Feb 2, 2022
This movie is related to Noise's main plot, but only by a very small tangent. Mephisto goes to see Souta for a reason that's never really explained but winds up by Kanade's room and gets arrested by the cops! And all in the duration of the theme song! No, but in seriousness there's an issue: music is fading from existence on Earth and Major Land, and it's connected to this villain, Howling, who has apparently possessed Aphrodite. (Please be aware the twist was done very well, as was all of the voice acting for this aspect of the film.) There's also a subplot where Mephisto
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isn't really connected to Ako now that she saved him. (I think it's implied this is some time shortly after he's freed.) In Major Land, everyone is playing music in slow motion and is completely grey and lifeless, with no sound coming out; the only person not affected is Suzu, Ako's friend who we have never seen before and will likely never see again. It isn't explained why she's not affected, nor is it explained why she appears pissed off to see Ako; she's simply shocked and traumatized that Aphrodite of all people would destroy music, something our heroines are unable to bear. This is evidenced as she smacks a musical note pendant out of Ako's hand. Hibiki and Kanade assure her it's fine though, and to go check on the Queen with Mephisto, which they do, taking the Note pendant with them. Aphrodite is up to all manners of shady business, and sends her "Major Three" (not the Minor Trio) to take the Crescendo Tone AKA the Healing Chest, which she needs to prevent music from being revived. The girls try (and fail) to be sensitive while also figuring out what's going on and succeed at neither, simply hurting Suzu more as she thinks about her parents. Hummy eventually gets distracted and Suzu just outright steals the Healing Chest (offscreen) and takes off with it.
Ako confronts Aphrodite, but she ends up trapped inside some goo-filled container that can apparently only be unlocked by the power of her bond with her father singing her favorite song to her. Unfortunately, he's unable to remember it and for some reason has a magical seal that prevents him from singing without feeling pain. The Major Trio (Sharp, Natural and Flat. They really missed out on some choice names, like 1/4, 1/2, 1, and other musical puns..Fortunately, their names are said exactly one time in the entire movie. Great for memorization) ask for the Healing Chest and decide to fight when they refuse to hand it over. They summon a Negatone which tries the old "Bind their hands together" trick for Melody and Rhythm, and...ineffectively binds Beat's waist. The Negatone is nothing special here, just a bunch of evil instruments, but it lets the Major Trio chase after Hummy, who's shocked that the Healing Chest is missing. Beat tricks them into taking a plain wooden box. After destroying the Negatone, they hurry to Aphrodite, who realizes the Major Trio are even bigger idiots than the Minor Trio and orders them to fight the Cures. They turn into their monster forms and face off! Mephisto remembers when his wife and child played in a sunflower field, which makes Aphrodite cry and frees Ako, coinciding with the Cures defeating this Trio as well, which I hope is the last musical-themed one in the series. We learn that Aphrodite actually sealed Howling inside herself to let Mephisto destroy it (along with her), but he's unable to do and thinks of the worst plan in the entire series without doubt; he takes Aphrodite and jumps out a window at least 500 feet from the ground to threaten Howling to leave his wife. First of all, Mephisto is an asshole; all this does is make him look arrogant and have no respect for his wife's wishes or body...as well as making him look insane.
Astronomically, this plan somehow works (without ending in an immediate divorce. I pity her, being stuck with Mephisto) and draws out Howling; unfortunately, he's in a gaseous state and the girls attacks have no effect, aside from spurring Ako to fight. Howling unleashes some "bad music" on the girls (this again?) to torture/electrocute them, and they writhe in pain for a bit until Suzu shows up with the Healing Chest. She wants to cheer the Cures on and a little light comes out of her, which gives the Cures power, I suppose. Eventually she rallies everyone's passive bodies to cry and lend the Cures power (along with the most phoned-in use of the Miracle Lights yet), which frees them, but also riles up Howling. He decides to solidify and grant himself a major weakness by allowing the girls to physically harm him, although he does pretty well and defeats all of them in a few blows, save for Melody, who gets up (to protect the captive Rhythm. You can practically feel the yuri) and is eventually knocked down. She receives power from Aphrodite (the power to call 911, hopefully) and the Miracle Lights again, before becoming Crescendo Cure Melody with golden wings. She and Rhythm use Passionato Harmony, but powers down instead of finishing him. Disappointingly, the girls use their typical group finisher, the Suite Session Ensemble Crescendo in normal form. Finally, Ako decides to stay on Earth to defeat Noise. (Didn't they already resolve this plot point in the series proper as well? Seems redundant.) And...the movie ends.
Honestly, I'm a bit disappointed; I was expecting quite a big finisher, or at least the movie to be good, but this movie was pretty bad. Suzu felt like a complete waste of a character and the film would've been much the same without her; the same can be said for the Major Trio, who had no relation to the Minor Trio whatsoever apparently. Mephisto's plot wasn't really necessary either, and he ended up a bit worse for wear for it, but what really killed the moment was when he JUMPED OUT A FUCKING WINDOW TO ATTEMPT TO KILL HIS WIFE. Only a pure psychopath would do that and it honestly made me question if they should even be in a relationship together. The girls Crescendo forms were incredibly disappointing seeing as they likely got less than 5 minutes of total screentime, and ended things on a decidedly boring note. Add to this the confusion and lack of explanation as to why Suzu wasn't affected at all, and the movie can only receive a 3/10.
Reviewer’s Rating: 3
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