| Chapter 1 I woke up. My mind was groggy and my body was sore; my eyes refused to open. The only thing I felt was the pain and the cold. There was a voice in the back of my mind, like a whisper it spoke: “Rest, you will need it.” The sensation only lasted a moment and I promptly fell back into a deep sleep. I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was light filtering through branches above me. I was laying on my bare back on top of something hard the sensation of coldness assaulting my naked skin. My arms and legs were spread apart, so as to take up as much space as possible. I slowly struggled to sit up. My limbs were sore and heavy, my joints were stiff, like I hadn’t moved in years On my right wrist I saw a metal cuff engraved with some strange symbols all the way around it. It was tight on my wrist, and on closer inspection I didn’t see any way to remove it. For some reason I decided it wasn’t of particular importance. I had a strange feeling, like I should be anxious or scared, but I felt perfectly calm. I looked around and found I was in the middle of a dense forest filled with huge trees. I was sitting on a large, smooth stone. To my left I saw large, dead, tree with its bark peeled cleanly off. To my right I saw a small stream flowing, through a break in the foliage. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with thirst. I stood up and took a few steps toward the stream before my knees buckled underneath me and sent me crashing down. The only thing in my mind was drinking water from that stream; I climbed again to my feet only to stumble again moments later. My throat was dry, my head was throbbing; I needed that water. Unable to stand I crawled on all fours toward the stream. It was only a few paces away but it felt like I was crawling for miles. When I got to the stream I was celebrating. I drank and drank. The water was sweet on my tongue and refreshing in my throat. I drank until I filled my stomach, threw it up, and then drank some more. I splashed water on my face, Poured it on my hair, then put my feet in the stream and let them soak. After playing in the water like a child I Stood and Stretched my limbs. The soreness was all but gone, and I felt completely invigorated. Returning to the rock I saw behind where I was lying there was a patch of purple berries. Immediately my stomach started crying for food. The hunger grew extremely intense, my stomach was beginning to cramp and pinch. I reached out to pick the berries but stopped short. Somewhere deep in my subconscious, something was telling me not to even touch those berries. I wanted to eat those berries so bad it hurt, but I reluctantly gave into my instincts. I turned and walked toward the dead tree, holding my painful stomach. At the base of the tree there was a small alcove underneath the trees roots. The alcove was full of… nuts! I took a handful of nuts and placed them on the boulder. I looked around and found a rock about the size of my fist. I took it and with all my strength brought it down on the nuts, breaking the shells. I picked all the pieces of shell out and ate the nut meat. It was barely enough to cover my tongue but it tasted so good I could've cried. I quickly dug out the rest of the nuts and shelled them. There were enough to completely satiate my hunger, and more than enough left to make another meal. I sat on the bolder and started to relax, But as soon as I got comfortable I had a bugging thought, “I should make shelter and a fire before nightfall” I began gathering long branches with leaves and made a small A-frame structure next to the boulder. I was about to start working on a fire when I had a passing thought. “When making a shelter, getting off the ground is priority one, a roof is only a convenience.” I started gathering thin, springy sticks and weaved them into a small mat just large enough to lay on, then covered it with a mat weaved out of long grass. By then it was nearly nightfall, and I still hadn’t built a fire. I gathered a large pile of small sticks and dry leaves, and arranged it in a tepee shape. I then realized I didn’t have anything to start a fire with. I sighed in exasperation and walked down to the stream. After all that work I needed some water. That time I only drank a few handfuls, and went back to the rock to eat some nuts. Sitting on the bolder, I started assessing the situation. “I’m alone, I have barely any food, I have nothing to start a fire with, and I have no clothes accept for this metal cuff. On the bright side, I have shelter, plenty of water, and all the company I could ever want. Jokes aside, this is a bad situation, but it could be worse.” As the last ray of sunlight vanished from the sky, it was time to sleep. I crawled onto my mat of grass and sticks under my little A-frame and fell asleep instantly. I woke up to the smell of smoke. I climbed out from under my shelter and saw that my little pile of kindling became a large, roaring fire. On the Bolder there was a cooking pot, a folded shirt and pants with sandals, A flint and steel striker, a hand drawn map, a long length of rope, a knife, and a large empty sack. I immediately started looking for whoever left it. “Hello!” I called out, “Is anybody there?” There wasn’t even a whisper in response. I waited about five seconds before putting the clothes on. They fit perfectly, like they were made just for me, even though the material wasn’t particularly comfortable. I looked at the map; even though it was clearly hand drawn, it was surprisingly detailed. It even had Topographical lines. It looked like there was a town about 20 miles from where I was, called Ragnikyth. At that moment I made up my mind, I was going to wait until the next morning to see if my beneficiary came back, and if they didn’t, I would head to Ragnikyth. While I was waiting, I decided to look at the knife. It was a double edged knife with a wooden scabbard. The scabbard had ornate carvings depicting flowers. The blade was beautifully crafted, the guard was expertly fitted, and the handle was made of several kinds of wood. It was a beautiful knife, but the steel it was made of was awful, It was too soft to hold an edge, but not flexible at all. It was not a good material for a knife. I put the knife back and waited for a few hours, until I got hungry. I finished up the last of my nuts the night before, so I decided it was time to find some food. I walked down to the stream. I saw some muscles in the water the day before, but didn’t bother taking them because I had no way of cooking them, but now I did. I gathered at least 2 gallons of muscles, and I boiled the meat in the pot, the flavor was a bit strong, but it was good. My helpful friend didn’t show up that day, so I went to sleep early to get ready for traveling. When the sun rose, I gathered all my new things, the map, knife, and flint went in a pocket, I put the pot in my sack, and filled the sack with fresh muscles. I tied the sack shut with the rope, and fashioned a sling so I could carry it over my shoulder. I noted which direction the sun rose in, and started traveling west along the creek to Ragnikyth. My new clothes may not have been very comfortable, but they were good for traveling, they didn’t tear easily, and even though they were quite warm, it was very moisture-wicking, so it helped keep me from getting too hot. At first it was easy to keep my bearings correct; I just needed to follow the creek. Eventually though, I needed to leave the spring and keep heading toward Ragnikyth. Since I didn’t have a compass, I needed to rely on the direction of the sun to find which direction I was heading. The trees were just wide enough apart to let me see the direction of the sun, but it was close to mid day, I had to take a break until the sun was at an obvious angle. I found a fallen tree to sit on, made a fire, and cooked some muscles. By the time I finished eating it was time to start moving again. I doused the fire and started walking. In the back of my mind though, I had a feeling that I was being watched. I walked for four more hours until the trees got too thick to see the sun. I figured by then I should’ve reached the town but without a proper trail or road it was hard to tell exactly where the town was. I decided to climb a tall tree to see if I could find the town. It was fairly easy to climb the tree, the trunk was wide but there were lots of limbs strong enough to stand on, after about 5 minutes of climbing I poked my head over the canopy of the trees. I found a sturdy branch to sit on. I saw the town, it was about a mile and a half away to the north. With another hour or so of daylight, I decided that it would be best to try and get there that night. I started to climb down the tree, I stepped on a branch that I thought could hold my weight, but it couldn’t and I came toppling down. I woke up in a room. The walls were made of stone bricks, the floor was hardwood. I was laying in a bed in the middle of the room. There was a stool on either side of my bed, both of them empty. There were two doors in the room, one on the left wall, and another in front of me. I tried to get out of the bed but was greeted with intense pain in my legs and chest, the pain was intense enough to cause me to shout. Suddenly there was a sound coming from behind the door on my left. Something fell, and someone began scuttling around. A few moments later the door opened and out stepped a young woman. Something was odd about her, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. “Hello” The Woman said in a voice just loud enough to hear. “Are you feeling ok?” There was something off about her, and I was too busy trying to figure out what it was to answer. She was extremely beautiful, and something about her was kind of cute. She had a horn, a big green eye, and huge, tracts of land. That all seemed fine to me, but something was still bothering me. The woman shuffled closer and spoke a just a little louder, “How are you feeling, you’ve been out for a while.” That’s what it is, that’s what was weird about her! “You.” I said weakly and pointed at her face. The woman clearly shrank back a little and made a funny sound. “You have… “ I forced out. The woman Looked down a little and tried to cover her face. “You have blue skin!” I said in a startled tone. The last thing I saw was a face filled with surprise and confusion, and then I passed out. When I came to again, the woman was still there sitting in a stool. I could tell I was still slightly delirious. I decided to speak up first. “Hi there. If you don’t mind me asking, who are you?” Clearly startled, she jumped out of her seat. “Oh good, you are awake” She squeaked out, still regaining her composure. “My name is Kozo, I saw you in the woods and it looked like you needed help. I watched you for a few days, and I saw when you fell.” “So you’re the one who left me those things.” I said gratefully, “I guess you brought me here too. Thanks for that.” “Yes that was me.”She said nervously, “So whats your name?” …. I couldn’t remember. It was the first time since waking up on that rock that I tried to remember something. It felt like I knew my name, but I couldn’t think of it. Like a word, just out of reach. My hand was trembling. I was scared, but calm at the same time. “I don’t know” |
digigeek19Apr 27, 2017 9:32 AM
| If from dust I come, And dust I will be; Let me be remembered for my own life is fleeting. |
| Oh hey, nice to see a new face here :3 You can write chapter the length you want and whenever you want my man :), nothing wrong with short chapter and if you keep writing your story the same way you've written this chapter I'll be definitely interested as I can't seem to even imagine how to do fast-paced.. anything. That said, I also like how you've started and that dialogue, it seems you can really go for anything plot-wise and that sure makes me curious :P Welcome, and keep at it ;) |
| Great to see another person taking up writing a story. Guess we can say that it is a stroke of luck that our blacksmith MC first encounter on the island is a blacksmith Cyclops. Guess it won't take long before some sparks get ignited there. digigeek19 said: I’ve never had this much trouble avoiding Eye contact with a girl before.” Eye see what you did there :-P Got a question for you: did you by any chance use this map to choose your starting location? That map has a typo when it comes to Lord "Chairse's" name, for it should be Charisse. Also she has been replaced by a new lord: Ahmose. So right now it would probably referred to as Ahmose's, rather than Charisse's region by most MGs. Some might not have learned of this replacement yet and they mght still refer to it as Charisse, also if the beginning of your story takes place a couple of years in the past (compared to most currently running stories) it makes perfect sense the region is still referred to as Charisse. If you like to read a bit about the region you are now heading towards, you might want to read this thread, shouldn't take much more than 15-30 min. Finally, welcome aboard and have fun writing! MetallumOperatur |
MetallumOperaturApr 21, 2016 10:04 AM
digigeek19 said: I know this chapter was short I'll try and make subsequent chapters a good bit longer. Length isn't a problem, not the slightest. Pacing feels a bit weird though. Everything from protagonist's arrival to his first encounter with the Monster Girl was brief and merely glossed over, I feel you should used the chapter merely for the first impression from the new world and your protagonist reaction to it, so we get him know better. Don't try to make everything longer, try to give everything a little bit more focus, especially when it comes to introducing the main characters of this story. World details can be then skipped over, as many parts will be the same. I know how difficult it is to actually start a story and then continue writing, don't let himself to be demotivated or angered by the criticism. I wish you best of luck in your writing endeavours and of course, I welcome you aboard. |
 |
| I'm more often a fan of the slow build and introduction, but that's not to say that a more immediate one like this can't be good. It'll really just depend on where you take things from here. As always, I'm certainly interested. =) Also, if you have any questions about anything in the setting or anything else, really, you can always let me know. I've got most of it pretty well memorized =) |
| Wow, That original chapter was trash. I'm happy I decided to rewrite it. Sorry I didn't get around to writing my story before, but you would not believe the year I've had. In any case, I'm going to try and be faithful to writing this time around. Any constructive criticism is welcome, as always. Thanks for reading. |
| If from dust I come, And dust I will be; Let me be remembered for my own life is fleeting. |
digigeek19 said: Wow, That original chapter was trash. I'm happy I decided to rewrite it. Sorry I didn't get around to writing my story before, but you would not believe the year I've had. In any case, I'm going to try and be faithful to writing this time around. Any constructive criticism is welcome, as always. Thanks for reading. I'm positively surprised to see some activity here. For your information, a few things have changed since you posted your chapter here. The most important one being that we decided to abandon this forum and move all the stories to the MG <3 Club. You can even find your chapter there in the archive thread, a thread we made for all the stories that have been abandoned or of whom the writers went MIA. Should you decide to pick up writing again, then feel free to make a new thread in the MG <3 Club forum with the tag [MSG]. |
More topics from this board
» [MSGF] Shadowt5 Story ( 1 2 )Shadowt5 - Nov 8, 2014 |
93 |
by FlunentDirty
»»
Oct 6, 2019 9:37 PM |
|
» [MSGF] Ookami-51's StoryOokami-51 - Jun 1, 2015 |
39 |
by MetallumOperatur
»»
May 2, 2018 5:59 PM |
|
» [MSGC] MetallumOperatur's Story: A Brave New World ( 1 2 3 )MetallumOperatur - Aug 15, 2015 |
122 |
by MetallumOperatur
»»
Sep 8, 2017 7:54 PM |
|
» [MSGC] - Aspicientis's Story ( 1 2 )aspicientis - Sep 14, 2014 |
87 |
by Clarus_Nox
»»
Jun 20, 2017 5:49 AM |
|
» [MSGC] Greatgreenman's Story ( 1 2 3 4 )New_User_12345 - May 27, 2014 |
167 |
by New_User_12345
»»
May 24, 2017 11:27 AM |