| Hi guys ! Here's the topic for venting all your heart's out. Again, no moral judgement allowed here (I will delete posts of people who do and maybe ban you for some time, so think twice before you type something mean), just try to listen to each other and understand.  All of your fears, your doubts, your pains... Just feel free to let it out. |
MoonspeakDec 18, 2021 2:28 AM
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| Sometimes I just feel lonely and empty, I know I have plenty of friends to talk to but as a "man" it isn't really, I wouldn't say unacceptable but not seen often if you know what I mean. I used to have a friend that I could vent to but due to my stupidity I made things awkward between each other and we don't talk much if at all anymore. I'm not particularly close to any of my family if anything I'm awkward when it comes to my family, I have no idea why. I usually fill my time playing videogames or talking to people to fill my need for interaction otherwise I just feel empty. A few weeks ago, I was just sitting in bed feeling useless. I know I probably shouldn't feel that way, but I just do. I know it is probably cliche to say I feel empty and lonely, but I see myself not doing stuff that I want to do due to me not wanting to stand out, or worried about how people view me |
 “It’s only because I met you, that I can stand here right now.” – Hiro |
| @Riido I see, thank you for sharing that. Riido said: I see myself not doing stuff that I want to do due to me not wanting to stand out, or worried about how people view me What is worrying you about their view of you, if you don't mind me asking ? (we can also talk in private if you prefer) |
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| I sent a message then realized I'd much rather discuss in private |
“It’s only because I met you, that I can stand here right now.” – Hiro |
| Could someone please help me? I have autism and schizophrenia, which has left me unable to look after myself. I can’t get a job, I can’t leave the house without my mother, and I can’t even cook. I’m in my twenties and because of my disabilities I have never worked a day in my life. I live with my mother because no-one else can look after me. Unfortunately, no-one else lives in my mothers house, and I have absolutely no friends. I don’t even have any siblings. My mother claims that she has great difficulty looking after me, which has caused her to abuse me physically, verbally and psychologically throughout my life. However, the amount of abuse i recipients from my mother has waxed and waned over the years, and around 2019 and 2020, Mum and I were coping quite well. We were studying accounting and had joined politics; I would attend political functions and acted so politely that no-one would suspect I wasn’t a normal woman. Then, out of nowhere, and for reasons I cannot understand, my mother starting attacking me unprovoked every day in December 2020. When my mother attacks me unprovoked every day, I fall into a suicidal depression, which causes me to self harm. She had never done this to me for more than four weeks before, but she’s still attacking me every day for no reason. That’s fourteen months of my mother terrorising me despite not doing anything to make her like this. I was a devout Buddhist before December 2020, but due to my depression my religious faith is in tatters. My typical method for self harm is hitting my head with my fists, which could leave me with brain damage; I’ve been doing that exact method nonstop since she started this behaviour. And no matter how I explain to her that she’s causing me to self harm, potentially give myself brain damage and destroying my faith, she refuses to stop this behaviour. In fact, on a day when she hadn’t attacked me yet and I was hopeful that she would be the loving mother I had in 2019, all that I did was that I politely asked my mother to be gentle on me and stop doing this to me, and she attacked me just for saying that; i broke down and pounded my head with my fists so violently that I had a massive headache. As I stated, I have no reason why my mother is doing this. She insists that her behaviour has not changed since 2019, thus ignoring the massive change in her behaviour in December 2020, and she blames all my self harm and depression on the pandemic; however, if all my misery was cause by the pandemic, I would have started being like this in February or March, not December. How do I stop my mother attacking me? I’ve walked on eggshells for over a year; I’ve tried my hardest to behave properly; I’ve made sure to not attack others… but she won’t stop. I can’t use child abuse services because I’m in my twenties. I also live in Australia, so I’m not sure if foreign services will work. I can’t even talk to her about this because my mother will often deliberately ignore me when I’m telling her something important, just out of her hatred towards me. I can’t take this any more. I hate what my life has become. I hate living. |
Saori_ShunJan 31, 2022 9:19 AM
| OK, first post, this will just be a total rant, just to unload. What better way to introduce myself?! Lot to unpack here. So, I got divorced about three months ago from my wife of about 12 years (together for 14). The relationship was incredibly tumultuous, many break ups, a couple times where we called for divorce over the years. I've rehashed the exact issues with it so many times with marital counselors, family, and friends over many years, so if you really really care to know you can message me, but I'll leave it at it wasn't really a functioning marriage for the last couple years, and we were operating in a separated state for about the last year. Now I'm just navigating single life again for the first time in 14 years. We have a kid, so of course that's the main concern. He's adjusting to the divorce well, with some struggles at times we have to work through, of course. But, getting back into the dating world is something I'm struggling with. For one, the dating world has changed a lot, and so has my life. I met most of my girlfriends through other friends or from work. Now I work from home, don't live next to close friends/am not in any real social circles. And my experience so far with dating apps has been lame. And honestly, I practiced escapism for about the last year in my marriage just to get me through. It actually briefly led to experiencing fictophilia/schediaphilia (intense attraction to an animated character approaching love/the desire for a relationship). I spoke with my best friend, my sister, and my therapist about it, and they were all very supportive and didn't get weirded out by it. Those strong feelings toward a singular character dissipated around the end of last year, fading into more of a just general appreciation for the medium. Eventually that appreciation for animation led me to anime around the beginning of this year, and here I am. That said, it's that escapism that I don't really know if I want to give up. Some of that is fear of the unknown, I'll admit. I don't want to have to explain myself to someone else, I just want to do what I do. It's like I want someone, but I don't want to do the work of a relationship, which is selfish. I'm conflicted about how much effort I really want to put in, and how much I want to give up of myself, because I gave up A LOT in the marriage. Anyway, thanks for reading, any thoughts/insights/vibes appreciated. |
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| @dragonmade Thank you for sharing. If I get you right, would you say you are now interested in meeting new partners without building a long and serious relationship, looking for a lighter mood ? |
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Moonspeak said: @dragonmade Thank you for sharing. If I get you right, would you say you are now interested in meeting new partners without building a long and serious relationship, looking for a lighter mood ? Mmm, not exactly. In fact, when I am in relationships, I tend to look for someone who actually wants a relationship, not just hook ups, not really interested in that anymore at this stage of my life. Not everyone I date has to be someone I'd marry, but I'm not looking for the flip side of that either. I guess it's more just that I'm conflicted in general. Like I want a very specific type of person and not have to compromise, not have to explain myself or give up too much of myself. But I know that inflexibility is unrealistic. So, I would be open to dating, but am unsure how much effort I want to put in unless it's unrealistically ideal, haha. |
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| @dragonmade Maybe something like a open/free relationship ? From experience, it has all the good parts without the bad ones ;) Anyways, you may still need a little time to get into the dating mood, it's ok, don't rush it. I'd say you could stay open to meetings, without looking actively for anything special, random chance may have nice things in store for you :) |
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Moonspeak said: @dragonmade Maybe something like a open/free relationship ? From experience, it has all the good parts without the bad ones ;) Anyways, you may still need a little time to get into the dating mood, it's ok, don't rush it. I'd say you could stay open to meetings, without looking actively for anything special, random chance may have nice things in store for you :) For sure, it goes in waves. I'll get a burst of initiative and message a few women I find attractive and interesting. Then get no response or it falls flat and kind of go back into my "well, fuck you then, I'll just watch anime" cocoon. Childish, maybe, but also yeah just means I'm not ready to put in a ton of effort unless I see some sort of reciprocation pretty quickly. |
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dragonmade said: Moonspeak said: @dragonmade Maybe something like a open/free relationship ? From experience, it has all the good parts without the bad ones ;) Anyways, you may still need a little time to get into the dating mood, it's ok, don't rush it. I'd say you could stay open to meetings, without looking actively for anything special, random chance may have nice things in store for you :) For sure, it goes in waves. I'll get a burst of initiative and message a few women I find attractive and interesting. Then get no response or it falls flat and kind of go back into my "well, fuck you then, I'll just watch anime" cocoon. Childish, maybe, but also yeah just means I'm not ready to put in a ton of effort unless I see some sort of reciprocation pretty quickly. I see ! Pretty sure I can help you there a bit then ;) The key is : do not expect. Do your thing, have some fun, and don't wait for results. Indifference will put you in a more attractive position, showing you have alternatives and initiative, driving the events instead of staying passive. Also, one of the main reasons dating apps are shit is precisely because they are easy and convenient to use imo. Anyone can send anything hidden behind a screen, while it takes guts to approach someone and face rejection and still be cool about it. This is why you'll always have better chances with real, physical people you meet by chance and talk to : they will at least recognize you have some courage, which is a really seductive trait and sets you appart from most of other guys (if you're not being an ass while talking to them, at least). I can add that my experience is that my worst partners were the ones I met online, and the best were met IRL ;) So in short : 1. Give without expecting returns, just have other stuff to do or alternatives 2. Try dating outside of apps, they will end up being a pain most of the time As I said, you don't have to do those things, but you'll have better chances, or at least a better time this way imo. |
MoonspeakJul 30, 2022 2:01 PM
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| @Moonspeak Thanks for your insights. I also have to wonder if I'm withdrawing myself, or self-sabotaging. Unrelated to dating, but just there are a lot of things I got really excited about when I first started the divorce process. I vowed that I was traveling to Japan in 2023. I got excited to check out a local anime convention. Just felt an overall sense of ambition. As the months go on, I can feel that ambition leaving me and I'm settling back into my normal life. I'm not necessarily mad about that. Honestly, I see pictures from anime conventions and hear about what they have going on, and it doesn't really seem like I'd have fun there, not really my thing. But I guess it's just a heaviness like FOMO and also that I feel like I'm giving up. Whether that's actually what's happening, or just a preference, I don't know. And with the Japan thing, I had this grand plan to save up until fall 2023 and go then. I started learning a bit of Japanese, and picking the brain of my friend who's been there a number of times and lived in Asia. Then I got cold feet and spent a bunch of money on other stuff, basically ending the possibility of a Japan trip (not totally impossible, but still). I've been telling myself I don't know how much I want to travel alone, that there are some things I'd rather do in a relationship setting. But then, am I just going to do nothing while I'm single, or just do the same stuff I always do? I guess this is the first time loneliness is really setting in, and I just haven't been as excited about the prospects of doing all this ambitious stuff as I was months ago. I feel like it's unclear which direction to go and it's making me stay put. |
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| @dragonmade Hey, don't be too harsh on yourself :) You've experienced a hard time, there's no telling how long it takes to heal. So relax, and take your time ;) I think it's best if you see dating as something fun without having any expectations, rather than something that you have to do. This is the same for your trip in Japan : if it has the idea of duty linked to it, you'll keep finding ways and reasons to push it for later. I believe the question is... What do you really want to do ? What are your desires, not for next year, but for here and now ? It can be anime binge, I love it too sometimes ;p Just don't confront the future if you only see hardships ahead, try seeking some simple pleasues as well :) |
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| @Moonspeak That’s really good advice. Thanks! I’ll take that to heart. |
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| My problem with my life is I don't feel anything, towards anything or anyone. I can form relationships and friendships with someone, but I randomly stop caring about them. Even at work my team ask how I'm doing most time I don't even reply. I was wasn't trying diss people tho I am very guilty of it in the past. Only people I talk to nowadays are the ones I been friends she decades now ( IRL and sub internet wise ). I have a PS5 I don't even play because even video games don't excite me now (mainly because they all sucks but, that's a rant for a different day). I don't care what people good think good or bad, loved ones or haters. I just wonder when I did stop caring about everything? |
| @Amityblight I see, thanks for posting that. Would you say you also lost your taste for everything else (food, distractions, learning etc) ? |
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Moonspeak said: @Amityblight I see, thanks for posting that. Would you say you also lost your taste for everything else (food, distractions, learning etc) ? Food definitely especially since I stopped eating tradition meat ( chick, pork, steak). Learning sorta. I learn things fast & easily tho too lazy to apply them. Coming back to mal after I away for 3 and half years ruined how I feel about people. Internet warped my reality little bit. |
| @Amityblight Ok I had gotten that feeling from your previous posts indeed. No drive or energy for general/daily activities as well, not that much sensations in your body or no libido, everything feels tiring ? If you're up to describe what you feel with your own words, you can do it as you want too :) |
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| @Equallady Ok. Are you eating and drinking enough, at least ? How does your body and mind feel ? Just numb, or is there some anxiety as well ? |
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| @Equallady I see. Do you feel stressed out by your surroundings and general environment ? If so, do you want to describe how ? |
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Equallady said: I don't know. I just feel really sad and angry, I guess. Like... ...you are somehow "trapped" in your body ? What drives the anger ? |
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| @Equallady I can understand, don't worry. Do you think like they somehow feel more "human" or real to you than some other people in your life ? What do you like about them ? |
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| @Equallady That's actually some really charming and positive traits ! I'm not fond of social norms either ;) You learn them in time, but breaking those now and them is fine. You got me curious... What kind of dorky show-off characters do you have in mind ? Is Yui from K-On some good candidate for example ? ;)  |
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Moonspeak said: @Equallady That's actually some really charming and positive traits ! I'm not fond of social norms either ;) You learn them in time, but breaking those now and them is fine. You got me curious... What kind of dorky show-off characters do you have in mind ? Is Yui from K-On some good candidate for example ? ;) I love Katarina Claes from My Next Life As A Villainess. She's very sweet though she can be a bit dim-witted sometimes. |
| @Equallady This one ? ;) She does sound like a lot of fun ! Do you enjoy how oblivious she seems to be of others ? The show seems to treat this as a stupid trait indeed, but I wouldn't be so sure... What makes you think this attitude is a stupid one ? |
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| @Equallady That's great to hear ;) We all have our ups and downs indeed. Don't hesitate to talk here again if you feel the need, you'll always be welcome to do so. Take care, and have fun with Yoimiya you lucky soul (look at my forum pic ;p) ! |
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| Oh, sorry, didn't see the first message ;) Also, you should not expect help from others, it's a place for everyone to vent, we're not at your personal service, hope you understand. That being said... How affected are you with this new issue, in your view ? |
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| @Equallady Are you talking about your attachment to fiction or something else ? Could you describe it a bit more ? |
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Equallady said: It's attachment to fictional characters. I've even got in fights with people with fictional characters before. It's not only limited to anime characters, it's all mediums like Western animated movies live-action movies, video games, etc. Been a while since I checked in with the forums, but I can relate to this a bit. Particularly as my marriage was beginning to crumble (probably early 2021), I started really becoming attached to a particular fictional character. It felt very intense and I had never experienced something like that before. Call it fictophilia or schediaphilia. I guess in my case it was a romantic type of connection, so it seems different from what you're describing. For me personally, the intensity dissipated as last year went on, fading more into just an appreciate for animation overall, not an attachment to any one character and not nearly as intense or romantic. I don't really have answers for you other than to speak to a therapist. Don't give up if you meet with one you can't really connect with, I've had a few duds and two extremely amazing therapists who I've had a lot of breakthroughs with in my adult life. If you don't have friends that can help you along with venting about these things and whatever else, a therapist is a good route. It's not necessarily unhealthy as long as you are aware of it and frame it in a healthy way. But having it affect your relationships with people in real life is maybe a bit of a red flag it's going too far. My situation was no doubt a coping mechanism at the time, though I was able to keep it at a healthy place overall despite it being new and confusing for me for a while. Strive to obtain peace and happiness both in reality and when engaging in fiction, not one or the other. |
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