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Ami was born with a foot in her mouth, quite
literally, as she was a conjoined twin. When the
doctors made their parents aware of the hazards of
living with a foot in your mouth, such as inability to
eat and humility, they opted to have their children
separated. To this day Ruth walks with an extreme
limp (the prosthetic foot was never made to correct
proportions) and Ami never got past her undecipherable
speech.
Ami always blamed her sister for her unruly impediment
and crushing her desire to record for audio books, but
it didn't really matter as no one could ever
understand what she was saying. She's also developed
an overwhelming hatred for the smell of athlete foot
powder. It reminds her of the days she was forced to
help Ruth with her prosthetic.
As time went on, Ami felt it was best to move far from
her family. She picked a remote island hidden and
took to writing books for a living. Despite her
inability to speak coherently, she had a flare with
words. Ami became a long time writer for harlequin
romances. As her books didn't typically sell very
well, being too explicit and well, just strange even
for lonely housewives, she changed her profession to
alpaca rancher.
One day, while cleaning the bottom of her shoes
(alpaca's are messy animals) Ami felt another change
of careers was in order. She would certainly miss her
animals, none of which had names as she stopped trying
to speak altogether, but after 17 years of dealing
with animal poop, enough was enough.
Currently, Ami is a world renowned culinary chef. Her
dishes include such delicacies as Boiled Spruce Bark,
Chewing Gum Flambe, and a Creme Brulee Surprise simply
called '?'. She's vowed to never reveal her secret
ingredient, but speculations have risen concerning the
use of Chex Mix and Gatorade.
In her spare time, Ami enjoys taking long walks on
short piers, standing on her head while drinking
kool-aid, and reading comic books by refrigerator
light. She is the head of an elitist underground
kazoo organization. Her weekends are spent smuggling
kittens from Antarctica. If you are a doctor and know of a
surgery that could allow Ami to speak clearly again, or the first time,
you can try e-mailing her at ami.molko@gmail.com
But remember, never mention Ruth and especially Ruth’s foot,
as this can always lead to a traumatic breakdown.
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