Why are you still a virgin?

Krunchy said:

My theory:
I would like to be matchmaked like pairs were matchmaked in past by family or friends. Now it became common to search for your very special love like in books. But ppl forgot that there still left some ppl that are unable to search, they would rather be matchmaked it's genetic for them. I already know I wont be matchmaked by anyone so it left to me to slowly get used to a single life...

Shiratori99 said:
But you might be matchmaked with someone who you don't like. What then? :s

Ppl in Japan have it easier with marriage interviews and group dates going on regularly.

Virtual_BS said:

This may be one of the reasons I like romance anime; since I haven't found my special someone yet, it's nice to support characters who have.

ZombieGodKai said:
I just choose to be Asexual. Nothing more. There are far too many things more important for one. Secondly there are far too many risks for both parties. And it's just something I don't think needs to be done by everyone. And i just choose to be one of those people who don't.

Of course if I had a gun to my head or whatever would force such a situation then that would be the only time I would consider doing it. But who's going to put a gun to my head and someone else's just to get me laid? Seriously. No one. Unless that someone is someone who's a virgin avenger who act's like the Batman of the virgin world. The kind who won't let a single man or woman go without sex of any kind whatsoever.

But that would be outrageous and pathetic on his part. He better at least make sure they're clean.

ZombieGodKai said:
I just choose to be Asexual. Nothing more. There are far too many things more important for one. Secondly there are far too many risks for both parties. And it's just something I don't think needs to be done by everyone. And i just choose to be one of those people who don't.

Fifteenth said:
It's because I have dysfunctional family, I haven't had any diagnosis but I'm sure I have some sort of mental disorder because of the way I've been brought up in my family.

I ran away twice from guys. The first one was when I was in my first year of senior high school, we met when we're put together on the same group for this annual a week trip to village. My group were great and we had lots of fun staying together in a nice couple's house. My other friends in the group liked to tease me and this guy because we were pretty close back then I guess?, but never once in my life I ever thought he really had feelings for me, so I was pretty (really damn) shocked when he was going to confess to me in front of my class, week after the trip has ended. I panicked and hyperventilated and flee like there was no tomorrow. I still hate myself for never tried talking to him again.

Same when I was in my first year of college, I met this guy in my first class of Calculus and I think we had pretty good impression of each other, because he asked for my number after the first meeting. I didn't really have any problem talking to him so it was a change of pace consider I couldn't really talk to boys. But then he kept texting me and asking me non-trivial non-study related things so often. I didn't know how to deal with it and I started getting really anxious even though there was nothing wrong at all. And then, blam, I just stopped replying him and avoiding him completely.

I didn't hate or resent these guys at all, I liked them enough I can imagine myself in relationship with them. I just have Problems in my brain. I just keep getting more closed off and awkward around people since then. I used to be pretty cheerful and could make a joke that makes people actually laugh, now it's just plain impossible.

Forget about sex, I can't even get myself a date.

tl;dr I'm a shitty self-deprecating person who scared of intimacy and commitment.

Shiratori99 said:
I can relate to that. Also kudos for being apparently the first girl to post in this thread :P

I had similar problems with friends in the past. I used to get along pretty well with some people in school, but when it comes to actually doing something with them in my free time I always chickened out. Similarly, a few months ago I met a person living nearby who was very much into manga like me. We started off chatting over skype and then meeting up a few times. But then I just single handedly broke off contact, didn't reply to his messages and never logged onto skype again. Why? I dunno, I think I just got scared because we became too close. I am the type of person who wants to be close with others, but is actually scared of it. So yeah, I think I got a similar problem. I have a dysfunctional family too btw (my father abandoned me) but I don't think it's related to that actually.

Fifteenth said:
What do you think is the cause of your problem with getting close to people?

Fifteenth said:


I still think my abusive father is one of the main reasons that made me scared of relationship w/ guy. Every time I saw my father abuse my mother (and he does it a lot, blatantly, in front of my sister and me) all I can think of is "I don't want to end up in a relationship with a guy only to ended up like that." The irony is, I used to be very close with my father, we used to spend time playing Mario on Nintendo 64, record cartoon like Sailor Moon and Ren&Stimpy on the VHS. He's the reason I actually started to like anime and video games. Although I do think watching and reading too much anime and manga also contributed to my sad social skill.

What do you think is the cause of your problem with getting close to people?

Thrashinuva said:
Along with being an introvert, as well as having social anxiety...

I started chasing after this one girl in 8th grade, who was incredibly shy and had social anxiety. She became my best friend, and then I moved away. We talked every day even after that for 7 more years. Eventually we had actually become something and I went to go visit her for a few days (remember I'm an introvert and afraid of things like this, normally this would be impossible for me). We held each other and I took her first kiss, but that was it. Fast forward a couple months, and I go to visit her again, only I find out she cheated on me with the guy I stayed with on my visit there, and she's leaving me.

So essentially I'm a virgin because I wasted my time pouring my heart into someone who was.... (a lot of bad terms, I find it hard saying any of them because I still love her)

My only other relationship was with a girl who had a heart condition, and sex would have been too much for her. I was actually totally okay with that, and would have stayed with her forever regardless. But we broke up over other issues.

Krunchy said:
Are you sure she cheated you?

Shiratori99 said:

Wow being betrayed like that must hurt :/

I hope you'll find someone else soon to heal your heart! Anyway, welcome to the club ^^

Thrashinuva said:
I had insomnia for nearly a month and a half (I still have some bouts of insomnia but not every night). I cried every day for that time too. I've only recently gotten through a couple of days without crying.

I've had some nice people to talk to. They've helped me get back to my old self. I'm still not 100% okay but maybe like 70%? As opposed to just being a dismal wreck most of the time.

Thrashinuva said:

If the problem is one has the lead at any given time, then just think about other situations where that's also the case. Say someone falls off a cliff and you grasp their hand in order to pull them back up. In that given situation, you're in the lead, right? You're doing all the action, you have all the responsibility, you're the one who controls the situation. But you're not going to think of it like that, are you?

Shiratori99 said:
Welcome mew ^^

It may sound shallow but don't give up just yet! At least you seem to be getting close enough to girls that you can actually fall in love with them. The time will come when you'll love somebody and that person will love you back, eventually. We're still young after all :P

Thrashinuva said:
Mew I know how you feel. This girl that cheated me has been around for 10 years. I liked her from the start and she never returned the feelings at all for years, but no matter how bleak I just never gave up. She probably only ever eventually reciprocated anything at all because she was lonely. I wasted a lot of my time, energy, and emotions on her. The worst part is that I'm still wasting some kind of effort on her.

Even as I hope for a relationship with another woman I still hope she'll come back to me. I still think about her. I still cry. I'm much better than I ever was. I sleep much better, though I've been having nightmares lately, and every few nights I wake up suddenly, immediately sitting upright and reaching out, almost as if trying to catch something. (Yeah, that's "better" to me right now)

I think what you NEED to do is spend time apart from her. Even if all you're doing is texting her, stop. End things. After a while... even if you still love her... You'll start to notice just how much you've been putting up with, and how much you really don't deserve to put up with. You'll be able to take a more logical stance and let your heart take a back seat (I know that sounds impossible right now).

At this point I can honestly say if I was in a relationship with another woman, I wouldn't let my ex take me back. It would be incredibly painful, but I could make that decision. However I couldn't continue to keep talking to her, otherwise I'd break.

HypeMaster said:
cause i never had a girlfriend thats why!

StyleF1re said:
Eventually our relationship crumbled over the year or so and I took the brunt of the fall, telling her straight up she could be with the other guy instead.

Thrashinuva said:
Along with being an introvert, as well as having social anxiety...

I started chasing after this one girl in 8th grade, who was incredibly shy and had social anxiety. She became my best friend, and then I moved away. We talked every day even after that for 7 more years. Eventually we had actually become something and I went to go visit her for a few days (remember I'm an introvert and afraid of things like this, normally this would be impossible for me). We held each other and I took her first kiss, but that was it. Fast forward a couple months, and I go to visit her again, only I find out she cheated on me with the guy I stayed with on my visit there, and she's leaving me.

So essentially I'm a virgin because I wasted my time pouring my heart into someone who was.... (a lot of bad terms, I find it hard saying any of them because I still love her)

My only other relationship was with a girl who had a heart condition, and sex would have been too much for her. I was actually totally okay with that, and would have stayed with her forever regardless. But we broke up over other issues.

mew91 said:


Wow, who knew there'd be someone other than myself who'd thought of that that way?

Thrashinuva said:
I'm honestly bummed over every aspect of it. She was my best friend, my childhood friend, the one who knew me the best. Even not having a relationship I want to be friends with her. Unfortunately if I talk to her, I'll fall for her again (I always do). It'll be just that much more painful for me, and I'll never be able to let go.

mew91 said:
Wow, that reminded me of this girl I fell in love with and went through the exact thing as you for 6 years. It totally burned everything inside of me (and eventually made me the sour grape when it comes to love and relationships).

Although it was a long-distance friendship, we shared everything together as though we were just neighbours. I had to deal with her rejecting my feelings during those years and witnessing all the 3 relationships she had from start to end. As the usual hopeless person was I, I held on to my feelings like an idiot as if my life depended on it. Maybe it was because she was all I had back then? I was quite the depressive sociopath during that time. Of course, anyone can call someone stupid for holding on? I was that kind of person.

And I have to admit I do miss her sometimes, wondering how is she doing and the likes. But after having going through that, I started stunning everything that has to do with relationships. How bad? To the extent I would mock at every couple showing affection, especially those who just broke up, believing that things would just never work out. Yeah, I know it's just stupid and ignorant of me.

Thrashinuva said:

Bro I feel ya! T_T

I didn't have to go through her having any relationships until now. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. I hope you've gained a little more faith in love, but I can't blame you. I can totally understand why you lost that faith, I almost lost it too.