General Discussion

AlphaGalactian said:
Critical analysis:

There is an inconsistency in the tense of the story where it shifts between past and present tense.

Strange uses of the word "Sigh", if the story will be told in past tense, tell the readers that the character is sighing outside the dialogue. There is no differentiation between the sighs, are these sighs irritated, relief, deep thought, etc.

Inconsistent narration in the description of characters unless the greater emphasis on the one-eyed slayer is purposeful.

At times the story is difficult to read, for example: "But, the fort is built on the high ground made Captain Jack's Battalion fall into a disadvantage." It is also a bit difficult to tell who is talking during the charge.

Worldbuilding:
Is this set in the future? How are swords and guns on the same battlefield? Are these swords futuristic? (Swords, guns, horses)


Personal take: Be more descriptive in your storytelling. How can you describe the environment and smell better. I personally insert myself in these characters and try to see the world in their eyes, what do I smell, what do I see? What does the blood smell like rather than "strong"?

I loved the action throughout the first chapter but there were some inconsistencies throughout the storytelling. Hopefully you can elevate your ability and the story in future chapters because there's some good potential here. I also wasn't able to really get into analyzing characterization, techniques, dialogue, themes, etc. since I was multitasking. Good luck in future chapters!