"The leaves that cover the Tatsuta River in autumn make it to be red. Both the ancient gods of passion, judging right and wrong, are hypnotized before such beauty."
While the one you follow tries to maintain the structure of the original and falls to the temptation of rhyme at the expense of the writer's meaning
McMillan tries his hardest to do the opposite. Sacrificing multiple chances at rhythm and tossing out the 57577 structure to maintain the original meaning as close as possible
I think the two styles of translations are both great. It's interesting seeing how different american translators translate the same piece of work.
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While the one you follow tries to maintain the structure of the original and falls to the temptation of rhyme at the expense of the writer's meaning
McMillan tries his hardest to do the opposite. Sacrificing multiple chances at rhythm and tossing out the 57577 structure to maintain the original meaning as close as possible
I think the two styles of translations are both great. It's interesting seeing how different american translators translate the same piece of work.
I really like peter mcmillan's version though.
btw who's translation are you following?
I'm reading this atm:
one hundred poets, one poem each : a translation of the ogura hyakunin isshu / peter mcmillan ; foreword by donald keene