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the most pretentious profile I've ever seen.

bruh gto or gtfo

Then I would like to ask what exactly you mean, when you say, well, pretty much everything you wrote in that message, because I genuinely don't understand what you are talking about here. We don't have to agree on this, so it is perfectly fine that you just find this stuff to be appalling, but most people clearly don't, so if you want to actively convey your views, or in other words, write a review, you should probably make it clear what exactly you mean. An example here, I can say that "Death Note has a huge problem with handling tension" but if I don't elaborate on this, it means nothing. You can say something like "SAO has terrible plotting" without an explanation, because everyone already knows what you mean, but the fact that you share an uncommon perspective, means that you need to inform people where you are coming from, otherwise you are just throwing around blanket accusations. Again, I am not saying that your reasons for disliking Saynoara Eri aren't valid, a statement like that would be stupid, no matter the subject, I am just saying that you did a poor job conveying where your problems lie.

To quote you here: "Writing a surprising plot twist is banal. Writing a surprising plot twist that is boldly foreshadowed, purposeful and not outlandish is not."

The thing that "Fujimoto is not upholding here" would be, as you said, those surprise plot twists, the biggest being the two explosions at the centre of the narrative. But these are very much intended to be surprising, so the fact that they are is already the wrong point of criticism. You can still critique weather Fujimoto uses them in a meaningful way, but the fact that they are surprising is not a negative, unless you believe that there literally can never be a functional surprise plot twist, even in a meta-narrative about this exact question. The fact, that you attack the one-shot for this style of story telling means, that you did not understand what it was trying to say. This story is first and foremost about socially constructed norms, in this case the norms of narratives, and when you critique it for its surprise twists you are just restating the norm. Fujimoto doesn't deny these narrative norms outright, if he did, his one shot wouldn't follow a normal narrative structure, he just questions a singular aspect of how we perceive stories to function, this being our understanding of a set-up and a pay-off. The thing about this, the thing that makes your criticism so strange, is exactly this, because its thematic structure actually turns these "surprise twists" into perfectly plotted reveals. If you make a narrative about how a twist doesn't need built-up, the fact that your narrative tackles this question already functions as built-up. This is why, while the first twist is unexpected and is rightfully being criticized for it (the students that shit on Yuuta's work), the second explosion is a masterful pay-off to this previously built up dysfunctional element. The fact that you fail to see how this is very much the point, means that you more or less completely ignored what the one shot tried to say. In other words, you did not engage with the narrative and then blamed it for being nonsensical, even though it is perfectly foreshadowed. You don't have to like this story and you sure as hell can critique it, but if that piece of criticism is flawed, others also have the right of critiquing you and when it comes to your review, it very much is flawed.

No, you absolutely missed the point, it would rather be "you can't criticise it for its deliberate intention without making it clear, that this is the whole point." What you are doing is screaming that "this sugar stuff is horrible, it is like totally sweet and all, whose gonna like that?!" while that is the whole function that sugar fulfils. You don't have to like sugar, but it being sweet is not a general problem or flaw.

I don't really understand what you mean when it comes to plotting in Saynoara Eri, the plot is so well constructed that there are few things that aren't foreshadowed, with the exception of a few really big moments, like the hospital exploding, and this being nonsensical is the whole point. There is a reason for why the whole school mocks the film and the one shot doesn't deny this being a right response, it is more so about accepting your inner quirks and telling stories for yourself first and foremost. The explosions are nonsensical, nobody says otherwise, but the story is about how your stories don't have to adhere to universal standards of how a story is supposed to work. This funnily enough means, that you are the exact type of person this story was actually addressed to, but instead of seeing how our way of critiquing art is flawed, you instead critiqued it with the same exact standards again. I am not trying to tell you that you are wrong in disliking this one-shot, you can like whatever you want and nobody gets to tell you otherwise, but I do think that your criticism, which is an attempt at objective judgement, sure as hell fails at being constructive and logical. You most certainly have reasons for why you disliked this piece of fiction, and I am not going to change your mind on this, but if those reasons in your review truly are why you disliked it, then you utterly and fully missed the point. Either way, have a good one.

definitely agreeing to the person above, the only sensible review about sayonara eri

You wrote the only good review of sayonara Eri. 🙏

Finally someone who agrees that the humor in Hellsing Ultimate is shit and derails the tone.