| He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key. |
| I cant trust these stairs, because they are always up to something |
| My Dad tried to Punish me, So I made a pun to punishment him |
| The one who invented a door knocker got a No-bell prize. |
| When you get a bladder infection urine trouble. |
| I tried to write with a broken pencil, but it was pointless. |
| Without geometry, life is pointless |
| I am glad I know sign language, it is pretty handy |
| A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces “I’m lookin’ fer the man who shot my paw.” |
| Atheism is a non-prophet orginization |
| I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. |
| When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'. |
| With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. |
| I used to have a fear for hurdles, but then I got over it |
| I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. |
| My friends bakery is burnt down last night. Now his business is toast. |
| What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. |
| A photographer was great at botany because he knew photo synthesis. |
| I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me |
| A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy. |
| Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. |
| I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen. |
| I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. |
| A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'. |
| A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. |
| The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. |
| The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl. |
| England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. |
| When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland |
| Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too. |
| There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'. |
| Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures. |
| The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester. |
| They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. |
| Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers. |
| A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour. |
| I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'. |
| When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked “Are you two an item?” |
| A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation. |
| Two Fish swim into a concrete wall, one turns to the other and says "Dam!" |
| I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. |
| Did you hear the one about the haunted elevator? It was a great story; it really lifted my spirits. |
| What do you call an elf that sings?...A wrapper! |
| What celebrity is always at the buffet? Jimmy Buffet |
| Where are average things made? In the satisfactory. |
| A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." |
| What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine. |
| Archeaologist: a person whose career lies in ruins. |
| Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word. |
| Trench warfare should always be a last ditch effort. |
 |
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