- - Book ; |
 set by secret santa ; thank you! ily ♥️ |
| Key - // text // <-- my notes { Page 1 } Para 1 Line 2 - "please free me! Save me Liesel!", her voice shook with terror. "Please so I can come back to you!", said a pleading voice in the dark. She sounded terrified. Para 2 Line 4-5 - "Wait Prim, I'm gonna come save you!" But it was so dark she could not see anything. "Prim, I can't see you, where are you?" she asked. She was starting to become anxious. // keep going from "is anybody here" and so forth // Para 3 - // erm, para 3 is contradicting Para 1 where she is asking for Liesel's help. So if you want to make it believable, maybe put something in the middle, like a strange voice laughing or talking, or someone formidable approaching them. Like heavy footsteps sound of chains, anything that would make Prim change her mind. // { Liesel's Feelings } Line 5-6 - Who did she say would kill her? ... line 6-7 - She was getting more and more impatient to know. line 8 - after she calmed herself down ... line 8-9 - tears started flowing from her eyes and ... Para 5 or 6 - // keep the "she could feel she was soaked with sweat" part. Then put the "Liesel's feelings" part. // { Page 2 } Para 1 - Underlined word: make it "worriedly". Para 2 lines 9-11 - She was doing everything so fast it was obvious she was too impatient for answers. ... { Page 3 } Para 1 Line 1-2 - Liesel was staring at her as to let her know she was not hungry for ... Para 2 Line 9 - she asked, irritated. Para 3 Line 10 - I have made a very important decision or I have something very important to tell you, Max ... Para 3 Line 12 - and go to a better and more educative school ... Para 4 or 5 Line 15 - Mr. Waters glanced at his wife or stared at his wife in disbelief Line 17 - about what she is doing ... Line 19-20 - "And how will you manage ... father is a shopkeeper" // who says this? add who says this line // Line 21 - // idk what ur trying to say here. The sentence in the quotes is unclear // { Page 4 } Line 1 - "and then she said" // cut she // Line 3 - the happiness and knowledge that we have given Prim Line 6 - this is a simple matter ... Line 10 - won't live forever! Now, go pack your bags. Line 11 - and then she shut the door. // cut then // Line 16 - who did not like to contact with her ... // cut with // Last line in Para 2 - after a while she got ready and went to school. { Page 5 } Line 3 - Underlined word: disbelievingly conversation - // again, describe their emotions, situations and shortly what they were doing while saying it. after "you were making me feel guilty", how did she say it. Angrily, teasingly, did she pout or was she sulking or something? Rather than: "with a said face" say "sadly or "guiltily" "Cassie said with a smile" sounds very nice, try to make the conversation like that, or it feels like a drama dialogue. // FUCK THAT WAS LONG |
TinniOct 13, 2017 7:05 AM
set by secret santa ; thank you! ily ♥️ |
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