before going all out, I will be just running away.

I m very social, when the situation presents it, but most of the times I m alone, I m older than all my collegues, by at least 6-8 years, I like to chat here and there, but also like to have my privacy even when I m at college, it was a bit different when I was younger, since I had a group of friends on college I could always hang with and be on the same wave.
It is because I m so lonely by myself most of the time (chat alot via web, with many many people, but I dont consider that being social), that when a good opportunity presents itself (rare), I very easily swift gears, and without any problem hang up and talk with everyone, and I m able to do this without feeling restless, since I m very cheerful and outgoing. This is what I meant by saying I m a bit of both, I dont have many times to hang out with others, I have stuff I like to do too, and in a way I have a very busy life, but I like to appreciate all the more when I open up some space to be social.

When, it has at least been better these past years, than 5-10 years ago.
My struggle honestly is discipline to study and keep to the schedule, IMO it was far easier to be more disciplined and be in check, when I was working, it is just a different feedback you receive, when you have a boss, goals in your job, a paycheck that comes at the end of each month, for me working, in a way feels easier than studying, but I also like to learn... it was easier to get motivation when I was working, and make sure I do what was needed there, no matter how old you are, if you are not working currently, and someone is paying your studies (working and studying with my degree would be really fucking HARD, and when it is already this hard for me), no matter how strong your will is, you will always have moments of greater weakness here and there, it is vexing, to look back and realize despite being this old, it is still something I cant avoid here and there, I want to have a sucessfull life, but I also want to have fun, chill out a bit.
When I was working, it was much easier to just focus on the work and being more efficient, whereas while studying it just feels like there are more openings for distractions.

Give you an example, my last exam is Jan 31th, early Jan we were stuck on finish a work for a subject, we used Jan 2 to Jan 7 trying to get this thing done (CAD work, solidworks project), and we had exams 7, 9 and 10. I freaking couldnt study for any of them at all so now I have to go the second phase end of January, 29 and 31 I have 2 exams I NEED to pass. Yet from January 7 to 11 my progress in studying was too slow, 1 or 2 days I didnt study at all, from last friday to this monday, I barely made any good usage of those days, instead of going to college and study there I was trying to do it at home... waste, I finally got real and started pickup the pace, and by that I mean, start studying in the morning, finish at night, just yesterday.
But it is so tight, I have Programming in Python and Calculus, and I m currently on the shits at both, 29 and 31... I know somethings here and there but FUCK.
Lets hope I can kill myself enough and at least manage to pass on both, I had more 2 exams/subjects I wanted to pass, but that project we ended early Jan fucked the schedule up, pointlessly so cuz we probably not going to make through that one either, and we were working around the clock on that shit, nightmare.
January is always one hell of an hellish month for me.

And you know why is that? Because with all these distractions that surround us, either good or bad, we all forget one thing, being alive and living is what matters, and as long as you are breathing and able to make your own judgements, you have the power of choice, while there is still war and chaos, violence and corruption ravaging our world, it is not has bad as it has been before (for example WWII), we still live in what we can call a peaceful time, were thankfully most of us still have a choice they can do.
But with all this much "freedrom" it also comes that feeling of being lost and not knowing what to partake in, being scared of the possibility of having to make a choice... it is sad, that we think like that, about sonething that is such a gift to us given by our ancestors and their sacrifices to build a better world.
Do note I m not refering to specific individuals, we you an human, changes are high you will meet this again and again through your life, it is inevitable, but it helps thinking that he shouldnt view this as a burden, but rather a gift, even if we are unable to 100% believe it all the time.

"Those with rich and career-stable parents are more likely to start investing in themselves early, due to encouragement from parents."
I can actually say that is not the case at all here, both my parents are very sucessful and in particular my dad, never tires himself of trying to motivate me with his old stories, wherever it was studying or sports, according to his stories, he was always around the top, and of course like anyother human being, it had its downs and ups, and he in person can be very arrogant and overconfident of himself, being proud is fine, but when you go overboard it doesnt really make the best impression out of you... despite all this, I can easily say he has achieved alot in his lifetime, and suffered alot too (with the loss of my brother when I was only 1 year old, I m sure he suffered alot, it was quite an horrific way by brother died too, a train got over him). We all suffer alot, but I can easily say that despite his flawns, for himself and even for others, he has lived to a certain extent a very sucessfull life, where hard work paid of.
My mother was also very sucessful and I own the current status of life I have due to both of them, some of my values too, others I built myself, but that is own life is.
My point is having sucessful parents isnt exactly what makes or breaks it, in fact sometimes extreme adversity breeds sucess, there isnt a right way to achieve sucess.

"But we can't CHOOSE who and where we are born to, what we CAN do is make the best we can with our circumstances. I really love this quote:
"Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it". The same applies to you."
That is a great quote indeed, let me share one I have too (though I still havent followed it yet, neither had the opportunity to do so):


It is like I said, I always felt that at least inside I was more balanced about that I always enjoyed engaging people myself but also have a more geek said to it when at home, so when I gravited to a more life working enviroment I definitly had some changes in my values, but mostly was a reinforcing of what I always believed, while I was commuting to work I always had a tablet with me, I saw alot less anime, but I still found time to read LN and manga, but definitly spent alot more of my time engaging with others. Sometimes I would favor one more than the other, but I feel that I make the most of it with my llife having at least a bit of both in my life, doesnt mean I have strike a balance ratio yet, but I having both sides lets me enjoy both of them the most, if I heavily sided too much to one one of them, I woud get oversatured of it and immediatly stop doing that.

Let me put it like this then, for the most part, when I m at home I rely more on being introvert, and when I m out I go more towards being extrovert, could I say that I value the more the middle ground?

It is hard to go wrong in your life when you enjoying doing what you are doing, while the reverse is the opposite, I feel that there are quite alot of people that "have" to be social, rather than "enjoy" being it, but I havent found many of those yet, or may but may have not noticed.

Dont forget that I have my own circunstances and context that I know, we dont share all that goes in your life with others, details will always remain details.
What I m refering of as to be my last change is in the sense that live in Portugal isnt easy, but I m very lucky now with the support I have from my family, this support whoever wont last long, my dad told me times enough before, he wont live much much longer. He is 74 already and in very good condition for someone of his age, since he was always athelic and curious to learn, he reads alot and watchs alot, and likes to think alot, but life gets to you eventually.
I m no fool and no dreamer, opportunities have a timed-window my friend, sure others may come later, but as good as what I have? I m a lazy person, we all have a bit of sloth in ourselves, now is indeed my last change to have the smoothest swift from my financially dependent life, to a more economical indepent one in the broader world.
If I fuck this up, I dont expect neither want my mother to alone keep me supporting on something soo expensive as college, I will mostly have to drop out and try my chances on the working world again.
I was there before, I know that is harsh for those with curriculum, and I dont even know even half of how tough it is, since I was never alone and had to survive, like those that dont have a family or no one to extend them an hand.

You can say college isnt the whole way to be sucessful, but I dont have other ideas currently and despite improvements to how financially Portugal has evolved, if I want to be where I want to be in 10 years, college is the most reliable way to do it, and I dont think I will have the will to go for college without my parents support, so I prefer to view this as my last change because it is in a sense it is.
Dont misunderstand, I accept this burden fully and dont let myself get down or depressed by it, I knew very well the workload I would put myself in when going back to college, and I still had the courage to face this life again, so I m as ready as I will ever be, and if I fall and give up, it wont be by something soo stupid and pitiable as this being my last change.
Not in a million years! xD

"College is always a time of difficulty, with the anxiety and performance-need that happens. Just remember to celebrate your successes, however small, and have fun. Create connections, as they will make your time in college easier. Don't push yourself too much though, or it can lead to some serious fatigue and dismotivation."
You are forgetting that I already enrolled on college years ago too, I know well about this, but this honestly is something you can say to someone that just enrolled, one young that just started to give the first steps in his life.
I dont fit that criteria no more, I am not a 18 year kid that recently engaged in college, I m a 26 year old dude that enrolled in college again after a long time way. There is no way I can view this as carefree, this my last change, it wasnt my first, I m telling you this well aware of my whole financial and emotional situation, if this doesnt work, I doubt I will try college again, after all I really dont have anything else in my life that I want to become, and I want to start build my adult indepent life ASAP, and I m saying that as in being able to support myself, which is rather hard with most jobs currently available in my country for those that didnt go through college or some other type of advanced education after high school. and I dont want to just survive, I want to have a change to achieve a sucessful life for myself where I can support myself confortably and others too.

Problem is that all subjects are at least a real challenge, each demans alot of effort, to the point I feel that due to my difficulties, trying to tackle more than 3-4 subjects per semester, study but also enjoy my life, will be close to impossible, and with the time I have left, I cant afford to just keep passing 2-3 subjects per semester...

I also have another friend, that in a way seemed to go through your situation, in the sense that before he enjoyed more his hobbies, he gamed more, readed more, etc, but now with work, he is more focused on building social links and connections to the point it almost feels like he abandoned all his previous hobbies, I maybe agravating it a bit, but this is what it felt to me.
Going to be completly honest here, I dont favor such an approach myself, IMO it lacks balance, it is great to learn and meet new people but I also want to always be able to complement that, with also having a more lazy side to myself, where I can relax and enjoy my hobbies. Both you and him seem to have lost this greatly, you may not care about it, but from my perspective, this is something I dont want to become, I mean, being more social is alright, but that is something that always benefits us through our life, in short, it is not something that we should only put more focus when we start working, during our whole live we should try to be "social", the benefits for such a thing start from the moment you start to be able to walk and think for yourself right?!
I like to be social, but I dont want to lose a more confortable and private life from time to time, in favor of being more social I would say, everything in moderation.

Well when I was on highschool I was going to the gym, stoped at college due to less time, and now I started again one year ago, before getting on college, and dont plan to stop due to college, no more.

I see, so you leaded a more unhealthy life style, I will not say I didnt and that I dont spend alot of time on computer or at home, but I was always a sociable person, I like to go the cinema, unfortunately through my later years I really didnt have any friends close by, but I made sure to make good usage when opportunities to go out and party with my friends appeared, even if they were few.
The friend I m talking about whoever feels like he has really abandon most of his early life hobbies, it is a decision, but it just feels wrong for me, if he didnt have balance before, in a way he doesnt seem to have it now. Of course I do believe he is happy and living a fulling life, but it seems like he switched to one side of the balance, to the other now.

HF I movie was great, no complains there, but I have to complain about the date of screening of the second movie, winter 2019! Still not out, which means BDs will be painful long wait, and it all scalates more for III.

Still have alot of messages to reply to, with MAL out of the picture for these few months, it just made me stop caring you know.
Only felt like MAL was really back, when the forums were opened again.

Well, right now I cant have that much fun, at least with me current colleges, we are just too far apart in age, I can still hang with them on classes and interact, but for most of them, their views on stuff are still not there for me, besides most seem to be rather introvert which doesnt help at all, I m an extrovert but still. For now I want to focus on suceeding because if I dont, I will drop out of college right this summer, I dont have second changes here, neither I want to, I dont have that much time in my life to be playing around at this point.

Yeah true motivation comes from wanting to learn due to curiosity, which is what I m trying to go with right now, otherwise I will lose all my hope and will on this endevour, it is just that hard for me, considering I was never the better at absorving knowledge, and you have tones of shit to learn coming at you now stop.

I m find the core of introduction to materials engineering interesting enough, I also like linear algebra and calculus, but I m having an harder time to find interest in organic chemistry and mechanic & waves. The later since it is so complex and despite having been on a physical degree for 3 years, we currently have maths and chemistry, joining another complete different subject makes it really hard for me.

It is all a bunch of word games bro, when I mean living for myself I m not taking others out of my life I m just turning myself into something I want to be more and more each day, while also looking towards these changes to have a positive impact on my relationship with the world around me.
I can life for someone else sake, when I find true love, or whatever you can call it.

So I probably havent found true motivation yet, well if this cheap thing can carry me beyond what I m now I will use it to the upmost.

So people came to accept you more and more now? I still recall your early dialogues about the matter, when you were first introduced in a position of alot of responsability and alot of expectations were put onto you... all this talk makes me remenber ReLife, which is the manga I m currently reading (great read), lol.
You should read it too.

But no matter what we will do we will almost always have some kind of downtime to do something no?
Dont you watch TV or play games still?
I think I will never grow out of this cycle, there will be times I m in no mood of course but I will always manage to come back to it sooner or later. Anime is anime, manga and LN are different in way, I will always imagine myself reading books during my life.
There is time for everything if you set your priorities right, I would never switch to social interactions only, I find the balance very important in my life, I would get ride of anything very easily if I only focused on said something during a lengthly period of my life, just like eating cereals, I hate to be always eating the same brand, I like to alternate, and even for those I really love, sometimes I need a break of them for alot of months.
That applies to everything going on in my life.
I like to interact with others, and many times I dont have alot of it in my life and want more of it, but there will always be those times when I just want to be alone, at my own pace and chilling.
When social reject season comes, I m sure you will be back in full force! Remenber only thing is certain is your death, you can never fully predict your life in 6-12 months, guess arent 100% absolute.

Heaven's Feel 1 just came out, and I have been hearing from VN readers it is doing the HF route justice, hyped!
https://myanimelist.net/anime/25537/Fate_stay_night_Movie__Heavens_Feel_-_I_Presage_Flower

FUCK! I dont know why, but I m sure your comments are never showing on notifactions, I mean, I missed this reply again... will reply in the next days.

Do we overcome our fears? Or we just get used to fight agaisnt them?
Many I still, it is just that there is no point giving in to them, nothing good would come from it, so I just try to focus on the stuff that do matter.
I have still a long way ahead of me though.
Entering... I was very lucky indeed, and that is also one of my main motivations, I dont want to waste it.

One step at time, just finished first semester and got kicked good in my ass, made some progress but was slower than I expected, I mostly good now on maths, but my chemistry bases are very lacking indeed.
Honestly at this point I feel like it would be more productive to work on a parttime job, while also studying, it would be tough but I see in myself that I need to toughen up more, and only good old work will do it... sadly my schedule again sucks, they just put classes both on mornign and evening, some days you have them more during evening, others more during mornings, this is unlike my first year on college years ago, where you actually had your evening free.
Even if it was only for a month, it would be a positive experience because I do feel like I m starting to slack again, and I want to straight myself right up once more... but then again you can also argue it this is all just a state of mind, and that I just need some self-motivation, I should be fine, I was always good at motivating myself, even if I have to crazy to achieve it~~

Yeah, I m acquainted with those kind of quotes, on my previous work we always had some of those, since motivation was key to succed in suriving as a salesman.

Living life solely for yourself will only get you so far, when we set our goals as something that we want achieve not only for ourselves, but also for those we care the most, that is when we can become truly unstoppable and unnavering.

Like I said, I still have to find that one thing that makes me want to get up and live the day, but I cant find it, if I sit around doing nothing because I havent found it yet, so until then, I have to keep going at it.



We humans truly hard to please no? xD
Yet, if you had not gone on the path you did, you wouldnt probably be where you are now right.
My memorie is falling, but how did you gone from Nanoscience to what you are currrently doing? Did you switch in later years to something more practical?

Plan to buy them later on, will probably make a good read for the summer, starting it I mean.

No problem there buddy, tbh and this usually never happens, I forgot I had to reply to you, so I was like, what happened, why havent we been talking, been like months already, so I decided to check and it was like OH FUCK!! Dec 9...
Usuallly I dont miss anything, since, MAL notifications, so if it ever takes more than 1-2 months, hit me up, I have forgotten it, which like I said is truly unusual.

You havent seen any anime lately I guess? When work catchs up our lives and believes and undergo true 180ºs and even 360ºs sometimes.

Well, let me give you a major life update, that will shape how I reply to some of your content, it is also part of the reason I have taken long to reply (aside lazyness and acidentally deleting your bookmark on my chrome).
I told I was on a professional degree of a 1 year, in which its final phase consisted of an intership right? Well, during the year, while I keep myself busy with this, I searched in ways to get something more, since once the intership finished, I did not have much faith in getting a job, or if I did, it always felt like it would never be something that would manage to get me a more stable future.

I dont recall if I told you before, but one of my options was going back to college... so I did all the papers that were necessary this summer, while having little fate I would be able to enroll, but I did it!! I got the news while I was finishing my intership, but I was accepted to study Materials Engineer at IST (probably the most respected college in Portugal for studying engineering). I couldnt go with conventional meanings, I did not have the grades from such, and my exams had expired (done them in 2010-2011), but I lucky managed to get in with a change of degree from the college was in before, even though my record there wasnt good at all (which is why I though the probabilities were low of me enrolling). But I MADE IT!!

It really feels like I got really lucky, like this is my last shot, and if I dont make use of this, I wont have another change and future will be grim, so I just had to take it, even though it has been 7 years since I last chemistry (a major subject for materials engineering), and 3 years since I last did some Calculus stuff. My math is very eroded, so I also need to revise alot of stuff back from my highschool and juniors.
But so far on my second week, and I think I m making some nice efforts into improving myself, and I just need to compete with myself from now on, and get better and better and learning how to study smart.
Funny thing is that I m 25 years old, and most my classmates are 18y, some 19, some are more immature but still cool to hang with, while others show a bit more maturity and really stand from the crowd IMO. So all good, my future looks bright, I just need to built with my own hands, the degree will last at least 5 years (master included).

When I got the news, first I got excited then some days later, a bit scared and even felt depressed, you told me you have difficulties with challenges and mistakes right? Well I can relate since despite all that I learnt and the friends I made, thosw 3 years in college long ago, it left me with a sour taste, and fear of going back to college, something that only gets worst, the more I m aware the older I m, you can say in a way that I got a trauma from my college experience. So going back at first felt like just before I got accepted for my first work, I felt the weight of it all, and a enormous pressure saying I couldnt do it, I felt sick and lost, I felt it then, and I felt it now again. I m not good with dealing with such life changing decisions well, never had to deal with them much before. I was really feeling depressed and wanted to run away, but I decided to drop by the gym that same day, and relieve some of the pressure, get some of my confidence back (gym is good to get you pumped). I m gratefull for my weakness, for being challenged by it, and for being able to overcome it.
Going back to college was the right move, I m getting my ass handled to me, since I have 6 subjects to catch up with, and I arrived at the start of the fifth week since the degree started, but I m feeling like each week is really long, in the sense that I m using alot of my time much better now, and actually getting goals and work done~~

You rise a better person... well Saber did, while Archer got way more cynic.
The truth is that such experiences can also have the negative outcome, and change someone to something even worst.

A mentor huh, I have had people across my live that have served has such, I trust on them alot, that said, I was always of our potential as human beings, they never needed to tell me that, I was just too lazy to really make an effort for myself, and that "me" belongs to the past now.
Your idea was very interesting and I did try, but I was never able to remenber to think about it when awaking up, most times I awake and I really have to get up since I dont have that much time to stay on bed, others, I just end thinking about other stuff.
I still dunno what I want to do, but like I mentionated above, I think the path I m currently at, will be the closest to that, to find what I want to do.
Materials Engineering as a very wide scope, and I m really interesting in some applications already, last week with one of our teachers, we found a very interesting article, "hydrogen superglue made 90% of water", I m fascinated by such things, and so for now, I will stand firm on this path, and believe and work to reach the next stage, hopping to graduate in 5 years and have some really interesting ideas I want to work on. For now, I need to study alot of maths, chemistry and python programing (also solidworks software)~~

Havent seen much anime lately either, more youtube vids or just hearing music, havent played any games either... lots of study, and meeting an befriend new people.
Barely have time at home, since I also go to gym 2 times per week. But my life is filled or challenges and some really interesting stuff too, and I feel myself getting more stable and getting a better grasp of my life, so I m having a tough, but a good time.

Aside some interesting dalai lama books I have shipping to me right now, and aside the books I have with me, planning to go for these series next:
https://www.amazon.com/Wheel-Time-Boxed-Set-Books/dp/0812538366/ref=sr_1_8?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1504368266&sr=1-8&keywords=The+Wheel+of+time
https://www.amazon.com/Malazan-Book-Fallen-10/dp/B00TUCIR0E/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1504367068&sr=8-12&keywords=Malazan+Book+of+the+Fallen

Heard enough good about them, to want to give a try, also plan to read the Dark Tower series.

Subahiki is niche? Were you living under a rock?? It is like one of the most top rated VNs on vndb (from what I have played it is a nice read, but overrated).

Np.

There is nothing set in stone, similar begginings can achieve opposite ends, and for that sometimes something so small that happens to someone can have such huge difference in the scheme of things... one thing is certain, about mistakes, it gets harder to do them the older you get, so you shouldnt regret those you did before, better now that later.

"I can't say I have any particular regrets but I can say I have had experiences I wish didn't have to go through. Sure, I learn from it and I become stronger from it, yet if you ask if I would go through it again, I would say no." I can see your point, even if you learnt fundamentales for them, if you could undo them, it certainly sounds appealing... it is quite frightening, the prospect that if we could turn back time, and undo some actions we did, even if we knew that could be our doom, that toying with time could be our own end.. what is terrifing about it is that due to our own nature and curiosity, we would still do it, and properly sentence our doom. So thank god we havent found time travel, and probably never will.

"Consider this, if you had all the money in the world and didn't have to worry about finanical instability, then what makes you wake up in the morning?"
Wow, that is deep indeed, I cant answer that right now, but I will try to ask myself it every time I awake up from now on, that is the best I can do at this point.
The problem is that if the answer I find doesnt meet with a way of live I want to live...
Life is full of compromises so, whatever comes, I guess I will write my own truth and "right path", wherever that leads me to.

"I don't watch that much anime anymore, though maybe not that strange since I am investing most of my time in work, growth and personal connections."
Work does that to you, just dont find it strange if there cames a time you make a return to this universe again, since when we do something too much will get worn out by it slowly, till we need a change of pace.

My previous boss was a great boss (I never had a horrible boss), and I remenber he did invest sometime in reading such books, despite the fact he was never much of a book person.

Talking about books, I havent read this yet but plan to one day, let me introduce you to this series:
http://www.atgreviews.net/2016/01/are-malazan-books-of-fallen-worth-your-time.html
"Malazan Book of the Fallen is Recommended For …

People who are looking for a lot of military action and battles described in detail"

BTW that review doesnt seem to go really into much detail, so:
https://wordwhiskey.wordpress.com/2014/11/12/things-i-love-the-malazan-book-of-the-fallen/

I m really getting this series now, but first I plan to go for the Dark Tower series (after 5 years of reading on summer, I finally finished the 5th and lastest book for a song of ice and fire)!

Btw this came the other day, nothing special you know... playing it alot, havent reached any fuckery yet. VA for the MC girl is AMAZING GOOD!!
https://vndb.org/v3144

Is summer hot there? Or is it still more chilly?

Is there really just one way to get it right? Different mindsets reach different conclusions, and set in motion different strategies that in the end can leave to similiar positive outcomes. It is alright for you to look to what others do, and to try to avoid the mistakes they did, keeping in mind they are even older than you, and do such mistakes, so you eventually making some mistakes is just a natural outcome of your learning experience, and you should let yourself get downed by it, and instead be more inspired to learn from your missgivings.

"True true. Doing something and then failing will at least let you look back and appreciate your own efforts, after the pain had subsided. While not doing something, you will probably look back with wistful thinking and wondering what could have happened."
Everyone will have regrets later in their lifes, I mostly don have many yet, at least that I remenber of, but some are truly hard to avoid later in life, even when you know what you should be doing to avoid them.
We are creatures full of contradictions indeed.

Career isnt my future? I dunno about that, when I think about it, it just seems to me the most secure way to live and grow old, rather than keep transicting from job to job, that is just scaring to me, I think I would prefer to be good at something, and just focus my life in improving it so as to grow more stable in the future. It is true that I may only see a job as something solely to bring me income at the end of the month, I m like that right now... but isnt that due to me not having yet found anything I would want to work on as a career job? This will get big, so spoilers

I think this one best encompasses how I m feeling right now.



Song is a classic. Good old times.

We arent really a fansub group, but one that re encodes stuff from fansubs and raw sources, to provide the best quality with the lowest size possible, I have been doing it myself alone along these years since I started on MAL, since I like to have my own personal huge and ever growing collection, and I felt that I needed a change, alone I was struggling too much, with the advancement of the techonology and the problems that arise from widening the range of stuff you do.
If you like to download stuff, you dont need to bother with fansubs anymore. This would suit your needs, there is no reason to bother yourself with the huge size of released fansub content nowadays with websites like ours.

It was not a bad Bday, was even sunny, kinda nice.

"While I try to avoid them, the thoughts keep haunting me during my lowest moments. It's difficult to not feel inadequate when you hold the decision-making with insufficient information."
It will probably be difficult to find a person that, in similiar position than you, that would not feel the same, if they have a responsible mindset, it should be normal to feel like you are feeling. Your decisions affect others, it is natural that you feel that weight.

"It's a wonder how humans just love to judge others, as if one is always infallible and others are defectives. Rather than assisting, there is this prevalence for pointing fingers and snickering behind your back. Doesn't matter if you do a good job or not." Being human is just that, we are hypocrite beings. Everyone is like that, even if only once in awhile.

"The Third War would be awesome, cause that's when things went to hell with summoning of Angra Mainyu. I am glad an adaption of Apocrypha will happen, since Shirou Kotomine is probably one of the coolest characters I've read about."
Wasnt the third war around 1800's? With Eizenberg at its core?

"What can terrify me is that I know some in their 40s who still has problems with certain challenges because they were too afraid to confront it. Fear can be crippling, but I can imagine, as you grow older, how loathsome you will feel when you can't overcome obstacles because of fear."
The older you get, the harder is to make risky moves.
It is very helpful when for those situations like asking a girl out, the sort of the stuff where you are not doing anything wrong but you just dont find the courage to do so, for such moments, just think about the regret you will be left with if you dont do what you can right now... that is the best solution to deal with such situations, better keep failing, but learning now, that leaving it for when you are way older.

"What is your plan after finishing your education?"
That is my problem, I lack a dream, something I would love to put my time in, it sucks, but there isnt really something I can put my mind on, that I want to do for my future.
Also what I m currently on can be called a training program. My teacher is what we would call Trainee.

"I finally took the step and added you on PSN! Your profile pic is Spyro right?" Yeah, Playcool18, been months since I entered there, going to use mobile to accept your invite.

"Hahaha, very true :)"
Which is why, I think the best way to go ahead it, is just be honest with yourself, and adapt to what other say and think, understand everyone else can have a different opinion, and that in no one it means that your's sucks.

I have quite some projects now, I have always encoded anime, since I like to grow my own personal collection and BD space doesnt help, now I do it for myself and share with others on Hi10 Anime (you need to be logged in to get acess).
Great community.

A good thing from when I used to work as commercial seller is that you got to know all kinds of people, and some like you said, were very interesting people to talk to.

So unless you research it would be a rough ride. So mostly only for people that really love nanotech and want to take it a step further.

"The field is exhaustive but I think what I learned the most is getting into the mindset of an engineer, to have an image of the whole system yet also concentrating on the details, which all fields of science require." So that is how it feels to be an engineer, seeing the whole scope but also being able to focus on the details in each part.

"I have trouble persuading myself that I am the right man for the job, let alone others!" I think these kinds of things are a trap, try to avoid such thoughts, think more about what can you do to reach where you want and never think it is enough, keep on learning, keep being foolish, in the sense that you yet dont know a thing and there is so much more outhere for you.
If he is not yet, Steve Jobs should be a source for you to follow, this video is something everyone should see:


I think that the video I just posted above greatly shows this one you stated:
"One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision." The more you understand, the more you realize that you have yet way more to understand, that is just the nature of the beast, and people that truly want to be sucessfull for themselves should not fear this feeling, you should make good use of your doubts and indecisions as fuel to peak your curiosity, your hunger to learn even more, that is the secret dont be afraid, embrace it, the seek for more knowledge is what have get us this far. The indecision and doubts, with that we searched and searched and laid fundations, only to find more obstacules that we would solve, imagine it like a tower, it is everlastining expanding up, using as foundations what were previously your doubts and indecisions now turned into solid bricks that will lead you to new doubts and indecisions.
I dunno if this makes sense for you but the curiosity and uncertainity are at the core of human nature, it is what moves us, if not we would have stagnated and died long ago.

Yeah there is no need to proclaim them, that is how usually I do stuff, I do what I want and like, if people ask, I tell them, now it is easy to talk but they will always be that thought in your mind, that the other party will immediatly thing negatively about you, the doubts filling you, just shit on them, prove that you are worth your salt with what you do, an hobby is an hobby, it can be controlled, or you can let it control you, prove to them that you control your own life, and do decisions for your own sucess and not for your failure. There is not better than to shup those kinds of people up, than with clear results.

Games nowadays are getting more and more mainstream and with that people start to see it differently, even those that badmouthed it before plays game on their mobile.
That said anime and games will always be seen as something in a less positve light in the mind of older generations, the next generations will have a much different opinion about the matter, we already have, imagine your sons and daughters.

I never cared much for the whole Servant concept, they are limiting themselves in the universe they created, but for them to break free, they have to find some creativity for stories and what you said is just one of the many examples they could go with. I would like to have another Fate Zero kinda of story but this time for the first war.
They feel like they have lost themselves in the inumerous possibilities they created and fear to go astray from what they have always been doing (the holy grail war). It is a matter of having courage and risking, which is something the actual world doesnt encourage you to do.
Muv Luv series is my favorite series, I would say they tried and suceed at certain things, doing what Type-Moon needs to do, but the quality of their efforts isnt up to par with the original. You are all about wars and strategy you should see what I m refering to.
Creativity is not enough, you need quality to it.

You mean this? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shtick
Well I dont have talent for that, when I made people laugh it comes naturaly, and it doesnt come from funny thing anecdotes or stuff that I know for making people laugh, I m just myself and I can be very excentric with certain stuff, and I dont mind being goofy by nature sometimes, as long as I m enjoying myself at it. You should have fun, being the person you are.

"Yes I like being in the safe zone and that might as well be one of my weaknesses. As such, failures and mistakes terrify me and sometimes the weight of them slows me down."
We are full of contradictions, we all like to be safe and secure, and avoid change like it is a plague, but then we also search to change things, many times to find something different. It is in our nature, dont let that get to you, the easiest way to counter it for me is understanding that while we have our limitations, we can surpass many of them, having such boundaries is what makes us move forward. Imagine you if you never failed or made mistakes and everything was perfect, what a chore it would be.
" failures and mistakes terrify me and sometimes the weight of them slows me down." You are not perfect, and while those can be considered bad by some, other can see it as opportunities, sometimes we are going too fast, and slowing down makes us stop and think and maybe do things differently.

No it is a professional degree, for people that have at least completed high school, are mostly unemployed and are looking for a opportunity to get back in the game.
The European Union is financing my "degree", I call it degree since I dont really have another word for it in english.

"Rakugo? That's an interesting concept." Have not seen it yet but seems worth the time and something up your alley.

"Yes (I am not very consistent with my usernames xD) though I haven't logged in on my PSN for a month or so now."
Nothing wrong with that, same for me, I prefer it that way, do I have less privacy with it? Maybe, I dont care since I m not doing anything wrong, Playcool is the name that has defined me for the longest, and it is how I see my online representation. xD


"I must thank you again for the conversations. It soothes me somehow when someone not entirely close to me can be so insightful about my worries and actually writing down my achievements boosts my confidence." It is not easy to talk about such topics, it is not something I do all the times, but it is very insightful for myself, and if it helps you that is good, we learn more when we share with each other, that said I do feel that sometimes I said stuff and am affraid I can be saying bullshit, but that is how I feel about it, there is no sure solution to achieve what you want, you yourself find your own solution. What I said, another intelligent being with different experiences could either solidify it or can me an righteous asshole or something. xD

Took quite a long time to reply, since I was getting lazy, so dont feel bad about it, if you are feeling lazy too, take your time.
(been kinda busy lately with personal projects, meaningless stuff for some, meaningful for others I guess)

I still cant find you using the name, it is easier if you find me by playcool92, I have Meiya on my avatar.
Ah wait, I think I found it, you have a cat avatar?

Part of life's joy is to meet new people, new cultures, different ways of living, thinking.

Eletronics? I had Eletronic circuits classes on my physics degree, and I was never too found about those... my problem was that I just couldn't understand why such a subject was important for my future, granted I didn't knew exactly what I wanted to be, but something to do with that eletronic subject, not in a million years.
When I think about Nanotechnology and all the fields it encompass, I think it is kinda exciting, cutting edge techonology, smaller and smaller devices, that open a whole world of new possibilities, it is just looks sick IMO. Dunno if I ever wanted to get a job in the field myself, but it is at least something I have some interest in knowing more about.
All the more so Nanomaterials, since if stuff doesnt work out, Engineer Materials is one of the options I m thinking about.

That seems to be a very exhaustive approach, but also a solid base for almost any field outhere. On Physics we had a big focus on Physics from classical physics, thermodynamics, particles, electromagnestism, waves and optics to more complex stuff like physic particules and modern physics (aka all those mindbreaking theories about relativity and dimensions). We also had alot of maths and some programming , but not biology, chemistry or finance.

Yeah it is a tough position to be in, my advice would be listen to everyone, take everyone's opinions in account, but don't be overwhelmed by them. I would write them all in a sheet or something, and done a crossover to which where the one's that would be more benefic in the long run for the overall of the company, find people that you can trust in, understand those that don't give a fuck about you, and be wary of their actions, so you are not taken off guard and put in a dire situation. Before executing something try to approach it from every angle, and the most important use the expectations they have about you, and even the negative attitude of some, as the fuel to prove that you are the right man for the job. Then again, I dont think this is any news to you, another thing would be, I would advise to read some books about human interaction, positions of power, how to make the best choices, how to resolve conflicts between people, those stuff should provide plenty help to improve yourself.
There is nothing to fear, you wont crumble, human adaptability to extreme situations is amazing, you are amazing, if you reached where you are, it is because you have the tools and the potential for the job, and for so such more, as long as you give your best at improving yourself, time will take care of the rest.
And never expose yourself, dont easily let your colleges at work get into your personal life, try to keep it separated, the less the people that want to hurt you, know about you, the least options they will have to target you, and this can be tricky, since we are so young sometimes it isnt easy to see the wolf's in clothing. Don't show your weakness, to those that are not worth of it! At our age there is always someone trying to teach us "how we should live, how things are done", while beyond our backs they trashmouth us, and seek to make us fail and give up, since they live such pety lives, they take joy in making our lives just as bad as their's are. Life cant be like all those plots, we cant just go and make everyone a better person, there is something you should never stop believing at, that you are "yourself most important person", for you there isnt anyone more important than yourself, have confidence that you are the best, and will prove it, without being cheeky or arrogant about it.If there is someone that can do it, it will be you! Believe in other capabilities, but more than anything else, believe in yours ti the upmost.

Don't hide your hobbies, you should feel proud about them, they are part of what you are, they made you what you are right this moment, and because you are what you are, you were able to came this far, there is only so much luck can do. If someone views you as incompetent or ignorant to life's ways cuz you have childish hobbies, prove them wrong, show them they are blinded, foolish to believe such a thing as seeing an anime can have negative impact in your life, be eager to prove them wrong, the results of your hard work will do just fine. xD

Same here, that said with the whole Fate Kaleid thing going on, and Heaven's Feel manga there is always something to like in the series.

Yeah, I can be very easy going, and laidback, but when it is time to assume positions of responsability, I think you should embrace it and give your best to make it with the powers you were given. There is a time for everything.
So you mean you dont like to take many risks and prefer to play it safe? While I guess that is a safe option, sometimes we do have to take risks to find a better outcome. Do or die, they say.

So this?
I guess you are still pretty depressed about Rewrite anime and not following an omnibus format! xD
I meant this one dude:
https://myanimelist.net/anime/33095/Shouwa_Genroku_Rakugo_Shinjuu__Sukeroku_Futatabi-hen

I dont have exams, I am on a professional degree, which is divided in around 15-18 different subjets, some with 25 hours, others with 50.
While we do still have test, those are just a possibility of the "teacher" way of testing our knownledge, so far we have had way more team projects and apresentations than anything else.
Zelda is the stuff dude, I really want to get a Switch, but I fear Nintendo will just release a more buffed version next year, and fuck early buyers in the ass with it...
I m actually finishing my second Zelda game on N3DS, A Link to the Past (Link Awakening was my first), still have ocarina of time 3d and link between words to play, then probably majora's mask, and some emulation on PC for stuff like wind waker.

So on PSN you use your MAL ID then?

Tried your steam name, but there are just too many of them so unless you give any specifics I wont be able to find you.