| o_O Shit. He's doing it. *grabs popcorn* Tehee. |
| Well this was an improvement indeed. |
| I will state the obvious and say that your are stating too much of what is obvious is during the h-scene Not bad for someone who says they suck at it, seen way worst and you know it too :P And yes I am happy now for your information #Trend #IStartedThis:D #Ruffles Little late for this but still going to post it, just because I can :L SydoKiller said: Nu! Do it you faggot! *shakes fist in menacing manner* ^^ #YouCanDoIt |
Senpai_Helix said: #Trend #IStartedThis:D #Ruffles #slap helix next week |
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| No problem with that. I repeat. From now on all the scenes from you or I'll kidnap all your stuffed animals. |
 "You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| See nu? Errybody thinks it's great! ;) Told you I wasn't lying. Get out there, struggle for a day and a half and give us another! =D |
| #KeepMovingForward I might be the one who caused you to stop but like JPAI said JPAI27 said: See nu? Errybody thinks it's great! ;) Told you I wasn't lying. Get out there, struggle for a day and a half and give us another! =D Your story has already captured our imagination, so speaking on behalf on most of the people here, Continue Your Story |
| Starting on my housekeeping list, reports say you're heading to Kioko's region? Just need to know. JPAI27 said: I literally don't know what to say to this except: Goddamn it. Nu, are you fucking fairies? And... I haven't read it just yet, but I will, provided you actually go to my domain, then I will be forced to and thus do it very begrudgingly. And from what I've read, you've been having problems writing sex scenes, no? Granted they aren't very fun to start writing, but they can be super awesome to write when they fit...(Pun intended) Just don't shove them in where ever thought(Pun intended). Take your time and make each one special. |
| When I go for the throat, I go straight for the juggler. |
| fuck it im doen with people bitching here is oyur fucking joke fuel back god dam. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- chapter 1 I was having a nice normal Saturday, I woke up around three in the afternoon, I was home with my four sisters and it had rained not too long ago so it was nice and cool outside. It hadn’t been cool for a while now so I decided I would take this to my advantage and go for a run to remove my returning chub. I took a few minutes to call my grandma to let her know what I was doing in case she got home before I got back. I then proceeded to get ready for my run, putting on my red under armor shirt ,which is tight as hell, but that is what I get for letting my uncle shop for me, a pair of gym shorts and a worn-out pair of running shoes. As I began to exit the front door I was blinded by a bright light and had a sense of falling; I instinctively shut my eyes tightly and put my arms forward. When the light dissipated from my vision and the sense of falling stopped I opened my eyes expecting to see my sisters in front of me laughing at my reactions to being blind. Except that wasn’t the case. Instead of being on my front porch with my sisters and a mirror, I seemed to be on what might have been a giant statue at some point. well at least that’s what I assumed, because it had a lot of actually beautiful flowers and plants on it so I might have been wrong. It seemed to be around midnight just by looking at the moon. The first thought that came to mind was that I actually did fall and got knocked out, but just to be sure, I decided to do a little test. I went and plucked some of the flowers and I could feel how soft the petals were but that didn’t prove anything to me. I had dreams with the sense of touch before so I decided to test the one thing that never showed up in my dreams; my allergies. I took a huge whiff of the flower in my hand trying to breathe in as much pollen as I could and in a matter of seconds I was sent into a sneezing fit. After a few minutes of sneezing I began to panic a little since this wasn’t a dream and I had no idea where I was. I decided I would go to the edge of the statue and scan the area and maybe be able to find some help. After a moment of scanning what seemed to be a plains bellow I noticed something in the distance. There seemed to be a small village not too far from where I was. I thought maybe if I yelled loud enough I might be able to get some help. “Hello can anyone hear me? Help! Hello, I have no idea how I got up here, hello!” I tried yelling as loud as I could, but it seemed I was simply not loud enough or they were all asleep. It was most likely both. I tried yelling a few more times, but it didn’t accomplish anything but making me tired. I waited what felt like hours, hoping someone would come by and notice me, but alas no one showed up so I decided I should try climbing down. When I reached the edge I finally got the grasp of how high up I actually was. I’ve climbed some high trees, but how high up I was now made those trees look like nothing, getting down this thing was going to be a hassle. There were hardly any places to hold onto, but I should be able to make my way down without falling as long as I don’t look down. So I began my descent down whatever this thing was slowly but surely, finding holes and jutting rocks to use as holds and repeating to myself to not look down. After a while I began to get the hang of finding my footing; seemed like climbing all those trees paid off. About two minutes after gloating to myself I stepped on one particular protruding rock that had moss on it and lost my footing, plummeting to the ground below, screaming the first thing that came to mind. “Shhhhhhiiiittttt!” When I thought I was going to hit the ground I landed on something small. After a few minutes I came out of my panic from falling and I could hear a small voice from below me. “Hey, get off of me you jerk.” It was a little girl. She was wearing a simple dress and what looked like heels from what I could tell since I don’t know anything about women’s shoes. She had long brown hair and grayish-blue eyes. “Oh, I am so sorry little girl, I lost my footing as I was climbing down,” I said as I stood up brushing off what dirt had gotten on my clothes. I stuck out my hand to help her up but she just swatted it away. “What did you call me!?” “Um, little girl. Why?” I didn’t know her name so what else was I going to call her? “I am not a little girl, I am thousands of years old so you better apologize!” This girl was so ridiculous she was adorable, but I didn’t have time for games, I was lost and needed to know where I was. “Look little girl, I don’t have time for games, alright? Besides, if I don’t apologize what are you going to do? I’m like twice your size.” I decided to stand straight up to emphasize my point and added a small chuckle just for the hell of it. “I’ll use magic on you if you don’t!” “Oh no not magic! You must be a witch,” I said with a sarcastic tone, rolling my eyes. “As a matter of fact I am a witch and a mighty powerful one at that, so you better apologize or else!” She had this little smug look on her face now. “Sure little girl, I’m sorry for insulting you so please don’t hurt me,” I said with as much sarcasm I could throw into my voice. “You don’t believe me, do you?” Her smug look seemed to turn into one more of anger. “Not at all.” I started to smile since seeing this little girl get frustrated was beginning to become funny. “You have made me reach my limit. I’ll show you my power!” “And what are you going to do?” I asked while getting ready to hold my arm out to her head if she tried to charge me. “I’ll show you!” She sounded furious at this point and her eyes began to glow red and the air around us seemed to thicken. After a few minutes it seemed like everything became pitch black. My body started to feel hot to a point where I couldn’t stand it and I wanted to crawl into a freezer. After what felt like hours of this torture the heat subsided and I blacked out. When I came to it was day, about noon if I had to make a guess, and the little girl was sleeping, propped up against the stone statue I had climbed down the night before. Now that I was looking up at the statue I got the gist of how much I climbed down and I was glad I didn’t look down. I was also glad that I fell at the spot I did since it wasn’t that far from the ground. After a few minutes of lying still, I decided it was high time I got up and questioned the little girl about what the hell she had done to me the night before. I got up and walked over to her and started shaking her shoulder to wake her up. She didn’t even budge, so I did the one thing I knew would work. I stuck my finger in my mouth coating it in as much spit as I could muster up. Then I took that finger and with a slightly evil grin on my face plunged it into her left ear, giving her the second worst wet wily I have ever given to someone. She got up then, that’s for sure, and boy did she look pissed. “What the fuck was that for?!” her expiration was composed of anger and surprise and it showed even more in her tone. “Well you wouldn’t get up so I did the first thing that came to mind … and what the hell is wrong with my voice? I wanted to panic. I sounded almost like my twin sister. I started to come up with more and more questions as I waited for the little girl to answer me but she just stared at me... Wait, where the hell was she staring? |
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| chapter 2 What felt like five minutes had passed and she was just staring at me quietly as if pondering something. Her anger seemed to have disappeared and was replaced with curiosity like she didn’t know what was going on. The silence was starting to drive me crazy so I decided to ask her why she was staring at me. “So, why are you staring at me like that? Its kind of creepy with how quiet you are being.” when I asked her this I felt like I wasn’t even the one talking my voice sounded so strange. “I’m waiting to see what happens, that’s why I’m staring and I’m quiet because it’s better to observe the change when I can focus.” She said this pretty annoyed as if I asked one of the world’s dumbest questions. I was honestly caught off guard and confused because I didn’t expect her to actually reply, and what did she mean ‘change’. “What do you mean change? I know my voice changed and all, but that’s not really observable?” I asked this still confused as hell. When I finished asking, I swear a tiny smile grew on her face as if she hoped for me to ask what she meant. “It should happen right about…” she paused and she moved her mouth as if counting down invisible numbers. “… Now” when she said this my body felt like it had been enveloped by intense heat. Just like the night before but the air around me didn’t darken and I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out this time. After what felt like a few minutes I doubled over from pain in my stomach and chest. “What’s happening to me?” I managed to ask her through the pain I was experiencing. “Let’s just say a change that will affect your life maybe. It’s caused by the spell I used on you. Truthfully I would consider you lucky I used the wrong spell. If I had used the right one you would be frozen in 4 feet of ice.” She said this as if I should be grateful and I sort of was I didn’t want to be frozen, but this was crazy a change that would affect my life. “Please stop it...” I had to pause and clench my fits because the pain intensified for a few minutes. “It hurts!” I said this on the verge of tears I couldn’t stand the pain much longer. “I’m afraid it’s too late once the spell starts it’s not stoppable, but I will help you with the pain by putting you to sleep.” When she said this her eyes began to glow red and my eye lids became heavy. “Ahhh.” this was the only thing I could say before I passed out from the I guess magic she was using on me. I don’t know how long I was out, but when I woke up I was staring at a ceiling. I seemed to be lying on some type of couch; Covered by a warm cover that felt like it was made with wool. I felt odd, something was different but I couldn’t tell what just yet. I decided to pull myself up into a sitting position to see where I was. I seemed to be in a living room at least that’s what I could deduce from the one couch, the rug, and the fire place. The walls looked to be made of birch wood and there were two paintings of people on the wall in front of me. The first painting was one of what looked like the girl I angered and the other was of a man and a different girl. I kept look around the room until I noticed some one at the far wall. It was a girl with long silver hair and blue eyes. Her skin was that of a normal Caucasian. She was looking right at me so I waved to her and she did the same at the same time. “Wait a minute, shit it’s a fucking mirror … wait, a mirror but that’s impossible it’s showing a girl.” That’s when it hit me, what the girl had said that I was going through a change due to the spell she cast on me. But this couldn’t really have been the change, right? I had to check, I threw off the cover I had on and my shirt and sure enough I had two, I want to say, b-cup breasts protruding from my chest. At least I figured out why I was feeling weird but if I have breast, doesn’t that mean that my dick is gone to? I had to check, I slipped my shorts and underwear off and sure enough it was gone. Being a virgin and all, my curiosity started to get the better of me. As my hand slipped closer and closer to my new lower area, I tried to resist, but my curiosity has times where it wins over my reason. As my finger slipped over the fold I let out a sharp gasp and drew back my hand a bit. But still not fully satisfied I made the attempt a second time, this time with more caution. I gently began to brush the slit with my middle finger whilst slowly applying pressure until it was pushing in about a centimeter. My breath had begun to pick up as I continued, my finger matching pace. All previous hesitations tossed aside, I cupped one of my breast trying to imitate what I had seen on other shows. When suddenly my finger slipped further in causing me to let out a sharp gasp, but instead of pulling it out I continued using the new found depth. Eventually I found myself sprawled across the covers as I continued trying to reach satisfy this unknown feeling having now upgraded to both my middle and ring fingers. Now reaching in as much as the fingers would allow but still wanted more. Using my thumb I began to massage my clitoris whilst I tried forcing in my index finger to reach further inside. Hunched over I continued for what seemed like minutes, my fluid certainly having left a definite stain by now. I felt as though I was nearing the end, nearing the goal. When suddenly I heard a soft giggle behind me. Panicked I turn towards the new voice to see the little girl looking at me with an amused look. “Enjoying yourself?” |
130nuJan 16, 2015 10:58 PM
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| chapter 3 “Uhhhhh.” Was the only thing I could say as I got caught up in my own curiosity and then got caught masturbating, I don’t know which is more embarrassing. I could feel my face getting redder from embarrassment as I slipped on my now soiled clothing. We stood in silence for a few minutes then the girl broke the silence with a question I was kind of thankful she asked. “So do you want to take a bath? I’m sure you do after your little fun.” I was still too embarrassed to speak when she asked me this so I just replied with a simple nod. She turned around and began to head through a hallway motioning me to follow. After passing four doors we stopped in front of one with a different color than the rest, as if it was hit with a lot of steam over time. She opened the door and told me to go in. when I went in my jaw dropped the tub was way bigger than it should have been for just her. The tub looked as if it was supposed to be a mini in ground swimming pool and the floor was made of stone completely different from what I had seen of the home’s wood floor, chances are to keep from rot. I turned back to the girl who handed me a towel and what I believed to be a rolled up change of clothes. She then began to leave before stopping and turning around to say one more thing. “I almost forgot my name is Euphemia but you can call me Mia. If you need anything just call.” She then turned back around and left the room shutting the door behind her. I had begun to talk to myself if she could hear me I would be even more embarrassed, but it’s the only way I can calm down right now. “Man, you sure got yourself in a pickle now Michael. Getting, I guess, transported to some strange land and getting tuned into a girl. Well life could be interesting. No, don’t think like that, I have to change back and get back home, maybe Mia knows a way.” After talking to myself I decided I would take a bath while I was in here, so I put the towel and the clothes she handed me down away from the tub. I proceeded to strip and get into the bath. The water was warm it reminded me of a hot spring I went to when I was little. I sat down letting the water go up to my neck and relaxed letting the events of the pass two days replay in my mind. It’s all so impossible, but it’s one hundred percent real and I don’t know what to do. I sat there in the water playing the events over and over again for I don’t know how long but I began to feel woozy. Before I could pass out I decided to get out and get dressed, I went over to the area I put the towel and clothes Mia gave me and dried off. Then I picked up the clothes she had given me and unrolled them. My heart nearly stopped when I saw the cloths she had given me. It was a black blouse and a dark blue skirt. I was unsure if I was happy or upset however to find no underwear. “I know she turned me into a girl and all but could she have at least let me keep with the dude clothes.” I said to myself a little disappointed with the fact if I want to wear any clothes this was it. With no other options with some difficulty I put on the clothes provided by Mia. I decided I would return to the room I was in when I woke up. When I entered the living room I noticed there was an entry way to another room across from the mirror I had seen before. As I walked closer to the entry way I could smelled something savory. I followed the smell through the entryway and into what seemed like a form of kitchen/dining room there was a table with four chairs, a counter, and what looked like a wood burning stove. Mia was standing at the stove stirring a pot. I was close enough now to be able to smell what she was cooking. It smelled like a type of stew, I wasn’t sure which type, but definitely a stew and it seemed Mia hadn’t noticed me yet. I had no idea how to approach her, I was a little bit afraid of her, she is a witch just like she said. I didn’t have to think of a way to let my presence be known in the end because my stomach made that happen for me. I began to get hungry from smelling the stew and my stomach wanted to let me know nice and clearly. Mia heard it and turned around not surprised at all that I was there. “Go take a seat Michael the food will be done soon.” When she called me by name I was nearly speechless how she knew it I never told her. “How I never told you my name?” “You were talking pretty loud in the bathroom so it was not hard to miss you talking in third person. As well there is a way to turn you back but you will have to help me search for it, I narrowed it down to two stack of my books I’ll give you your stack after dinner. Now for the way back to your home, I have not heard anything about that possibility so I’m sorry you're stuck here.” She told me this all while focusing on cooking the stew adding potatoes, carrots, and some red meat that I hope was just beef. “Huh, I was that loud, um, sorry. Ok cool, there’s a way to get me changed back but why would you help me so easily after I angered you and how come you took me saying I wasn’t from here so easily?” I asked her puzzled now on why she was so ok with it all. “I took it so easily because people have been showing up that are not from this world and the reason is I’m willing to help is after I put you to sleep I started thinking about how you were acting and realized you must have been one of those people. As well men are rare here, so I made a big mistake even if I messed up the spell, turning you into a girl almost worse than freezing you solid.” “Ok, I guess that makes sense ... wait males are rare here?” I asked her this with a face of total surprise I mean eyes wide open surprised. “Yes this world is mostly populated with Mamono there are very little human males and even less human females. As well there are many different species of mamono I will provide you with a book with the pile I need you to search through to help you get a grasp on the known species. I will explain the world in more detail while we eat. Well at least the island we live on and the smaller surrounding islands as far, as I know there is nothing beyond them.” She said this last part while getting out two bowls and scooping out some of the stew into each. She preceded to hand me one and motion for me to sit with her at the table. The stew was good, to my luck the meat was beef and she continued to explain where we are, how the currency works, and who rules over the island. Apparently there are multiple lords, each ruling over different sections of the island. We are currently in the Calm Lord Amarante’s region and when I got to the island I was in the Savage Lord Kaori’s region. After we finished eating and Mia finished telling me if I were to travel to stay away from the desert to the west because of a war. She went to get the stack of books for me to go through. When she came back there were about ten books, there were some really old looking ones and some really thick ones. When she said I would need to help, I thought it was going to be a lot more then this for my stack but maybe it’s just a form of payment for her help. She set the books on the table and she started heading out “If you find the book we are looking for just yell for me, I will be looking through my stack in a different room.” “Ok I will. Well time to hit the books.” After I said that she left the room to attend to her own stack. I reached for the oldest looking book. It had a title I couldn’t make out. “Well let’s start with you.” |
130nuNov 30, 2014 11:01 PM
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| chapter 4 When I opened up the book I was greeted in big bold letters the word Sabbath. Right below it was a drawing of men and little girls coupling. I wanted to close the book and move on to the next, but there was something in the back of my mind telling me to keep reading. I turned to a random page in the book and arrived to a section called Sabbath In A Nutshell. I just skimmed the section but I picked up that a Sabbath is a cult run by witches and something called a Baphomet. Their fundamental principles are 1. Impart the charm and indecency of tiny young girls among the world and 2. Be devoted to pleasure like a good monster. Each branch of the Sabbath is run by a different Baphomet and their uniforms vary. Reading all this I began to question Mia’s motives for helping me. I decided it was best to stop reading before I began to distrust her. The next two books weren’t that hard to get through since both of their titles gave them away. The first book was called Are you sure it doesn't go there?: A complete guide to tentacles so I didn’t even open it. The next one had the title the Sydopedia in gold letters on a leather bound cover. I was curious so I opened it up to a random page. It had a bunch of different definitions for words starting in sydo. I read a few and had to work on not laughing; I decided this would be good to take with me for some laughs if I went traveling. There were just two books left. I set them next to each other. The book on the left was titled the monster girl encyclopedia. I guessed this was the one that Mia said she would let me read to get the grasp of the species on the island. I decided I would read it later because I was one book check away from turning back into a man. The last book was a worn old leather bound book. From the outside the pages looked to have been damaged by water. I quickly realized that the contents weren’t in any better condition as I flipped through the pages: I couldn’t make out a single word; they were just too smudged or ripped. I eventually made my way to the back cover, depressed. Even if this was the book I was looking for it was completely unreadable. Then I noticed something etched into the back cover. Looking closely I realized it was a note addressed to Mia. I quickly called for her to let her know what I found. “Mia you have to see this!” I yelled to her as loud as I could. Mia came running it to the room wide eyed. “Did… did you find the book?” she asked, nearly out of breath. “I’m not sure if this is the book, but there is a note in the back addressed to you,” I told her as I handed the book to her, already opened to the note. She began to read quietly and after a few minutes she let out a sigh. “Well this does appear to be the book we were looking for, but one of my old friends messed it up. The note’s from them and it seems there might be another copy somewhere in Kioko’s region, but I am not allowed back in, so I don’t know how we are to get it.” When she said the last part she sounded depressed. “Why don’t I go instead?” “I don’t know. It is pretty dangerous. I might be able to get you a guide or something. I’ll go look into that right now before I go to bed. Good night.” She said this last part as she left the room heading to what I assumed her bedroom. “Ok good night” After she left the room I began to talk to myself. “A guide huh? That will make getting to places easier as long as nothing goes wrong.” After talking to myself I decided it was a good idea to read the monster girl encyclopedia now. I grabbed the book and began flipping through the pages. There were a lot of them that’s for sure and they all seemed to be in alphabetical order, but I am an active reader so it was nothing I couldn’t handle. I was wrong. I only made it to the H’s before I passed out with my face in the book. When I had awoken I could see Mia sitting across from me with a map laid out in front of her. It looked as if she was plotting a path for me to take. She still hadn’t noticed that I had woken up, so I decided to let my presence be known. “So, good morning.” This must have surprised her because she jumped a little. “Oh, Michael, you’re awake. You scared me.” “Oh sorry. So what are you doing?” I asked her getting up from where I was sitting and walking over to her. I looked over her head to get a better view of what she was doing. “I am mapping out the path for you to take. I wasn’t able to get you a guide but I did get some useful information.” “Well that sucks about the guide. So what is this information?” I asked her as I watched her mark a line on the map. I assumed that was the path she wanted me to take. “Well, I picked up some information about the book while you were asleep. t is supposedly in some town on the coast in kioko’s region.” “Doesn’t that seem a little, I don’t know, vague?” I was a little skeptical of this information. I mean how many villages could be on the coast? “Yes it is, but it is the only information I could dig up.” “Ok, well, it’s better than nothing I guess. So when do I leave?”[/color] I asked getting little worried. It was going to take a long time to get this book. “Just give me a few minutes to finish mapping out the path and you can be on your way. I have a bag already packed for you. It’s on the couch. You can grab it on your way out.” “Okay, well, can I take these two books with me?” I asked this pointing to the MGE and the Sydopedia. “I guess so. Okay, finished with mapping out the path. Just be careful even if you are a female now. There are some mamono out there that will make it dangerous for you.” She rolled up the map and handed it to me. Taking the map and the two encyclopedias I headed into the living room and on the couch was the pack. It seemed to be made of leather. Putting the two books inside the main pocket and the map in a side pocket, I decided to check and see what Mia packed for me later. I put the pack on and headed out the door. Once outside I could see just how beautiful the scenery really was. The trees had brown and red leafs signaling winter was coming. The sun looked like it was going to reach its highest point soon. So I assumed it was around eleven in the morning. I decided it was best to begin walking so I could make progress before night fell. I pulled the map out and unrolled it. I began to study the map lucky for me Mia had put some useful details on the map like which way north was from her house. As instructed by the map I went to the back of Mia’s house, which from the inside I thought was a lot bigger than it actually was, and began heading straight. “This is going to be a long trip,” I said to myself as I began my long trek from Mia’s to the coast of kioko’s land. |
130nuNov 30, 2014 11:01 PM
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| welp here is my worst of the worst so far i guess ill have a new chapter when ever ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- chapter 5 “Ahhh!” I screamed as I stubbed my toe on a tree root. “God damn it that’s the third time,” I said as I took off my pack and sat down to let the pain pass. I had forgotten my shoes at Mia’s house in my rush to leave. By the time I realized I had, however, I was too far away to turn back without wasting time. As I sat there I decided to pull the map out and study it some more. I took my time reading the map to get a better understanding of it and to read some of Mia’s notes. Most of the notes were about landmarks and villages along my path. The rest were more like warning for things to avoid like the slave traders of kaori’s region. After a few minutes of studying the map I began to feel sleepy. I had been walking for a while and it was warm thanks to the sun so I decided to take a nap. Using the map to block the sun out of my eyes I laid down on the ground and fell straight to sleep. I awoke to something cold hitting my leg. I wanted to ignore it and go back to sleep but then something hit the map. I opened my eyes to see that a spot of the map was now transparent. That’s when it hit me it was starting to rain. I began to get up to put the map away but before I could the rain started to come down hard. In a matter of seconds the map was ruined and I was soaked from head to toe. I could feel my anger begin to rise but I had no time to deal with it. I tossed the now ruined map aside and picked myself up of the muddy ground. Putting my pack on I headed in the direction I was already traveling. I had no time to waste being pissed over losing my map. I had been walking for another good hour or so when the rain finally stopped. I was completely soaked and I felt like if I ringed my clothes out they would create a small stream. I had decided to stop and take a short break from walking and let the sun dry my clothes. I was pissed at this point my map was ruined and I wasn’t even sure If I was going the right way anymore. I needed to take my anger out and the only thing coming to mind was to punch a tree. So that is what I did I walked up to the nearest tree and began punching. “Why does bullshit like this always have to happen to me damn it!?” I said this as I punched the tree trunk as hard as I could. “Maybe I can help cheer you up miss.” When I heard this I stopped my punching. I turned around to see a little girl with short white hair. She was wearing a black bow and a matching dress. She wasn’t wearing any shoes. She had four small blue wings. She had a small bag tired around her waist. She wasn’t very tall coming up to about the bottom of my chest. She was holding something in her hand I couldn’t see. “How would you do that?” I asked her putting my hands on my hips and giving her a doubtful look. “With this.” She said, opening her hand to reveal a piece of hard candy that looked like butterscotch. “That’s really hard to believe but what could possibly go wrong.” I said as I took the piece of candy. Assuming it was safe I popped it into my mouth. It was deathly sweet but delicious and tasted like honey. My anger had disappeared but it was being replaced by this strange feeling. By the time I had finished the candy my breathing had gotten shallow. “What … was … in … that … candy?” I asked the girl between breaths She let out a small giggle before replying. “The candy I gave you had a strong aphrodisiac mixed in. I told you I would help you calm down I just didn’t say how.” She had a seductive smile on her face now as she walked closer to me. “So why don’t we have a little fun” she said this as she reached up and pulled me down to her height. I was too far under the influence of the aphrodisiac to resist as she pulled me into a deep kiss. At some point during the kiss my knees buckled and I fell on to her with the small girl deftly turning us over, leaving her atop me. “Please stop this.” I said weakly “I’m sorry can you repeat that?” the mysterious girl asked leaning closer to my face still having her seductive smile. “Please sto...” I was caught off by her giving me her another deep kiss. I could feel her tongue wrapping around mine. The kiss lasted long enough to make me feel like I was suffocating. When she released me from the kiss I wasn’t sure what my expression was but it seemed to be one she liked. “Let’s try something.” she said this as she began to kiss down the side of my neck while unbuttoning my blouse. Once she had my blouse completely open she began moving further down eventually stopping at my left breast. She started sucking on my nipple, occasionally nibbling it as her hand moved over the right. She continued, spurred on as my moans intensified. I could fell a tightness building, something coming I moaned loudly as I climaxed for my first time in this form. The mysterious girl had stopped what she was doing and looked at me disapproving. “Did you just come?” she asked with a tinge of annoyance in her voice “I didn’t even get to the good part. Guess we will have to skip ahead a bit.” She said this as she rearranged herself to where her head was near my snatch. She began to pull up my skirt. “Oh what’s this going commando are we, naughty girl.” She said this with a giggle. She then lowered her head to my pussy and began to lick. It was a new sensation then any I have experienced so far. My mind began to go blank as I reached up and pulled her underwear down and began to do the same to her. Every so often moans would escape the both of us. This continued till we both climaxed and couldn’t continue. “Well that was fun.” She said this getting up off me and pulling her underwear back up. She then walked over to a nearby tree and messed with something. By the time I noticed she had my pack she had already started fluttering away. “See you around!” she yelled as she went off into the distance. When I tried to get up to chase after he I just collapsed to the ground I was too tired from the whole ordeal with her to do anything. My last thought before passing out was “Things couldn't possible get worse.” |
130nuDec 2, 2014 6:43 AM
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130nu said: chapter 5 Did you actually re-posted all chapters done previously? |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| :D |
beast_regards said: Did you actually re-posted all chapters done previously? I'm not quite sure what happened, but something blew nu's self-confidence to bits, he deleted everything and Sydo convinced him to put it back up. Apparently he still thinks we're sniggering behind his back... 130nu said: fuck it im doen with people bitching here is oyur fucking joke fuel back god dam. ...which is of course rubbish. Come on Nu, I'm waiting for chapter 6. |
| I SWEAR TO GOD, ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU'LL GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK. |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| You know we only mess with the ones we love. =) Also...I wonder if I should tell Hetlan that I'm also all up in Kioko doing craziness... |
| welp im probly gonna regret posting this but yolo swag 420. also hanks reb for the grammer help. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 6 I awoke not too long after sun set. I had woken up thirsty so I began to move in the direction of a river that was marked on my now destroyed map. Not too long after I had begun walking I heard something behind me. Looking back I couldn’t see anything so I just brushed it off as my imagination. After a while I arrived at the river. I walked up to the bank and dropped to my knees. I stuck my hand into the river I could feel that the current was strong. I would have to be careful not to fall in in since I am not a strong swimmer. I cupped my hand and brought some of the water up to my lips and drank It was cold and refreshing. After a while of drinking I stopped and stared at my reflection in the river running my hand through my hair. I let out a deep sigh as a bundle of rage I kept pent up was released as I sent my fist into the river causing ripples to distort my reflection. Once the ripples had dissipated turned to leave and standing a few feet away was a woman wearing a white tank top and shorts. Her pink hair was in a ponytail tied with a yellow ribbon. I had this feeling in the back of my mind telling me to run but, I was frozen with fear. “Don’t be scared come here.” Her voice carried a tone of authority and it had something magical about it. My fear dissipated and I was able to move but instead of my body listening to me and running I walked towards her. “Now what is your name?” she asked me as she put her hand on my right shoulder. “My name is m...Michael.” I replied trying to fight whatever force was making me obey. “Now that is a strange name for a girl can you tell me why?” as she asked this the spot she had her hand had begun to feel hot and ache. “That’s because I am a man.” I said as the pain and heat increased. It felt as if a branding iron was being forced into my shoulder. She leaned in and whispered into my ear “I know.” When she did the pain and heat vanished and the world seemed to be spinning. I felt all my strength leave me as I collapsed to the ground breathing heavy. My vision began to fade as I heard her exclaim “perfect maybe this time it will be a success.” And two figures came out of the woods. As my vision was consumed by darkness the last thing I could see was the shorter of the two figures staring at me as if saying sorry with her eyes. The mysterious women turns to her two companions. One of which was a young looking brown werewolf and the other a witch. The witch still had not torn her eyes off the now uncounseled girl not to far from her when the mysterious women asked. “Did you accomplish what I assigned?” “Mistress we stalled the hellhound as long as we could just like you asked. She should be here any minute.” replied the werewolf “Good and that nearly makes up for your mistakes Mia.” The mysterious women said “I’m deeply sorry mistress.” Mia said “I’m sure you are now get us out of here.” The mistress ordered “Yes mistress” Mia replied as all three girls stepped close together and darkness engulfed them and they vanished. When I opened my eyes I was standing in my room. I knew I was dreaming because at the foot of the bed was a little boy, no older then twelve, crying. The little boy had a mass of curly dark brown hair and his eyes were blood shot from crying. He was covering a spot on his lower right arm with a paper towel. He eventually removed the paper towel revealing a deep scratch. When I saw it the same spot on my arm began to hurt as the event began to come back to me. I had just gotten into a fight with my sisters and I chased them to their room. By then the monster as my sisters called it was released. It was simply just my rage but it was normally a great rage. I was slamming into their door screaming at them as they screamed back. Eventually I managed to push them back to get the door open enough for my arm to get through and swipe at them. That’s when my little sister dug her nail into my arm. I pulled my arm back and retreated to my room on the other side of the house. My rage had shifted to sadness and regret then I never liked it when I got mad like that it always ended badly either for me, the target of my anger, or both. When the memory had finished I was left siting on my bed staring at the scar left from that day. “Why did I remember this” I thought to myself as the dream shifted to a living room I knew all too well. I was now in my uncle’s house in Florida and I knew what was about to happen. A sixteen year old me came in through the front door yelling as my uncle followed behind about ready to hit me. I turned to him and I remember yelling something but I couldn’t recall what. Whatever it was it sent my uncle over the edge. I remember hi hitting me and I snapped I had been hit by him many times but for some reason this time made my blood boil. I retaliated and we started fighting trading punches my weak hits for his strong ones. I could took punches and I was a persistent person when I got pissed. I eventually found an opening and slammed a small glass candle holder over my uncle’s head. Digging my thumbnail into the bridge of my uncle’s nose I managed to get him to back off long enough for me to make a break for the front door. Unlucky for me my uncle’s partner was blocking my way so I didn’t get away with just bruises but a ripped shirt as my uncle’s partner grabs it when I slip past. Once the 16 year old me made it to the road the dream shifted again. This time I was just floating in a void of darkness as voices relayed off things my family have said to me over the years. I heard my younger sisters blaming me for our parents leaving. My uncles’ partner blaming me for them fighting or him telling me that I am just a piece of trash. The last things I heard were my sisters saying how much they hated me that it would have been better if I wasn’t their brother. After that I screamed for them to shut up as loud as I could and I shot right up. I was wide awake now and I had no idea where I was. |
130nuMar 3, 2015 9:10 PM
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| More colours, purple was OK and light blue wasn't that bad, but other colours are getting progressively brighter and more difficult to be read against the white background. Do you actually use something that makes background here black instead? (edit) also MAL is erroring and gives your signature to sydo, lol |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| Hm seems incomplete, you didn't need post it half finished just because some people were getting impatient. It's just a sign that your story is good. You are only 5 chapters in and you already got people demanding and hounding you for your next chapter. Probably must requested as well if I'm not mistaken. (My assumption of this being due to the fact I believe I've seen you state you had 1700-2000 more words left before you reached you goal for this chapter) |
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Clarus_Nox said: (My assumption of this being due to the fact I believe I've seen you state you had 1700-2000 more words left before you reached you goal for this chapter) it was 1778 left then i got fed up with hearing asp saying shit ike i dont write or somethinng like that >_> beast_regards said: More colours, purple was OK and light blue wasn't that bad, but other colours are getting progressively brighter and more difficult to be read against the white background. Do you actually use something that makes background here black instead? (edit) also MAL is erroring and gives your signature to sydo, lol they looked darker last ngiht honestly but i was half asleep so sorry ill try no to pick bight colors. |
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| Couple things: -Don't worry about the word count. Just worry about finishing the thought or setting the stage to continue. If you write 500 words and have finished everything you need to say about a scene, then it's fine to call it a chapter. Maybe try thinking about a movie scene--some are longer than others, but as long as the scene is good, the length isn't really what gets noticed. -Only critical thing to say is that you may want to switch up your sentence structure a bit. Maybe you felt a bit rushed (even though you shouldn't), but you can really liven things up just by switching up how you say some things. In particular, you had a lot of sentences that all started with "I". Not a grievous issue, but something to keep in mind to really class things up =) |
| Keep it up |
| No need to hurry things and stuff because we all can wait. it was a good chapter. |
| I'll say it again, I'm sorry if my words gave you pressure, that was not my intent. It felt a little bit rushed, but it was a good chapter. Glad to see you here again o/ |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| Waving my flag here, (finally) I don't think there was anything wrong with the size of the chapter. =) Keen to see where you're at and what these people have in store. |
| reb thanks for the checks as always you a bud :3 also i live! after fighting a long writers block i bring you chapter 7 of my horrible skill :3 (colored text to be added) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scanning the area briefly I was able to make out, through the little light given off from the rising sun, mountains to my sides as well as behind me. In front of me was a plains that seemed to stretch for a while. “Even if I don’t know where I am this is beautiful landscape,” I thought to myself, letting out a deep sigh. I took another quick glance around the area. The sun had fully risen and I could make out smaller details like bushes and boulders. There was one bush not too far from me that had caught my eye. It had something sticking out of it. Normally I would have ignored this but as I turned to look away the thing moved slightly. My curiosity peaked at seeing this and I began moving closer. It was strange when I had finally reached the bush I could see what was moving was a tail yet I did not turn to run or anything. Instead I wanted to touch it; the thing looked so fluffy and familiar. The tail was black except for about an inch of the tips that looked like they had been dipped in orange-red ink. It was swaying back and forth, and I felt like an idiot trying to touch it, missing every time I tried. I eventually got fed up and went in from both sides and finally grabbed the tail with both hands. The moment I grabbed it the tail stopped moving and regret filled me as whatever was attached to the tail let out what sounded like a low moan and the tail was pulled into the bush. I didn’t have time to let go and I was pulled into the bush as well. The next few seconds where a blur and before I knew it I was in a bear hug, face buried in a pair of large breast and nails slightly digging into my back. I attempted to pry myself free but the girl who had me just held me tighter the more I struggled. When I had given up I heard something that my heart drop. A loud snore came from the girl. I let out a small sigh and let the girl embrace me letting the fact I couldn’t get away set in. Meanwhile, in a dimly lit room a succubus was keeping watch through a magic mirror. "Not everyone was happy under the black sky.As hard as she tried, Ishtar couldn't keep her secrets from us entirely. It's only a matter of time before we figure out the rest of her sigil." She had begun monologuing. "And you, my little one shall help with that," she said as she placed her hand over the girl trapped in the embrace of the sleeping hellhound on the other side of the image. "It was easy enough letting it slip how to reverse the mechanism, and then just a matter of time before it all fell apart," she said as she finished her monolog and the image on the mirror faded. It wasn’t long till the girl had woken up. At first I didn’t notice because she was quiet and still embracing me, but the snoring had stopped and when I looked up I saw her eyes open. They were a crimson red and she had a smile that made her look sinister yet beautiful at the same time. I must have been staring a bit because the first thing for her to say was, “Are you ok?” As she asked her hand touched my forehead. It was a soft gentle touch as if a loved one was checking if I was ill. When she did this I recoiled back and her smile seemed to fade. I felt bad. she seemed nice but I didn’t want to take any chances “Who are you?” I asked the girl. I wanted an answer. “So the doctor was right,” the girl said a sad tone to her voice. “What doctor?” “Oh n..nothing my name is Ashtoreth, but just call me Ash.” She said this a bit more happily than what she had said before. “Alright Ash, what did you mean by doctor and how did I get here?“ “Oh, um, well, I found you collapsed at the bank of a river with a high fever and I took you to a healer. She said you would be fine and well.. You got up and started walking north... so I followed you and kept you safe.” She got to a low whisper I could hardly make out, “And help you when the fever struck you hard” “Excuse me, what was that last part?” “Huh, ohh, um, I said you stopped at the base of this mountain. Guessing you destination is on the other side.” “So.. you helped me. I guess I owe you big then, and I am heading to a town in Kioko’s region to see if they have a specific book.” “Well.. is it okay If I come with you? Since you said it yourself you owe me big.” At first I wanted to say no, but she had got me I did say that and I did owe her, so letting out a deep sigh I agreed to let her come with. “Really thank you.” She hugged me tightly. “C..cant breath” {she has a strong grip and her fur is so soft} I thought to myself as she suffocated me with her hug, my face got buried in her breasts which I would have found nice honestly if I was not being suffocated. “Oh s..sorry,” she said as she released me from the hug. I pulled myself away a bit to get a good look at my new companion. Looking her over I at first wanted to assume she was a werewolf that had just gotten way too much sun by her dark skin and I got a little scared, but as I looked her over at the corner of her eyes little flames showed before dying out. It was all I needed to make my judgment of what she was, one of the last monsters I read in the encyclopedia before it was stolen from me the hellhound. I had gotten a little bit of joy from it honestly, and I wanted to meet one.. I thought they looked cute. She was wearing a moderate violet shirt and shorts. When I finished looking her over I noticed she was blushing so I decided to get out of the bush and head to the base of the mountains before she got the wrong idea. When I reached the base of the mountain range Ash was right behind me and I was looking up the mountains. “Now how to climb these things safely...” I thought out loud. |
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| I believe we have some kind of saying that involves catching cat by it's tail. You caught the hellhound instead. |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| it looks like a nice Hellhound. Now to the climbing part. |
| Glad to see this is still going as well. It certainly seems like a lot of the concepts have a lot of potential if you give them room to run. As long as you plan the larger pieces of plot out ahead of time, you'll do just fine. =) |
| still waiting to see how you handle getting knocked up while your still a girl nu |
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| Decided to post this one right after writing i put ideas out and such and i didnt want to read it over and scrap it like an idiot. so here is it is next chapter i give bit into another Side of Ash i might bring in mre next chapter. again no color for now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 8 It took us over an hour to path out what looked like a safe route to take up the mountain all that was needed was to climb it. I headed up first and Ash followed behind me I regretted that decision not to long after. When I remembered I was going commando and wearing a skirt if Ash looked up she could see …things. I quickly shook the thought out of my head and focused on climbing. “Left right left right and don’t look down” I repeated this as I gripped jutting rocks to pulls myself up. We were about two forth of the way up when the rocks ended and I had to use holes in the mountain….and I nearly died on the first one. The moment I put my hand in a felt something crawling on me and I pulled my hand out and looked. Going around my hand was a big nasty looking spider I screamed like a little girl loud enough to wake anyone and high enough to nearly break glass. I threw it off and on impulse stomped my foot. Mistake number two as I cause the rock my foot was on to break off and I nearly fall catching back into the hole before I could I hung there my heart racing. I could hear below me Ash asking if I was okay and complain about something dripping on her head. My cheeks went a deep red as she looks up and I realize at the same time as her I ended up pissing myself I had gotten so scared. I started to regret my choice of going first even more as I started climbing again. “So Ash I’m surprised you haven’t raped me the last monster girl I ran into. That I was hundred percent sure was one. Tricked me and raped me. Why haven’t you?” I asked Ash as we climbed to pass the time. She replied slower than I had hoped and she sounded a bit …embarrassed or it was my imagination. “Well I don’t really like to … plus if I did you were sick it would have been really low of me to ... do that” as she spoke I felt un easy like she as lying to me or something but I just shrugged it off as my nervousness from the spider encounter having me on edge. “I see…So you know of any short cuts we could take. I want to get to the town I need to get to as fast as possible” I asked her curiously and with a lot of hope. “No not really but there is a town about a day or two away from here it’s called The Savage Volcano” Ashe replied “Savage Volcano? Why is it called that?” I asked a little scared of the answer. “Its best you see it over me explaining.” Was her reply. I was glad that was how she decided to reply or else I would not have gone there. It took of three days to get there a bit longer then Ash said. When we got there I froze dead center of the Town was what you could call a mini volcano with a small pool of lava at the bottom. Something was keeping the volcano and lava pool I check. My guess was magic it sort of looked like one of those water fountains you plugged up and it spit the water out the top and went down the side ad pooled just to do it again. In the pool there were some people swimming in it. The looked like lizards with red scales and even some people looked to be made of fire. I took my eyes away from I guess you could call it a pool when Ash put her Paw on my shoulder. “Come on maybe we can find a faster way down here” *she said smiling. “Yea” *I smiled back and started into the town. It was pretty big we passed mostly homes. The buildings seemed to have been made out of a form of Stone and Wooden support beams. A bit more into town there were a few shops. A blacksmith, a general store and an inn. We headed into the general store and it looked pretty cliché. It sort of reminded me of the runescape one in Varrock. There were two entrances in the shop and behind the counter there was a ladder leading upstairs. The shelves contained a variety of things from rope to water skins. On one side of the shop there were manikins with bikinis on display and some regular clothes you would see. Ash approached the counter after telling me it would be best to let her do the talking. I didn’t argue and I followed behind. Behind the counter stood what at first I thought was a human girl. Her back to us but when she turned around Ash Snarled. “Drop the illusion Raccoon I want a fair and safe shopping time.” Ashe said it in a way I didn’t think she could, it even scared me. The girl eeped and shimmered for a few seconds what she really was being revealed to be a raccoon looking monster. “Y...yes madam Welcome to cinders general store were you can find almost anything from clothes to supplies.” *she gave a smile after recovering from her scare. “Thank you I and my friend are looking for a fast way through the mountains. And some supplies as well.” “There is a way a carriage leaves in a few moments its only three silver for two tickets. And supplies what are you looking for?” she asked casually but a hint of fear could be heard in her tone. “We need some Flint, rations and two water skins should be fine and a bag” Ash told the Shop keep. “Okay all together that should be around four silver as I’m sure you want a few days’ worth of rations.” “yes that’s correct” *Ash fishes some coins out a pocket and hands then to the Shop keep who puts them away and reaches under the counter bringing out a bag, what looked like rations, and the flint along with two water skins filled with water. “Here is your supplies and your tickets “she pulls two tickets out of nowhere and hands them to ash who takes them. “Thank you” Ash looks at me “grab the surplices” nod and put the supplies into the bag and put it on. We head out the other entrance of the shop and there was a carriage. It had two centaurs looked ready to pull it. They were an easy guess even without reading the entry. They looked a bit similar to the one in legends back home. Ash went over to one and gave her the tickets and she then motioned for me to get in. it was a simple wooden carriage and the inside was about the same. With hard wood seats and it being a cramped space. Ash slid in next to me after a few moments and let out a sigh of relief. “Well that went better than expected” she said smiling at me. “Really?” I was surprised she thought it would go worse. “Yea. Well they said it would be a while even at their fastest speed to get out of the mountains so we should rest. You can lean on me if you want.” “O…okay” I was embarrassed to but I did her fur was soft and she was warm. I closed my eyes and I thought I heard Ash humming as I drifted off to sleep. __________________________________________________________________ Thanks for reading I posted this fresh from writing as well to show how my grammer sucks XD and all. no im going to go back to rping in the MGE wikia's live chats. which i will sy has been helping me i got most of this in one shot after i got the idea i got it out onto the virtual paper better then i usually do. |
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| She didn't buy any underwear for you? Guess she liked the view after all :-P |
MetallumOperaturJul 18, 2015 9:00 AM
| Still some grammar and spelling issues, but it gets better every time. The more you write, the better you'll get. Ah, a refreshing dip in the lava fountain sounds like just the ticket right about now... |
| I am quite curious where this city is and how difficult is to make a lava fountain. Look at those applications it may have! |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| It can be a bit confusing in time, but otherwise it is a very nice story, albeit a bit short. If I am not mistaken. main character who was a boy is now a girl and can change into monster girl anytime soon? Such a promise have quite a potential with all those transgender issues and monster girl transformation. |
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| New chapter seems to be a little bit more confusing than the previous ones and I have a difficultly to say what actually happened. |
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| Again it is proven that humans don't make effective bandits. Bodybuilder Succubus gotta do all the work herself :-P |
Malise said: New chapter seems to be a little bit more confusing than the previous ones and I have a difficultly to say what actually happened. im gonna ask polity can you please elaborate ? and as well anyone else who thinks the same do to as well please ill try to fix that when i know what is exactly confusing because i have said my story is really shitty and actual elaborate criticism would be nice not just its confusing i cant fix anything from that. |
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130nu said: im gonna ask polity can you please elaborate ? and as well anyone else who thinks the same do to as well please ill try to fix that when i know what is exactly confusing because i have said my story is really shitty and actual elaborate criticism would be nice not just its confusing i cant fix anything from that. The chapter could use a read over to hunt for typos and language errors. E.g. Ash is multiple times not capitalized. That should improve readability. The main culprit, though, might be these lines: 130nu said: They had taken out most of the people only leaving the two archers that had shot Michael and the leader. 130nu said: “You should have given us what we wanted it would have saved you a casualty” the leader said smirking Since it has been a while people might have forgotten that Michael is actually the main character (MC), so that first line is rather confusing; either the MC refers to him/herself in the third person, or there was a sudden chance of perspective. Furthermore, as far as I can deduce the "casualty" the succubus is referring to is the MC, who got shot and fell down into a cave. And lastly we have no clue what the succubus is looking for, but I guess that's intended, for it seems neither does Ash :-P |
MetallumOperaturSep 29, 2015 11:58 PM
130nu said: im gonna ask polity can you please elaborate ? and as well anyone else who thinks the same do to as well please ill try to fix that when i know what is exactly confusing because i have said my story is really shitty and actual elaborate criticism would be nice not just its confusing i cant fix anything from that. Scene is confusing, it is difficult to picture the whole event and makes the reader wonder what the hell just happened. Check under the spoiler button how I imagined the whole situation in the latest chapter. My suggestion is, try to give your chapter for someone else to review and proofread to find out if other people picture the scene the same way you do. |
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Malise said: People aiming bows at each other at point blank range? Bow isn't a gun, you can't aim it to someone's face and if you do (I remember scene from Lord Of the Rings) it looks fairly lame. I'm just going to say this on your statement "you can't aim a bow at someone's face" ; how and why do you think one can't aim a bow and arrow at someone's face it close range? I mean sure, get close enough and it's more effective as a mini spear than a projectile but that doesn't means a cocked arrow is any less lethal at a closer distance, if anything it has far more accuracy as well as perniciousness. And second; saying a relatively close range standoff with bow and arrows looks lame is a result of modern views on how anachronistic the bow and arrow are, not actually being un-intimidating. If someone held you at relative point blank with a sniper rifle, are you going to think it looks stupid? No, you will be intimidated as fuck. The same is true with a cocked bow and arrow, especially in the scenario the MSG exists. |
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MetallumOperatur said: Furthermore, as far as I can deduce the "casualty" the succubus is referring to is the MC, who got shot and fell down into a cave. And lastly we have no clue what the succubus is looking for, but I guess that's intended, for it seems neither does Ash :-P Both of these are correct i plan to give what she was looking for well supposed to be next chapter. |
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Clarus_Nox said: I'm just going to say this on your statement "you can't aim a bow at someone's face" ; how and why do you think one can't aim a bow and arrow at someone's face it close range? I mean sure, get close enough and it's more effective as a mini spear than a projectile but that doesn't means a cocked arrow is any less lethal at a closer distance, if anything it has far more accuracy as well as perniciousness. And second; saying a relatively close range standoff with bow and arrows looks lame is a result of modern views on how anachronistic the bow and arrow are, not actually being un-intimidating. If someone held you at relative point blank with a sniper rifle, are you going to think it looks stupid? No, you will be intimidated as fuck. The same is true with a cocked bow and arrow, especially in the scenario the MSG exists. Arrow fired from the point blank range will be as deadly as it can be and if it hits, it will certainly harm or kill the target. Problem is that you actually have to keep the bow drawn with the strength of your own muscles using mostly your thumb alone for a whole time , which isn't easy at all even for the trained archer. There is no time for idle chit chat. Bow is usually fully drawn only for the second of so before it is released, not hold on and on as we see in the movie. This isn't an issue with a gun or a crossbow of course, but for the bow you can't really keep the bow drawn for a several minutes unless bow is so weak it would be basically useless as a weapon in the first place. Strength of the bow will most likely force you to release the bowstring before you can even formulate the demand and arrow would hit the person you are aiming at. And kill him if you hit the head or some critical organ, so such an action would be basically useless if you didn't intended to kill the person for all that time. And you wanted to kill him there is no reason coming up close where you lose your advantage of the ranged weapon. Of course, person would be certainly alarmed if he has an arrow aiming for him at this range, but he would have that arrow in his or her head in a mere second later as you can't (well, human can't, at least) hold the bowstring for such a long time drawn. Or will dodge and possibly kill you in retaliation should you miss. Of course, things can change a bit if supernatural strength comes into play, but keep in mind those person trying to pull off the Mexican standoff will bows are humans. Or at least, it seems they are, because that part of the story is actually a bit confusing.If archers were monster girls, then there is a question if they are really stronger than humans and thus are capable of impossible feats, because stories are not consistent it that part. If they are stronger then humans and trying to pull this off is actually stupidity or a suicide. Or both. |
MaliseSep 30, 2015 10:14 AM
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| took the chapter down might try to rewrite it or i might just stop not sure yet |
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