YandereTheEmo said: Not sure if I buy the "Self-Control" but fun to read. I can't exactly shoot it down, as it's something that I can do myself. But it took me years to learn it, it's not easy, and it won't stand up (no pun intended) to a continued assault, especially from a woman who knows what she's doing. I actually found that bit harder to believe than the fight scenes. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Point of order: Clarus_Nox said: “Lightning is made up protons being discharged from the sky when they become too numerous reaching to connect with the neutrons on the ground." Lightning is static electricity, and all electricity is due to the movement of electrons, not protons. Also, lightning discharges actually start in the ground and travel upward, with several invisibly small electron flows (called stepped leaders) merging in mid-air to form large visible bolts in the sky. That's why the lightning forks, you see; it's the smaller flows meeting up to form bigger ones. Storywise, I'll let this one slide as the MC would reasonably explain lightning as he understood it irl. The science nerd in me just couldn't let this pass. :) |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| so has tyger caught up to my story? |
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Clarus_Nox said: so has tyger caught up to my story? I have now. On chapter 12.5: This is one of the better companion POV chapters I've read. Kudos on expressing the inner monologue of a character who is nonverbal; that aspect of the chapter is especially strong. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
tygertyger said: Clarus_Nox said: so has tyger caught up to my story? I have now. On chapter 12.5: This is one of the better companion POV chapters I've read. Kudos on expressing the inner monologue of a character who is nonverbal; that aspect of the chapter is especially strong. i was a bit worried bout this one, the idea mostly came to me while i was trying to sleep last night and i didn't stop to think to edit it at all(save for spelling and grammar) |
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tygertyger said: I'd already ridiculed him enough else where lolPoint of order: Clarus_Nox said: “Lightning is made up protons being discharged from the sky when they become too numerous reaching to connect with the neutrons on the ground." Lightning is static electricity, and all electricity is due to the movement of electrons, not protons. Also, lightning discharges actually start in the ground and travel upward, with several invisibly small electron flows (called stepped leaders) merging in mid-air to form large visible bolts in the sky. That's why the lightning forks, you see; it's the smaller flows meeting up to form bigger ones. Storywise, I'll let this one slide as the MC would reasonably explain lightning as he understood it irl. The science nerd in me just couldn't let this pass. :) |
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| AN - Late chapter is late :T First time i ever wrote a scene like this so feedback would be nice ***** Chapter 13 The sun was still a few hours to setting. We had arrived close enough to see the walls of Zarom. Unsure how much information I could gain from such a place I had begun to steel my resolve when Iva appeared. “No point in askin for help there boy.” apparently having been sitting on a short stone wall waiting for us she called out once we came into view. “Then where would you suggest...” interrupting my sentence Iva continues “That city is in a state of chaos right now, not that it ever was paradise but I can't agree with ya going in as ya are now. Come follow me. I did manage to get ya some information that might be useful but I doubt it'll have much information ya lookin for, if any. But should provide some much needed information bout the world as humans like to reference it often.” Tossing me a rather thick book, I catch and give it a quick look over. The title is faded quite a bit all that could be made out was, Mon..... Gi.... …...edia. “Take a look at it later, I'm sure ya kids would prefer an inn to stay rather than campin again. We should arrive just after sundown if we go now. Come on, don wanna get left behind do ya?” without waiting for a response she begins leading. * As night fell we arrived at the inn Iva had mentioned. When we entered we were greeted by the owner, a young girl whose appearance made me think of a will-o-wisp or a lantern. After showing us to our room Iva ordered something and then spoke, “You kids enjoy dinner and yourselves” *winking at me* “I still have some things I need gather.” and with that she was gone. Once again without a trace. The room was fairly large and divided by false walls into 3 rooms. The back wall had a large window looking out to a forest with the mountains in the background. Shortly after a brief exploration of the room, dinner arrived. It was fairly extravagant, though I didn't recognize any of the plants, be it fruit or vegetable, but I did notice the meats, mostly a combination of pork and steaks. “Whoa, that's a lot!” Silvia exclaimed. Ione expression held a similar feel as this was probably more food than she had seen all together in last ½ of her life. Having had my fill I noticed that the girls were still able to put away the food. Silvia, while not obscenely, was wolfing down the food. Pun intended. While Ione to the contrary was eating with a rather dignified grace, though one who payed enough attention would notice she was indeed not holding back either. 'Kinda hard to tell which of them was the starved one.' Laughing silently to my own little joke the girls take notice and exchange glances. While neither slowed down much, they apparently became more self aware of my presence and were eating in a what could be guessed as 'more woman like'. The drinks were rather tangy, much to my liking but not so much for the girls. But we all enjoyed it nonetheless. After the inn maids came and cleaned out the dishes we were left with a dessert of sorts. I couldn't even begin to figure out what they were and neither of the girls seemed to recognize it. Chalking it up to be a Kaori dessert we each had our share. And the girls turned in to bed. Each girl choosing to take one of the rooms to the side I was left in the middle room with a dim light as I began to read the book. Flipping through the pages it became apparent that the book was an encyclopedia of sorts describing the races of the inhabitants of this place. Noticing the book was alphabetized I flipped through finding the harpy page. 'during mating season. Seeking to reproduce, harpies snatch up suitable men and carry them away to their nests. In particular danger of being kidnapped are men that the harpies have previously befriended.' “...previously befriended huh?” muttering to myself I look towards Ione's room with a bit of worry. Next I flipped through from the back of the book to find werewolf. 'A man who successfully “domesticates” a werewolf is likely to be surprised by his new mate’s powerful sex drive. Keeping her satisfied will be an exhausting (but rewarding) daily chore.' “....should I be worried?” Thinking bout the entries I read, a sudden recollection came upon me. “Oh fuck...” 'its mating season for both wolves and birds....' Just as I had thought that a few things happened. One was a more or less uncalled for salute from my smaller blade. The second was the sudden weakness I felt all over my body. And third one of the doors had opened slowly to my side. |
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| @Beast: Poor Somalia lol did they deserve that? @Char: Well its an unexpected twist to see the girls swap dispositions in the heat of the moment, though not unpleasant lol. Ione sure likes to bite, watch out for that one, though she never seemed to reach her own climax so why did she pass out too lol? |
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greatgreenman said: why did she pass out too lol? might have something to do with whatever caused the whole thing in the 1st place and beast there's a reason the inn and the town Iva lives in hasn't been raided see if you can figure it out before its spelt out :P |
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| I refuse too look into the future! Lest I tear this mortal plane asunder! |
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beast_regards said: This is too peaceful for central region of Kaori where most inhabitants would torture and rape you to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing - and do that in that order only if you are very, very lucky. Heh. I thought your coat was kinda brown, beastie. :) |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Did a triple-take when I saw Zarom mentioned. With the current unrest it might not be that hard to sneak that close, but damn... As for the "peaceful" inn, I'm assuming that a very powerful entity had it claimed--more likely a group of powerful somebodies given how deep it is in magic murderland. So it was either just claimed, just about to be claimed, or about to turn into a shitstorm of a trap (my guesses) =P |
emeraldtryst said: Care for an umbrella?So it was either just claimed, just about to be claimed, or about to turn into a shitstorm of a trap (my guesses) =P |
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greatgreenman said: emeraldtryst said: Care for an umbrella?So it was either just claimed, just about to be claimed, or about to turn into a shitstorm of a trap (my guesses) =P You mean like that new umbrella girl? I'd give her a spin at least once...you know if it was raining...or sunny. (or overcast, or snowing...whenever) =P |
| Sure why not... though she might not care for you after the shit storm lol |
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| AN - Short chapter today, but I am finally ready to progress the plot after confirming a few things with Su. Now to confirm a couple other things with a certain someone else random name - Hibana; it means ember in Japanese ***** Chapter 14 Morning comes and we prepare our stuff before heading out. Silvia hasn't made eye contact with me all morning. Ione however doesn't seem to be acting any different what so ever. A little while earlier Silvia had confronted Ione, or tried to, to talk bout last night. But it would appear Ione has no recollection of the night before. Where as Silvia remembers it clearly. “So did you kids enjoy last night?” Iva having appeared out of nowhere was standing in doorway. “Meet me downstairs when ya kids are done.” so she says as she skips off apparently not needing an answer. As I descended the stairs I could hear the Inn owner and Iva talking. “Thanks for putting up with us last night Hibana. And thanks for the information as well.” “Please do not let it bother you My Lord. I wish you a safe trip.” Half way down the stairs the girl apparently named Hibana began to ascend. Stopping for a brief second she looked at me with soft eyes. Her expression was soft and gracious. Like if she was saying 'please take care of her.' “Hurry up boy. If ya stop and stare at every pretty girl along the way, we ain't gonna get anywhere.” “I wasn't...” I began but was promptly interrupted. “Alright! Letsa GO!” using a rather bad Italian accent she headed out the front door. Meeting Iva outside with Silvia and Ione, I find Iva strapping a saddle to a horse. “Hope ya know how to ride, well ya gonna learn soon enough either way.” Thankfully I have ridden a horse a few times. Though back then I never had the courage to lead the horse to jump the obstacle or go into a full sprint down the riding path but I never riding particularly difficult. Mounting however was another story. With a bit of awkwardness I manage to mount up. A quick glance around shows me that this was the only horse. “Ah yes we only need one. No horse would ever allow a werewolf on it but that's fine as she can easily out run any you manage to find. Ione however isn't in any shape to be flying for long just yet so she'll be riding with you.” “And you?” With a large smile Iva jumped onto Silvia's back said, “I'll be riding her.” “Hey, wait a minute.” As Silvia began to complain and try to reason with Iva, Ione approached the horse cautiously. The horse didn't seem to mind too much but she seemed at a lose as to how to get on. I eventually lower my hand and lift her up. Thanks to her exceedingly light weight it wasn't difficult and I, thankfully, wasn't embarrassingly pulled off. Directing the horse to move forward towards the other two, it would seem Silvia had lost the argument and given in to Iva who wore a grin befitting a spoiled child. “So where to and which direction?” “To the Accursed Gray Gardens. We should find the information you are looking for there. And if we make haste perhaps even make it in time for the Moon Bazaar!” |
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| I really don't know about the calendar of this island so I can't say when the moon bazaar takes place so I'd confirm with Tyger on that one lol. Rare use of a horse, we typically only see centaurs running about. :P |
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| Interesting story so far, i like both of your characters. they suit you well, so you are planning on finding a way to get back home in lord kaori's domain? that should be interesting to see. |
-ShadowClaw- said: Interesting story so far, i like both of your characters. they suit you well, so you are planning on finding a way to get back home in lord kaori's domain? that should be interesting to see. i just left Kaori :T |
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| ran like a b*tch! lol jk |
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greatgreenman said: ran like a b*tch! lol jk no i didnt >.>; |
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| Then why is Kaori to your back? :P |
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| its not... its.... to my left...? |
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greatgreenman said: I really don't know about the calendar of this island so I can't say when the moon bazaar takes place so I'd confirm with Tyger on that one lol. The Moon Bazaar takes place in the Spring, the beginning of which marks the new year (mating season, doncha know). The celebration is during the week of the first Full Moon of the the year, so it's a floating holiday. IIRC this story is currently moving into early Summer, so they've missed the Moon Bazaar. Fortunately, they will also miss the Battle for Gray Gardens. :) |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
tygertyger said: greatgreenman said: I really don't know about the calendar of this island so I can't say when the moon bazaar takes place so I'd confirm with Tyger on that one lol. The Moon Bazaar takes place in the Spring, the beginning of which marks the new year (mating season, doncha know). The celebration is during the week of the first Full Moon of the the year, so it's a floating holiday. IIRC this story is currently moving into early Summer, so they've missed the Moon Bazaar. Fortunately, they will also miss the Battle for Gray Gardens. :) nope~ wolf mating season is the last 2 weeks of february and first 2 weeks of march so spring has literally just started in my story :P |
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| That is a long journey through some rough country. Though...I certainly can't argue that leaving Kaori is the worst idea. Gray Gardens is pretty awesome, though. Can't wait to see if that trip bears fruit! Also, if you see a bunch of undead wandering in the desert...I'd go around, just in case =P |
| well defining time is tricky here, the rules say they are all taking place at the same time, but is that in general where we all start at the same time or we're all in the same relative period of time like the same year? I'm more in favor of the stories that have already started and finished are ahead of the newer stories in terms of time, it would be confusing otherwise because events that have already happened in existing stories would be a paradox |
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greatgreenman said: well defining time is tricky here, the rules say they are all taking place at the same time, but is that in general where we all start at the same time or we're all in the same relative period of time like the same year? I'm more in favor of the stories that have already started and finished are ahead of the newer stories in terms of time, it would be confusing otherwise because events that have already happened in existing stories would be a paradox im confused. it sounds like your saying that new stories happen before the older ones? wouldnt that cause more problems? *this is why i want a time line :T |
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beast_regards said: Clarus_Nox said: im confused. it sounds like your saying that new stories happen before the older ones?wouldnt that cause more problems? Events from other (old) stories already happened before you join while new are going to happen right now. Most stories are out of sync in matter days, let's say week, up to month at worse. Any coop part needs to be placed in sync and carefully discussed between participants. If your story travels "back in time" and intervenes with location before destined character arrives, you invalidate something told in that story. If you arrive to Cursed Garden before Tony unlocked those, you may have a issue with Garden Spirit. You shouldn't mess with this. Or made a paradox avoiding plot why your intervention didn't left any footprint .... And this goes ever further. Without battles which happen in Emerald's and Kami's story, civil war didn't started yet and you will get captured anywhere near central Kaori regions.... Ruins of Blacksky are also still sealed off too. etf. etc. as far as the cursed garden is concerned me and tyger have been in discussion of this for last couple weeks (granted his problem with not being able to send messages made the last week nigh impossible) |
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beast_regards said: Clarus_Nox said: as far as the cursed garden is concerned me and tyger have been in discussion of this for last couple weeks (granted his problem with not being able to send messages made the last week nigh impossible) And I trust Tyger he can work that out. He made location lore (and basically area lore too, indirectly), still I am kinda worried about traveling back in time. and im gonna leave that with "no comment" ^^ |
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| AN - no comment today :T ***** Chapter 15 After traveling a surprising distance at a surprising speed, I find it rather astonishing I hadn't had any trouble throughout the ride. Questions welling up, I turned to the mounted Silvia to address her rider, “So how is this horse so fast?” “Ima witch, a simple spell like this ain’t nothing to cast.” Iva replied simply. “You don’t have magic in your world so it’s understandable if you can’t figure that out.” I still want to know, “So how does it work?” “Hm? Oh, right you men from that world all so curious. I had almost forgotten. He was too.” Iva paused as she dwelled on the thought before continuing. “It is a simple spell that basically uses both my own stamina and ‘magic supply’ if you will. I am a lot stronger than I look, so if it is just a horse or two I can supplement them for quite a large distance. And before you ask, this spell does not work well with Mamono nor humans, and no I do not know the details, that is just how it works. I could do it with others but the…” Pausing her explanation as she thought, maybe looking for the right word. “conversion rate is not worth it, I suppose you could say.” “What about food and water?” “My magic can only stave those needs for so long, so yes we will need to stop for the night at dusk. We could go through the night, but I’d rather not.” “Why not?” “Because Kaori is not a place you travel at night without good reason. Even if this close to the border.” Not knowing the layout of the land I had no idea where we were nor how much we had left to traverse. But as the sun began to set we started looking for a suitable place to set up camp until we found a nice inlet in the forest next to running river. After setting Ione had been the first to fall asleep, while Iva disappeared somewhere. The elements where the only sources of sounds until, “D-do you hate..?” Do to the unfamiliar tone I almost didn't realize Silvia had spoken. “Why would you ask that?” “Because... you don't like sex.. and last night we, I forced you to... with me...” It took me a while before I could fully understand what she was implying and a while yet to come up with a response. As she sat there waiting for my response in silence I began by clearing my throat. “I would be lying if I said I don't like sex as well as if I said I didn't particularly enjoy last night.” “But when before you weren't...” trailing off I respond taking a guess at what was being implied. “The times before were more matters of pride.... and being a virgin.” “So... you don't hate me?” her tail started to move a bit in anticipation. Choosing my words carefully I respond, “I don't dislike you in anyway. I actually find you to be quite... cute.” Silvia's expression was more or less blank as she registered my words then lowered her head avoiding my gaze. At first I thought she was upset but her ears and tail gave more of an excited expression than one of sorrow. We sat in silence for a bit longer before Silvia chimed up once more still not looking at me. “It was... my first time... as well...” I had no idea how to respond to that and as Silvia sheepishly looked up at me over the fire it was my turn to avert my gaze in embarrassment. The silence killing me I spoke, “T-this area seems a bit familiar.” “Yeah... where I first found you isn't far from here.” “I-i see.... wait... where we met?! How did we travel that far in so little time?” “For Werewolves this is just a small trek. But that horse must have been specifically bred for fast travel.” “...” “...” With nothing but silence between us now we ended up turning in though Silvia appeared to be in much higher spirits now than she was before. *** |
Clarus_NoxSep 12, 2015 12:46 PM
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| perverts lol, all of you are perverts :P interesting chapter. I don't have much to say, a bit of character development is always nice, I wonder when we'll actually hear Ione fully speak, though I'm assuming she'll have an angelic voice based on the gasp lol. |
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GG said: perverts lol, all of you are perverts :P I sure don't want to hear that coming from you LOL. Anyway, good chapter. The dialogue was really a cute one ù_ù |
 "You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| Ah, delicious perversion. Sometimes its better to let such things awaken you =P |
SydoKiller said: See I knew you loved my perverted side, I wont let it happen again Sydo, I will be even MORE perverted for you than ever @w@ *slurp*GG said: perverts lol, all of you are perverts :P I sure don't want to hear that coming from you LOL. Anyway, good chapter. The dialogue was really a cute one ù_ù |
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| AN - so much planning yet so little details DX ***** Chapter 16 The next morning we cleaned up camp and began our ride out again. Iva had returned at some point as for when and where she went she wouldn't answer. Silvia seemed to be in a more joyous mood as she more or less clung to my side during the clean up. Though now it was Ione who was avoiding my gaze. As we were riding(running in Silvia's case) Silvia began to inquiry bout my world again. Again more bout science. However Iva surprised me when she started talking bout rocket science and quantum theories. I had more knowledge on these than the average person due to my grandfather working for NASA, but that didn't mean I could properly explain what they were. Iva's knowledge on the subjects seemed to surmount my knowledge of the subject multiple times and then some. However when I asked where she learned of the topics she would dance around the question before dropping it entirely as she always did. After bout half a day of travel we stopped to give the horse and Silvia a break. Though Silvia claimed to be able to keep going, fatigue was beginning to show. Iva had once again disappeared somewhere but this time had announced her leave saying we should continue on without her and that she'd catch up. Though despite what she said we waited for her for a couple hours but when she did not show we began to continue on. Time may have been around mid-afternoon by now when the sky suddenly went dark with storm clouds. Didn't take too long before we were pelted with rain. “Hey, isn't that a house?” Silvia pointed out a building off in the distance. “Should we ask if we could stay for the duration of the storm?” Personally the rain didn't bother me one bit. I actually enjoy being in the rain. But I couldn't expect either of the girls nor the horse to like it. Another thing was I didn't like bothering others but as it stood I had no real reason to ignore the house. Upon entering the compound I noticed the place was of rather luxurious design. The yard was large with various plants. A building that looked like a stable. And the main house, it looked like a small mansion After helping Ione off the horse we approached the door. The horse had apparently decided to go into the stable. After a few knocks we received no answer. Silvia tried calling out but still nothing. Before I could stop her Silvia tried the door. “Ah its open.” And with that she walked in and tried calling out again. “Anyone home? We'd like it if you could grant us shelter til the passing of the storm! Hmm that's strange...” “What's strange?” “I think this place is abandoned. I can't smell any traces of residents.” “You sure?” “Yep, no one has been here in a long time from what I can tell.” and with that statement Silvia walks further into the house with Ione in tow. Looking back out at the storm, it's apparent it has gotten a lot worse. With no better alternative I follow the girls into the house. “Oh come on, he won't mind. AH GOT IT!” I hear Silvia exclaim as I turn into what seems to have been the living room. Silvia was standing there nude with her clothes hung up to dry and had apparently stripped Ione of her dress to do the same with. I could do little but stand there with my mouth slightly ajar. A little strip tease I can ignore but full blown bare naked? Needless to say it was having an “effect” on me. Ione was on the floor covering herself with her wings while Silvia sat down near her cross legged. “You should remove your wet clothes as well, Master” I wasn't comfortable. I've always been a little self conscious bout my looks even if I'm only average people still judge. But I couldn't deny my shirt was easily soaked through but thankfully my jeans were manageable by some miracle. Reluctantly I remove my shirt and set it to dry as well and sit a little more than a tad away from the girls. “...” “...” “....What?” both the girls were staring at me in silence. “Well we've never seen you undressed... so...” “Yes I'm aware of my lack of appeal.” Almost immediately after I say that Ione shakes her head while Silvia says, “N-no that's not what we meant. Its just the first time you felt comfortable enough around us to be undressed....” I don't like this topic... I haven't a clue how to respond. After a bit of silence I try to start a different topic. “Are you alright Silvia? You seemed to have gotten tired when you were carrying Iva.” “Hm? Ah, no, I'm fine. It's just my back is a little stiff from having carried her for so long.” so she says and then playfully adds, “Hmm if you're really worried you could give me a massage?” “Sure if it'll help.” I said without thinking much before speaking. “Eh? Really?!” her tail now shaking frivolously. “S-sure. I've read some books on how to do it before so I have a basic understanding. Though I wouldn't expect too much.” With the excitement apparent. Silvia gets up and lays in front of me to massage her back. “Try to hold still.” “I won't resist~.” For the following massage for Silvia lasted for bout 20 minutes. I can't say I did great but it was apparently enough for her as she seemed very content based on her tail movements and purring. After I felt I had done enough for her I extended the offer to Ione who took it albeit with a bit of hesitation. But she too seemed to enjoy it as much as Silvia. With the amateur massage finished the 2 of them seemed content to just lay there. More than once I had thought they might have fallen asleep. With nothing much else to do I decided to explore the building a bit to see if there might be some useful information around. Going through the house I couldn't find much of anything that might be useful until I found a living area of some sort upstairs with a line of worn paintings hung on the wall. The first one I noticed showed a little girl with what looked like a old man, possibly her grandfather. The next showed a middle aged man with the same girl, her father? The third, a young adult probably in his late teens early twenties together with the same young girl. In all of the pictures aside from clothing the girl didn't change much at all. But after getting a closer look at the men they all had some similarities. But the oddest thing that stood out to me was each of their right arms. They looked like they were made of metal... Moving on to a shelf with small trinkets I noticed one of the trinkets had an odd amount of dust around it as if it was moved to the side after a long time and then moved back. My curiosity growing I try to move the trinket, and as I do so the wall underneath opens up into a small room where a little girl is standing with her back to me... |
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beast_regards said: Clarus_Nox said: However Iva surprised me when she started talking bout rocket science and quantum theories You are not really losing time with small scale things .... o.O ? |
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| Alright, I'm gonna ask nicely how the hell she knows the comparison to earth horses, as well as that fucked up stuff about rocket science and quantum theories. I really want to know about that. |
| W-was that really necessary...? *facepalm* Keep it nice and simple... nice and simple... |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
SydoKiller said: W-was that really necessary...? *facepalm* Keep it nice and simple... nice and simple... wat part? |
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| I know about quantum physics! (a little) As for the conversation about it...it could have been as simple as saying that we'd landed people on the moon (for rocket science) or that light behaves as a wave or a particle depending on if its traveling or hitting stuff. I doubt he was getting into "fuzzy reality" or the quantum hologram theories =P Anyway, I feel like I'm getting a steampunk-cybernetic arm vibe (with a shorty that could be a dwarf, I'd buy it). But maybe I'm just thinking too crazy =) |
| I must echo Su's question (but note that it's a lot friendlier coming from me...). Iva's knowledge of Earth science is suspicious at best. I trust that there is a story reason for that, and you should probably PM Su with it before you post any more chapters. That message should probably include a similar explanation for the horse; special breeding alone won't explain what you've described for its capabilities. Being both a martial artist and knowledgeable of science doesn't phase me; I'm that myself, in addition to being a performer of some skill. However, it's worth noting that, being one of (if not the) oldest here, I've had more time to develop a variety of skills. It's also worth noting that I presented a realistic assessment of my martial arts skills; I'm no expert, and certainly not skilled enough to beat MGs in unarmed combat, and therefore neither is my MC. I don't see your MC as being blatantly overpowered, CN... but you're definitely getting closer to the line. This is the concern that Su is expressing. The artificial arm is no big deal; that's exactly the sort of thing Dwarves can make. A Cyclops might be able to manage it, as well. No worries there. Now, to everyone else; note that Iva is a not a companion. The companions are the Werewolf and the Harpy, neither of whom is OP. Iva is too powerful to be a companion, but since she's more of a patron that's not a problem. Powerful side characters are fine as long as they don't overshadow the MC or companions (CN: make sure that Iva doesn't overshadow the MC or companions). Examples below: 1) Darkstar's sisters-in-law, who together are sufficiently badass to defeat 2-to-1 odds against trained warrior MGs -- despite being musicians. I got one fight out of them before they left the story. 2) Veronica in dcw2021's story. A Dhampir who was able to soundly defeat two experienced Vampires even with minimal combat skills and no conscious knowledge of her true abilities. While she does save the MC's bacon once, what she mostly does in the story is pine for him. And she gets significantly less screen time than do Merry and the Imps. 3) Tuarita in Kami's story. Not only is she a powerful warrior in her own right (indeed, she is one of the most powerful warriors appearing in any MSG story), she commands an army. She could potentially have been of huge benefit to the MC, and she ultimately is, but her help tends to be subtle and comes with major strings attached. Oh, and she is a great example of a patron. So, yeah, powerful side characters don't bother me... as long as they stay on the side. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
tygertyger said: Iva's knowledge of Earth science is suspicious at best. Could you please show me the chapter that discusses earth science? I believe I'll be able to tell if its too advanced for this world or not depending on the information that is presented. (Geology is my field of study. ^^) |
aspicientis said: tygertyger said: Iva's knowledge of Earth science is suspicious at best. Could you please show me the chapter that discusses earth science? I believe I'll be able to tell if its too advanced for this world or not depending on the information that is presented. (Geology is my field of study. ^^) He meant the science FROM Earth--also technically called Earth science. |
| @Em He should of made that difference a little bit clearer. ^^; |
He sort of did if you want to nitpick-- Earth is capitalized to represent the planet. In the case of the field of study, it should just be "earth science". Tyger is far more adept at grammar than I, but I'm pretty sure that's the rule =P |
emeraldtryst said: He sort of did if you want to nitpick-- Earth is capitalized to represent the planet. In the case of the field of study, it should just be "earth science". Tyger is far more adept at grammar than I, but I'm pretty sure that's the rule =P From my personal experience being around Geologists... They honestly don't care how it is written, if you say "Earth science" or "earth science" they will still just think you are talking about the natural occurrences that happen on this planet and the history of how this planet was shape (Or any other planet that appears similar to this one). XD Just next time... State it a little more clearly just for the sake of avoiding misconceptions. ^^ |
| In regards to the knowledge of earth science, it appears to be a plot device that has yet to be revealed, the hints are obvious enough. I do agree with tyger's comment about skills, its more likely to have a wide range of skills as a person gets older. Having a powerful NPC doesn't seem to be an issue either as long as they aren't too critical to the story line. A character that appears for a little while to guide and then disappears later should be fine. |
|
| but i'm almost always very friendly ._. |
emeraldtryst said: He sort of did if you want to nitpick-- Earth is capitalized to represent the planet. Exactly that. It's also worth mentioning that in the story the sciences mentioned are rocketry and quantum physics. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
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