| Heya ! In this topic, we'll try to translate some of your issues in some kind of action (or a succession of actions) that can be taken to solve them. It may not be perfect, and I can't guarantee it will work, but I'm certain it's better to act than wait for things to degrade. So ! We'll proceed by steps : 1. Identify a problem in your life, something you're often thinking about, or that keeps you from sleeping at night. 2. We'll try to do some research about it together, and look for what seems to be effective to solve it. 3. Define a concrete action that can be taken. It's best if it's something easy and that doesn't require a lot of effort, so maybe breaking it down in many little steps may be better. 4. Evaluate the effectiveness of the solution, and maybe change it a bit to get better results. I must insist on something : this is an invitation to a problem-solving process, not a requirement. You don't have to solve everything, it's ok to be a bit lazy about it (hell, I am as well). That being said, I think it doesn't hurt to try ;)  Feel free to speak out, don't be scared ! |
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| @_Lycka_ Thank you for doing so :) Well, let's start by the why... What is the root of your feeling ? Are you overwhelmed by your current situation, events ...? Also yes, it's better to ask for help than facing the impossible alone, that way we can both improve everyone's situation instead of suffering isolated in front of the task :) Union is strength ;) |
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| @_Lycka_ Sadly your situation is pretty common. I think it's fair to assume the change needeed here does not have to be coming only from you, but also and mainly from your surroundings. Asking for help is what you need to do more indeed, you may otherwise end up getting crushed by the task at hand alone, I know raising 3 children is a lot of work. You are not in the need of thinkers here, you need some concrete and regular actions from the other adults. Are your standards of "perfection" that unreasonable ? Could you tell me about the kind of tasks you'd like help with more often for example ? |
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| @_Lycka_ Ok, so you are getting some help from your husband, that is a good start. It is normal that you do not have to say what is to be done all the time, and it is not your fault people around you don't have those habits. Maybe letting go sometime about the delays would work out in a favorable way indeed, but you don't have to wait for your husband do clean the dishes two days after you asked him (just an example, I don't know what your situation is exactly). There is some middle ground to be found, but your expectations are far from being unreasonable. Now, I think the question is : How to change the situation to make it bareable for you ? Have you tried taking some time to talk about it with your family ? Not shouting or getting angry of course, but calmly sitting them down and explaining to them it is hard for you to manage everything and to remind them all the time of what should be natural, that it has consequences on your well being and offering them to participate in a more active manner, like giving them tasks they are supposed to do (maybe your eldest can take out trash for example) in a timely manner, and making it official with a paper agenda/calendar/plan for example ? What are your thoughts about this ? |
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| @_Lycka_ I see ;) Well, if the anxiety comes from that idea of punishment, it could be a good idea to let go a bit indeed, and see that this has not so bad consequences now. That being said, your family could notice that there is an anxiety indeed, and help you to relax about it... by doing some of the chores from time to time ;) I think the key is : communication. Let them know how you feel about all of it, so that they don't take your everyday strength for granted, they must realize the burden it is for you and act. So, what do you think ? A laid out schedule to give you more time, and talking about it with your husband and other family around to be sure they get you right, do you want to try that ? ;) |
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| @SunOfAWhich So, let's start with you. What's your current state of mind ? Are you happy, frustrated, tired in your life ? Don't hesitate to share your feelings here, I won't be judging or trolling if the conv is done in a respectful manner. |
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| @SunOfAWhich Like in a no fluctuations of emotions kinda way ? |
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| @SunOfAWhich There is no such thing as normal ;) But as you like. @_Lycka_ Lol Indeed |
MoonspeakJul 14, 2022 2:42 AM
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| @_Lycka_ By the way, since it's been a couple of weeks... How are things going on your side ? Is it getting a bit easier ? |
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| @_Lycka_ Cool ! If I may though... Making a point to say thank you to the person helping you may incite them to think of it as the right thing to do, and repeat it in the future. So in fact, I'd try thanking her, to see if she keeps helping you, or even starts improving your relationship a bit ;) |
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| @_Lycka_ Guess I should expect no less from you ;) Well... Fingers crossed for the future then ! |
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