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Truly and truly how I do laugh at you troglodytes still having three dimensional partners. Ha! Ha! Cleaning up feces, feeding their greedy organs, slobbering on their inelegant and crude features. How I pity you!

Whereas I am the supreme cosmic gentleman. Ever since I first met my fourth dimensional girlfriend I have found true meaning and esoteric clarity. I swim through the stars while riding my spirit-slut in any depraved many I could dare conjour up. And no cleanup! Ever since I met my metaphysical mistress I have no longer needed to wash nor clean. No! I only need to consume energy via poultry tenders to maintain my supreme state of concentration and devotion. How I pity you mangy animals!

Disclaimer: I'm high as a fucking kite RN so everything that comes out of my mouth'll probably sound like some crazy-ass shit but that's just life.

Anyway I was just bullshitting around last night thinking about hookers and beer in the FE universe, but then I wondered how much it'd cost for hookers in the FE universe. So, of course, I pulled up some numbers and started typing away on a calculator.

When I started researching shit gold was worth 1310.48 USD. In addition, a gold bar usually weighs 400 ounces. Using Awakening's Medium Gold Bullions as the standard of value, them costing/worth/priced at 10000 Fire Emblem Units (called FEU from now on), we can do some pretty simple math to do some conversions. 10000 FEU / 400 oz gives us 25 FEU for one ounce of gold, and then you can do the basic math to get the conversion rates between USD and FEU. Doing 1310.48 USD / 25 FEU gives you 1 FEU = 52.4192 USD or rounded to 52.42 USD for sig figs. The other way around it gives you 1 USD = 0.0191 FEU.

With that in mind, the professional callgirl or gigolo typically goes for 100 USD per hour. In Fire Emblem Fates, the value of an iron sword is rated at 1,000 FEU. Doing simple conversions (1000 FEU * 52.42 USD), the value of an average iron sword is placed at $52,420 (ayyy 420). Another simple conversion to find out how many hours you can get (52,420 bucks / 100 per hour) will net you 524 hours of paid sex for the price of an iron sword.

I probably fucked something up economically but it's still pretty cool to think about anyway.

Nani the fuck did you just fucking iimasu about watashi, you chiisai bitch desuka? Watashi’ll have anata know that watashi graduated top of my class in Nihongo 3, and watashi’ve been involved in iroirona Nihongo tutoring sessions, and watashi have over sanbyaku perfect test scores. Watashi am trained in kanji, and watashi is the top letter writer in all of southern California. Anata are nothing to watashi but just another weaboo. Watashi will korosu anata the fuck out with vocabulary the likes of which has never been mimasu’d before on this continent, mark watashino fucking words. Anata thinks anata can get away with hanashimasing that kuso to watashi over the intaaneto? Omou again, fucker. As we hanashimasu, watashi am contacting watashino secret netto of otakus across the USA, and anatano IP is being traced right now so you better junbishimasu for the ame, ujimushi. The ame that korosu’s the pathetic chiisai thing anata calls anatano life. You’re fucking shinimashita’d, akachan.

greetz from tabletop simulator